Transitioning from Single Life to Married Life
October 23, 2013
Filed In: Family Life
It's not hard to make the argument that the transition from the single life to the married life is pretty extreme. You go from a position of looking out for your interests to taking on the responsibility to maintain a household. Whoa.
I did not anticipate how big of a mental shift getting married would involve. It wasn't until after the normal set back in that I realized how much the culture's attitudes effected me. Consumerism extended into my relationships with people. I quickly realized that I needed to be proactive in countering this tendency if I was going to have a successful marriage.
Consumerism in our relationships is rampant. It is the mentality that leads people to brag about how many women they've bedded. It's the mentality that leads to 36 hour celebrity marriages. We've let consumerism reduce people to commodities. When the human person is a commodity, they are expendable. They are temporary. And we are expected to consume (date) every beautiful woman that passes us by.
To a degree, a tentative mindset is just right while you're dating. It is extremely unhealthy to begin every first date by planning your life together with this woman. It not only sets you up to be hurt badly, but creates defensive barriers in your psyche that can negatively affect your future relationships.
Dating should be light, playful, and respectful. You should spend that time considering what you value in a person, in the woman you want to build a family and a life with.
The problem is when you get married and keep your dating mentality.
When you get married, you've made a commitment. It's not that anyone forced you to, you made that decision on your own. There are beautiful women who are not your wife, that's true. But remember, you didn't just choose your wife because of her looks. If you did, sorry bro, but you're in for a rough go.
We have to make the transition away from snaring a woman to honoring a woman. We have to turn the corner and realize we've made the sale, now it's up to us to show her she made the right buy.
It won't happen overnight, but the engagement period should be helpful to you. Recognize that this mentality of consumerism is a key cause of infidelity. It all starts in your mind. So it's best to put it down ASAP.
Be patient and give yourself some grace. But if your thoughts keep wandering, act decisively to put that evil out of your life. It will be a drag and will ruin the good that God has planned for you and your wife.