Relationships have seasons. Sometimes they’re going really well and other times, well, they’re not.

Over the past few months, as Alison and I have been spending more time together, we’ve found ourselves getting in better sync. We’ll finish each other’s sentences, read our moods better, and are generally more caring. It’s a great feeling, really. We’ve been through the stress of four years of medical school and are to entering the stress of residency, but right now we’ve just been spending lots of time together.

Have you ever been at a stoplight and looked at the cars in the turning lane? Their turn signals blink at different intervals and were activated at different times. Yet, if you watch long enough, you’ll eventually see them all blink in complete synchronization, and then will fall back out. A few moments later, they’ll be in sync again.

Our marriages are just like those turn signals. The syncs happen in waves. Just as it’s unrealistic to expect to be 100% happy and satisfied in your marriage at all times, it’s unrealistic to expect complete synchronization. It’s something that doesn’t just happen. You have to work on it.

So when you want to improve your marriage, when you want to get in sync with your wife, how do you do it?

• Set non-sexual time apart for each other. You each have a morning routine and evening routine of sorts. How much of that time is you both spending quality time together? How much of that time do you reserve just for each other? If you don’t plan to have quality non-sexual time together, you won’t grow closer.
• Serve her. I’ve been beating this drum a lot recently. That’s because it's something we all need to be doing, at all times! There are little things you can do for your wife to make her life easier. I get water for Alison each night for her nightstand. Some mornings I prepare her coffee. If she forgot something downstairs before bed, I’ll go down and take care of it for her.
• Work on your dreams together. You have your own dreams, but do you have dreams with your wife? Alison and I have dreams of being debt free. So we have a visual reminder in our dining room. That means that when I want to go buy something, she has the ability to tell me that I’m out of line. When you push for a dream together, you can accomplish amazing things!
• Take a more active role in your relationship. Your wife wasn’t made to be your butler. She’s not responsible for initiating everything in the relationship. We need to be active in our relationship. That means helping with the kids, helping with the house, and going out of our way to do things for her.

Being in sync with your wife is a wonderful thing. It takes time, it takes effort, but in the end, the payoff is well worth the effort.

Tags: Communication