Catholic Husband

Love / Lead / Serve

Sex Isn't Just for the Bedroom

It’s quite easy to see that we’ve really got a complete misunderstanding of the meaning of sex. On one side of the spectrum, there’s the pervasive hedonistic view that galavants around with the classic “anything goes” mentality. On the other side is the rigid, closed view that sees sex as an inconvenient necessity. The Catholic Church’s teaching is clear, but what both of these views ignore is the fact that sex isn’t just for the bedroom.

If a couple views sex as a singular act, they’re missing out on perhaps the most fundamental aspect of a healthy marital sexual relationship. Sex itself is a physical act, but only as it’s outward mechanism. Sex is so much more than a merely physical act. Through its experience, sex is able to dial into biological responses that trigger deep emotional connections. Beyond just the physical and psychological, sex is a deeply spiritual experience.

For an act that’s such a transformative and transcendent experience, sex is not and can not be contained in the bedroom. Sex is all about continuity. If spouses are harsh and bitter to one another throughout the day and then suddenly go into the bedroom and enter into the marital embrace, the lack of continuity is going to severely diminish the sexual act. A person simply can’t flip a switch and expect a rich experience.

Your daily married life is an extension of the sexual act. It should be foreplay. Not running around the house pushing each other up against a wall foreplay. Rather, living in harmony, peace, love, and service will give your relationship the kind of continuity and foreplay that’s required for deeply moving sexual encounters. These sexual encounters are so much more than the act itself as you both feel united in every way and closer than you could possibly be in any other setting.

Sex incorporates all aspects of a married couple’s life. The bond of trust that you share, your communication skills, your ability to love, your ability to respond to one another’s needs, and more, all meld together into your sexual relationship. The only way to have a truly satisfying sex life with your wife is to pour your whole self into your relationship. Your whole life must be fully integrated… you can’t be a jerk in the daily routine and expect a healthy sexual relationship.

We need to live more integrated lives and relationships. Always be loving, always be kind, and stop trying to put your sexual relationship into a box. Sex isn’t just for the bedroom, it’s for daily life.