Catholic Husband

Love / Lead / Serve

The Rightful Place for Sex

We love sex. We love it so much that sex has found itself in just about every quarter of our lives. It’s a weapon, a tool, a marketing strategy, a sales tool, clickbate, and even a conversation piece. The only problem is, sex really doesn’t belong in any of those places. Sex most rightly belongs in a marriage, and the pragmatic reason has nothing to do with religion or pregnancy.

Our sexuality is the most personal, intimate part of who we are as people. Sex is a complete unmasking, total self-donation; surrendering oneself to the beloved. Something this personal, this powerful, can only properly be cared for within a permanent union.

The problem with causal sexual encounters is that instead of being lovingly concerned for the other person’s feelings and emotions, as spouses ought to be, sex becomes a game. There’s a script to follow, comparisons to be made, and stories to be told. It’s this cavalier approach to human sexuality that has resulted in a hook-up culture, shaming, bullying, and objectification. People become less than; they're consumable and disposable.

Something this personal can really most properly be shared with only one other person. The emotional bond that is formed, regardless of whether or not the parties acknowledge it, is something that is innately permanent. It cries out for protection, discretion, and stability. The focus of sex should be the sacrifice and nurturing of spouses, not the recreational activity of two bored and hurting people, let alone a conquest of some sort.

Young people and unmarried adults shouldn’t refrain from sex out of some prudish motivation, but rather out of an intentional choice. It should be a choice made with deference to the great gift that is human sexuality, and with respect for their future spouse. Everyone wants to have a good time, but no one wants their future spouse to come with baggage. This quandary only solidifies the logic behind reserving sex for the permanence of marriage.

We can gain great insight into truth solely through observation. Observation shows us that using sex as a commodity as opposed to a spousal gift leads individuals and even societies to dark and lonely places. Sex is a human act that should be celebrated; an act of selfless love for one’s spouse. Let’s keep it that way.