Catholic Husband

Love / Lead / Serve

Quality Time Takes Time

The difference between men and women becomes abundantly clear when it comes to quality time. For men, quality time is like any other allocated time during the day, a set period of time with specific objectives that, once complete, can be moved on from. Women tend to have a more fluid concept of quality time. It's an undetermined length of time and is fulfilled after a certain level of connectedness is reached. In order to help reconcile these differences, I've concluded that we men just need to concede this point. You can't rush quality time and expect meaningful results.

When you and your wife desire quality time, I recommend that you schedule it somewhat in advance. The amount of lead time varies, but you need enough heads up so that you can clear at least two hours in your schedule. This doesn't need to be a calendar appointment, but if you usually read in the evening and your wife wants some quality time, you need to make sure you get your reading out of the way earlier in the day so that it's not hanging over you during your time together. It's also important that you not watch the clock. We spend all of our day adhering to a schedule and it's important that just for these few hours, you not worry about it.

Distractions are the enemy of quality time and they detract from an atmosphere of bonding. Take off your watch, put away your electronics, and just enjoy your time together. There may be other less obvious distractions and I'd hate for you to think that as long as you had taken care of putting your electronics away that there'd be no distraction. Distractions may also include a mess that needs to be cleaned up, a project that needs to be put away, or any other thing, project, or task that will divert your attention away from the quality time at hand. You know those things that distract you, so take care of them!

Finally, enjoy the process. Yes, this is time that you could be spending in several other ways, but you've chosen to share it with your wife. This is going to be a time of lowered stress and will be a great chance to bond with your wife. In the moment, it’s the best possible way to spend your time. Quality time takes time, and there's no way around it. By planning for it, putting away any distractions, and simply enjoying the time together, you and your wife can both walk away from any time spent together satisfied that you've made a wise choice and are now a closer, happier couple.