Fear of Prison
I wasn't planning on revealing my biggest fear in life before an international radio audience, but I did. Earlier this summer, I was part of an in-studio audience on SiriusXM's The Catholic Guy Show with Lino Rulli and was invited up to the microphone. One thing led to another, and I confessed my fear of going to prison.
I'm becoming more acutely aware of God's work in my life. Part of this has come from a habit of daily prayer and the other has come from the types of books that I've been reading. In the past, I've been reluctant to acknowledge God's intimate work in my life, but it’s difficult to deny. This summer alone I've experienced great victories against all odds that can only be credited to His being at work in my life.
God does have a plan for each of us. He needs us to be doing something specific in our lives to better the lives of others. Like the "butterfly effect," my mission affects the mission and lives of others. Though we cannot see it now, when we hopefully one day get to see all of the pieces of the puzzle fit together, it will all make sense. For me, right now, I believe a big part of my mission is to share and grow Catholic Husband.
My fear of going to prison is an irrational fear, that's for sure. I have no criminal intent nor do I wish to commit the types of crimes that land people in prison. I don't wish to bring hurt and destruction to other people's lives and my personality is wholly incompatible with prison. Yet, for years I've been terrified of going to jail. Two weeks ago, I had an epiphany. I'm terrified of what prison means: separation from family, marginalization, and a lack of freedom.
My fear of prison wasn't meant to be about prison in the physical sense, but in the spiritual sense. Sin is a prison. It separates me from the love of my family, it marginalizes the person that I've called to be, and it deprives me of my freedom. When I choose sin over the love of God, I deprive my family of the gift of my whole self. It prevents me from being truly free, from being truly joyful, and from accepting reality.
Now I know what I need to do. Focus more on God's ways than my own and refuse to be a slave to sin.