Catholic Husband

Love / Lead / Serve

Choosing Your Pain

In your marriage, there will be pain. This is inevitable.

There are three types of pain. Some of the pain you will have no control over. Other pain you will cause. The worst pain of all is that which is totally avoidable, but through your choices, you introduce it into your life.

The key to pain is minimizing it. You can’t choose when people you love will die, but you can choose how you treat your wife. If you spend years neglecting the gift of your wife, how much pain do you think you’ll go through when you try to re-engage and she has emotionally checked out?

I want to focus on the third type of pain, that which can be prevented The third type is the worst, by far. The pain comes primarily from the knowledge that you don’t have to go through it, that you could have made different choices and avoided the hurt.

Well, the easiest example is debt. You chose to borrow money you didn’t have (to impress people you don’t like), and at some point, the money has to be repaid. Your choice, your consequence-there will be pain. Oh, there will be pain.

How do you deal with it?

You will have to make choices that you don’t want to. You will have to sell something you love, stop doing something you like, or work harder than you ever have before.

Yet, even here, pain offers you a rose. If you and your wife can join together in choosing which pain you prefer, you can find strength.

It will still be hard and it will still hurt. But you won’t be facing it alone.

Do good. Avoid pain. When you do find it, make sure you are on the right side of it. Which side is the right side? The one that puts you and your wife on the same team.