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7 Things I Wish I Had Known About Pregnancy

Becoming a parent for the first time is an amazing experience. I should warn you, though. You have been lied to.

Now don’t blame me, I didn’t do it. Like so many things in life, you are given the good while they conveniently forget to tell you the bad and the ugly.

I thought that pregnancy was no big deal. You wife is a little queazy, nine months later, you are holding your kid in your hands.

Let me tell you, friend-o… it’s not that simple.

Here are the 7 things I wish I had known before.

1.
“Morning Sickness” is an innocuous term for three months of pure hell. Your wife is going to be sick, and I mean totally sick. Not just in the morning. At all hours. Everything about you will cause her to vomit. Your breath, your body odor, the same breakfast you’ve been eating for the past three years. There is nothing you can do to stop it.

2.
Deciding to get in shape while your wife is pregnant is a horrible idea. Research says that if you want to stick to the gym, you need a buddy. We need accountability and support to keep moving forward. While becoming a father will probably encourage you to do all you can to take care of yourself, don’t expect your wife to be too happy. Find someone else whom you can share your victories with. She’s not impressed that you weighed in at a new minimum weight. She’ll just glare at you while she finishes her second bowl of ice cream.

3.
Loneliness and the First Trimester are BFFs. Sadly, as your wife is feeling unwell, there will be a decrease in the amount of time you’ll be cuddling. After all, if she can’t stand the smell of your breath, you won’t be getting very close. There will be some loneliness in there. It’s not that she doesn’t love you or that you don’t love her. It is just that there is some distance out of necessity. (And BTW, she feels lonely too.)

4.
If you like cuddling at bedtime, forget about it. As your child grows, your wife will need to get a body pillow to support herself. That pillow becomes the Berlin Wall in your bed. You will never be able to get close because that dang pillow is in the way. MOVE OVER PILLOW!!!

5.
Say goodbye to your favorite foods. Pregnancy causes changes in your wife’s digestive system. Do you love burritos? Not anymore you don’t. They’ll still be there… in nine months.

6. Check to see how her day went first. If hers was horrible, yours better be just as bad. If your day was amazing, and hers wasn’t, don’t plan on sharing that little detail. She isn’t interested in hearing about your five mile run at dawn or the great time you had at a Chamber of Commerce open bar networking event. She’ll be grumpy and glare at you. Better tell a friend.

7.
Get ready to work! Your wife is going to lose control over her abdominal muscles. On top of that, she’s sick and can’t bend over. Strap yourself in because you just became the housekeeper. She can’t tie her shoes, pickup a sock she dropped, or get up off the floor without your help. You’re going to be carrying the household.

Now, the good parts in pregnancy are definitely there. The first ultrasound is awe-inspiring. Talking about names, learning about parenting, and preparing your house are all fulfilling adventures.

You’ll be in a new phase of your life. As with any other stage, there will be good parts and challenging parts. Roll right on through and keep your eye on the prize.