Life as an adult is always busy and always full. It’s why when we return from vacation, we seem to find ourselves exhausted and in need of yet another vacation. Although we might get a quiet day, or weekend, or week, it never seems to be enough. That is because the idea that we will ever be calm and content alone is pure fiction.

The parent gives their energy for their children. The retiree gives their energy getting out of their house and seeking community. The single adult gives their energy preparing for what’s next. In every state and at every era, our energy is directed outward, where it should be.

There must be some degree of discipline and self-care. If we don’t do the little things, we will never have the strength to do the big things. But the desire for peace and calm is always rooted in the context of the family or community. I deeply enjoy the quiet day, weekend, or even week when my children are gone, the house is clean and calm, and my time is my own. When they are in the care of others, the subtle concern that is always alert for them is totally silent. But in those days, I also miss them. The thing that I thought I wanted, solitude, met one need but failed another.

I think the quiet, calm certainty we dream of is really an artifact of our childhood. In those days, others watched over us while we were clueless. We didn’t know how good it was to be protected, to be free to grow, learn, and experiment in the safety. We longed for the freedom and privilege of adulthood, not understanding what we asked for.

This is ordered disorder. Life is difficult and not as it was designed, but the challenges that we face and overcome do prepare us for our eventual return to Eden. The daily work of mending our every flaw is only possible with the time, space, and circumstances that life gives us. It’s why sainthood is always the goal; apart from Mary, no saint started perfect. But with the blessing of life, they had an encounter with God, and then sharpened themselves on the whetstone of human life.

The crown of sainthood is the objective, but what we then do with it brings the nature of our humanity full circle. We do not grasp it for ourselves, but cast it down in honor before the King.