Reset Occasionally
I keep rigorous track of my goals throughout the year. I’ve mentioned before that I use the HabitList app on my phone in order to keep tabs on how well I’m doing. HabitList uses a method called streaking in which the user attempts to repeat the same task for consecutive days with the goal of achieving the longest streak of days. After extended periods of failure and defeat, however, streaking can work against me. If I see that it’s been a while since I’ve done a particular task, then I’m less inclined to do it. I fall victim to “one more day” thinking, in which it doesn’t matter if I skip today, because I can always do it tomorrow. Sometimes in life, and especially in the pursuit of a goal, it’s ok to reset the clock.
We all love the hope of a new year. The big blank canvas with a new beginning ahead of us is not only refreshing, it’s motivational. We believe again that we can do anything and that pushes us to go out and reach for our dreams. Resetting the clock in the middle of a game can do the same thing. By resetting your trackers and giving yourself grace for the time and distance lost, you give yourself a new chance to go out and win. The blank canvas doesn’t judge you, the 0 is your new shot at getting it done.
I have a tendency to fixate on the past. I analyze mistakes and get a little disheartened thinking about all of the ground that I’ve lost. By taking advantage of an occasional reset, I give myself permission to accept the past as reality, and more importantly, to blaze a new path forward. The past will hold you back any chance it gets, especially if it was riddled with failure. Instead of giving it that power, seize today and move on.
There are plenty of cliches surrounding new days and I think that subscribing to a few is actually a good idea. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Today is a new beginning. Today is your best chance at making a difference. We can’t do anything about yesterday or tomorrow, we only have control over today. Through the process of a reset, we get a chance to do things right, to work on the plan that we laid out, and to change our lives for the better.
When you find yourself at the end of a disastrous run towards your goals, take a break, give yourself some grace, and give yourself the gift of a reset. The only person who can change you is you, and you’ll never make that change if you’re too busy worrying about how you failed yesterday.
Open Wide the Doors
Over the Memorial Day Weekend, Alison and I didn’t have much going on. She had to work on Saturday and we didn’t have any plans to go anywhere or do anything on either Sunday or Monday. I was in the mood to have some people over, so we invited my parents and one of Alison’s colleagues over for a cookout. The weather was scorchingly hot, but we ended up with a delicious meal of hamburgers, chips, and key lime bars. Alison and I do occasionally entertain friends, usually about one hangout every other month. Our Memorial Day gathering reminded me that entertaining friends is a lot of fun and that we should be doing it more often.
You don’t need a reason to invite friends or family over for a meal. Certainly there are plenty of holidays and other types of special days to be observed, but it’s also cool to have a just-because hangout. You get to use your dining room table for what it was made for, which is a lot of fun. Adding people to your table is a nice change of scenery, not to mention the table facilitates great communication. In fact, I didn’t realize how nice having a dining room was until we had friends over and we gathered around our table. It was a lot of fun!
During the summer months, hanging out outside is where it’s at. Eating on the deck or having a picnic in your yard are great possibilities and a fun setting for everyone involved. These hangouts are a great way to bond, get to know each other better, and make some great memories.
Invite some friends or colleagues over to your house this weekend. Play a game, share a meal, and be a great host. It’ll be a wonderful time for everyone involved.
Kids Are Not A Burden
Benedict has been sleeping less lately, meaning that he requires more entertainment during the day. He’s mostly satisfied if I’m at least in the same room as him, but he won’t let me work at the nook that we have in the family room without him sitting on my lap. As his behaviors evolve, I have less time to get work done. While some may view it as an inconvenience, I don’t. It simply means I need to be more productive while he sleeps, and ensure that I’m getting up at 5am so I can get everything done.
Children increasingly want to interact with their parents. They need love and attention. While some, mistakenly, view this as a burden, I don’t. I enjoy it! I’m lucky enough to be able to work from home, on my schedule. That means that every moment that I’m not working, I can spend with my little buddy. Children aren’t a burden; they’re a blessing.
Parenthood ushers in an era of the “new normal.” As we travel throughout life’s many stages, we change and adapt to new circumstances. While we may no longer have the liberty of full control of our schedules, we certainly maintain enough flexibility to keep hold of the essential elements of our day. Planning out your day realistically will help you to find new times to accomplish the things you need done.
Children are real paradigm breakers. Their needs reshape your day, which honestly does nothing but open up new possibilities. I used to walk alone every day, and now Benedict and I have the perfect walking time carved out in the morning. That means that we not only get another hour together, but he gets a guaranteed hour, every day, of fresh air. We also have way too much fun playing inside. Being silly with your kids is a lot of fun, and a great stress reliever.
One of the things that I try to be most intentional about is being grateful for this time with him. Benedict won’t be 2'6" forever and, sadly, there will come a stage in his development when he wants nothing to do with me. As for these days, I’m doing all I can to be focused on him during playtime and to make him giggle.
We’ve become a selfish people who view children as a roadblock. Nothing could be more wrong. By adjusting your schedule, realizing new possibilities, and being grateful for the time that you have, you can experience life the way it was made to be.
Plan A Sunday Adventure
While Alison and I moved to Virginia a little over a year ago, it wasn’t until a few weeks ago that we actually did some serious exploring in our town. The gorgeous weather enticed us to go on a Sunday drive. These drives have largely fallen out of favor among American families since the rise of gas prices over the past decade. We drove around and discovered a huge sports complex, some really nice housing, and discovered that our town has an unbelievable number of churches. Sunday drives are about family, adventure, and most of all, relaxation. We need to rediscover that lost art.
Driving, which should be a pleasure, has devolved into a chore. If we have to drive somewhere, we get stressed. We’re discourteous to one another on the road, we loathe any slowdowns, and frankly, we’re mean people that we’d never be in any other situation. Seriously, who gets mad at handicapped people in real life? For whatever reason, we check our empathy and courtesy at the door, literally, whenever we get behind the wheel. Sunday drives recapture the spirit of adventure, peace, and freedom that driving has always innately contained.
In the Spring and Fall, Sunday drives give us an excellent opportunity to enjoy the weather. We could be driving to look at leaves, going to a picnic, heading over to a friend’s house, or on our way to find something new that we’ve never seen before. Driving allows you to enjoy the seasons on a grander scale. You could drive to a town, a nature preserve, or a hiking path 30 minutes away and take in the scenery on your way to and from your destination.
One other really cool way to use Sunday drives is for dream time. If you’re planning on staying in your city for an extended period of time, you could drive around and look at housing. You could dream about what home you might want to buy, what address you’d like to have, and how different your life will be in X number of years. It may even help you to get motivated about achieving your financial goals so that you can afford that house when it inevitably goes on the market.
Sunday drives embody the American Spirit and encourage us to slow down and enjoy the journey. While every week may be too often, I hope that you’ll consider taking your family out for a Sunday drive at least once this month so that you can explore and dream together.
A Place for Everything
I love living in a clean house. There’s something freeing about having wide open spaces with everything in its place. We all ensure that our homes are clean before we entertain or have guests over, but in the in-between times it’s often difficult for us to keep our houses completely clear of clutter. It just seems like cleaning ends up ranking pretty low on our to do lists during the week. One strategy that I’ve found to be particularly effective for cleaning is instead of setting things down, I put them away.
Clutter starts gradually and then multiplies rapidly. This can be easily seen in the kitchen. One dish in the sink becomes four dishes, becomes 12 dishes, becomes dishes overflowing in the sink, on the counters, and everywhere else. The dishwasher can be completely empty, but if there’s one dish in the sink, it acts like a magnet. Washing off a dish and putting it in the dishwasher only takes a few seconds, and that small step can help to ensure that your sink remains empty.
That’s the main point of this strategy. A few seconds here and a few seconds there prevents us from taking several hours clearing all the messes that we’ve made. Like the kitchen sink, the dining room table seems also to quickly fall victim to clutter. In our home, the front door leads right into the dining room table, so mail, purchases, and anything else that we happen to be carrying when we walk through the door ends up on the table. Instead of setting and forgetting, we’re much better served by processing the mail, putting away purchases, and keeping the table open for eating food.
Of course, sometimes you’re really in a hurry and don’t have time to take care of something right away. The way to handle those types of situation is to have a little bit of time set aside in the evening and do a quick clean-up. Plan no more than 15 minutes to get this clean-up done and then you’ll be all set for the morning.
Taking a few extra seconds in the moment can save you a big chunk of time later. That’s not only at the heart of this cleaning strategy, but it’s a fact that we all know to be true. So do yourself a favor and put things away instead of setting them down.
Small Blessings Lead You
God’s plan for your life is multidimensional. Thousands of small events, shifts, and changes of plans lead you to the exact right spot, at the exact right moment for you to do what you were made to do. I grew up all around the world, and it took some pretty big roadblocks to divert me to Franciscan University where I met Alison. The rest is history. Had Benedict not come along two years ago, I’d probably still be at the non-profit, working a job that I didn’t absolutely love, and held back from realizing my true potential. Yet, all of these small blessings, though some were challenging to accept at the time, have brought me here, where I belong.
Although it’s usually unclear at the time, blessings are always nudging you in the right direction. They may cause our life to be uncomfortable for a time, but only because the place where we were was holding us back in some way. The truth is, most days, we don’t know where we’re going. I don’t know where I’ll be in 10 years, but I have an idea. So, I make my best guess, while at the same time, realizing that a greater plan is at play. I’ve always found it to be true that my best guess is enough to get things moving, and God will make corrections as necessary.
There are endless roads, options, and opportunities in our free society. That adds an element of difficulty, though a most welcome one, to our life’s journey. It underscores the importance of continuing to pray for grace and guidance, as well as the role that openness plays in this journey. The more we’re open to God at work in our life, the more amazing our life will be.
It’s fun to look back from time to time to see how various events have brought you to the place where you are today. Everything makes sense in hindsight when you have the benefit of clarity. It’s an important moment to acknowledge God’s power and grand design, and to recommit yourself to cooperating in the plan.
Small blessings guide us to grand destinations. Through prayer, diligence, and fidelity to God’s will, we, too, can be like Abraham and enjoy the fruits of serving God well.
Cousin Time
Earlier this Spring, I took Benedict to my aunt’s house for a play date. My aunt lives about 90 minutes away from us and three of her four children were home at the time. My cousins range in age from 16 to 23 and I’ve always been close to them. Benedict had an absolute ball stalking their cat, watching their dogs, exploring a new house, and playing with his cousins. The day was great for me too, and it was a great reminder to make time to play and have fun with your extended family.
Benedict has a cousin who is just two-months older than him and another cousin who was born earlier this year. Sadly, he’s only met the older one once, though hopefully soon that will change. Knowing how much fun I had growing up with my cousins, I hope that Benedict will get to have the same experience as he grows. I want him to feel connected with his cousins as they go through the stages of life together at the same time.
Family bonds are incredibly important. Families rely on one another in every sense of the word. While they may not live in close proximity, there’s usually a time or two each year where they get together. Cousins can be the siblings that your children never had. Consider Benedict and his cousin. Since Benedict and his cousin are the same age, they’ll get to share the same joys of life at the same time. They’ll both get their driver’s licenses around the same time, graduate and go off to college at the same time, and maybe even end up getting married around the same time. Sharing all of these great milestones is usually a special experience reserved for twins, but in this case, they’ll get to share them as cousins.
Cousins can often make great friends. Sharing a common family tree isn’t the only thing that binds cousins together. In fact, cousins who are close in age often share many of the same interests, which change and mature over time. Those shared interests can help solidify the friendship that goes beyond the generational relationship. As your children grow into adulthood, I hope that they’ll stay close to their cousins. It may not be a 100% success rate, but the bonds forged in childhood will hopefully blossom into lifelong friendships. Not only is this a beautiful legacy for your kids, but the journey will continue as their children grow up together.
Family is the basic support structure that any of us have. I hope that you’ll do all you can to ensure that your kids have the opportunity to connect and bond with their cousins so that they can have friends that will truly last a lifetime.
Is Your Wife Your Only Friend?
Admittedly, this is going to be a bit of an awkward post for me. While I wish I was living out the principles that I’m going to cover, I’m really not. You see, as men, we need really great guy friends. Certainly your wife is your best friend and yet, she can’t be your only friend. We need people around us to help us be better men, and who better to challenge us than friends who struggle with the exact same things that we struggle with? By cultivating great relationships with a few great guys, you can build a support network and grow as a man.
We’re social beings, and although we have plenty of commitments at home, we do need a friend group that we can count on, and who can count on us. We grow through our friendships and relationships. We learn the shocking truth that we’re not the only ones with problems. We encourage each other in life and can provide objective help to one another.
The truth is, many of us struggle to identify that friend group after college. There are certainly people that we’re friendly with, but if you’ve moved away from home and college, you may struggle to establish a new group of close friends. I certainly have. I do have friends that I’ve kept in contact with over the years, but none of them live close enough that we could go grab a beer. My best luck has been through the Knights of Columbus, but since our move last summer, I haven’t been active in my local Council.
While guy friends can help us grow, the social element is perhaps even more important. Truthfully, sometimes your wife needs a break from you. You probably need the occasional break from her. It’s not a bad thing, just a natural occurrence over time. When you do have a night out, hanging out with guys who share your interests can be the perfect evening.
If you’re like me and don’t have one, two, or even more great guy friends in your area, you know what the challenge is. Find some guys in your peer group, engage socially, and build up your friend network. Certainly it’s more easily said, than done, but the effort is more than worth it.
Fighting Weight
Confession: I’ve let myself go. Since the beginning of the year, I’ve gained 15 lbs. Now, that’s not how that’s supposed to work. The weather is nicer, I should be more active. Yet, here I am. I’ve been lazy about my intake and even lazier about my output. For a while now, I’ve surrendered on my weight. I consider my condition to be temporary, but if I don’t get my head in the game, it’ll become permanent! The truth is, I’m having a hard time getting motivated.
I’ve written many times before about our health being a spectrum and always moving towards health or away from it. I’ve been so discouraged about my weight and, considering that I was less than 10 lbs from my goal weight just five short months ago, I’m even more discouraged now. I know that this is going to take some radical action to get myself back on the horse.
We all find ourselves moving in the wrong direction from time to time. Whether it be with our weight or our spiritual life, sometimes life just happens. When it does, like it’s doing right now, I just need to take my own advice and never surrender.
A good place for me to start is by getting back to basics. I don’t have a good food plan and I haven’t been using my food diary like I should. My day needs to start with a weigh-in, I need to hit my water goal, and I need to stop skipping meals, snacking, and binge eating. I don’t often get that hungry and most days I could make it until mid-afternoon before feeling hungry. Yet, despite not “feeling” hungry, I need to eat. I need to plan a breakfast, and then I need to eat that breakfast.
Night prep is another area where I’ve been slipping. I used to have a whole evening routine that included some cleaning and preparing my attire for the next day. I need to get back to taking 30 minutes in the evening to get my next day set up. I need to lay out my exercise clothes so that when dawn comes and my writing is done, I can put on my workout clothes, eat breakfast with Benedict, and hit the trails.
The most important thing for me to do right now is to not surrender. We all get to this point when we can either start fighting back or we can just surrender and drift downstream. Don’t surrender on your weight. Don’t surrender on your health. Don’t surrender! Make a plan and stick with it!
Do the Right Thing
I once had a boss who told me that it’s never too late to do the right thing. Oftentimes when we realized that we’ve made a mistake, our first reaction is to attempt to shift the blame or cover it up. We’re usually not that successful and a small mistake grows into a big problem. Our anxiety levels rise and things spiral out of control. Instead of procrastinating, when you realize that you’ve made a mistake, just fix it.
Putting off doing the right thing for tomorrow is always appealing. Tomorrow, in almost every circumstance, seems better than today. If we’re waiting, then we don’t have to take action today, or tell anyone about our mistake. Usually, however, change never comes. Tomorrow shows up, and we defer for another day, compounding the problem. Why not now? Why don’t you start to immediately correct the error? After all, you’re already thinking about it. You get to choose the start line.
We’re all human. Whether you’ve made a mistake at work, with your kids, or with your wife, the best course of action is immediate correction. In fact, admitting when you’ve made a mistake might win you the admiration of those around you. These days, no one wants to be accountable and everyone is peacocking. This isn’t helping anyone. The fact is, no one regrets doing the right thing. No one regrets the relief that comes with admitting your mistake and moving on. Today is the perfect day to make a change.
Mistakes happen, both big and small. Don’t let a mistake dominate your life. Admit your fault, take corrective action, and move on.