One Thousand
To understand life is to understand impermanence. As we grow, experience, and learn new information, we are changed as people. We become ourselves as the sum total of the people we meet, the things we do, and the books we read.
I started this project, Catholic Husband in March of 2013 with the idea of working as a writer. I did become a writer, but by practicing this craft for more than a decade, I actually set myself up perfectly for my current job.
This is my 1,000th blog post. Taken together, this body of work reflects my thoughts and experiences as a husband and a father. As I flip through my old posts, I can recall the emotions and events that inspired the post, like mile markers along this journey.
It was not always easy to stay committed to this project, and there were some breaks here and there. But now, standing here at this milestone, I find myself receiving a gift from my former self. By taking the time to express my thoughts in the medium that I prefer, writing, I can see clearly the experience that is my life, laid out all together.
Catholic Husband is not meant to be a historical record, but rather a living handbook. These thoughts and ideas are the ideal that I aspire to; these are the ways to think and act for those of us who wish to live as the Holy Family lived. I, like Catholic Husband, am a work in progress. But if I persist, if I run the race, I will end much closer to my goal than if I never tried.
Few blogs make it this far, but I’ve only just begun.
Things of Heaven
For the many hours that I’m awake during the day, there are many things on my mind. I have what I need to do now, what I need to do next, and the random thought of what needs to be done in the future. From meal prep, to instant scheduling decisions, to the project at hand, my mind works all throughout the day.
To put it simply, I spend almost all day thinking of the things of man.
Stress builds through the day as my lists grow, and time runs short. I manage not only my schedule, but the schedule of my four children. I manage my list, and their school list. To my eternal surprise, they usually have their own idea of how things ought to be done.
I wonder how differently I’d approach stress, conflict, and challenges if I spent a few more minutes each day thinking of the things of Heaven. What ratio would be required to improve my self-esteem, my hope, and my attitude?
I am here today with a specific purpose and vocation, but my ultimate objective is not today. I am here to prepare myself and my family for the promises that have been made to us, and to be worthy to receive them. Bringing those promises, and their reality, back into my day could be the pivot point that changes the whole game.
Starting Over
In the 5th grade, my teacher, Mr. Gleeves, would start most days by announcing, “Today is the first day of the rest of your lives.” That was over 25 years ago, but now as I sit down to write this, those words are coming to the fore.
Life is considerably more complicated than it was to my 5th grade-self. I have my children to tend to, a job, and all the responsibilities that come with being an adult. It’s a lot to manage, and it means that I take my eye off the ball regularly.
I’m not a robot, and I cannot reasonably expect myself to adhere methodically to my ideal schedule. Yes, if I did everything in strict time blocks, I would have time to get it all done. But life doesn’t work that way.
Many times a day, a week, a month, I have to start over. And while it may be discouraging at first, having to build momentum again starting from zero, I’m still in the fight. I haven’t quit, I haven’t given up, and I’m not staying where I’ve been. That is something to look forward to.
Forgetting to Shift
Life, and parenting, is full of shifts. From infants to teenagers, our children progress at a rapid clip. But it’s easy to find ourselves answering today’s challenges with yesterday’s solutions. Our children are always adapting to their changing worlds, but for adults, we can forget.
I find myself with a house of able bodied children, but I’m still doing the chores that I’ve done since I started staying home. Layer on top of these chores homeschooling and my full time job, and it’s an impossible solution. Time is always pivoting to one of these three areas of responsibility and something gets left behind. Another pivot is then required, depriving some other area of attention. On it goes.
What I need is to not only break my paradigms; I need to destroy them. I need to completely rethinking, from the ground up, our daily routines, division of labor, and calendars. My children need different things today than they did yesterday, and we need to commit ourselves to working not just on our chores, but our relationships.
Life is constantly changing, and if we forget to shift, we end up in the wrong gear. I have a big reminder on the horizon to shift, and perhaps this is your reminder, too.
Small Moments
When we aspire to greater things, we tend to fall into the trap of making big plans. I’ve never run a marathon, and frankly never run. So if I decided to run a marathon next summer, it’d be easy to get lost in the planning.
I’d need better shoes, a new watch, the right clothes, the perfect hydration system, an eating plan down to the calorie, and, of course, a daily training plan with tracker. Those things would help me, in theory, go from couch to marathon. But would I do it?
What if instead of dedicating hours to research, hundreds of dollars to new equipment, days to calendaring out the next year of my life, I just grabbed my shoes and went for a run?
This is how we approach prayer. We try to go from fresh out of the Confessional to saint in one big leap. But we don’t need history’s best prayer plan, or the most ingenious sequencing of novenas. You just need to find small moments throughout your day, times when there’s a natural pause, and instead of swiping mindlessly, pray mindfully.
Dig Deeper
It’s easy to wait for whatever’s next. Let this moment pass by, it’s nothing compared to what’s coming next. Life starts to feel like the Sims, where we check off a few things, kill time until bed, then wake up to do it over again. It’s easy to slip into this mindset because thinking about everything we have to do today, and tomorrow, and the next day, is paralyzing. Sinking into the couch and scrolling is cathartic escapism that soothes us in the now, but robs us blind.
I tend to think of my list in terms of energy. I wake up in the morning with x units of energy; how will I spend them? And when they’re spent, is it gone for the day?
Energy can be used up, in the way that you crash onto the couch at 8:30pm, the house immaculate, the to-do list done, and a good steady ache radiating through my muscles. It can also be stolen. It’s stolen when the first thing I do when I wake up is swipe through my phone. It’s stolen, really, any time I scroll. A rectangular brick in my pocket follows me everywhere I go, trying to lull me to relax when really it just steals my energy.
The funny thing is, when I conserve my energy, the mess piles up. Work, school clutter, all of which can only be conquered through focused, extended work sessions. If I do like I ought, a little each day, the system runs.
Rest is never earned; God rested on the seventh day. But on days 1-6, He dug deeper and got it all done.
The Plans
For I know well the plans I have in mind for you —oracle of the LORD— plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope.
Cloak
In the Bible and Sacred Tradition, there are certain items to which we ascribe special meaning. God has a way of using ordinary things to bring into reality the extraordinary. One such item is the cloak of St. Joseph.
Back in the early days of Jesus’ life, Joseph had to spirit his young family through the desert into Egypt. Tradition holds that it was done at night as Herod hunted down the newborn King. Joseph, like any Jewish man of his time in history, likely wore a cloak to protect himself from the elements. It’s easy to image that cloak shielding his bride and child on their journey. From this understanding, we now believe the cloak of St. Joseph to have special protective properties.
In prayers to St. Joseph, both modern and ancient, the petitioner asks for the protection of Joseph’s cloak. It shielded Jesus from murderous jealousy, and the prayers beg Joseph to wrap us up in this same cloak.
We imagine grandeur in every action of God, and they are. But in His majesty, God chooses the simple. A piece of humble cloth, wrapped around us, is all that’s needed to protect us from the gravest danger.
Hints of Fall
The dog days of summer are in the rearview mirror as pumpkin spice season is just around the corner. It was another long, hot summer and I’m so ready for the first blast of cool Canadian air.
The green shoots of spring inspire me every year. Subconsciously, I reorganize, plan, and start thinking strategically again. I find myself getting outside of the day-to-day and making a game plan for the season ahead. The crisp fall air and cozy gray skies have the same effect on me.
As I perceive the first hints of fall, my mind gets back into that higher level thinking. It’s natures way of reminding me of the coming winter, and how quickly my life is progressing. The best time to live my best life was last summer; the next best time is starting today.
Drift
Winding down the mind at night is seldom easy. Our racing minds make lists, rehash events of the day, or bother us with endless ideas and anxieties that we could never possibly address in these moments before sleep. Worst of all is the knowledge of how good sleep is for our tired bodies, and our inability to trigger this blissful release.
Mindfulness and meditation is in vogue now, but the Church has always known its myriad benefits. In our hearts is inscribed the desire to love God, to elevate our minds to serve others, and to be connected to our larger human family. Prayer, and its simple repetition, eases the mind and invites peace to calm our chaotic lives.
St. Paul advises prayer without ceasing, and what better way to drift off to sleep than to spend the day’s final moments of consciousness with the God who made us and the saints who so deeply loved Him.