Ten
Ten years ago, I launched this blog. With a plan, and a few months worth of work, I wrote and prepared articles for publication. They were simple, short, and to the point. I wrote about the lessons that I’d experienced, the things I was thinking about, and the experiences that I had.
In the years that followed, I went from a father of one child to now having four. I wrote three books, started homeschooling, moved three times, and even launched my own business. My publishing schedule has slowed since those early days as my life has filled up, but a decade later, I’m still here.
Now just over 900 posts, I marvel at how the themes woven into these blogs reoccur. Each week brings a new lesson, or a new spin on an old lesson. Many lessons I’m still relearning and likely will need to relearn several more times.
This body of work represents something intimate; it’s the place where my deepest thoughts come to the fore. This is a nice place for me to be and to write, and I hope that in another decade, I’ll share a similar reflection in a post titled, “Twenty.”
Calm
For nearly fourteen hours each day, my life is filled with abundant sound and light. Some of it is at my direction, much of it is outside of my control. Like my father before me, I try to bend the sound by playing calm music in the background, though not always to great effect.
One of my favorite things to do in the early morning or late at night is to sit in the stillness of the dark living room. I feel as if I can fully relax.
It’s not enough for me to set aside those precious minutes at the bookends of my day. I need to find calm in the chaos throughout the day. I need to process the cacophony of my household not as a noisy abyss, but as a symphony of joy. These are the sounds of life, of joy, and of youth.
Every parent experiences the stress and overwhelm of children. The secret is to change how you relate to those pressing moments. Are they my breaking point, or a perfect time for a break?
Start with Listening
For the first time in many years, our parish is holding a weekly Bible study. Although the children get plenty of opportunities to learn about their faith with their peers, adults are often forgotten. The Catholic faith is deep and wide, and we could all use an opportunity to grow.
The series is on prayerful reading of Scripture. Instead of picking up the Bible and reading it like a good book, we approach portions of Scripture as a starting point of prayer. In the series, the lecturer offered that prayer should begin with listening.
It was a profound insight, and one that I had not considered. To my mind, I have a set amount of time to pray, a full agenda, and I need to get right to the point.
The lecture focused on Jesus’ encounter with the Samaritan woman at the well. Through the framework of this well-known story, he demonstrated that the events of the story and the words that Jesus used communicated this deep truth. It was Jesus who spoke first, and then invited the woman into conversation.
Though the dialogue, they had a shared experience. Jesus was able to communicate deeply with the woman, and she heard the particular message of hope and healing that Jesus had for her.
Prayer takes many forms, but perhaps it would be wise for us to slow down, take a moment, begin with Scripture, and then listen.
Preparation
It’s been just over sixty days since the joy of Christmas morning, and here we are back in a time of preparation. Though much attention is given to the what and when of Lent, acknowledging that this is a time of preparation has piqued my interest this year.
We prepare for things all the time. I prepare for my work week ahead by reviewing and updating my task list. I prepare for a week’s worth of dinners by menu planning and grocery shopping. We all go through a preparation of sorts every Sunday morning, trying to get everyone out the door and to Mass on time.
What does it mean to prepare for Easter? In the Jewish custom, there are strict protocols for preparation. They are lengthly and require much effort and attention to detail. Violating these preparations means that a person cannot fully participate in the feasts. Think back to the reading of the Passion, when the Jewish leaders wouldn’t enter into the praetorium because they wanted to avoid being defiled before the Passover.
Easter is the high point of the Christian year; it’s the proof that Jesus is who he claims to be, and that our faith is not misplaced. How can we best prepare for this the highest of feasts? The Church tells us through prayer, fasting, and almsgiving.
Prayer strengthens our relationship with God, breaks our hearts of stone, and opens our minds to the will of God. Fasting removes obstacles to holiness in our lives. It breaks the power of mindless rhythm and shakes us awake, calling us back to the reality that Christ is coming again, and we must be ready. Almsgiving separates us from ourselves, and makes us attuned to the suffering around us. It reminds us of our obligation to care for the sick, the hungry, and the poor among us, all of them being Christ in disguise.
We have just six weeks to prepare for the greatest mystery in human history. How will we use it to become the people that we were made to be?
All on the Field
I have 60–90 minutes each evening between when the children are finally in bed and when it’s time for me to go to sleep. I find myself incredibly pensive during this time, and often seeking to maximize the conclusion to my day. Frequently, I feel too tired to do anything and opt to go to bed early.
I’ve written about the nature of rest, and how sometimes being active and productive gives us a deeper sense of rest and peace than idleness. This is true, but I want to order my days so that when it’s time for me to finally go to bed, I have a sense that I left it all on the field.
Athletes use this phrase to describe giving everything that they have in a game. Win, lose, or draw, they didn’t hold any of their talent or ability back. They poured themselves into the game and did all that they could to achieve victory. That’s how I want to live.
It’s easy to become tired from the tedium of my day. The many tasks which must be accomplished, though easier left undone, the sameness of my weekdays. It’s easy to leave much on the field and to give myself the day off.
The truth is, if I leave everything on the field, all things will be done well. It means I’ve woken up early and taken the time that I need to train my body and prepare myself for the day. It means my family has eaten, learned, prayed, and played together. It means my home is picked up, the kitchen is clean, and the laundry is put away.
It takes hard work to stay on top of everything. But the reward is going to bed knowing that I left it all on the field. Tomorrow I have the privilege of a whole new day to do it all over again.
Ski Trip
After a very, very long drive, today begins our family’s annual ski trip. It’s a much anticipated vacation, with the kids especially giddy about the break. Over the coming days, we’ll build our skills, play, and eat together with our extended family. Aunts and uncles will join us throughout the week, we’ll all share time with the kids, and hopefully there will be many pictures and great stories.
This trip, more than anything, emphasizes the importance of play. For the child’s brain, play is equivalent to work. It’s necessary and helps with overall growth and development. For adults, play is still important! It’s the best form of stress management, and it gets everyone out of their element and into a new environment. Away from the ordinary, we can build our relationships in new and unique ways.
Play is a wonderful thing.
Obedient to Prayer
If I were to sketch out a schedule for my ideal day, there would be several opportunities for prayer sprinkled throughout. No matter where I was in any given day, I’d only be a few hours away from a pause. The positive benefits of prayer are well established, spiritually and psychologically. Why is it so hard to commit?
Like any of the other things we should do each day to be and feel our best, resistance to prayer is strong. Our minds wander, we’re overwhelmed by our to-do list, and there’s always something else to do at that moment that feels “right.”
Discipline is required to accomplish anything great, but I think that nurturing and developing ourselves spiritually requires more than just raw discipline. It’s not enough to just show up and go through the motions; we have to desire to pray. We have to be obedient.
God’s great plan for our lives is revealed through scripture and tradition. He wants us to live freely and joyfully. Our experience in this fallen world shows that living out that plan is no easy task. Even when we’re spiritually healthy, the responsibilities and chaos of our day wears on us. Our vision for the future fades in the onslaught of the here and now.
Obedience to prayer is a voluntary surrender to God’s plan. It’s sacrificing a part of our day to spend time with true peace and true love, and to place God’s will before our own.
Tomorrow morning, in the early hours after my walk but before the kids wake up, when the house is still and dark, I will not go sit down at my desk. I will not open the newspaper or open up YouTube. I’ll sit down in the stillness of the living room and spend a few quiet minutes with the giver of all good gifts.
Work from Home Dad
Over the past few weeks, I’ve spent more time working at the kitchen counter than I have working at my desk. In a way, that’s a shame because I have the perfect desk setup in our family office. The reality of my daily responsibilities means that for large parts of the day, I’m downstairs with the kids.
While working at the kitchen counter has been fine, I need more space. I’ve migrated from the kitchen to the dining room table. Now, throughout the day, the kids see me working away in the dining room as they play and get their work done.
It’s a daily challenge to balance my responsibilities at work and at home, but my children and I now share a special bond. I get to involve them in my work. They see what I do, got with me to visit customers, and get to share my love of aviation. I remember how special it was as an Air Force kid to go over to the squadron and hang out in my dad’s office, or walk out on the flight line and see the jets. Now my youngest daughter jumps with glee when I announce that we’re going to the airport.
Parents have plenty to manage when it comes to raising children; even more so when throwing work into the mix. It’s a special thing for me to be able to share my work with my kids.
Permission to Push
It’s easy to be overwhelmed with work. There are busy seasons, bad weeks, and times when illness or scheduling get you behind the power curve. When your inbox overflows with emails, your task list falls apart, and you feel completely overrun, it’s important to remember that you have a productivity superpower.
We underestimate just how much we can get done with 90 minutes of solid, quiet work. The number of overdue tasks and unread emails may seem huge, but the time that it takes to process most emails is miniscule. A well-used time block can go a long way to clearing the backlog.
The best way to get back to a manageable pace is to push due dates. There are some tasks that are true priorities, but most can be accomplished in the reasonable near future. Getting behind is normal, so rescheduling overdue tasks to be completed in the coming days is usually all you need to get back on top.
Good work is only possible when you’re in a good headspace. Flailing from task to task, while feeling overwhelmed, is a recipe for mistakes that will require even more work in the future. When you get behind, take a pause and give yourself permission to push off due dates. You’ll be back in control in no time.
Work or Workout
I’ve thought a lot about scheduling over the past few months. Some of it was the normal end of year reflection, and some of it was the realization that I haven’t been walking like I had planned.
Life is about balancing competing priorities, and over the past 12 months, work and sleep have too often beat out workouts. I enjoy working out, and listening to podcasts during my walks is a great use of my time. But the pressures and deadlines have knocked me off course, and I need a reminder of why I should get back out there.
The truth is, I work better when I’ve exercised. Sleeping in gets me an extra 60 or 90 minutes of sleep, but those precious minutes don’t make nearly as big of an impact as waking up on time does.
Sleeping in pushes my workout into my work hours, derails my morning quiet time, and gets me off to a bad start. Occasionally, it’s necessary, but it usually does more harm than good.
I do best when I stick to the plan; it’s a plan that I crafted for a reason. I can get a full night of rest, workout, and get all of my work done in the same day. It just takes a recognition that everything has a time and a place, and if I want a full successful day, I need to commit to the plan.