Family Life
Behind Every Great Warrior is A Great Family
We owe a great debt to our current military members and to all veterans who’ve honorably served. While it’s plainly evident that their sacrifice, courage, and willingness to serve deserves to be recognized, we ought not overlook those people who stand right behind them: their families. Families of military members and Gold Star families, those whose loved one died in the line of duty, sacrifice every day right alongside service members. Let’s not forget those who stand behind and in support of our warriors.
The sacrifices of military families most often takes the form of lost time. There are endless missed holidays, birthdays, baseball games, and life’s special moments. While the family is at home taking part in these events, their warrior is deployed to a foreign country, wishing he or she was home. So much of the military member’s time is spent deployed, doing what they were trained to do, that the family must bear the brunt of this absence. Reunions are sweet, but getting to the day when their loved one comes home takes a special kind of patience.
We need to support these families, especially when their loved one is deployed. Each family will need something different, but it’s an almost universal truth that the spouse who’s home caring for the kids needs a break. Offer free babysitting. If the couple doesn’t have kids, invite the spouse out as they’re probably lonely at home. Mow their lawn, drive their kids to soccer practice. Any and all of these acts of kindness are things we should be doing as neighbors, but when we take special care during deployments, we also use these acts of kindness as acts of thanks.
Of course, it goes without saying, that we should pray for the safe return of our service members. These days, it doesn’t matter where a deployment takes them, there’s always some form of danger. Prayer goes a long way. Supporting them and their families through prayer can be a great thing.
Today I offer you this: behind every great warrior is a great family. Take good care of them and don’t forget that sacrifice is not only made by our men and women in uniform, but also by those who support and love them.
Regroup Weekly
I clean our house every Saturday, both inside and out. The laundry is done, the floor is vacuumed, the car is washed, the bathrooms are cleaned, and the lawn is mowed. Saturday evening is a great time of relaxation for me because everything is in its place. By the following Friday, life has happened and the house needs cleaning again. I maintain this weekly schedule because at some point during the week, everything goes off the tracks and I need a reset.
Just as my cleaning routine has a weekly cycle, so too does your life. Once a week, you need to take an hour or so and get your life put back together. Reorganize your to-do list, prioritize your projects, and plan the path forward. Weekly cleaning allows me the time to address the building clutter. We all have clutter that builds up in various ways and while we usually intend to address the issues, there always seems to be a steady encroachment. This weekly planning time is a new chance to maintain cleanliness and to restore order in your home.
Weekly planning gets you ready for the week ahead. Various factors impact your weekly schedule, so taking an hour or two either at the end or beginning of the week will help you to get everything realigned. Sickness may have taken two productive days away from you, a new project may have started, or you may even have gotten ahead on your to-do list. The better prepared you are for the week ahead, the more productive you’ll be. When you feel boxed in by clutter or overwhelmed by a long to do list and no plan for completing those tasks, it becomes easy to fall into a rut. By setting aside time each week to regroup, both in cleaning and planning, you can be better prepared for the week ahead and ensure that small problems don’t become major roadblocks.
Know Your Story
In the not too distant past, I didn’t care much about my family’s genealogy. I knew about my parents and my grandparents, and that was sufficient for me. This viewpoint was completely the opposite of Alison’s, which espoused the joy and adventure of both learning about your history and then going to visit those places. While studying abroad, she took a few trips to European ancestral hometowns and got a small taste of what her ancestors saw and did. For whatever reason, last year, I became intensely interested in my family’s story and embarked on a family genealogy project to learn all about my family tree. I’ve concluded that by understanding your family’s story, you can better understand yourself.
We share a connectedness with our ancestors. At some point, someone in our family made the brave decision of getting on a boat and making the treacherous and uncomfortable boat trip across the Atlantic in hopes of a new and better life in the United States. Their bravery, determination, and frankly, their grit, set in motion a series of events that led to our lives here in America. We’re living where we are because of them. Their sacrifices have yielded tremendous opportunities for us. Beyond just our physical location, we may be benefiting from all sorts of legacies that they left for us, including crafts, hobbies, careers, and faith. So much about what our ancestors did is reflected in our lives, perhaps even in our names.
It can be exciting to learn even the most mundane facts about our ancestors. You can see their handwriting in documents or glean their job history from census data. You might even learn that your ancestors just 100 years ago didn’t know how to write. You might find their name on ship’s manifests or see their marriage license. This time-traveling sleuthing is an adventure in and of itself.
I was wrong when I considered there to be little value in knowing my ancestor’s story. Their story is my story. So much of me is because of them. I invite you to take some time, do some digging, and explore your own family’s history. Know your story and have pride in the sacrifice that your ancestors made so that you can be who you are, where you are, in the land of opportunity.
The Secret to Winning Your Morning
The past six months have been a time of great change in my daily routine. With Benedict now walking and the weather starting to get nice outside, everything about my routine has evolved. I’m thankful to finally be able to walk in the morning again and also that the pace of my work is picking up. All of these changes have had a significant impact on how I plan out my day, although Benedict ultimately holds a veto over the schedule. Essentially, I’ve found that getting my morning started with just the right mix of prayer, work, and family gives me the best chance of feeling satisfied when I lay my head down at night.
For me, everything comes down to the morning. If my morning doesn’t go well, or if I get distracted early on, the day is in trouble. I’ve established many times the importance and value of quality sleep. If your sleep isn’t a priority, the rest of your day will go poorly. At the same time, the earlier you wake up, the more productive hours you’ll have during the day. Engineering an early waking, not at the expense of solid sleep time, is crucial.
Your morning routine starts the night before. In the Winter, Benedict and I would do our daily walk in the afternoon when the temperatures were slightly warmer. That was a bad schedule for me, because I hate taking two showers in a day, so I’d simply push my shower to the afternoon. That meant I had to go through the entire morning work session feeling grimy from the day before. Honestly, it slowed me down. I prefer being ready for the day as early as possible so that I can be clean, dressed, and productive throughout the entire work day. It’s been my experience that being clean and properly dressed can make a huge difference in my mindset and lead to greater productivity.
Your morning needs prayer time. A good mix between 15 and 30 minutes will help to frame your day. Turning your attention back to God and growing in relationship with Him in the morning hours is another tool to keep your day on track. I vary my morning prayer time activities. Lately I’ve been reading the Gospel of Luke while during my reading time (later in the day) I’m reading a Gospel commentary. These two together make my prayer time more enriching.
If you’re up at 5:00 and your family doesn’t get moving until 6:30 or 7:00, you may find that you have time to do a little bit of work. I don’t necessarily mean work for your employer, but rather, some type of passion project. Of course, you could do some work for your job if it means you’ll get to come home earlier, but I’d much rather you do something that you’re really excited about early in the day. Quick wins will energize you and keep you moving forward throughout the day.
Lastly, when your family stirs near the end of your morning routine, have some time with them. Eat breakfast together or find some activity that you can all enjoy in the morning. Make it something that you’ll all look forward to. As your schedules diverge for the remainder of the day, it can be nice to have bookend family time, a little in the morning, and some more in the evening.
The morning is the biggest opportunity to keep your day on track and leave your to-do list checked off. Make time for prayer, work, and family, and you’ll find yourself getting further, faster.
One Trick to Love Your House More
To say that our house has a yard would be a stretch. We have a patch of land next to our house that contains nothing but weeds. Certainly there’s a wide variety of weeds, and they’re all green, but I don’t think I’ve been able to spot a single blade of grass anywhere near our house. Yet, now that we have a “yard,” I’ve been very keen to take care of the exterior appearance of our home. Earlier this Spring, Alison and I spent almost an entire day outside, trimming hedges, putting down mulch, and planting all sorts of flowers and vegetables. As a point of pride, we take care of our home’s exterior.
A house with cut grass looks really sharp. I always marvel at how good our house looks right after I’ve mowed the lawn. While growing up mowing was a chore, it’s now something that I look forward to. Granted, it takes me no more than 15 minutes to do the whole job. A well maintained lawn is fun for the kids and great for playtime. It looks good and it begs to be used. Plus, fresh cut grass smells amazing when you’re eating dinner outside.
Interestingly, keeping your lawn manicured, your bushes trimmed, and your flower beds maintained has an impact beyond just your own home and family. By taking care of your home’s exterior, you love your community. A well maintained exterior improves the look and feel of your neighborhood and shows community pride. If everyone in your neighborhood takes care of their exteriors, you can collectively increase the desirability of your neighborhood and raise home values. Now that’s a win-win!
I’ve written many times about keeping the interior of your home clean, and today I’d like to encourage you to take that same mentality to your home’s exterior. Yard work, especially in the Summer heat, can be quite unpleasant, but it always pays off. Even mowing your yard weekly can help to maintain a great exterior appearance. Weeding is a constant hassle, but it beats the unkempt alternative.
The exterior of your home has a big impact on your neighbors, and an even bigger impact on you. When you come home to a well maintained exterior and then go inside to your clean interior, you’ll have a feeling of great peace and accomplishment, and you’ll rightly call yourself “home.”
Open Wide the Doors
Over the Memorial Day Weekend, Alison and I didn’t have much going on. She had to work on Saturday and we didn’t have any plans to go anywhere or do anything on either Sunday or Monday. I was in the mood to have some people over, so we invited my parents and one of Alison’s colleagues over for a cookout. The weather was scorchingly hot, but we ended up with a delicious meal of hamburgers, chips, and key lime bars. Alison and I do occasionally entertain friends, usually about one hangout every other month. Our Memorial Day gathering reminded me that entertaining friends is a lot of fun and that we should be doing it more often.
You don’t need a reason to invite friends or family over for a meal. Certainly there are plenty of holidays and other types of special days to be observed, but it’s also cool to have a just-because hangout. You get to use your dining room table for what it was made for, which is a lot of fun. Adding people to your table is a nice change of scenery, not to mention the table facilitates great communication. In fact, I didn’t realize how nice having a dining room was until we had friends over and we gathered around our table. It was a lot of fun!
During the summer months, hanging out outside is where it’s at. Eating on the deck or having a picnic in your yard are great possibilities and a fun setting for everyone involved. These hangouts are a great way to bond, get to know each other better, and make some great memories.
Invite some friends or colleagues over to your house this weekend. Play a game, share a meal, and be a great host. It’ll be a wonderful time for everyone involved.
Plan A Sunday Adventure
While Alison and I moved to Virginia a little over a year ago, it wasn’t until a few weeks ago that we actually did some serious exploring in our town. The gorgeous weather enticed us to go on a Sunday drive. These drives have largely fallen out of favor among American families since the rise of gas prices over the past decade. We drove around and discovered a huge sports complex, some really nice housing, and discovered that our town has an unbelievable number of churches. Sunday drives are about family, adventure, and most of all, relaxation. We need to rediscover that lost art.
Driving, which should be a pleasure, has devolved into a chore. If we have to drive somewhere, we get stressed. We’re discourteous to one another on the road, we loathe any slowdowns, and frankly, we’re mean people that we’d never be in any other situation. Seriously, who gets mad at handicapped people in real life? For whatever reason, we check our empathy and courtesy at the door, literally, whenever we get behind the wheel. Sunday drives recapture the spirit of adventure, peace, and freedom that driving has always innately contained.
In the Spring and Fall, Sunday drives give us an excellent opportunity to enjoy the weather. We could be driving to look at leaves, going to a picnic, heading over to a friend’s house, or on our way to find something new that we’ve never seen before. Driving allows you to enjoy the seasons on a grander scale. You could drive to a town, a nature preserve, or a hiking path 30 minutes away and take in the scenery on your way to and from your destination.
One other really cool way to use Sunday drives is for dream time. If you’re planning on staying in your city for an extended period of time, you could drive around and look at housing. You could dream about what home you might want to buy, what address you’d like to have, and how different your life will be in X number of years. It may even help you to get motivated about achieving your financial goals so that you can afford that house when it inevitably goes on the market.
Sunday drives embody the American Spirit and encourage us to slow down and enjoy the journey. While every week may be too often, I hope that you’ll consider taking your family out for a Sunday drive at least once this month so that you can explore and dream together.
A Place for Everything
I love living in a clean house. There’s something freeing about having wide open spaces with everything in its place. We all ensure that our homes are clean before we entertain or have guests over, but in the in-between times it’s often difficult for us to keep our houses completely clear of clutter. It just seems like cleaning ends up ranking pretty low on our to do lists during the week. One strategy that I’ve found to be particularly effective for cleaning is instead of setting things down, I put them away.
Clutter starts gradually and then multiplies rapidly. This can be easily seen in the kitchen. One dish in the sink becomes four dishes, becomes 12 dishes, becomes dishes overflowing in the sink, on the counters, and everywhere else. The dishwasher can be completely empty, but if there’s one dish in the sink, it acts like a magnet. Washing off a dish and putting it in the dishwasher only takes a few seconds, and that small step can help to ensure that your sink remains empty.
That’s the main point of this strategy. A few seconds here and a few seconds there prevents us from taking several hours clearing all the messes that we’ve made. Like the kitchen sink, the dining room table seems also to quickly fall victim to clutter. In our home, the front door leads right into the dining room table, so mail, purchases, and anything else that we happen to be carrying when we walk through the door ends up on the table. Instead of setting and forgetting, we’re much better served by processing the mail, putting away purchases, and keeping the table open for eating food.
Of course, sometimes you’re really in a hurry and don’t have time to take care of something right away. The way to handle those types of situation is to have a little bit of time set aside in the evening and do a quick clean-up. Plan no more than 15 minutes to get this clean-up done and then you’ll be all set for the morning.
Taking a few extra seconds in the moment can save you a big chunk of time later. That’s not only at the heart of this cleaning strategy, but it’s a fact that we all know to be true. So do yourself a favor and put things away instead of setting them down.
Cousin Time
Earlier this Spring, I took Benedict to my aunt’s house for a play date. My aunt lives about 90 minutes away from us and three of her four children were home at the time. My cousins range in age from 16 to 23 and I’ve always been close to them. Benedict had an absolute ball stalking their cat, watching their dogs, exploring a new house, and playing with his cousins. The day was great for me too, and it was a great reminder to make time to play and have fun with your extended family.
Benedict has a cousin who is just two-months older than him and another cousin who was born earlier this year. Sadly, he’s only met the older one once, though hopefully soon that will change. Knowing how much fun I had growing up with my cousins, I hope that Benedict will get to have the same experience as he grows. I want him to feel connected with his cousins as they go through the stages of life together at the same time.
Family bonds are incredibly important. Families rely on one another in every sense of the word. While they may not live in close proximity, there’s usually a time or two each year where they get together. Cousins can be the siblings that your children never had. Consider Benedict and his cousin. Since Benedict and his cousin are the same age, they’ll get to share the same joys of life at the same time. They’ll both get their driver’s licenses around the same time, graduate and go off to college at the same time, and maybe even end up getting married around the same time. Sharing all of these great milestones is usually a special experience reserved for twins, but in this case, they’ll get to share them as cousins.
Cousins can often make great friends. Sharing a common family tree isn’t the only thing that binds cousins together. In fact, cousins who are close in age often share many of the same interests, which change and mature over time. Those shared interests can help solidify the friendship that goes beyond the generational relationship. As your children grow into adulthood, I hope that they’ll stay close to their cousins. It may not be a 100% success rate, but the bonds forged in childhood will hopefully blossom into lifelong friendships. Not only is this a beautiful legacy for your kids, but the journey will continue as their children grow up together.
Family is the basic support structure that any of us have. I hope that you’ll do all you can to ensure that your kids have the opportunity to connect and bond with their cousins so that they can have friends that will truly last a lifetime.
Be Neighborly
I have a terrible track record of being neighborly. In the five years since moving out on my own, I’ve really only been friendly with one neighbor. It actually makes me a bit sad because having great neighbors is one of the best parts of the communal living experience. People looking after each other, enjoying each other’s company, and sharing life together can enhance the lives of everyone involved. Perhaps I’ll find that neighborly spirit when Alison and I buy our first home in a few years. Regardless of where we live, we all need to reclaim a strong sense of community in our neighborhoods.
I have in my mind a vision of the perfect neighborhood where we welcome newcomers, help each other in time of need, water someone’s plants while they’re away on vacation, and grill in the great outdoors together. I hope that one day Alison and I will find a neighborhood where all of those things are true. It seems like these days, we’re just a little too focused on our own lives; neighbors are almost the enemy. They play their music too loud, their guests take all of the best parking spots, and they don’t keep their lawn properly maintained. We spy on one another, ignore new families and live as ships passing in the night. While this level of apathy towards our neighbors may not be true for everyone, I think it’s important for us to reconnect with one another as people. Your neighbors may not be your best friend, but you can be friendly towards one another. They have stories, passions, dreams, families, and so much more, just like you do. You can talk about more than just the weather.
Today, I want to encourage you to be a bit more neighborly. Whether you live in an apartment, townhouse, or a house in the suburbs, be more friendly to those who live around you. Share a smile or a hello. Learn your neighbor’s name and, if you’re doing things to avoid them, stop. We all want to live in a friendly, vibrant community and that type of community is only built by people engaging with people in meaningful ways.