Family Life
Know Your Story
In the not too distant past, I didn’t care much about my family’s genealogy. I knew about my parents and my grandparents, and that was sufficient for me. This viewpoint was completely the opposite of Alison’s, which espoused the joy and adventure of both learning about your history and then going to visit those places. While studying abroad, she took a few trips to European ancestral hometowns and got a small taste of what her ancestors saw and did. For whatever reason, last year, I became intensely interested in my family’s story and embarked on a family genealogy project to learn all about my family tree. I’ve concluded that by understanding your family’s story, you can better understand yourself.
We share a connectedness with our ancestors. At some point, someone in our family made the brave decision of getting on a boat and making the treacherous and uncomfortable boat trip across the Atlantic in hopes of a new and better life in the United States. Their bravery, determination, and frankly, their grit, set in motion a series of events that led to our lives here in America. We’re living where we are because of them. Their sacrifices have yielded tremendous opportunities for us. Beyond just our physical location, we may be benefiting from all sorts of legacies that they left for us, including crafts, hobbies, careers, and faith. So much about what our ancestors did is reflected in our lives, perhaps even in our names.
It can be exciting to learn even the most mundane facts about our ancestors. You can see their handwriting in documents or glean their job history from census data. You might even learn that your ancestors just 100 years ago didn’t know how to write. You might find their name on ship’s manifests or see their marriage license. This time-traveling sleuthing is an adventure in and of itself.
I was wrong when I considered there to be little value in knowing my ancestor’s story. Their story is my story. So much of me is because of them. I invite you to take some time, do some digging, and explore your own family’s history. Know your story and have pride in the sacrifice that your ancestors made so that you can be who you are, where you are, in the land of opportunity.
The Secret to Winning Your Morning
The past six months have been a time of great change in my daily routine. With Benedict now walking and the weather starting to get nice outside, everything about my routine has evolved. I’m thankful to finally be able to walk in the morning again and also that the pace of my work is picking up. All of these changes have had a significant impact on how I plan out my day, although Benedict ultimately holds a veto over the schedule. Essentially, I’ve found that getting my morning started with just the right mix of prayer, work, and family gives me the best chance of feeling satisfied when I lay my head down at night.
For me, everything comes down to the morning. If my morning doesn’t go well, or if I get distracted early on, the day is in trouble. I’ve established many times the importance and value of quality sleep. If your sleep isn’t a priority, the rest of your day will go poorly. At the same time, the earlier you wake up, the more productive hours you’ll have during the day. Engineering an early waking, not at the expense of solid sleep time, is crucial.
Your morning routine starts the night before. In the Winter, Benedict and I would do our daily walk in the afternoon when the temperatures were slightly warmer. That was a bad schedule for me, because I hate taking two showers in a day, so I’d simply push my shower to the afternoon. That meant I had to go through the entire morning work session feeling grimy from the day before. Honestly, it slowed me down. I prefer being ready for the day as early as possible so that I can be clean, dressed, and productive throughout the entire work day. It’s been my experience that being clean and properly dressed can make a huge difference in my mindset and lead to greater productivity.
Your morning needs prayer time. A good mix between 15 and 30 minutes will help to frame your day. Turning your attention back to God and growing in relationship with Him in the morning hours is another tool to keep your day on track. I vary my morning prayer time activities. Lately I’ve been reading the Gospel of Luke while during my reading time (later in the day) I’m reading a Gospel commentary. These two together make my prayer time more enriching.
If you’re up at 5:00 and your family doesn’t get moving until 6:30 or 7:00, you may find that you have time to do a little bit of work. I don’t necessarily mean work for your employer, but rather, some type of passion project. Of course, you could do some work for your job if it means you’ll get to come home earlier, but I’d much rather you do something that you’re really excited about early in the day. Quick wins will energize you and keep you moving forward throughout the day.
Lastly, when your family stirs near the end of your morning routine, have some time with them. Eat breakfast together or find some activity that you can all enjoy in the morning. Make it something that you’ll all look forward to. As your schedules diverge for the remainder of the day, it can be nice to have bookend family time, a little in the morning, and some more in the evening.
The morning is the biggest opportunity to keep your day on track and leave your to-do list checked off. Make time for prayer, work, and family, and you’ll find yourself getting further, faster.
One Trick to Love Your House More
To say that our house has a yard would be a stretch. We have a patch of land next to our house that contains nothing but weeds. Certainly there’s a wide variety of weeds, and they’re all green, but I don’t think I’ve been able to spot a single blade of grass anywhere near our house. Yet, now that we have a “yard,” I’ve been very keen to take care of the exterior appearance of our home. Earlier this Spring, Alison and I spent almost an entire day outside, trimming hedges, putting down mulch, and planting all sorts of flowers and vegetables. As a point of pride, we take care of our home’s exterior.
A house with cut grass looks really sharp. I always marvel at how good our house looks right after I’ve mowed the lawn. While growing up mowing was a chore, it’s now something that I look forward to. Granted, it takes me no more than 15 minutes to do the whole job. A well maintained lawn is fun for the kids and great for playtime. It looks good and it begs to be used. Plus, fresh cut grass smells amazing when you’re eating dinner outside.
Interestingly, keeping your lawn manicured, your bushes trimmed, and your flower beds maintained has an impact beyond just your own home and family. By taking care of your home’s exterior, you love your community. A well maintained exterior improves the look and feel of your neighborhood and shows community pride. If everyone in your neighborhood takes care of their exteriors, you can collectively increase the desirability of your neighborhood and raise home values. Now that’s a win-win!
I’ve written many times about keeping the interior of your home clean, and today I’d like to encourage you to take that same mentality to your home’s exterior. Yard work, especially in the Summer heat, can be quite unpleasant, but it always pays off. Even mowing your yard weekly can help to maintain a great exterior appearance. Weeding is a constant hassle, but it beats the unkempt alternative.
The exterior of your home has a big impact on your neighbors, and an even bigger impact on you. When you come home to a well maintained exterior and then go inside to your clean interior, you’ll have a feeling of great peace and accomplishment, and you’ll rightly call yourself “home.”
Open Wide the Doors
Over the Memorial Day Weekend, Alison and I didn’t have much going on. She had to work on Saturday and we didn’t have any plans to go anywhere or do anything on either Sunday or Monday. I was in the mood to have some people over, so we invited my parents and one of Alison’s colleagues over for a cookout. The weather was scorchingly hot, but we ended up with a delicious meal of hamburgers, chips, and key lime bars. Alison and I do occasionally entertain friends, usually about one hangout every other month. Our Memorial Day gathering reminded me that entertaining friends is a lot of fun and that we should be doing it more often.
You don’t need a reason to invite friends or family over for a meal. Certainly there are plenty of holidays and other types of special days to be observed, but it’s also cool to have a just-because hangout. You get to use your dining room table for what it was made for, which is a lot of fun. Adding people to your table is a nice change of scenery, not to mention the table facilitates great communication. In fact, I didn’t realize how nice having a dining room was until we had friends over and we gathered around our table. It was a lot of fun!
During the summer months, hanging out outside is where it’s at. Eating on the deck or having a picnic in your yard are great possibilities and a fun setting for everyone involved. These hangouts are a great way to bond, get to know each other better, and make some great memories.
Invite some friends or colleagues over to your house this weekend. Play a game, share a meal, and be a great host. It’ll be a wonderful time for everyone involved.
Plan A Sunday Adventure
While Alison and I moved to Virginia a little over a year ago, it wasn’t until a few weeks ago that we actually did some serious exploring in our town. The gorgeous weather enticed us to go on a Sunday drive. These drives have largely fallen out of favor among American families since the rise of gas prices over the past decade. We drove around and discovered a huge sports complex, some really nice housing, and discovered that our town has an unbelievable number of churches. Sunday drives are about family, adventure, and most of all, relaxation. We need to rediscover that lost art.
Driving, which should be a pleasure, has devolved into a chore. If we have to drive somewhere, we get stressed. We’re discourteous to one another on the road, we loathe any slowdowns, and frankly, we’re mean people that we’d never be in any other situation. Seriously, who gets mad at handicapped people in real life? For whatever reason, we check our empathy and courtesy at the door, literally, whenever we get behind the wheel. Sunday drives recapture the spirit of adventure, peace, and freedom that driving has always innately contained.
In the Spring and Fall, Sunday drives give us an excellent opportunity to enjoy the weather. We could be driving to look at leaves, going to a picnic, heading over to a friend’s house, or on our way to find something new that we’ve never seen before. Driving allows you to enjoy the seasons on a grander scale. You could drive to a town, a nature preserve, or a hiking path 30 minutes away and take in the scenery on your way to and from your destination.
One other really cool way to use Sunday drives is for dream time. If you’re planning on staying in your city for an extended period of time, you could drive around and look at housing. You could dream about what home you might want to buy, what address you’d like to have, and how different your life will be in X number of years. It may even help you to get motivated about achieving your financial goals so that you can afford that house when it inevitably goes on the market.
Sunday drives embody the American Spirit and encourage us to slow down and enjoy the journey. While every week may be too often, I hope that you’ll consider taking your family out for a Sunday drive at least once this month so that you can explore and dream together.
A Place for Everything
I love living in a clean house. There’s something freeing about having wide open spaces with everything in its place. We all ensure that our homes are clean before we entertain or have guests over, but in the in-between times it’s often difficult for us to keep our houses completely clear of clutter. It just seems like cleaning ends up ranking pretty low on our to do lists during the week. One strategy that I’ve found to be particularly effective for cleaning is instead of setting things down, I put them away.
Clutter starts gradually and then multiplies rapidly. This can be easily seen in the kitchen. One dish in the sink becomes four dishes, becomes 12 dishes, becomes dishes overflowing in the sink, on the counters, and everywhere else. The dishwasher can be completely empty, but if there’s one dish in the sink, it acts like a magnet. Washing off a dish and putting it in the dishwasher only takes a few seconds, and that small step can help to ensure that your sink remains empty.
That’s the main point of this strategy. A few seconds here and a few seconds there prevents us from taking several hours clearing all the messes that we’ve made. Like the kitchen sink, the dining room table seems also to quickly fall victim to clutter. In our home, the front door leads right into the dining room table, so mail, purchases, and anything else that we happen to be carrying when we walk through the door ends up on the table. Instead of setting and forgetting, we’re much better served by processing the mail, putting away purchases, and keeping the table open for eating food.
Of course, sometimes you’re really in a hurry and don’t have time to take care of something right away. The way to handle those types of situation is to have a little bit of time set aside in the evening and do a quick clean-up. Plan no more than 15 minutes to get this clean-up done and then you’ll be all set for the morning.
Taking a few extra seconds in the moment can save you a big chunk of time later. That’s not only at the heart of this cleaning strategy, but it’s a fact that we all know to be true. So do yourself a favor and put things away instead of setting them down.
Cousin Time
Earlier this Spring, I took Benedict to my aunt’s house for a play date. My aunt lives about 90 minutes away from us and three of her four children were home at the time. My cousins range in age from 16 to 23 and I’ve always been close to them. Benedict had an absolute ball stalking their cat, watching their dogs, exploring a new house, and playing with his cousins. The day was great for me too, and it was a great reminder to make time to play and have fun with your extended family.
Benedict has a cousin who is just two-months older than him and another cousin who was born earlier this year. Sadly, he’s only met the older one once, though hopefully soon that will change. Knowing how much fun I had growing up with my cousins, I hope that Benedict will get to have the same experience as he grows. I want him to feel connected with his cousins as they go through the stages of life together at the same time.
Family bonds are incredibly important. Families rely on one another in every sense of the word. While they may not live in close proximity, there’s usually a time or two each year where they get together. Cousins can be the siblings that your children never had. Consider Benedict and his cousin. Since Benedict and his cousin are the same age, they’ll get to share the same joys of life at the same time. They’ll both get their driver’s licenses around the same time, graduate and go off to college at the same time, and maybe even end up getting married around the same time. Sharing all of these great milestones is usually a special experience reserved for twins, but in this case, they’ll get to share them as cousins.
Cousins can often make great friends. Sharing a common family tree isn’t the only thing that binds cousins together. In fact, cousins who are close in age often share many of the same interests, which change and mature over time. Those shared interests can help solidify the friendship that goes beyond the generational relationship. As your children grow into adulthood, I hope that they’ll stay close to their cousins. It may not be a 100% success rate, but the bonds forged in childhood will hopefully blossom into lifelong friendships. Not only is this a beautiful legacy for your kids, but the journey will continue as their children grow up together.
Family is the basic support structure that any of us have. I hope that you’ll do all you can to ensure that your kids have the opportunity to connect and bond with their cousins so that they can have friends that will truly last a lifetime.
Be Neighborly
I have a terrible track record of being neighborly. In the five years since moving out on my own, I’ve really only been friendly with one neighbor. It actually makes me a bit sad because having great neighbors is one of the best parts of the communal living experience. People looking after each other, enjoying each other’s company, and sharing life together can enhance the lives of everyone involved. Perhaps I’ll find that neighborly spirit when Alison and I buy our first home in a few years. Regardless of where we live, we all need to reclaim a strong sense of community in our neighborhoods.
I have in my mind a vision of the perfect neighborhood where we welcome newcomers, help each other in time of need, water someone’s plants while they’re away on vacation, and grill in the great outdoors together. I hope that one day Alison and I will find a neighborhood where all of those things are true. It seems like these days, we’re just a little too focused on our own lives; neighbors are almost the enemy. They play their music too loud, their guests take all of the best parking spots, and they don’t keep their lawn properly maintained. We spy on one another, ignore new families and live as ships passing in the night. While this level of apathy towards our neighbors may not be true for everyone, I think it’s important for us to reconnect with one another as people. Your neighbors may not be your best friend, but you can be friendly towards one another. They have stories, passions, dreams, families, and so much more, just like you do. You can talk about more than just the weather.
Today, I want to encourage you to be a bit more neighborly. Whether you live in an apartment, townhouse, or a house in the suburbs, be more friendly to those who live around you. Share a smile or a hello. Learn your neighbor’s name and, if you’re doing things to avoid them, stop. We all want to live in a friendly, vibrant community and that type of community is only built by people engaging with people in meaningful ways.
Deck Life
Our townhouse has a small and very cheap deck built onto the back. It doesn’t sit very high off the ground and the wood is in terrible shape. It was built sixteen years ago and hasn’t been treated, cleaned, or stained ever. While it’s nothing fancy, it’s a decent place to hang out. This year for my birthday, my parents got me several deck items from IKEA and now it’s an amazing place to hang out at night! If you have some outdoor space at your home, dress it up a bit and enjoy these summer nights outdoors with great company.
There’s something romantic about summer nights. The sun doesn’t set until late, and the relative cool of the evening brings relief after hot days. It’s magical to be outside, listening to great music, hanging out with friends, and enjoying a beer. It’s the kind of night that’s the stuff of legend. Yet, even if you don’t have friends over, it can be awesome to just hang
out with your wife, read a book, or watch a movie under the stars.
Beautiful nights should be enjoyed as much as days. When the weather is just right, I long all day for the sun to go down so that Alison and I can go out on the deck and enjoy the night. It’s slow-paced, relaxing, and just a great atmosphere. Hanging out on the deck brings the day to a perfect close. Plus, if you can see the stars from your home, it’s really an injustice for you not to go outside and enjoy them.
When you can, bring friends out onto your deck at night. Keep it to an intimate setting, but relax and enjoy the company. Nights under the stars and lit by soft deck lighting is the perfect fluid for great conversations. Laugh, eat, drink, and enjoy life.
Whether or not you have a deck, it’s just as important to enjoy the summer nights as it is to enjoy the summer days. So grill up some food, invite some friends over, and marvel at the night sky.
Take Care of Your Home
I’ve gotten into a bad habit lately, where I ignore most of my daily to-dos for the sake of getting more work done. While it does feel good to make significant progress on writing and web design, it feels miserable living in a home that’s unkempt. I know that it’s important to clean and I know how good it feels when everything is in its place, it’s just that sometimes I let things get away from me.
Many times we underestimate the power of cleanliness. Your town likely has an ordinance requiring your lawn to be well kept, yet do we really appreciate the look of a well maintained lawn or do we mow just to avoid the fine? Occasional major cleanups are required, but regularly taking time to tend to your home’s interior and exterior can cause a huge shift in mindset and environment. Taking care of your home’s interior and exterior are important tasks.
Let’s talk about the interior. Every once in a while, your house needs a serious scrubbing. Baseboards, ceilings, laundry rooms, closets, cabinets and the like typically get glazed over during weekly or biweekly cleaning. Things can get really out of hand especially in closed spaces like closets and cabinets. Major cleaning projects should focus on all of these unloved areas. Regular cleaning should be based on the principle of putting away instead of putting down. That means that instead of the dishes going in the sink, they go in the dishwasher. Instead of the mail going on the dining room table, it’s processed, distributed, and discarded.
Living in an apartment is nice because you don’t have to worry about landscaping. Now that Alison and I are living in a townhouse, I’ve become very interested in maintaining our exterior’s appearance. Every Saturday I mow the lawn, cut back weeds, and wash the car. It’s a nice little routine and it’s made Sunday extremely relaxing. All of the work is done and our exterior looks amazing and in a word, inviting. There’s usually larger gardening and landscaping projects to be done from time to time. These larger projects should be done because it can make your house feel more like a home.
In addition to handling the major cleaning and yard work, you most likely have a honey-do list. This list gets its name from your wife asking you to do things, but there are also things that you see that need to get done. They are usually smaller jobs like fixing a window treatment, hanging something, replacing a door lock, or making some other adjustment. All of these little things need to be addressed, but they also give you quick wins. After knocking several of these items off your to-do list, you’ll feel a real sense of accomplishment.
Taking care of your home is time consuming, but it can also be a point of pride as a husband. Living in a home that’s clean and well maintained will preserve the integrity of the structure. Take the time to clean your home’s interior, take care of yard work outside, and complete items on your honey-do list.