I’ve always been interested in American history, in particular American military history. As a son of the South, I enjoy learning about the Civil War from the Southern perspective. I’m currently working my way through “Rebel Yell,” an exhaustive 550+ page biography of Thomas “Stonewall” Jackson. Jackson was a brilliant strategist and is among the greatest generals in our nation’s history. The book’s research is mainly based off of his personal letters that he sent to various family members. The fact that the book is based on so many primary sources is what makes it such a great read. Turning the pages, I’m drawn into the period and I have a much better sense of what America was like in the 1850s. I must admit, with regret, that the American family in 1850 stands in stark contrast to the American family today.

In 1850s America, children were quite useful. Although I wouldn’t call them utilitarian, large families were able to pull together, share chores, and support one another. Illness was rampant and death was common. Scores of children became orphans in rapid succession as typhoid fever, tuberculosis, dysentery, pneumonia, and many other nasty diseases ravaged families. Surviving parents, destitute, would seek remarriage and, when that failed, children were sent to live with their relatives. Despite this constant reshuffling of the family, what’s notable is that parents seldom shirked their responsibility. They did all that they could to hold their family together, and when no longer possible, made the heartbreaking decision to send children to live with relatives. There was a real support structure in place across all branches of the family.

Stonewall Jackson lived this reality. When he was just a boy, his father died. His mother remarried, but was too poor to support her children, so she sent Stonewall and his sister to her cousins. A month later, she called them back to her as she was on her deathbed. In less than two months, these kids went from a stable family to being orphans. Just reading that unfortunate chapter of his life was difficult for me as a parent.

In the last half century, the American family has been in decline. Strong support structures have given way to nominal participation among parents and a staggering rate of fatherlessness. This decline can be attributed to the sexual revolution and a disconnect between the loving martial act of sex and the transmission of new life. By untangling the act from its natural result, we have to face a slew of consequences. The unwholesome by-product of this disentanglement is that children become an unwanted burden, responsibility is shifted onto the woman, and a lot of hurt is left behind.

It should never be assumed that there was ever an idyllic time in the life of the American family. Each generation has faced its own set of obstacles, challenges, and difficulties. The difference being that in the past, the family faced these hard times with a trusted support structure. That structure has almost disappeared from the American life. The family, much like the Musketeers, is all for one and one for all. It’s a structure of service, of giving up the wants of the individual for the good of the group. This innate sense of sacrifice is only passed on when the sexual act is properly understood. When we reclaim the true meaning and beauty of sex and its natural end, only then can we start to rebuild the determined strength of the American family.