Catholic Husband

Having a good wife is a great blessing.

Not all men have good wives. Some women only care about themselves. Sadly, many men have this same problem.

A good wife, though, is worth more than one might expect. Here are a few of the benefits of having one (this list is not inclusive):

• She is a sounding board

• She can see your blind spots

• She knows how you think and can expand on your ideas

Naturally, your wife is more than an auxiliary brain. She is a whole human person. The value that she adds to your life, however, is beyond measure.

That is why whenever you embark on a major journey, task, career move, or project, you really shouldn’t go it alone. In fact, doing just that can be a detriment to your marriage.

When you work on a major project without your wife, you can leave her feeling alienated. She may have input that she would like to give. She might know of a better way of doing something. She may even have done something similar in the past and can help you avoid pitfalls.

Working on a project with your wife can actually enhance your work. With her support behind you, your success may know no bounds. Why? It is no longer just you pushing and having to drag her behind. You are both pulling, together.

Your wife is your inner circle. She is your primary support network. She can push you out of bed early in the morning. She can give you words of encouragement as you are starting to fail. She can give you wise counsel at a moment’s notice.

Don’t ignore this powerful tool in your toolbox. The support of your wife will carry you farther, faster than anything else can.

She is a gift from God. Cherish her.

In your marriage, there will be pain. This is inevitable.

There are three types of pain. Some of the pain you will have no control over. Other pain you will cause. The worst pain of all is that which is totally avoidable, but through your choices, you introduce it into your life.

The key to pain is minimizing it. You can’t choose when people you love will die, but you can choose how you treat your wife. If you spend years neglecting the gift of your wife, how much pain do you think you’ll go through when you try to re-engage and she has emotionally checked out?

I want to focus on the third type of pain, that which can be prevented The third type is the worst, by far. The pain comes primarily from the knowledge that you don’t have to go through it, that you could have made different choices and avoided the hurt.

Well, the easiest example is debt. You chose to borrow money you didn’t have (to impress people you don’t like), and at some point, the money has to be repaid. Your choice, your consequence-there will be pain. Oh, there will be pain.

How do you deal with it?

You will have to make choices that you don’t want to. You will have to sell something you love, stop doing something you like, or work harder than you ever have before.

Yet, even here, pain offers you a rose. If you and your wife can join together in choosing which pain you prefer, you can find strength.

It will still be hard and it will still hurt. But you won’t be facing it alone.

Do good. Avoid pain. When you do find it, make sure you are on the right side of it. Which side is the right side? The one that puts you and your wife on the same team.

The old saying goes, “The family that prays together, stays together.”

Sadly, today many families don’t pray together at all.

As men, we are called to be the head of the household, the head of our domestic church. Many men don’t pray with their families because our intentions reveal our inner vulnerability.

We cannot abdicate our role as spiritual head of our family.

This is what separates the boys from the men. Men show strength through vulnerability. Boys peacock.

If you already don’t pray with your family, today’s a great day to start.

In this past Christmas Season, I had been reading some of the writings of Archbishop Chaput. In one of his works, he discussed meeting a young woman who was seeking a husband who wasn’t loyal, but was faithful.

There is an important distinction between the two. In fact, this young woman was on to something. In the pastoral constitution on the Church in the modern wold of the Second Vatican Council, Gaudium et Spes, the Church addresses this topic in number 48. The Council Fathers write, in part, “This intimate union in the mutual self-giving of two persons, as well as the good of the children, demands full fidelity from both, and an indissoluble unity between them.”

Loyalty is a great thing. In fact, loyalty can make a great business or personal relationship. Yet, it is quite ordinary. It is so ordinary, in fact, that even a dog can do it.

Marriage requires something even greater than “acceptable.”

Fidelity is absolute. There is no “mostly faithful” or “kinda faithful.” You are either faithful or you aren’t. The pure love that marriage nurtures cannot exist with absolute fidelity. Who wants a fair weather friend? Worse, a fair weather spouse. The self giving love of marriage does not permit degrees of fidelity, it must be complete in order to survive.

Loyalties can change (or be bought), fidelity is permanent.