Catholic Husband

We spend too much time trying to fix our spouse.

When we have marriage problems, we’re the first to blame the other person. It’s normal. But, when we do, we overlook something quite obvious.

We’re probably the problem.

The good news is, we’re a problem that we can fix. The time for personal makeovers isn’t just at New Years. In fact, by seeking daily renewal, we can significantly improve how our spouse’s actions appear to us.

The problem is sin.

We weren’t the first to sin, but we sure are good at it! We fall into every little trap. It’s so bad that sometimes we go looking for sin!

The problem with sin is that it doesn’t just affect us. It affects the Body of Christ. It affects our spouse in a particular way. 

Sin weakens charity. What does that mean? It gets in the way of our relationship with God, Who is Love. The further we get from God, the harder it is to not sin. The only way to get rid of sin is to understand it.

Many people wake up on New Years Day and resolve to lose 20 pounds. Two weeks later, they’re destroying row after row of Thin Mints. Why did they fail? Lack of willpower? Maybe. Lack of understanding. Definitely.

You have to understand why you are falling into a particular sin. You need to study the sin and your habits surrounding it. What makes you commit that sin more often? What causes you to move past the point of no return?

Once you understand why you sin, you can understand how to navigate around it. If you are constantly eating gluttonously, maybe you need to learn about techniques for portion control. Or perhaps you could avoid eating out in restaurants.

Another great way to identify where you are weak is through a daily examination of conscience. It’s basically a daily recap of where you went wrong. There are plenty of guides and pamphlets out there.

A daily examination of conscience helps you focus in on your failings and understand better where you need to work.

In our world, being a success is everything. You must try your hardest and win! I’ve got a better idea for today.

Let’s try to fail at sinning.

GK Chesterton once said, “Anything worth doing is worth failing at.”

He wasn’t suggesting that we strive to do things poorly. He was saying that if a task is worth doing, then it is worth taking the risk of getting it wrong.

He was warning against perfectionism.

Striving for perfection is ok, but being a perfectionist to the detriment of the task is not.

What am I even talking about?

Being a husband is a daunting task. Your wife depends on you to lead, love, pray and grow. That is a tall order for us as men, especially with all of our flaws. We may let ourselves believe the lie that if we can’t be the perfect husband, we shouldn’t get married at all.

That is wrong. It’s wrong because this whole life is a learning experiment! Sure, we have guides and teachers to help us along the way (parents and other role models), but even the best guide knows that if the student doesn’t fail on their own, they will never be successful.

The enemy of starting something is perfection.

God doesn’t call us to be perfect, He calls us to strive for perfection.

Your wife doesn’t expect you to be perfect. She does expect that you would actually give your best effort and not mail it in.

Don’t be afraid of your faults and weaknesses. Embrace them, work through them, and then use your experience to help someone else.

Of all the virtues in the human race, today, contentment seems the furtherest off. We are consumers and that is what we do. We consume things. We consume people. A lack of contentment is a society illness.

The thing about contentment is that it runs with happiness. You cannot find a person who is both content and unhappy. Contentment leads to a natural peace, a serenity.

But what is it?

Contentment is being satisfied with what you have. It is a lack of want. Not a lack of desire or passion, but a spiritual recognition that you have the right things for where you are right now.

If you chose your spouse correctly, you should have a degree of contentment. You didn’t settle, you chose the right mate for life. Members of the opposite sex didn’t suddenly become unattractive to you. They still have natural beauty. But they do not have the things in life that you need. Your wife is attractive, there’s no doubt. But she also has a personality that mirrors yours. She has the knowledge of you to call you on to holiness and correct your wrongs. The compatibility between you cannot be matched.

This is just the beginning on contentment.

When I challenge you to be content, I’m asking you to move away from a consumer mentality. I’m asking you to consider that the things you have, the people in your life, and your personality are the right tools that you need, today, to build the Kingdom of God.

We have a lot on our plates.

We balance work, family life, and leisure activities.

It sounds simple enough, but it’s really not.

One of the easiest ways to include more things into our daily lives is to get up earlier. If we are up before work, we can get a lot more done in our day. We can take care of the things we need to in our day (exercise, reading, etc) before the workday begins.

When you really think about it, you give half of your day to work and half of it is for you to keep. Sure, the 8 hours for you is really broken up into smaller pieces so it may not seem that way, but that’s how the math works out.

What we need to do, to reach the next level in our relationship, is to permeate our entire waking day with prayer. Our day needs to have that rhythm to it.

Prayer is something that we plan to do, yet it gets skipped over. If we oversleep, we choose to skip prayer over skipping our shower or breakfast. Those are valid activities, but we lose a chance to refocus ourselves on what is really important in life.

Maybe missing that time can be enough to get us to get out of bed a little earlier.

Whatever your schedule, prayer needs to be the cornerstone. We need to take time to orient ourselves back to the source of life.