Catholic Husband

The end of today tees up the beginning of tomorrow. The things that you do in the evening can have a direct effect on how well tomorrow goes. The key to this whole system is a solid evening routine.

I’m a very process-driven person. I keep a running to do list, I keep my eye on the big picture, and I love to automate systems. if there is a way I can turn a project into a system, I’ll do it. One of the things that I’ve found is that if I establish a routine, I can guarantee a high success rate on my daily task list. It’s because I take the time to budget my time that I keep myself from wasting too much of it.

I’ve found a solid evening routine to be my best weapon in starting tomorrow off on the right foot.

Evening routines (or rituals) can be very helpful, not just on a practical level.

• It can give you a more natural, restful, and refreshing sleep. Your brain is one smart computer. It notices trends and tries to adapt to better meet your needs. If you do the same series of events each evening, your brain will learn that those tasks are sleep cues and will eventually start to put itself to sleep.

• It sets up tomorrow for a great start. You can plan things into your evening routine that will help your lazy morning self. If you wake up early to exercise, by laying out your exercise clothes, you can rob sleepy you of an excuse. You could also get the coffee ready or lay out your suit. The fewer decisions you have to make in the morning, the more productive your day will be.

• It closes out today with finality. Today is over at midnight. An evening routine can help you do the things you need to close out the day with. It could be cleaning the kitchen, refilling your water pitcher, or shutting down your computer.

My routine changes about once a season. It’s not usually a major change, just enough to meet the activities of the season. Yours will be different, but this might be a nice primer.

I start at 9:00pm. I want to be in bed by 10:10pm so I can wake up at 4:50am for my daily exercise. So, when the clock strikes 9, I do these things:

• Oral hygiene. I brush and floss my teeth. Simple.

• Prayer time. I made it a goal in 2014 to be more structured in my prayer. Each Quarter, I change the prayer activity in this time slot. Right now I’m reading a chapter in the Bible. I started with Sirach.

• Turn down bed. It’s very refreshing in hotel’s when you come in late and the bed is ready for you. I clear the top of the bed and turn down the comforter.

• Choose outfits for tomorrow. I have roughly four outfits I wear in a given day. My pajamas, my workout clothes, clothes that I wear during the day around the house, and work clothes. I lay them out in strategic places so they are where they need to be when I need them.

• Buffer time. At this point, It’s usually about 9:30pm. I spend the last half hour on whatever Alison needs. It may be hanging out, reading, holding/feeding Benedict, or just chatting. This is margin time for her.

At 10:00pm, we’re giving Benedict his evening snack and then it’s off to bed.

Your evening routine may be completely different. No matter what activities you do, you should ask yourself this simple question: what things do I need to do tonight that will set me up for success tomorrow?

My favorite boss had a saying that has stuck with me. “It’s never too late to do the right thing.” As men, we struggle. We have mistakes that we make every day. Yet, each new day gives us the chance to do things right again.

If you’re like me, you have some chores around your house that you avoid. It’s not that I don’t want to do them, it’s that I don’t know how. For example, I cannot fold Alison’s shirts to save my life, or even iron my own shirts. In those cases, I usually let Alison take the lead. But should I let that weakness hang around for the next 60 years? Or should I learn and get better?

It’s critical for us to learn something new each day. We know what our weaknesses are, so why don’t we work on them? There’s several reasons to be better each day.

• We can better serve our wife. Going back to the laundry example, I can better serve Alison if I finally take the time to learn how she likes her shirts folded. If there is a chore that I can take off of her plate, I can be a better husband to her.

• We don’t have to make yesterday’s mistakes again. Mistakes are wasted if we don’t learn their lessons. One of the lies of sin is that you’ll never get it right. No matter how hard you try, you’ll just fall back into the same habit. But that’s just it. It’s a lie. We have the ability to choose to not make the same mistakes over and over. But it’s a choice.

• We can refine our skills. Chores aren’t so bad if we know what we’re doing. If we can take the stress of ignorance out of the situation, we can let it be a labor of love. Who wouldn’t want that?

If we go to bed the same man that we woke up as, then shame on us. Always keep pushing, keep seizing the day!

Our appetite for adventure in life is constantly growing. Once we achieve a new height, we look for the next challenge. It’s natural to seek this progression, but it can cause us to miss some wonderful life experiences. We end up focusing on weeks and months while missing days and minutes. One of those things that can be a joy that is often overlooked is grocery shopping.

When I was living on my own after college, my grocery shopping plan was very simple. I’d wake up early on Saturday morning and I’d be at the store by 7:30am. I’d be in and out quick because there was no one there. My menu was much more bland then. I’d just focus on the things on my list and nothing else. I’ve found that shopping with Alison is a much broader experience. We aren’t there just to grab the things on our list, we’re there to explore.

Shopping for groceries seems to be mundane. It’s something that we must do once a week or more. It feels like a chore because perhaps it used to be one. It’s not going out and spending your hard earned money to purchase toys, it’s something we have to do. Perhaps the worst part is actually getting them home. We have to take all of those bags inside and then put everything away. What a drag!

Grocery shopping doesn’t have to be something you dread. When you pull back the curtain, you might actually find some benefits of this ritual.

• Grocery shopping is an opportunity for awesome quality time. When you go shopping with your wife, you get to spend a significant period of time together in a new setting. Sure, you have time together to talk at home. Shopping is a new environment. Your conversations are different. It’s almost a new experience. Alison and I so enjoy shopping together that if one of us is working on the weekend and the other has to go alone, it’s a disappointment.

• Spending money together is fun. Spending money is fun. After working hard and toiling in the fields, to be able to take that money and buy goods and services feels good. Now add your wife into the mix and it gets even better. This is truly harvesting the fruits of your labors.

• Seeing new ingredients opens up new menu options. When I was a single man, my menu was bland. I under budgeted for food and was eating $1.00 frozen dinners. Yuck. Now that I’ve got Alison, the menu is much more fun. As we shop together, we find new ingredients that inspire creativity. Maybe one week we’ll pick up some extra produce or see something for the next week. If I was doing my tactical grocery shopping, I’d only have eyes for things on my list. Now we’re expanding the scope of our trip to look into the possibilities for the future.

Life is short. Life is busy. Don’t pass on any opportunities to spend time with your wife.

Managing family life is a challenge. With family members running in all different directions, getting everyone together can require some real effort. A great time to get everyone together is around the dinner table.

Growing up, my family would always eat dinner together. Since my dad was in the military, that usually meant that he’d be home pretty late. Still, we waited, and then we ate. Of course, there was jostling over who had which dinner-related chores, but it was always a time for us all to be together.

Studies relate positive outcomes with families eating together. Children have higher self esteem and better performance in school because they feel valued. When you share a meal together at the end of the day, you get to share what happened in your own life, and learn about the events of other people’s lives. After spending a whole day apart, you get to catch up on all of the latest news. You learn what happened at work, what happened at school, and how things are going with the extended family.

What can make this an even more powerful experience is if it’s uninterrupted. For example, we would never answer the phone during the dinner hour. Today, that would be much more of a challenge with cell phones. By intentionally turning off all of your devices, you can just focus on the family.

Another key benefit to eating dinner at the table is a daily “re-introduction.” Have you ever heard a divorced person say that one day they woke up and didn’t recognize the person next to them? That kind of experience is the result of a gradual slide, not a sudden shift. When you eat together and share daily, taking the time to disconnect from the world, you get to learn new things about each other.

We’re busy. We’ve got a lot going on. Take the time to sit down at the dinner table at the end of the day and share a meal and your life.