Catholic Husband

Our appetite for adventure in life is constantly growing. Once we achieve a new height, we look for the next challenge. It’s natural to seek this progression, but it can cause us to miss some wonderful life experiences. We end up focusing on weeks and months while missing days and minutes. One of those things that can be a joy that is often overlooked is grocery shopping.

When I was living on my own after college, my grocery shopping plan was very simple. I’d wake up early on Saturday morning and I’d be at the store by 7:30am. I’d be in and out quick because there was no one there. My menu was much more bland then. I’d just focus on the things on my list and nothing else. I’ve found that shopping with Alison is a much broader experience. We aren’t there just to grab the things on our list, we’re there to explore.

Shopping for groceries seems to be mundane. It’s something that we must do once a week or more. It feels like a chore because perhaps it used to be one. It’s not going out and spending your hard earned money to purchase toys, it’s something we have to do. Perhaps the worst part is actually getting them home. We have to take all of those bags inside and then put everything away. What a drag!

Grocery shopping doesn’t have to be something you dread. When you pull back the curtain, you might actually find some benefits of this ritual.

• Grocery shopping is an opportunity for awesome quality time. When you go shopping with your wife, you get to spend a significant period of time together in a new setting. Sure, you have time together to talk at home. Shopping is a new environment. Your conversations are different. It’s almost a new experience. Alison and I so enjoy shopping together that if one of us is working on the weekend and the other has to go alone, it’s a disappointment.

• Spending money together is fun. Spending money is fun. After working hard and toiling in the fields, to be able to take that money and buy goods and services feels good. Now add your wife into the mix and it gets even better. This is truly harvesting the fruits of your labors.

• Seeing new ingredients opens up new menu options. When I was a single man, my menu was bland. I under budgeted for food and was eating $1.00 frozen dinners. Yuck. Now that I’ve got Alison, the menu is much more fun. As we shop together, we find new ingredients that inspire creativity. Maybe one week we’ll pick up some extra produce or see something for the next week. If I was doing my tactical grocery shopping, I’d only have eyes for things on my list. Now we’re expanding the scope of our trip to look into the possibilities for the future.

Life is short. Life is busy. Don’t pass on any opportunities to spend time with your wife.

Managing family life is a challenge. With family members running in all different directions, getting everyone together can require some real effort. A great time to get everyone together is around the dinner table.

Growing up, my family would always eat dinner together. Since my dad was in the military, that usually meant that he’d be home pretty late. Still, we waited, and then we ate. Of course, there was jostling over who had which dinner-related chores, but it was always a time for us all to be together.

Studies relate positive outcomes with families eating together. Children have higher self esteem and better performance in school because they feel valued. When you share a meal together at the end of the day, you get to share what happened in your own life, and learn about the events of other people’s lives. After spending a whole day apart, you get to catch up on all of the latest news. You learn what happened at work, what happened at school, and how things are going with the extended family.

What can make this an even more powerful experience is if it’s uninterrupted. For example, we would never answer the phone during the dinner hour. Today, that would be much more of a challenge with cell phones. By intentionally turning off all of your devices, you can just focus on the family.

Another key benefit to eating dinner at the table is a daily “re-introduction.” Have you ever heard a divorced person say that one day they woke up and didn’t recognize the person next to them? That kind of experience is the result of a gradual slide, not a sudden shift. When you eat together and share daily, taking the time to disconnect from the world, you get to learn new things about each other.

We’re busy. We’ve got a lot going on. Take the time to sit down at the dinner table at the end of the day and share a meal and your life.

Dreaming is a wonderful thing. In dreams, you can release the physical limitations of the current world and imagine what it would be like to overcome them. Dreams are a not just an escape, they’re a path to the future. As a married person, your dreams have to apply to two people. If your wife isn’t with you in your dream, then you face an uphill battle.

One of my dreams is this blog. I wanted to share my life’s experience with you in the hopes that I could add value to your life. Most dreams require lots of time and energy. In order for me to keep the Catholic Husband blog going, I have to be disciplined enough to be writing articles daily. Beyond the writing, there is the brainstorming, planning, and editing. I wouldn’t be able to do anything without Alison’s support.

Having your wife on board with your dream and your vision can supercharge your project. You now have the advantage of two different perspectives. You have support. You have doubled your resources. You wife can also be a huge help. For example, Alison recently started sharing article links on her Facebook page. I didn’t ask her to, she just wanted to help expand the message to her network.

Having your wife on board with you will add three distinct benefits to your dream.

• It will carry you further. If your dream is time consuming and your wife doesn’t support it, you’ll have lots of conflict. She’ll be upset that you aren’t spending time with her or with your family. But if she supports your dream, she’ll be able to give insights and suggestions that will expand your reach and your success.

• It will give you new ideas. Gender differences are a wonderful thing. Sometimes I’ll have an idea with an article or a product and Alison will have a completely different one. Not only do I now have two options, I’ve found that Alison’s idea will get me thinking even deeper. Most times, her idea had never occurred to me. This is another way in which she supports me.

• You’ll be protected from delusion. When you have a dream, you tend to get very attached to it. It’s your baby and heaven help us if someone calls your baby ugly. We can pigeon hole ourselves into doing something only one way. Your wife, if she supports your dream, will challenge your goals and process. She’ll challenge you to help you grow and improve. She’ll also be able to tell you when something really isn’t working. She has the depth of relationship with you to tell you the hard truths. She’ll keep you from making a fool of yourself.

If your wife is not supportive of your dream, it may be a sign that you’re working on the wrong one. She can be your greatest asset or your number one enemy. Trust her.

In our daily lives, there are natural barriers that often interfere with our goals. They are things that easily prevent us from doing the things we need to do in order to be successful.

I used to weigh about 170 lbs. I was slightly overweight according to my BMI, but it was a weight that I felt was healthy enough. A few months after graduating from college I hopped on the scale and the cold, hard truth hit me. 197 lbs. Whoa. How did I get this far? Well, as a bachelor, it’s easy. No exercise and eating without discrimination. I decided that wasn’t how I wanted to live, so I changed the game. I got a fitness tracker, started learning about nutrition, and began exercising. It wasn’t always easy and there were natural barriers that I had to overcome, but I knew it was worth the cost.

If you’re trying to be more productive in the morning, your natural barrier is going to be your wake up time. Your body is used to waking up at a certain time and doesn’t take kindly to your newly set alarm. It’s not that your body won’t adjust, it’s that your mind has to tell it that this is something you really want.

If you want to lose weight, that dang Krispy Kreme on your way to work is going to be your enemy. It will stare at you every morning, the “Hot Doughnuts Now” sign is a siren’s call luring you towards the rocks. The snack aisle at the grocery store will be your enemy. The availability of all those things that taste so good and are so bad for you will be your natural barrier.

If you’re looking to accomplish more things in your day, your schedule is going to be the natural barrier. It’s a time-based geometry project in which you have to fit all of the pieces.

Why are natural barriers so hard to overcome? Because they are keeping you from the biggest payoffs. Anytime something can dramatically improve your life, it will hide behind discipline and hard work. The best fruits in life are not for the lazy and unmotivated, they’re for the disciplined. The best things in life are reserved for those who will really work for them. Everyone has the capacity to work for and achieve them, but not everyone wants it that badly.

Every challenge is an opportunity. Each time you face resistance in your quest for change, you’ll find an opportunity. Maybe it will be the opportunity to learn more about yourself or an opportunity to get a small win that will build momentum. Growth comes from adversity. Growth comes from beating the odds. Growth comes from doing something you never thought was possible.

There are precious few people who are motivated enough to break through natural barriers. For those who do, there awaits a horizon of possibilities.

Shared experiences are a powerful force in our world. There are defining events across regions and nations that give people a bond. For example, most Americans will all remember what it was like during the Arctic Blast of 2014. These types of shared experiences are so important in your married life.

As men, we’re faced with a lot of demands on our time. We want to spend time with our wife and our family, but we also have responsibilities to our work, our social organizations, and even ourselves. I’ve written recently about goals and time management as a way to address this delicate balancing act that we take on. Yet, despite these demands, it doesn’t relieve us of our primary responsibility to our wives. We must work to spend quality time together and have shared experiences with her.

A shared experience with your wife can be as simple as a night in watching a movie, or as complex as a road trip. It may or may not involve your children. An investment in time with your wife to have these shared experiences can produce many benefits for your marriage.

• It gives you a common language. Nothing is better than being with a friend and making the perfect movie reference at the right time. It makes a moment richer and deepens your bonds. Multiply that relational effect by 10, and that’s the result you’ll have with your wife. By being able to communicate in a more unique way about things you have shared, you will draw closer to one another.

• It reaffirms her value. Time is perhaps the most expensive investment we can make in something. By giving your valuable time to your wife, you’ll show her in a concrete way that she is a valuable part of your life.

• It gives another opportunity for communication. Communication within your marriage is probably quite utilitarian. You share information about menu plans, schedules, and household tasks that must be accomplished. When you take yourselves outside of the normal setting, you allow for different types of communication to take place. This is where you both share your hopes and dreams.

You can never go wrong spending time with your wife. By taking the time to have different, unique shared experiences, you allow for a greater organic growth to take place in your marriage.