Catholic Husband

I’m about to embark on a new adventure and I’m both scared and excited at the same time.

At the end of April, I left my job. I’ve started working full time at ChetComm, a company that I started in 2007, spending my time working on both Catholic Husband and developing an iOS app. It also means that when Alison starts her work at the hospital, I’ll be a stay-at-home parent.

We’ve been working for a few weeks on getting Benedict and I’s schedule down. I have a solid plan that allows me to keep the household in order and log 3 hours working on ChetComm projects during his naps. The thing that I’m most scared of is keeping Benedict entertained.

As Benedict keeps growing, he’s becoming more and more interactive. It’s a lot of fun, not only to see him to develop, but to be building a relationship with him. He certainly recognizes Alison and I and he’s now responding to us. I know that over the next 3 years he’s going to make huge leaps and bounds. So how will I keep him meaningfully engaged?

I’m at least thankful that I do have time and his needs will only increase gradually. That’ll give me enough time to plan and adjust.

In the end, I think it comes down to serious time management discipline. I need to balance spending high quality time with Benedict, while being disciplined during his naps to grow my writing skills and my business. I want to help people, I want to help them be better prepared for marriage, and I want to help them live their marriage more fully. I want to help you! That won’t happen if I don’t continue to work every day on Catholic Husband.

I’m excited for our family’s many new adventures, perhaps most of all this one as a full-time Dad and full-time writer. New roles in our lives can be scary, so we need to take them in stride.

We’re called to be selfless in this culture of selfishness.

Last Fall, as Alison and I were preparing for the arrival of Benedict, I spent a few days on a business trip on Mackinac Island. Mackinac is a fabulous summer vacation for Michiganders that’s accessible only by boat or plane. There aren’t any cars allowed (except for a few emergency vehicles) and everything is moved around by horses. It’s an old-timey town with a lot of charm and history.

Alison and I were planning a trip up to Mackinac Island this summer and were considering leaving Benedict with her parents so that we could have some alone time to strengthen our marriage. While walking around on the island last fall, it hit me. Why would I not want to share this with Benedict?

It can be very easy to keep our best for ourselves, but what’s the point? Life and love are experienced at their fullest when we give them all away. Look at Christ’s perfect example. He made all things new by refusing to withhold even His own life from us.

Give away your very best. There’s no reason to be selfish!

From your wife, from your children… withhold nothing!

It happens twice a year. Every Christmas and every Easter, without fail, our parishes are full of strangers. They fill our seats, they park in our spots, and some are even still using the old translation of the Mass.

I’m not a perfect person. I get frustrated on Easter Sunday and Christmas with the influx of people. I’m not mad that they’re at Mass or about where they park or even where they stick. I’m frustrated that their body language screams that they don’t want to be there and it’s incredibly distracting. What really struck me this Easter was the number of fathers whose body language was telling me that they didn’t want to be there. What made a bigger impression was watching their children take cues from this negative body language.

Parents who take their children to Mass occasionally send a mixed message about what’s important. More is caught than taught. It can be confusing to a child, why they’re going to church some Sundays, but not others. An even bigger challenge is how your children see you act at Mass.

This issue isn’t just one for Catholics who come and go. All of us fathers need to watch how we act at Mass. Our body language is telling our kids something. If we’re too casual, our kids won’t understand the gravity and awe of the Mass. If we’re too frigid, we might not communicate the inner joy that we’re experiencing.

The key to our Mass behavior is to be respectful. We want to participate actively in the Mass and we want to show our children that we both believe in what we’re doing and that we want to be there. We want our children to feel comfortable and refreshed at Mass.

Our non-verbal body language will teach our children a lot about our attitudes towards our faith. Let’s make sure they’re getting the right message.

Does teaching your child about the mystery and gift of their human sexuality really have to be an awkward conversation? The “Birds and the Bees” is the standard parental sex education talk, but is a one-time drive really the best approach? The talk is weird, it’s awkward, and both of you just want to get it over with.

We’re doing it wrong.

Before six months ago, I didn’t know anything about kids. As the youngest of 3 children, I’ve never really been around small kids. So when Alison and I were preparing for the birth of Benedict, I, like most new dads, spent a lot of time thinking about the person that I want Benedict to become and how I can best help him get there. In fact, I still do it daily.

Benedict, as a human person, has many components. I’ll spend a lot of time helping him develop social skills, grow his intellect, and control his emotions. In order to help him develop as a person, I’ll need to help him understand and master his sexuality.

As a parent, it’s my job to shepherd him. If I choose to ignore a dynamic of his personhood because of my own discomfort or insecurity, then I’m doing him a disservice.

But does his sexual education really need to be awkward?

The scary thing for parents is that our kids are learning things much earlier than we think. The innocence of childhood is stolen by media and even inadvertently by other kids. We certainly should be sad that our kids are growing up before they should have to, but it also means that we need to go on the offensive. Our children need to learn Truth from us before they learn a lie from someone else.

Our children need us to teach them about their sexuality. They need to learn from us about the feelings and changes that will happen and are happening in their bodies. They need to learn that only when they master their sexuality can they love fully. They need to learn that their sexuality is something that they need to work with, not against.

I’m calling for the death of “The Talk.” Our sexuality deserves more than one 30 minute conversation on a Saturday afternoon. Sexual education needs to be discussed regularly. It should be personalized for each child, unique to their growth, intellectual capacity, and curiosity.

At a young age, we should teach our children about God’s love for us. Later, we need to talk about how parents share in that Divine Love and how our creative powers bring forth children. When the time comes, we need to talk about how our physical bodies and our minds were made for powerful, creative, self-giving love. Our kids need to know how to master their sexuality so that it’s a harmonious presence in their lives, not a distracting presence riddled with temptation.

Essentially, we should walk them through their sexuality in baby steps, always keeping sexuality in reference to it’s reflection of God’s great love for the world. Be open to questions and give appropriate answers. Always be truthful and as accurate as you can be.

By properly educating our children about the true nature of their sexuality and the role it should play in their lives, we can achieve three goals. First, we can avoid a singular awkward conversation. Second, we can help them to live balanced lives. Lastly, we can change the culture. We can show our children that sex and children are something to be embraced and celebrated, in the appropriate context.