Holy Baby Steps
When we’re ready to change our lives, we want it to happen fast. We want to lose the weight, today. We want an answer to our dispute, now. We want to be the best father to our children, instantly. The problem with the demand for the instant is that it doesn’t last.
By now you know that I’m a productivity nut. I love to schedule my day out, I love to find more efficient ways of doing things, and I love finding and implementing new tools.
It used to be that I would find a new strategy, implement it the next day, and a week or so later, I’d be back in my old ways. I would like the feeling of trying something new and getting a productivity bump, but I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t sustain it.
The problem was my perspective. I was expecting to solve a long-term problem in the short-term. Addicts don’t transform their lives in one instant after years of addiction. We shouldn’t expect any better results.
The person you are today, for better or for worse, is the culmination of years of decisions. If you’re living life right, that didn’t happen because you made one right choice. You made a series of smaller decisions and used discipline over time.
In the spiritual life, the same axiom is true. Conversion doesn’t happen over night, it happens over time.
Conversion doesn’t happen in one major decision, it happens in dozens of smaller, seemingly insignificant, daily choices. The trick is to take advantage of these daily opportunities. Hundreds of small steps equals one giant leap.
The most important trick to taking holy baby steps is to avoid getting discouraged. Discouragement means having a lack of hope, and hope is trust placed in God’s promise of salvation. So when we get discouraged, we doubt God’s Word. Ouch. You’ll make great strides forward and you’ll have magnificent failures. The trick is to immediately push forward.
So, if you want to pray daily, start small. If you want to cut out one of the deadly sins in your life, start attacking the roots.
By staying dedicated and intentional, you can accomplish any goal you set out to achieve in the spiritual life.
My First Eucharistic Procession
Sharing our faith boldly with those around us can be challenging. You can’t just be chillin by the coffee pot on Monday morning and lead with, “Hey, how was your weekend? I encountered the Risen Christ through the Holy Sacrament of the Altar and now I’m a living tabernacle."
Last Sunday, we celebrated the Feast of the Body and Blood of Christ, more commonly known as Corpus Christi Sunday. An ancient tradition that is starting to find resurgence in the United States is that of having a public Eucharistic procession.
Alison and I have found ourselves in an amazing and vibrant Parish community. Our parish had a procession on Sunday evening. It was magnificent. I’d say there were about 500 people there, walking through the streets, following the Blessed Sacrament. Along with the parishioners, there were about 10 priests. We processed from the Parish three blocks to the town square, had a brief exposition, and then processed back.
We live in a country that allows us to make such public displays of our faith. Yet, we still tend to shy away from opportunities to share our faith with people. We have a perception that people won’t want to hear about it, that they’ll be turned off, or will make unfair conclusions about us.
The silly thing is that we rely on our friends for recommendations all the time. When you go to a great restaurant, you tell people. When a movie stinks, you spread the word. When you read a good book, you let your friends know. Evangelization is just that. We’ve had an experience that has transformed our lives for the better, and we want other people to experience the profound joy that we’ve found.
There were many people who were probably confused by our Procession. There were probably some who thought we were nuts. How people react or receive our message is not what’s important. What is important is that they have the right to share in the joy of the Sacramental life, and we have the duty to share it with them.
You don’t have to know everything about our Faith to share it with others. You don’t have to be able to answer all of their questions. All you have to do is share how the life of the Church has made your life that much better.
Working in Your Strengths
Lifelong marriage can at times be a challenging relationship. In fact, your marriage will be the most complex and intricate relationship that you’ll manage. You are closer to your wife than you even were with your parents.
As a part of this relationship, there are a great number of potential stressors that can damage the marital bond. There’s an easy way to eliminate as many of these stressors as possible: work only in your strengths.
I hate hanging pictures. No matter how much I try, I have the hardest time getting everything just right. I’m too impatient to measure the distance between the hanger and the top of the frame, and even if I did, I’d still mess it up. So anytime Alison and I go to hang things on the wall, she knows to brace herself for a very frustrated husband.
Turns out, not only is Alison good at hanging pictures, she enjoys it! So when it came time to hang both pictures and shelves in our new home, we worked out a system. I’d do the drilling and hammering, and she’d do the measuring. We work really well together and got everything up with almost no frustration.
You and your wife are perfectly matched, and nothing will show this truth more than when you relieve each other’s burdens. When you find that an activity that drives you crazy is something your wife enjoys doing, then you know you’ve really done things right.
Not only does this division of labor lower stress, you each get to do things that you really enjoy. If you hate to wash the car and your wife loves it, let her wash the car! If you’re skilled at hemming curtains or are a machine when it comes to clothing repair, have at it!
Your marriage isn’t about fulfilling supposed societal norms. Your marriage is about you and your wife, working together, as a team, for the greater good of your family.
You’ll never lower your stress level or open new channels of communication with your wife unless you both agree to work in your strengths.
Stop Treating Mass like A Drive-Thru
Our lives are busy. We have work, family obligations, and personal goals that we’re trying to balance. With this time overload, we look for ways to be more efficient and corners to cut. Unfortunately, sometimes during this schedule review, we try to find ways to cut our time at Mass short.
As Alison and I were moving last month, we ended up visiting a parish in Pittsburgh for Mass. Benedict was getting pretty fussy, so I took him into the back of the Church. As we stood back there, I watched a steady stream of people go up for Communion, and then walk right out the door.
Mass isn’t a drive-thru.
In a way, some Catholics treat Mass like McDonald’s. They show up at their leisure, get what they came for (Communion), and then leave immediately. The problem with this approach is that it cheats you of the fullness of the Mass. When you leave Mass early, you’re making four big mistakes.
• You miss the chance to spend quiet time with Jesus physically in you. The Eucharist is unlike anything we experience in our daily lives. It’s literally a miracle each time the bread and wine are transubstantiated. So when you “Grab and Go” with Jesus, you ignore the reality of what you are taking part in.
• All parts of the Mass are important. You’ve got to hand it to the Bishops… they crafted a liturgy that feeds you physically, emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually AND made it all happen in 60 minutes or less. That’s a lot to do in one golden hour. It kind of makes you think that there were a lot of things they cut from the liturgy. So if we’re able to do all of those things in the time it takes to develop photos, that must mean that they only kept the things that were absolutely critical.
• You have a Mass “hanging chad.” How many conversations have you walked away from in the middle of? How many awesome dreams have you had where you wake up just at things were getting good? When you leave Mass early, you miss the closing prayer and song. When you leave immediately after Communion, you basically were having a conversation with someone and then abruptly walked away.
• It’s disrespectful. The priest stands in the place of Christ. Leaving before him is akin to leaving a wedding before the bride and groom do. Give me a break.
The most ridiculous thing about this whole discussion is we’re talking about 10 extra minutes, at most. Traffic really isn’t that bad, and when you’ve been somewhere for 50 minutes, 10 more isn’t a big deal.
Don’t be a punk. Stay at Mass until the very end and enjoy the fullness that it has to offer.
Care for the Sick
As a part of your wedding vows, you promised to care for your wife “in sickness and in health."
Taking care of your wife when she’s sick is one of the noblest things we can do in the married life. It takes both small acts of love and big ones. You have to step outside of the grossness or discomfort you may feel in order to take care of her.
All of these acts, no matter the size, make her life easier. She has less to worry about and can focus on just getting better.
So whether it’s as simple as making an extra trip to grab some Ginger Ale or as complex as helping her get to her appointments and take her medications, we’re called to care for our sick wives. Care for them well.
The Blame Game
Perhaps the most crippling and meaningless activity in American workplaces is the blame game. Every single worker can easily recall a recent time when an error occurred, and the workforce spent an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out who to blame, instead of fixing the problem.
The scary part? We do this in our marriages all the time.
When you’re a young family, there are a lot of errors going on. Benedict will roll around on the floor until he gets into trouble. Alison forgets to lock the car. I screw up the daily schedule and don’t make dinner on time. It’s part of the human existence to make mistakes. If I spend time blaming Alison for something going wrong, I reduce the amount of time I have to either fix the issue or respond in love.
Blame creates division. Division leads to fights.
That simple chain of events results in what I would estimate to be the vast majority of marital fights. So when something goes wrong, how should we respond? We have three options:
• Ignore fault. Let’s face it, most of the things that go “wrong” in our daily life are completely inconsequential. Who cares if dinner isn’t ready on time and we eat 30 minutes late. Does it really matter that the car was unlocked for the 15 minutes we were in the store? So the kids got into something they shouldn’t have. They’re kids… it’s what they do. If we chose to just not care about who caused the situation, we can devote our energy to other worthwhile things.
• Acknowledge it was an accident. Your wife does very few things to intentionally offend you. Hopefully it’s vice versa. So when something happens, she didn’t do it on purpose. Acknowledge that she’s human and just move on with your life.
• Respond in love. Many of our mistakes are embarrassing. Screwing up the finances, getting into a car accident, or even your child eating something they shouldn’t have. When you know you’re the root cause, it’s a miserable feeling. Understand that your wife is going through those emotions and show her that it’s not a big deal and that you still love her.
Don’t let blame ruin your relationship. It’s an exercise in wasted time and effort.
Sunday Hero
Here’s the easiest way to be a Sunday Hero: take the first shower.
She gets a few more minutes of beauty rest and you get that satisfied feeling knowing that you’re a hero.
Last Thoughts of the Day
A few weeks ago, I wrote about your last words of the day. In that article, I talked about how you should dedicate the last words you have each day to prayer. But what about the last thoughts of the day?
We’ve all been there. Moments before drifting peacefully off to sleep, we have a thought that keeps us up tossing and turning for what seems like hours. A sense of dread comes over you and you just can’t seem to shake it. The most ridiculous thing about this late night worry is that there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it in that moment.
Our last thoughts of the day have the power to affect our dreams. So if they’re not wholesome, you might be in for some serious nocturnal temptation. If they’re stressful, you’ll have a hard time staying asleep. How do we direct our last thoughts of the day so that we can drift peacefully to sleep?
• Have an “approved thoughts” list. I try my hardest to not work on Sundays. On Sunday morning, I remind myself that it’s a day of rest and so thoughts about work are off limits. Having a similar list for your pre-sleep bed time can be equally helpful. Decide what’s off limits. Work, things you worry about, or anything that makes you anxious should be on this list. Remember, there’s nothing you can do about it in those moments, so there’s no point in thinking about them.
• Refuse to be worried or anxious about tomorrow. We’ve all had days that we knew were going to be tough. We can all remember what the night before was like. Don’t think about tomorrow (unless it’s going to be really awesome!).
• Think about things that are going really well, or the blessings you have. The best way to counteract bad thoughts at bedtime is to reflect on all of the good things in your life. Celebrate your accomplishments, think about fun things that are coming up in your life, or just remind yourself of all of the blessings that you have in your life.
The last thoughts of the day are critical to a good night’s sleep. Give these thoughts to things that are good, honorable, and just. Then, enjoy a great night’s sleep.
Where Are You Going?
We weren’t made for life on Earth. We were made to know, love, and serve God in this life and be with Him forever in the next (Baltimore Catechism).
Yet, it can be easy to forget where we’re going.
I’ve had quite a few stressors in my life lately. The transition out of the workforce, the move to Virginia, and several other issues related to these major changes have been hard on me. I’m pretty impatient when it comes to getting issues resolved. So when there’s a problem, I want it fixed, today. Unfortunately, most problems aren’t fixed so easily. As a result of this added stress, I found myself becoming less loving towards Alison and not as helpful around the house.
I’d prefer sitting on the couch to unpacking. I’d let her get up with Benedict in the morning. I wouldn’t volunteer to help feed him.
No good.
As a part of a regular self-examination, I saw the pattern. I knew something needed to change. I wasn’t being the husband I wanted to be. I wasn’t being the father I wanted to be.
Our spiritual walk is much like what I experienced. Things come up, so we let our prayer life slide. Sinning looks much more fun than being holy. So we sin. We miss Mass one Sunday because we’re sick, and the next weekend, we seriously consider skipping just because.
Our actions speak louder than words. While we’re meant to enjoy Eternal Life with our Father, our choices will dictate if that happens or not. Our choices affect our salvation in a very real way.
It can be so easy for us, in the monotony of our daily lives to lose sight of the eternal. It’s easy to become complacent. But complacency kills.
Am I loving?
Am I forgiving?
Do I really want to go to Heaven?
Do my actions reflect this desire?
Fight complacency. Live for the Eternal!
A Line in the Sand
Our lives are an experiment. We have one chance to live, and as a part of that experience, we have to find our way. Thankfully, we have wise parents to help us not make major mistakes. In large part, though, we’re able to quite easily fall into ruts.
We all get off track at times. For the past 24 months or so, I’ve been fighting to get my weight down. In May, I reached the 30 lbs. lost mark. I was ecstatic! Diligent dieting, food journaling, and exercise got me so close to my victory. Then came the move. I slacked off… big time. I didn’t work out, we ate out all the time, and I ate whatever I wanted. The result? A 13 pound gain in six weeks.
Ouch.
Whether it’s my weight, my prayer life, or even just my relationship with Alison, there are times when I fall into routines and behaviors that are working against me and my goals. There’s only one way to right the ship: draw a line in the sand.
The things that happen to us in life don’t define us. How we respond to them does. I can take my weight gain and just let it go. I could throw up my hands, say it’s just the way my body is, and wave the white flag. Or I can fight. I can say, “ENOUGH!” I can put my walking shoes back on, pull out my food diary, and limit the sweets.
There are times in your life when you just need to draw a line in the sand.
Beware. When you draw a line in the sand, the resistance will emerge. Alison will make turtle bars, we will have a week of rain, the alarm clock will be just too painful. It will be easy to slip back into your old ways. Fight, fight, fight!
When things get tough, you know you’re on the right path. Persevere!
No temptation is too much for us to overcome. No bad habit is enough to make us a bad person. The choice is yours. Will you draw a line in the sand or wither away?