Men Do Manly Things
It seems that there’s a natural hesitation among men to engage in any activity that’s determined to be primarily for women. We don’t really craft, we generally don’t clean, and we don’t spend time with mom groups. The problem with distinguishing between activities for men and women is that we might really miss out on something that could be really good for us.
I don’t personally believe in gender specific activities. I have absolutely no problem with dads staying at home to care for the kids (I do!). I don’t mind women being into sports or hunting. It doesn’t matter to me if a man enjoys shopping, romantic comedies (also guilty), or anything else that we consider to be for women.
The fact is, as men, we can do anything we want to. It’s only the limitations that we allow others to put on us that guide our behavior. Some of those limitations are healthy, but many are arbitrary. If your wife does something, you can do it too!
Here’s the perfect example. Alison, Benedict, and I went apple picking twice this year. We decided to convert our bushel and a half of fiji apples into both apple butter and apple sauce. I didn’t really know how to prepare the apples (peel and core) for cooking, so I let Alison take point. She got pretty busy and our apples were in danger of spoiling, so I pulled out the recipe, asked her for guidance, and made a batch of butter and sauce myself.
The simple fact is that as men, we’re crazy smart. We really can do almost anything that we set our mind to and, with practice, can become skilled at it. Our limitations come from within. Imagine how much your wife would enjoy receiving a knitted blanket from you for Christmas. After all, can your wife ever have enough blankets?
Pitch in and help when you can. This is perhaps the most important part of teamwork, being able and willing to assist. If you love something, if you have a talent for a particular skill, regardless of whom society says that skill is for, put it to use for the good of your wife and your family.
You’re a man. You can do anything and it becomes a manly activity because you’re doing it.
Out of Sight Should Be Kept Out of Mind
A few weeks ago, Alison, Benedict and I attended my sister’s wedding in Pittsburgh. Maree’s wedding was particularly special because of its location. She was married in the historic St. Anthony’s Chapel. St. Anthony’s has the largest collection of relics outside of the Vatican. There are over 6,000 individual relics of saints housed in ornate reliquaries and stored in glass cases surrounding the altar. As I was at the Wedding Mass, it hit me. This is the reality of the Mass!
We are extremely limited by our human sight. Our limitations prevent us from ordinarily seeing Angels, Saints, and even the glory of God. With the exception of mystics and some private revelation, we’re not able to see citizens of Heaven in this life. At the Mass, no matter where it’s celebrated, the whole of the Saints and Angels gather around the Altar to celebrate the Wedding Feast of the Lamb.
What I really loved about the St. Anthony Chapel was that, as Mass was being celebrated, I was surrounded by the beauty and overwhelming number of relics. Surrounded by the Saints and in that way I was reminded of this unseen reality of the Mass. It made physical what I cannot ordinarily see. It reminded me that Mass is not only something special and miraculous, but that it is a celebration that transcends time, space, and worlds.
It’s truly sad that we’ve lost so many Catholics from our fold. The New Evangelization is all about us inviting them to come back to the Church. If only they could experience Mass at the St. Anthony’s Chapel and understand the depth, beauty, and mystery of the Church, they might be inspired to come home.
Former Catholics might never visit the St. Anthony Chapel, but they will encounter you. How will your actions show them the joy of being Catholic and living a faith-filled life? You might be the only Gospel that they ever read.
Why Big Tech is Wrong
I saw an article a few weeks ago that both Apple and Facebook were expanding their employee benefits programs to include the freezing of women’s eggs so that the employees can focus on their careers.
What?
I love Apple, but they really, REALLY got this one wrong. As a company, they’re perpetuating the fundamentally flawed logic that children are an obstacle to life and that fertility is a disease. Not only is this the completely wrong view of the human person, it prevents people from knowing the deep joy of parenthood.
While it may seem like Facebook, Apple, and other companies are trying to “help” their employees the fact is that the only party truly benefiting in this deal is the employer. The employer essentially gains a higher rate of productivity from the employee because they won’t be out on maternity leave.
This is about the company, not the person.
Children are not an obstacle to life. They’re a paradox. The more you give, the more you get back. The more you lose yourself in love and service, the happier you are. Viewing children as an obstacle to one’s life and career is an extreme view of careerism and it’s dangerously unhealthy. Ambition in life is a good thing, but ambition to the point where one would undertake illicit means of contraception is beyond immoral: it’s wrong in every possible world.
No success at work is worth failure at home.
The decision to have children should be responsibly weighed. The providential view of pregnancy, “we’ll have as many kids as God gives us and then He’ll provide for us,” is as wrong as a contraceptive mindset in that both shirk the responsibility that the married couple possesses. While couples need to always be open to life, the decision to attempt to achieve pregnancy should be a well-formed decision. In times when there is valid moral reason to avoid pregnancy, such as being unable to materially provide for the child without being a burden to society, life-affirming natural family planning methods should be employed.
Being a working parent is hard, but it’s possible. Contraceptives, or a contraceptive mindset, is never the right answer.
Make Her Bedtime Better
The way in which we prepare for bed directly affects how much time we spend tossing and turning. With the right moves, you can significantly increase your sleep time each night. Among the changes you can make include decreasing your caffeine consumption, taking melatonin, and limiting “screen time” in the hour leading up to your designated sleep time. Why not do things to make your wife’s bedtime better?
At the end of a long day, there are few things nicer than lying down in bed. It’s one of the most refreshing feelings in the world. By preparing your wife’s sleep space, you can significantly improve her quality of sleep and, by extension, life. 30 minutes before bedtime, start to get things ready for your wife.
A water pitcher on her nightstand is an excellent place to start! There are times, both before bed and in the middle of the night, when a glass of cool water can be very refreshing. By having a water pitcher on her nightstand, you can make sure that water is close at hand, whenever she needs it.
Hopefully your bed gets made at some point during the day. Even if it doesn’t, turn down service is a classy touch. It’s a refinement than many hotels offer and it’s provides a refreshing visual effect. Take it a step further and lay out her pajamas, ready to be easily put on. Imagine how she’ll feel when she walks into the bedroom and sees her bed ready for her and her pjs easily accessible.
A light fragrance on the bed can also help the relaxation process. Using a lavender or other related sleepy time scent can stir up deeper feelings of relaxation. These sprays can be bought at any household goods store and makes a nice bonus.
Perhaps most importantly, pick up your junk. There’s nothing worse than a cluttered bedroom floor. Not only is it unsightly, it’s also one more obstacle to avoid in the dark.
With just a few simple steps, taking a little more than 5 minutes, you can make your wife feel like she’s living at a luxurious spa instead of her everyday home. By making her bedtime better, you continue to show love through service and help her to get a better night’s sleep.
Don’t Bury Your Talent
I used to work for a non-profit. My job was to go into communities and start youth programs. The biggest obstacle I faced every time I tried to get a program started was getting the parents involved. It seemed like no matter where I was, urban, rural, affluent, poor, parents just didn’t want to volunteer. There were some very notable exceptions, but by and large, most parents that I met seemed pretty absentee.
We’re each given special gifts and talents that we’re supposed to use for the benefit of others. Our skills should be put to work improving the lives of our family and of our community. When we hold back, we rob everyone of the chance for a better life.
It’s critically important for your growth and health as a human person to give of your time. Don’t go overboard and give so much that you do it poorly, but give an appropriate amount. Our communities need volunteers. Our communities need leaders.
Instead of being the person hiding in the back trying to dodge helping out, get involved! No one likes people who only take. So coach a little league team, lead a youth group, or staff the local food bank.
We all have talents, big and small, that can be put to use improving the lives of others. Put yours in action starting today.
The Divine Office: What is it?
The Divine Office is the universal prayer of the Church. It’s also know as the Liturgy of the Hours or the Breviary. Ordained priests, deacons, and religious are required, to varying extents, to pray the Divine Office every day. There are five different times of prayers, also known as “Hours” during the day. Given the worldwide usage and differing timezones, the Liturgy of the Hours is literally being prayed at every moment of the day.
The Liturgy for the Hours is broken up into five different “Hours.” Ordained priests and religious pray all five hours, while permanent deacons are obligated to pray two of the hours each day. The hours are broken down into these parts: Office of Readings, Morning Prayer, Daytime Prayer, Evening Prayer, and Night Prayer. The time it takes to pray each “hour” is between 15-30 minutes, with the exception of Night Prayer which can take 10 minutes.
Each Hour is composed, generally speaking, of 3 psalms, a short reading, and a few other prayers. It’s a highly structured liturgical form of prayer which ensures that everyone praying the Divine Office is praying the exact same thing. In that way, the Liturgy of the Hours has the same beauty as the Mass in it’s universality.
The Liturgy of the Hours isn’t just for the clergy. It’s for all people of prayer. The awesome part about being so structured is that it provides a ready-made plan for daily prayer. It’s intense and requires commitment, but it’s utterly beautiful. The way in which the Hours are broken out enables us to be regularly and consistently praying throughout our day.
There are many ways to get started with the Liturgy of the Hours. I’d suggest that you start with just one “Hour” a day, and then grow from there. The full volume is 4 books, and it can cost up to $120. I’d recommend starting with the iBreviary app, which is free. If you’d like a slightly different version than the 4 volume set, “Christian Prayer” or “Shorter Christian Prayer” are good places to start. They’re the Liturgy of the Hours designed for the laity.
There’s a beauty in the structure of prayer. There’s a deeper sense of awe when considering the millions of other Catholics around the world who are praying with you each time you enter into this prayer.
3 Steps to Help You Reach Your Financial Goals
Setting goals is hard. Reaching financial ones is even more difficult. Money flows in and you instantly want to spend it. How do you balance the pursuit of your goals with the wants of today?
When you really want to buy something, it can be hard to tell yourself no, especially if you technically have the money. Budgets are great, but they only work if you stick to them. Budgets can change as needed, but if you’re constantly changing them every time you have have a whim, your budget really isn’t doing much for you.
There are 3 simple steps you can take to keep you in the driver’s seat. Impulses are just that, impulses. You’ll rationalize, you’ll explain, and you’ll feel like there’s no other option. Impulses are all emotion and emotion can get you off track in seconds. By implementing these three steps, you’ll be able to stay in control and properly process your impulses.
• Wait 30 days. If this is a real need, you won’t be able to wait 30 days. Most impulses are wants, so if you’ll wait 30 days, you can better determine how badly you really want that item. This is especially helpful because it’ll help you understand the “opportunity cost.” Opportunity cost means that if you buy A, then you can’t have B. In the end, you have to decide if you want A or B, and 30 days will help you make a better decision.
• Have a budget line to “catch money.” This was Alison’s idea, and it’s brilliant. Each month, you have categories that come in under budget, or extra money that shows up from other places. Instead of immediately giving it to a category, like Eating Out or Fun, create a new line item. Then, at your next budget committee meeting, allocate that money. You’ll make different decisions when you see a pile of money waiting, as opposed to spending it as it trickled in.
• Put reminders everywhere. Long term goals can be easy to forget. Put reminders of what you’re working towards, and more importantly, why you’re working towards it. These constant reminders will be helpful in keeping front and center why you’re sacrificing today.
Reaching financial goals is tough, but with these three simple steps, you can get more power for the fight.
What to Do When Your Want to Add Something New
Time is finite. Each day, we have just 24 hours to spend on our pursuits. Between 6 and 8 of those hours are dedicated to sleep, leaving us about 16 waking hours. How we spend that time directly impacts our lives and the lives of those around us.
As life progresses, there are always new activities that we want to take on. Our interests change and, while we decide to abandon some pursuits, we find new ones that interest us. Despite our changing desires, the one thing that doesn’t change is the amount of time that we have to allocate.
More likely than not, you’ll find yourself in a position where you’ll want to add something new without taking anything away. In those cases, what do you do?
The best thing to do is ask yourself the tough questions.
• Is this more important than something else?
• Is this worth waking up earlier?
• Is this worth going to bed later?
While it can be very easy to whitewash the answers, the most sure guide is to test the change. Make a decision about the changes that you’ll need to undergo and then give them a try.
The results of a test are a better guide than any series of questions. Tests give you actual answers that are completely truthful. Answers to questions can be swayed by bias.
Managing your schedule is a perpetual balance. By being proactive, you can strike the right one.
Priorities Matter
Our lives are full of priorities. Some things are simply more important than others. Making the right choices can drastically improve your quality of life.
We’re constantly prioritizing things. When we have a limited amount of time, we’ve got to do the most important things first. Of course, priorities can change as they need to.
When you’re scheduling your time or planning anything, there’s one question that you need to ask.
Are my choices adding value to my life and to that of my family?
It’s easy to become self-centered, especially with our time. But if we prioritize our days considering only our needs, we’re doing it wrong. Our prioritization demands that we weigh the needs of everyone in our lives. That way, we don’t spend our time in ways that are a detriment to our families.
Our time is not wholly our own, so it’s best to make sure that how we spend it reflects this reality.
Maximizing Your Time
How you spend your day is important. Each day there are gaps of time that could be put to better use. You already have a daily routine and it might be very loose or it might be very structured. Regardless, you have a series of activities that you complete each day in a given order. What happens when you want to add something new to that routine?
Alison and I recently bought a bread maker. As a part of that purchase, we decided it was time to rearrange the cabinets in our kitchen. Knowing that we had new demands on our cabinet space, combined with our desire to keep the counters as clear as possible, forced us into new ways of thinking. Having a new reality or a changed set of parameters can allow you to think in ways that you previously couldn’t. The same is true with your time.
From time to time, you’ll want to take up a new hobby or passion. It might be a construction project, daily reading, you might subscribe to a newspaper, or it may even be daily prayer. When this new time demand comes into your life, you’ll need to rethink your daily routine so that you can continue to accomplish everything else you’re already doing, assuming this new activity isn’t filling unclaimed time.
Changing your routine is hard to do. It requires lots of trial and error. You’ll be attempting to balance the demands of the new activity with your own preferences. For example, if you get a newspaper subscription, and you can’t read it in the morning because you’re not awake enough, then you’ll need to find time in the evening to read it. Any new activity should be put in a time slot that works for you. Put it in a place where you can maximize it.
Make small shifts to change the game. Big changes at any time are a bad idea and really just set you up for failure. So if you need more time in the morning, move your wakeup time by 15 minutes, not 2 hours. After 2 weeks, move it 15 minutes again. Gradual changes will produce the greatest result.
Another strategy is to consider shifting activities based on their demands. Ask yourself two questions; 1) What do I need to do alone? 2) What can I do with others? By dividing your activities in this way, you can understand how your schedule relates to those around you.
Your routine should be constantly evaluated to move with your schedule and to find better efficiencies. The more efficient you can be with your own schedule, the more time you can spend with your wife, family, and in relaxation mode.