Motivate Yourself

2015-01-16

The New Year is always a popular time for fitness goals. Setting a fitness goal for yourself in 2015 is a brilliant idea. Your goals should encompass all areas of your life and physical health is one of the most important. Your overall health affects all other areas of your life, so making choices to improve it are a wise investment. The thing about your goals is that you need to do more than set them. You need to work on them.

My biggest disappointment this year, in terms of the success of my goals, was my failure to reach my weight goal. Certainly I had a lot of challenges to overcome, especially with the move, and I got within 7 lbs of making it, but now I’m just about back to where I was on January 1, 2014 and 14 lbs from my goal. I started this weight loss journey in January 2012 when I got on the scale and it read 197. As a part of the process I’ve learned that weight loss requires not only tremendous discipline, but also patience. It takes time and effort over time. I also recognize that it will always require work and that, even if I hit my goal, I run the risk of gaining it all back.

Weight loss is just like our overall health. We have to be always working at it in order to keep it. That means monitoring our intake and ensuring that we get outside and stretch our legs from time to time. Controlling your diet and exercise can help control many illnesses and medical conditions, so there is added benefit, in addition to feeling at your best.

You need to take care of yourself and, frankly, no one else can. The best motivation comes from within, so if you’re fired up to get in shape, then you’ll make it. If someone else is fired up for you, it’ll be an uphill climb that you never complete. That’s where our 2015 goals come in. So many people set fitness goals in the New Year, only to fizzle out by February, if they’re lucky. There is a subset of the population who do endure and make lasting changes. Their secret? They’re motivated because they know that no one else can do it for them and that having your physical health is better than eating a doughnut or watching TV.

Goals on paper are nice, and science proves that written goals are more likely to be accomplished. At the end of the day, you have to decide to put them in action.

In 2015, do things a little differently. Write down 7 goals for your life across the following areas: physical, spiritual, intellectual, career, financial, social, and family. You can opt out of one or two categories, but setting goals across these areas will help you grow as a whole, not just one part of you. Once you have your goals, write 4 action steps per goal, with due dates, to help you break it down and keep moving forward. 2015 has the potential to be your best year yet, but only if you plan for it.

Be A Thought Leader

There are two types of leaders in your company: the named leaders and the thought leaders.

The named leaders are the usual suspects. They have president, boss, or manager somewhere in their job title. They generally lead the meetings, handle productivity issues, and probably micromanage you from time to time. They have authority, but they might not have influence.

Then, there are the thought leaders. Thought leaders are an especially potent force in the cubicle farm. While named leaders appear to be in charge, thought leaders are the ones who are actually driving an organization forward. When you have a named leader who’s also a thought leader, you’re really in the sweet spot.

Ok, ok, enough. What is a thought leader? A thought leader is that employee (hopefully you!) who pours themselves completely into their work. They’re always looking for opportunities, for ways to improve systems and processes, and they volunteer their very best ideas to the group, always willing to take point and run with it. They’re the person that people come to with their ideas. Thought leaders sit in meetings and are able to steer the direction of a working group or the entire company because everyone knows that not only are they going to make constructive suggestions, they’re going to follow through with them.

There might be someone on your team who has the appearance of a thought leader, but really isn’t. They’re constantly throwing ideas out to see what sticks, but are utterly unwilling to do any of the work. They’re suggesting edits and changes to everyone else except themselves. They’re pompous, arrogant, and trying to appear like a busy-body. Don’t be that guy.

Thought leaders have hundreds, even thousands of ideas each week, but they don’t just blurt them out. They carefully refine, scrutinize, and test each one, only sharing the very best with the group. In that way, when they speak, people listen.

Thought leaders aren’t overly concerned with giving away their best ideas free of charge. They don’t use them as bargaining chips for a better cubicle, a promotion, or more vacation time. They give them away because they know that a more efficient and productive team will make everyone’s life better. Goals will be hit, deadlines will be met, and named leaders will be happier, thereby making everyone happier. They know that improvements in a workplace start from the ground up.

I want you to become a thought leader in your company this year. No matter what level you find yourself at, be an asset! Be invaluable to your company. Look for better ways to do business. Pursue your best ideas with tenacity and become a standout. Never mail in your performance, just be the absolute best person and employee you can.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what title is on your business card or if you have a business card at all. At the end of the day, all that matters is that you gave an honest day’s work for an honest paycheck. And that’s something to be excited about.

Beat the Devil Out of You

No one likes being a failure.

We all have that one sin that we’re dying to beat. I bet yours came right to mind. I know mine did. I’m not talking about that little bad habit, I’m talking about your biggest character flaw.

We don’t like admitting we’re wrong. We don’t like admitting that we have a problem. We project an image to the world that all’s well in our life and that we’ve got it made. And just like that, the problem deepens. We deny, deny, deny and all it does is take greater root in your life.

There have been times in the past when you tried to beat it. You’d get the upper hand for a week, a month, maybe 2 months, but then you’re right back in the cycle. This is the perpetual struggle in the spiritual life. We’re always moving towards perfection, but our own habits are the very thing that can sink us. Even the Gospel acknowledges this fact (Mark 7:15). Sin starts in our mind. Not with temptation, but by giving into temptation. It’s a mental game.

Discouragement is perhaps our greatest enemy in this struggle. We look at our life and despair about how much better of a person we’d be if we hadn’t let this sin take root. We get discouraged about all the times that we tried and failed. We get to the point where we tell ourselves that there’s no use in trying to amend, because it’s just going to happen again.

And that’s where we’re wrong. We simply have to be more aggressive, intense, and mad. We literally have to beat the devil out of ourselves.

You might find yourself again at that decision point. The new year is offering you a chance for a reboot and you just might take it up on the offer. But, what will it take? What do you have to do differently this time in order to be more successful?

First, be more comprehensive. This requires a multi-prong attack. Beef up the prayer life, choke the supply chain of temptation, and increase your knowledge and understand of those who are harmed by your sin.

Second, imagine your life without this sin. It’s going to be awesome, but in what way? How will you be a better person and more accurately reflect the perception you show to the world?

Last, you can’t win this alone. Find a source of constant inspiration, someone to help, or some group of people struggling with you.

You can beat this.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Once this sin is gone, there will just be another one to take its place. That’s true, but it’s going to be even weaker than the sin you just beat. You took down Goliath, now you’re just fighting his lackeys. If you can take down the biggest guy in the bar, surely you can take down his blockhead friends.

You’ll spend your whole life striving for perfection, systematically weeding out sin in your life. Why not start today?

Kids are Raised by the Community

Mass has become a bit of a struggle. For whatever reason, I didn’t anticipate that Benedict would reach an age where he can’t be entertained enough to be able to stay in Church for an entire Mass. For weeks now, Alison and I have had to take turns taking him to the back of Church and play with him there.

I now have a much greater appreciation for parents of large families… and the role that older siblings play in helping parents raise younger siblings.

Our culture is fairly “anti-family.” Young people and young married couples are often taking steps to prevent starting a family or are delaying starting a family to focus on their careers.

Children are seen as an impediment, an inconvenience, and even an obstacle to goals and even happiness. Paradoxically, even though our society collectively avoids bringing new children into the world, we can’t get enough of babies.

Benedict is extremely social. If there are people around, he just won’t sleep. He wants to giggle, laugh, play, wave and talk to almost everyone he sees. His engaged personality usually ends up with people trying to interact with him at some level.

As a parent, I find this type of engagement from the community quite welcome. I’m entertaining, but even I don’t have the energy or stamina, or even the array of good ideas to keep Benedict fully engaged and entertained for all of his waking hours. So when he gets a little antsy in the shopping cart, there’s usually someone around who tries to get him to wave. A moment’s relief for me so I don’t grab the damaged box of whatever.

I’m sure things will change when he gets older. People seem to like the newness of babies but are less enthused with kids as they enter school age. But for now, I’ll just enjoy it.

All of this has really reinforced in my mind the fact that children are not simply raised by their parents. They are, in fact, raised by the community around them. Parents have a vast support network that, while maybe not very deep, lends a hand from time to time. It may be as simple as stranger at Mass distracting the baby, or as profound as IKEA’s Family Parking featuring extra wide spaces, close to the door location, and sometimes even a family section set off from the main parking lot, reducing traffic flow and keeping wandering little ones a bit safer.

Even though many proclaim to not want to bring kids into this “messed up

world,” I believe that’s nothing more than a front. Deep down, we can’t deny that our love for children is an innate part of who we are. We understand in our nature the paradox that while children bring a degree of stress and disorder to our world, they also bring a source of true joy and happiness that we can’t find anywhere else.

So the next time that you’re at Mass and see young parents struggling to keep their child entertained, do them a favor and make a face at the kid.

Why You Should Do Your Job Well

There seems to be a natural tension between employee and employer. At the company I was at before, though widely known for its many good works in the community, there was a massive turnover of employees before year three. The number one cause cited in exit interviews was poor management.

Perhaps our American way of life and its sway towards freedom doesn’t meld well with the hierarchical system of management. While I think that certainly some of the tension is due to the feelings of the employee, I think there’s a bigger problem. When things get tight, we forget that we’re both dealing with people. As the employee, it’s easy for me to blame the giant faceless company for my problems. As the company, it’s easy to forget that by simply taking care of one’s employees, the entire company will be lifted.

Despite the animosity that generally fills the halls of office spaces across the country, what your company does says little about you. How you function, perform, and exceed expectations in any work environment, toxic or not, says everything about you as a person.

Your job does not define you. Your work ethic does.

Let’s face it, we live in a victim culture. If only the company treated me better, if only my manager understood my work style, if only I didn’t have to file this weekly report, THEN I could succeed!

A solid work ethic blasts through excuses and outperforms no matter what obstacles or seemingly inane tasks are assigned. A strong work ethic is rooted in the principle that St. Benedict stressed so beautifully, “work and pray.” Your work is a prayer. Your work is a reflection on you, your family, and your values.

Your work, in some way, shape, or form, helps someone else. If you’re a customer care phone bank operator, you ease a customer’s problem. If you work at a factory, you make a product so the customer doesn’t have to. If you work at a fast-food restaurant, you give people the ability to not have to worry about preparing that particular meal.

So when you mail it in, fewer people are helped. That customer is frustrated for a few more hours, that customer has to build that product themselves or find someone else to do it, that customer (who’s probably really tired or just having a bad day) has to forage for food.

When you start to recognize that your work matters, that doing your job in the spirit of prayer and service is as efficacious as praying a Rosary, things will happen.

When you engage with your work in that way, people will start to notice. A strong work ethic in today’s workforce is practically a unicorn. Good things will follow. Maybe not today, maybe not this month, but when you come up for a review, things will happen.

Work is good. Work is holy. Work lets you do amazing things for your family, like eat or go on vacation.

Let’s stop being victims. Let’s be a bright spot in our company.

Tell Your Kids Their Story

These days, things are changing rapidly in the world of Benedict. He’s getting pretty good a mimicking, a few new words come out of his mouth weekly, and he’s dangerously close to figuring out how to walk-any day now he’ll start running around the house.

The mind of a child is astonishing. The rate at which they process the world around them and start to understand things is nothing short of mind-blowing. I watch Benedict’s eyes as he gazes on the world around him and I just think about what’s going through his mind. Colors, shapes, things that I’ve gotten so used to that I hardly notice are completely new to him. The world is a wide open place for him right now and he’s soaking it up like a sponge.

While he’s certainly learning a lot, his memory is a different story. He’ll have a tough time recalling his emotions, feelings, and the events of his early life when he’s older. We all tend to have a bit of a romantic spot in our hearts for childhood stories. These stories convey events in our lives that we were a part of, but can’t recall on our own. Our first words, our first trip to the Emergency Room, heck, even the stories surrounding our entrance into the world are cherished.

We love to see baby pictures, we’re all dying to know what we were like, and if we’re honest, we can’t get enough of heart-warming stories from our development.

With this knowledge comes tremendous pressure on parents. We want to record, capture, and remember all of these stories, but it’s just way too much. The speed of life events, the busyness of our already hectic schedule, and the pure daily exhaustion that comes with caring for a child completely dependent on you makes it hard to scribble down some thoughts or spend time arranging these many memories.

I feel it, too. You start to feel a little guilty for letting things fall through the cracks. I can only imagine how parents of multiple kids feel! Sure, you did a good job with the first, but the second, third, fourth? Yikes!

I’ve decided that it’s best to try to capture the major milestones, but to not worry about the day-to-day. Benedict will do cute, new, fun, and amazing things every day and many of those memories will just have to be tucked away in my own treasure chest of memories. I’ll share them with him when the time comes, but it’s ok if he doesn’t have an all-access pass to them.

Thankfully in the digital age, it’s getting easier to capture these life events. Cameras with unlimited photo taking capabilities allow you to take pictures indiscriminately, whereas before you only had so many chances. HD video capture capabilities on your phone allow you to preserve and instantly share those wonderful little moments. Computer-Based diary programs, such as Day One (Mac/iOS) make it easy to write notes and give some back-story, without the fear that fire, flood, or forgetfulness will cause your hard work, and those precious details, to be lost forever.

Telling your kids their story is an important and fun way to help them learn about who they are. Take the time to preserve those milestones so they can treasure them long after you’re gone.

Small Changes Yield Big Results

So many things in our lives are fully within our control. We control our emotions, reactions, and how we treat people. Over time, it can become embarrassingly easy to stop recognizing the gift of your wife. You see her day after day and it becomes easier and easier to act with less kindness. If you don’t watch out, you may end up treating her more like a coworker than your life’s partner.

The way that you treat your wife is completely up to you. It’s truly a choice, and one that you make daily. Lately, I’ve been making a renewed effort to treat Alison in a manner that’s consistent with my love for her. Love in my head isn’t worth anything, I have to put it into action. I’ve been contemplating the lives of the saints and trying to act in the manner that they would act. I’ve been amazed at the results.

It really doesn’t require that much extra effort to make Alison’s life better. It’s all about the small signs of love and the small acts of service that add up to a big difference. As the winter chill sets in at night, I’ve been warming up an old sock filled with rice in the microwave and putting it under the covers about half an hour before bed. That means that as she snuggles in for the night, she isn’t greeted by cold sheets but warm, radiating heat. It’s a small action, in fact, I didn’t even make the sock. She made it long ago. But that small action of warming it up and putting it under the covers is enough to make it that much easier for her to drift peacefully to sleep.

I also noticed that I was getting a little short with her. So, when things are starting to bug me, I raise my own awareness that I’m at risk for being snippy. I’m then able to not be snippy because I’m no longer giving emotional responses to things that upset me. Again, a small tweek with a big payoff. Plus, it has helped me to recognize that my obsessive tendencies towards cleanliness aren’t the easiest thing to live with.

The bottom line is that it’s hard to live out your wedding vows. It’s hard to love and cherish her every day if you don’t choose to be intentional about it. So, each day, make it a habit to recommit to loving and honoring her all the days of your life.

Family Traditions

Growing up, I lacked, in a certain sense, roots. Most children get to experience what I like to call the “Tree House Childhood.” They grow and live, for the most part, in 1 or 2 homes. There are growth charts on a door frame, a tree house in the backyard, and stories of the same teacher instructing all of the siblings.

My childhood was a bit of a different adventure. I literally traveled the world. My playground was whatever town, state, or country I was in at the time. I experienced a vast cross-section of cultures and peoples. I’m certainly not complaining about my life, it’s been amazing! How many 4th graders have climbed the Great Wall of China, celebrated Christmas Day in Singapore, kayaked the waters of Hawaii, and seen the Grand Canyon? The military offered my family a rich blend of culture and history, but it wasn’t able to offer me physical permanence.

Physical roots, though important, are not as important as familial roots. The bonds forged between family members is far more important that the memories created in a singular physical space. While I find it awesome that some “family homes” are passed down from generation to generation, I’m more impressed by longstanding family traditions passed down through the ages.

I’m about to embark on a family genealogy project, and as I prepare the tools and my plan of research, I’m reminded of the importance, as a parent, to preserve the legacy of my family (both my family of origin, and Alison’s) and pass it on to Benedict. Right now, for Benedict, Alison and I are the keepers of those precious family traditions and it’s up to us to safeguard them and hand them on to our new generation.

Family traditions are wide and varied. They surround seasons, holidays, and special occasions in our lives. In a sense, these traditions are how we mark our lives. The Christmas morning prayer before presents, for example, is a tradition that Alison’s family has. The prayer reminds us of the true gift on Christmas morning and signals the welcoming of the Christ-child into the manger.

Traditions like this simple prayer reinforce family values. A daily tradition practiced in my family was family dinner. My dad would often work late (no such thing as 9-5 in the military!) so we’d often eat dinner at around 7pm. The time wasn’t the important thing, but the fact that we did it together. I like to think that my brother and I made it a tradition to then fight about who loaded the dishwasher the last time we had to clean the kitchen together.

As keeper of the family traditions, you should also feel emboldened to forge some new ones with your wife. After all, you’re leading a completely new family. There might be opportunities that previous generations didn’t have. For example, Alison and I have started the tradition of a Technology Bowl at dinner to give ourselves some peace and time away from incessant and intrusive communication and information.

Family traditions are both beautiful and deep. I’d encourage you to reflect on the traditions of your family and be vigilant to pass them on to your children. In that way, you connect your family of today with your family of yesterday.

The Constancy of God

We’ve all experienced a time of great betrayal in our lives. An instance when we were comfortable and happy in our world, only to have it turned upside down by someone very close to us. Perhaps it was a devastating divorce of your parents or a shocking betrayal by a very close friend.

The effects of these events are enduring. We struggle to cope with them years down the road and, sadly, sometimes people never recover. We insulate ourselves from the world and from other people, causing us to miss out on some truly special relationships because we’re haunted by the ghosts of the past.

Perhaps most damaging about a single act of serious betrayal is that we stop believing in permanence. If marriage was lasting, how come my parents got divorced? If you can’t trust an old friend, whom can you trust?

Our perceptions of the world get warped and eventually this distorted view of reality ends up trampling our spiritual life. We can’t understand how anything could be permanent, so how can God always love me, even though I commit egregious sin? How can God always be with me when He feels so far away.

These are the struggles that every Christian faces at one time or another. We struggle to understand, with our knowledge of human relationships, how God can be so resilient to our disloyalty and so ready to forgive.

It’s one of the great mysteries of our faith and, truthfully, it’s one that we should be constantly celebrating.

In a world adrift, despite the mistrust we might have in human relationships, God is always present. He never leaves us and He’s always ready, able, and willing to welcome us back into His good graces.

This constancy is something that we can never hope to understand, but is something that we should place great confidence and trust in. This isn’t a fleeting promise or a flippant mood that He’s in, He is always full of mercy and love. He’s unchanging in a changing world. It’s us who leave Him, not Him who leaves us.

As we enter into this new year, now’s a good time to evaluate where you are in your relationship with God. We all have really dark times when we’ve distanced ourselves from God and maybe this is the year you rediscover the joy and peace of Catholicism.

Find some good books to read, go to Confession and experience overwhelming emotions of joy and hope, chisel out some time for daily prayer. Do good works, avoid evil, and relish the great gift of faith.

God is always waiting to hear from us. Pick up the phone right now.

My 2015 Goals

The New Year is here! 2014 is over and gone and 2015 has officially arrived.

I love the newness and promise of a new year. It’s a blank canvas, a clean slate, and the perfect opportunity to turn a new leaf.

While those who’ve made New Years Resolutions face dismal chances for success, those who’ve made goals have every reason to be optimistic.

A few days ago, I finally sat down and came up with goals for both my personal and professional life. I want to share them with you in a moment, but first, I need to get some closure with my 2014 goals.

Professionally, 2014 was a huge year. I started working as a writer full time, and, as a result, I was able to publish both my first and second book. The community response was awesome and I’m well on my way to being self-sufficient. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to reach my multi-year goal of shipping an iOS app. It’s been a goal of mine for at least 2 years, and this year just wasn’t it. I’ve decided in 2015 to make it my #1 focus and I think I have a strategy, and idea, to finally get me across the finish line.

Personally, I also had some mixed results. I didn’t make my weight goal (though I came close!) and I didn’t reach my podcasting benchmarks. I did significantly increase my prayer life and was pretty consistent with reading, but I could have done much better.

2014 definitely was a year of upheaval and although I had some really big wins, I fell short of where I wanted to be standing today. I think my biggest failure was not reviewing my goals regularly. If I had, I would have been better able to keep my eye on the prize and modified my daily habits to get me there.

Ok, with that, I’m closing 2014 and I’m fully engaged in 2015.

Here’s what I’m working on professionally this year.

While 2014 was about expanding the Catholic Husband product line, 2015 is going to be about refining it. I want to make the Catholic Husband blog the very best blog on the internet by publishing engaging, relevant, and extremely valuable content. Expect great things and for each blog to be better than the last. I want to do the same with the Podcast. By consistently providing outstanding content, I want to expand the Catholic Husband reach and help even more people!

I’m also going to launch my first iOS app later this year. I’m excited about getting this done and I have all of the resources that I need to do it. All I have to do is buckle up and get into student mode. Finally, I have a certain number of books and apps that I want to sell in order to make Catholic Husband completely self-sufficient.

Personally, this is going to be the year I reach my weight goal and I have a solid plan of how to do it. I’ll be training for my first half-marathon, so that training, along with aggressively keeping a food journal and walking at least 10,000 steps per day will help me reach this 2012 goal by September. I’m aiming to lose 2.5 lbs per month. Intellectually, I want to dedicate 30 minutes per day reading a book and complete two books per month. Financially, I have a dollar amount of debt that I want to payoff with Alison. It’s a stretch, but attainable if we stay on target with our budgeting.

While it seems like a lot, I have a total of 4 professional goals and 3 personal goals. In addition to these 7 goals, I have a few “focus areas” that aren’t goal specific, but areas that I want to improve, like having a more regular game night scheduled.

I’ve put these goals into a system in Evernote and will read them daily and track progress reports weekly. This will help me stay aware of my progress and make course corrections as they come.

This is an exciting time of year and I can’t wait to be here January 1, 2016, sharing my successes and celebrating a successful 2015!