One Trick to Love Your House More
To say that our house has a yard would be a stretch. We have a patch of land next to our house that contains nothing but weeds. Certainly there’s a wide variety of weeds, and they’re all green, but I don’t think I’ve been able to spot a single blade of grass anywhere near our house. Yet, now that we have a “yard,” I’ve been very keen to take care of the exterior appearance of our home. Earlier this Spring, Alison and I spent almost an entire day outside, trimming hedges, putting down mulch, and planting all sorts of flowers and vegetables. As a point of pride, we take care of our home’s exterior.
A house with cut grass looks really sharp. I always marvel at how good our house looks right after I’ve mowed the lawn. While growing up mowing was a chore, it’s now something that I look forward to. Granted, it takes me no more than 15 minutes to do the whole job. A well maintained lawn is fun for the kids and great for playtime. It looks good and it begs to be used. Plus, fresh cut grass smells amazing when you’re eating dinner outside.
Interestingly, keeping your lawn manicured, your bushes trimmed, and your flower beds maintained has an impact beyond just your own home and family. By taking care of your home’s exterior, you love your community. A well maintained exterior improves the look and feel of your neighborhood and shows community pride. If everyone in your neighborhood takes care of their exteriors, you can collectively increase the desirability of your neighborhood and raise home values. Now that’s a win-win!
I’ve written many times about keeping the interior of your home clean, and today I’d like to encourage you to take that same mentality to your home’s exterior. Yard work, especially in the Summer heat, can be quite unpleasant, but it always pays off. Even mowing your yard weekly can help to maintain a great exterior appearance. Weeding is a constant hassle, but it beats the unkempt alternative.
The exterior of your home has a big impact on your neighbors, and an even bigger impact on you. When you come home to a well maintained exterior and then go inside to your clean interior, you’ll have a feeling of great peace and accomplishment, and you’ll rightly call yourself “home.”
If You Don’t Understand, Do Nothing
I’m very involved in the healthcare decisions of my family. I always ask lots of clarifying questions and want to make sure that I fully understand the recommendations, treatments, and procedures that anyone in my household will undergo. Thankfully, I have Alison as a great resource to answer any question I may have after an appointment. Yet, even though she is a qualified physician, I want to make sure that I understand everything.
Recently, Benedict was due to get some shots, and before his appointment, Alison and I discussed and agreed which shots he’d get. While we don’t object to vaccinations, we do object to vaccinations derived from aborted fetuses and opt to use ethical alternatives, when available. At the appointment, the doctor suggested he was due for an additional shot that Alison and I hadn’t discussed. I didn’t understand the shot, and so, I chose to defer all of the shots to an appointment later in the month. The delay would give Alison and I time to discuss and agree on a course of action. We sat down, reviewed his records and the vaccination guidelines, cross checked with our list of ethical alternatives, and determined that the shot was ethical and that it was acceptable for Benedict to get it. Was it a minor detail? Yes. Was he going to get the vaccination regardless of the origin? Yes. Yet, I didn’t understand the recommendation at the appointment, so I chose to do nothing until I could ensure that we were carrying out our wishes.
I share this story to illustrate this point. In healthcare, indeed in all aspects of your life, only make decisions when you fully understand them. If you don’t understand, do nothing, get more information, and then make a decision.
Assumptions can be deadly in medicine. When you go with someone to their appointment, you act as their patient advocate. While this title may seem trite, it’s up to you to ensure that everyone in the room is completely clear on what was discussed and what medications and procedures will be carried out. This is especially important when the patient is sick, because their judgement could be impaired.
We tend to have an off-balance relationship with our medical care team. Since we’re ignorant about our particular illness and they deal with it daily, we tend to give them the benefit of the doubt. Never be afraid to ask questions. While some providers may get annoyed, medical research proves beyond a doubt that patients who are active in their treatment have better outcomes. You’re in control of your health and medical decisions which means that while your care team makes recommendations, you’re the one who ultimately says yes or no. Ask all of your questions, and when appropriate, get outside advice.
We do a lot of posturing unnecessarily in life. For whatever reason, we want to impress these total strangers by pretending like we’re intelligent enough to receive, comprehend, and then act on all information given to us. Be wise enough to know what you don’t know, and only make decisions when you’re ready to make them. You’ll be glad you did.
Traveling Parents
Today I want to put out a challenge to travelers everywhere: be kind to parents with young children.
The stresses of travel are only amplified when little ones are in tow. Not only do these poor souls have to wrangle their way through airports, train stations, and travel plazas, they have to keep a close eye on their children, who seek freedom and independence at every possible moment.
Be patient. Let them take their time. Pay them small courtesies. Help where you can. Let them cut you in line or give them your seats.
For those of us who are parents, we’ve been there. For those of us who are not yet parents, you soon will be. Show your humanity and do all you can to ease their traveling burdens.
Try A Different Mass
We all have personal preferences. Our personality usually shows forth when we choose to act on those preferences. For example, when it comes to loading the dishwasher, I have a very specific way that I like to have things organized. It’s partly because I like order and partly because I’m incredibly inefficient when I don’t load as I normally do. Our personal preferences even show forth at Mass. Each Mass has its own culture, so if you don’t like the atmosphere at your Mass, try a different one.
Some Masses are more orderly, some are more relaxed, and others are more contemplative. When you struggle with a Mass culture or the general atmosphere, it doesn’t mean you need to change Parishes, maybe you just need to change Mass times.
For whatever reason, the time of Mass brings a different crowd of people. This is never more clear than at the earliest Mass on Sunday morning. You’re more likely to see men in suits and it’ll probably be among the more quiet of Mass experiences that you’ve had. A noon-time Mass will be flooded with families and there tends to be a lot of socializing. If you’ve done all that you’re willing to do in terms of changing your regular Mass time, you can certainly try a different parish. Communities and community standards vary, and so you might find what you’re looking for the next town over.
Mass, and your parish community, should feel like home. There’s likely a Mass that fits your experience and personal preferences for culture and dress code. Find that Mass and remove these distractions so you can focus on why you’re really there.
Reset Occasionally
I keep rigorous track of my goals throughout the year. I’ve mentioned before that I use the HabitList app on my phone in order to keep tabs on how well I’m doing. HabitList uses a method called streaking in which the user attempts to repeat the same task for consecutive days with the goal of achieving the longest streak of days. After extended periods of failure and defeat, however, streaking can work against me. If I see that it’s been a while since I’ve done a particular task, then I’m less inclined to do it. I fall victim to “one more day” thinking, in which it doesn’t matter if I skip today, because I can always do it tomorrow. Sometimes in life, and especially in the pursuit of a goal, it’s ok to reset the clock.
We all love the hope of a new year. The big blank canvas with a new beginning ahead of us is not only refreshing, it’s motivational. We believe again that we can do anything and that pushes us to go out and reach for our dreams. Resetting the clock in the middle of a game can do the same thing. By resetting your trackers and giving yourself grace for the time and distance lost, you give yourself a new chance to go out and win. The blank canvas doesn’t judge you, the 0 is your new shot at getting it done.
I have a tendency to fixate on the past. I analyze mistakes and get a little disheartened thinking about all of the ground that I’ve lost. By taking advantage of an occasional reset, I give myself permission to accept the past as reality, and more importantly, to blaze a new path forward. The past will hold you back any chance it gets, especially if it was riddled with failure. Instead of giving it that power, seize today and move on.
There are plenty of cliches surrounding new days and I think that subscribing to a few is actually a good idea. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Today is a new beginning. Today is your best chance at making a difference. We can’t do anything about yesterday or tomorrow, we only have control over today. Through the process of a reset, we get a chance to do things right, to work on the plan that we laid out, and to change our lives for the better.
When you find yourself at the end of a disastrous run towards your goals, take a break, give yourself some grace, and give yourself the gift of a reset. The only person who can change you is you, and you’ll never make that change if you’re too busy worrying about how you failed yesterday.
Open Wide the Doors
Over the Memorial Day Weekend, Alison and I didn’t have much going on. She had to work on Saturday and we didn’t have any plans to go anywhere or do anything on either Sunday or Monday. I was in the mood to have some people over, so we invited my parents and one of Alison’s colleagues over for a cookout. The weather was scorchingly hot, but we ended up with a delicious meal of hamburgers, chips, and key lime bars. Alison and I do occasionally entertain friends, usually about one hangout every other month. Our Memorial Day gathering reminded me that entertaining friends is a lot of fun and that we should be doing it more often.
You don’t need a reason to invite friends or family over for a meal. Certainly there are plenty of holidays and other types of special days to be observed, but it’s also cool to have a just-because hangout. You get to use your dining room table for what it was made for, which is a lot of fun. Adding people to your table is a nice change of scenery, not to mention the table facilitates great communication. In fact, I didn’t realize how nice having a dining room was until we had friends over and we gathered around our table. It was a lot of fun!
During the summer months, hanging out outside is where it’s at. Eating on the deck or having a picnic in your yard are great possibilities and a fun setting for everyone involved. These hangouts are a great way to bond, get to know each other better, and make some great memories.
Invite some friends or colleagues over to your house this weekend. Play a game, share a meal, and be a great host. It’ll be a wonderful time for everyone involved.
Kids Are Not A Burden
Benedict has been sleeping less lately, meaning that he requires more entertainment during the day. He’s mostly satisfied if I’m at least in the same room as him, but he won’t let me work at the nook that we have in the family room without him sitting on my lap. As his behaviors evolve, I have less time to get work done. While some may view it as an inconvenience, I don’t. It simply means I need to be more productive while he sleeps, and ensure that I’m getting up at 5am so I can get everything done.
Children increasingly want to interact with their parents. They need love and attention. While some, mistakenly, view this as a burden, I don’t. I enjoy it! I’m lucky enough to be able to work from home, on my schedule. That means that every moment that I’m not working, I can spend with my little buddy. Children aren’t a burden; they’re a blessing.
Parenthood ushers in an era of the “new normal.” As we travel throughout life’s many stages, we change and adapt to new circumstances. While we may no longer have the liberty of full control of our schedules, we certainly maintain enough flexibility to keep hold of the essential elements of our day. Planning out your day realistically will help you to find new times to accomplish the things you need done.
Children are real paradigm breakers. Their needs reshape your day, which honestly does nothing but open up new possibilities. I used to walk alone every day, and now Benedict and I have the perfect walking time carved out in the morning. That means that we not only get another hour together, but he gets a guaranteed hour, every day, of fresh air. We also have way too much fun playing inside. Being silly with your kids is a lot of fun, and a great stress reliever.
One of the things that I try to be most intentional about is being grateful for this time with him. Benedict won’t be 2'6" forever and, sadly, there will come a stage in his development when he wants nothing to do with me. As for these days, I’m doing all I can to be focused on him during playtime and to make him giggle.
We’ve become a selfish people who view children as a roadblock. Nothing could be more wrong. By adjusting your schedule, realizing new possibilities, and being grateful for the time that you have, you can experience life the way it was made to be.
Plan A Sunday Adventure
While Alison and I moved to Virginia a little over a year ago, it wasn’t until a few weeks ago that we actually did some serious exploring in our town. The gorgeous weather enticed us to go on a Sunday drive. These drives have largely fallen out of favor among American families since the rise of gas prices over the past decade. We drove around and discovered a huge sports complex, some really nice housing, and discovered that our town has an unbelievable number of churches. Sunday drives are about family, adventure, and most of all, relaxation. We need to rediscover that lost art.
Driving, which should be a pleasure, has devolved into a chore. If we have to drive somewhere, we get stressed. We’re discourteous to one another on the road, we loathe any slowdowns, and frankly, we’re mean people that we’d never be in any other situation. Seriously, who gets mad at handicapped people in real life? For whatever reason, we check our empathy and courtesy at the door, literally, whenever we get behind the wheel. Sunday drives recapture the spirit of adventure, peace, and freedom that driving has always innately contained.
In the Spring and Fall, Sunday drives give us an excellent opportunity to enjoy the weather. We could be driving to look at leaves, going to a picnic, heading over to a friend’s house, or on our way to find something new that we’ve never seen before. Driving allows you to enjoy the seasons on a grander scale. You could drive to a town, a nature preserve, or a hiking path 30 minutes away and take in the scenery on your way to and from your destination.
One other really cool way to use Sunday drives is for dream time. If you’re planning on staying in your city for an extended period of time, you could drive around and look at housing. You could dream about what home you might want to buy, what address you’d like to have, and how different your life will be in X number of years. It may even help you to get motivated about achieving your financial goals so that you can afford that house when it inevitably goes on the market.
Sunday drives embody the American Spirit and encourage us to slow down and enjoy the journey. While every week may be too often, I hope that you’ll consider taking your family out for a Sunday drive at least once this month so that you can explore and dream together.
A Place for Everything
I love living in a clean house. There’s something freeing about having wide open spaces with everything in its place. We all ensure that our homes are clean before we entertain or have guests over, but in the in-between times it’s often difficult for us to keep our houses completely clear of clutter. It just seems like cleaning ends up ranking pretty low on our to do lists during the week. One strategy that I’ve found to be particularly effective for cleaning is instead of setting things down, I put them away.
Clutter starts gradually and then multiplies rapidly. This can be easily seen in the kitchen. One dish in the sink becomes four dishes, becomes 12 dishes, becomes dishes overflowing in the sink, on the counters, and everywhere else. The dishwasher can be completely empty, but if there’s one dish in the sink, it acts like a magnet. Washing off a dish and putting it in the dishwasher only takes a few seconds, and that small step can help to ensure that your sink remains empty.
That’s the main point of this strategy. A few seconds here and a few seconds there prevents us from taking several hours clearing all the messes that we’ve made. Like the kitchen sink, the dining room table seems also to quickly fall victim to clutter. In our home, the front door leads right into the dining room table, so mail, purchases, and anything else that we happen to be carrying when we walk through the door ends up on the table. Instead of setting and forgetting, we’re much better served by processing the mail, putting away purchases, and keeping the table open for eating food.
Of course, sometimes you’re really in a hurry and don’t have time to take care of something right away. The way to handle those types of situation is to have a little bit of time set aside in the evening and do a quick clean-up. Plan no more than 15 minutes to get this clean-up done and then you’ll be all set for the morning.
Taking a few extra seconds in the moment can save you a big chunk of time later. That’s not only at the heart of this cleaning strategy, but it’s a fact that we all know to be true. So do yourself a favor and put things away instead of setting them down.
Small Blessings Lead You
God’s plan for your life is multidimensional. Thousands of small events, shifts, and changes of plans lead you to the exact right spot, at the exact right moment for you to do what you were made to do. I grew up all around the world, and it took some pretty big roadblocks to divert me to Franciscan University where I met Alison. The rest is history. Had Benedict not come along two years ago, I’d probably still be at the non-profit, working a job that I didn’t absolutely love, and held back from realizing my true potential. Yet, all of these small blessings, though some were challenging to accept at the time, have brought me here, where I belong.
Although it’s usually unclear at the time, blessings are always nudging you in the right direction. They may cause our life to be uncomfortable for a time, but only because the place where we were was holding us back in some way. The truth is, most days, we don’t know where we’re going. I don’t know where I’ll be in 10 years, but I have an idea. So, I make my best guess, while at the same time, realizing that a greater plan is at play. I’ve always found it to be true that my best guess is enough to get things moving, and God will make corrections as necessary.
There are endless roads, options, and opportunities in our free society. That adds an element of difficulty, though a most welcome one, to our life’s journey. It underscores the importance of continuing to pray for grace and guidance, as well as the role that openness plays in this journey. The more we’re open to God at work in our life, the more amazing our life will be.
It’s fun to look back from time to time to see how various events have brought you to the place where you are today. Everything makes sense in hindsight when you have the benefit of clarity. It’s an important moment to acknowledge God’s power and grand design, and to recommit yourself to cooperating in the plan.
Small blessings guide us to grand destinations. Through prayer, diligence, and fidelity to God’s will, we, too, can be like Abraham and enjoy the fruits of serving God well.