The Church Isn’t A Democracy
The reporting and commenting on the Church these days is insufferable. I skip over most articles, including those in the Wall Street Journal because they completely miss the mark. Even worse, although some articles contain bits of good information, reading them as if I wasn’t Catholic, I can see how ambiguity of phrasing could give the complete wrong impression of the Church.
In our nation, we have a penchant for forcing every issue, subject, and topic into our understanding of a political system. Every single issue is either left or right, and it must be on the extreme ends with no hope of compromise. The same is done with the Church.
There are articles that suggest that Pope Francis might change Church teaching. There are articles that suggest that “conservative” Catholics are hoping that he doesn’t and “liberal” Catholics will return to the Church en masse if he does. All of this bloviating, of course, is a waste of column inches. Pope Francis isn’t going to change Church teaching, he’s not Jesus.
Pope Francis was chosen by the Holy Spirit, through the College of Cardinals, to be our Pope for a very particular reason. I think the fruits of his election are already apparent. He is breathing fresh air into the Church, he is building bridges, and he’s turning our attention to different aspects of what it means to be Catholic. There was a beautiful meme that floated around during the first year of his pontificate that had images of St. John Paul II, Pope Benedict XVI, and Pope Francis. Under John Paul, the word “hope,” under Benedict, the word “faith,” and under Francis, “love.” The three theological virtues, each exemplified by the papacy of these popes.
St. John Paul reminded us to hope in the promises of mercy and salvation that God has made to us, Pope Benedict gave us voluminous scholarly works that distilled complex theological subjects into clear teachings, and now Pope Francis is reminding us that we are the hands and feet of Christ. Just as you cannot take one theological virtue and ignore the rest, so too with the messages of these popes. We can’t only focus on our own salvation, we can’t ignore the theological tenants of Catholicism or the Church’s teachings, and we can’t ignore our call to be radical in advocating for social justice.
The Church isn’t a democracy as some churches are. We don’t vote on what we believe, we don’t vote on what the Church teaches, and we don’t make up the theology as we go. Therein lies the beauty of Catholicism. We’re rooted in truth, we focus on living our faith and not figuring out what it is.
The Church isn’t a political system. There is no conservative or liberal, there’s only people trying to do their best, while personally struggling to love God more than self and sin, to pick up our cross and follow Jesus. That is how the Church has endured thousands of years of persecutions, withstood innumerable attacks, and all the while sustained the faithful.
The Worst Time to Discern
The absolute worst time to make a discernment is when you’re mired in sin. Yet, we do it all the time. Discernment isn’t just about the meta-question of what you’re called to do with your life. It’s about prayerfully listening to what God is trying to tell you in the decisions of your life. Nothing could be more disruptive in the discernment process than habitual sin.
We were made to live a wonderful life, wrapped in grace, and free from the limitations of sin. Sadly, it’s not the reality that most of us choose. In shortsightedness, immaturity, and for a variety of other reasons, we keep choosing sin over the freedom of God’s law. When we continue to choose sin over what God offers, our decision making process becomes clouded. Like a room of smoke and mirrors, we think we see things that aren’t really there. We convince ourselves of something other than reality and eventually reach a decision that we then claim is moral.
Although politicians are not alone in falling into the trap, certainly we all do, they present a clear illustration of this point. In the United States Congress, 31% of Members are Catholic. There are many Catholics in Congress who vote, speak, and advocate for issues that are in direct opposition to the positions of the Church, particularly on life issues. Some of those Catholics attend Mass regularly, and have reconciled their position in their minds. Through an obstructive reasoning process, they’ve come to conclude that they are still “good Catholics” even though they directly and publicly advocate against the Church, whose position is unambiguous. That’s a discernment process that’s been confused by sin.
Again, we all fall into this situation at one time or another, politicians are an easy target because their lives are so public. How do we get back to a healthy discernment process?
First, recognize that you may not like what you hear. You may discern that God is asking you to do something that is opposed to your current way of thinking. God has a way of doing that. While reading Matthew Kelly’s new book Rediscover Jesus, I discerned that God was asking me to do more for the Christians in crisis in the Middle East. I was focused on other things, but He turned me back to an understanding that advocating for life is as much of being Catholic as advocating for and supporting the poor and the migrant. This message tracks with the message that Pope Francis has been bringing to us.
Next, you’ve got to get rid of that sin that’s holding you back. It takes courage to do the things that it takes to beat sin. It takes courage to say that you’ve been wrong for too long and need to make things right. The freedom and clarity of mind and heart that wait for you on the other side are totally worth it. So do it.
Finally, you need to pray regularly. Start and end your day with prayer. Recognize grace in your life, be grateful throughout the day for blessings, and continue to turn your mind back to God. This is a struggle because travel, illness, or a major disruption in your schedule can knock you off of your game. Keep at it.
Discernment is the process by which we understand what God needs us to do for Him. We can only discern properly when we have a clean mind, a clear heart, and ears to listen. Be prepared to be challenged, be prepared to give your heart back to Him, and be prepared to experience life as it was meant to be lived.
3 Reasons to Pray the Rosary Daily
The Rosary is an amazing prayer. While it may be easy to discount it as rote, there’s a real beauty in the repetition. There are compelling reasons for us to pray it more often.
One of the biggest challenges in daily prayer are perceptions. I tend to perceive prayers, like the Rosary, as something that takes too much time. I’ve found, through experience, that it really doesn’t. A small pocket of time somewhere in the day is all that I really need to make it happen.
There are three reasons that you should seriously consider adding a Rosary or two somewhere in your week.
• It’s powerful. The Rosary is a powerful intercessory tool. There are countless numbers of miracles gained, battles won, and hearts changed. The Rosary was given to us as this tool for our benefit. The Rosary carries serious weight with our Lady and Her love for it results in many answered prayers.
• It’s therapeutic. We carry many stresses and burdens in our lives. The beautiful repetition and simplicity of the prayer can bring great calm and peace into our lives. Whether you’re in a fight with someone close to you, in the throes of temptation, or even just having a bad day, the therapy of the Rosary can be healing.
• It only takes 15 minutes. As if the previous two reasons weren’t enough, praying the Rosary really does take only 15 minutes. That’s less than an episode of The Office or your favorite TV show. Think of how much better spent those 15 minutes are!
The Rosary is a buried treasure right in front of you. Pull out your shovel, get to work, and start praying!
The Gift of A Child’s Life
Recently I’ve been looking back at old videos of Benedict. Man that kid was fat. What also strikes me is that knowing him today, I can totally see him and his personality in these videos. He shows the same curiosity, cheerfulness, and desire to be around people as he displays in his actions today. I’m so glad that we’ve captured many of those moments so that he’ll have them to enjoy later in life.
Each day with Benedict is highly structured and fairly predictable. We do the same sorts of things, in the same order, at generally the same time. Yet, being able to be a witness to him growing right before me is such a gift. Showing him the world, teaching him new words and concepts, and sharing experiences is a blast. Not to mention so many things he does are just so cute!
Days tend to fly by, and each one, once gone, can’t come back. It’s this fact that should inspire us, as parents, to take full advantage of every moment we have with our kids. We may have other things we want to be doing, or even things we should be doing. We may be tempted to put them to bed early or find other ways to get some more alone time. Instead of finding ways to make more time for ourselves, let’s just enjoy the time we have together.
I know that Benedict won’t be this little forever, but while he is, I’ll enjoy getting down to his level and seeing the look of glee on his face as he runs to give me a hug.
The Lynchpin of Education
Throughout the course of my education, I have had hundreds of teachers. I can say that, to the best of my recollection, only one didn’t have passion. I had ineffective teachers, I had “bad” teachers, but nearly all of them had an intense passion for their careers, for their vocations. This deep desire to do well for their students is a unique asset in the teaching profession.
Our education system isn’t perfect and there’s lots of debate as to why and what we can be doing better. We hear about solutions that include more spending, new textbooks, more electronics in the classroom, and even comprehensive solutions like the Common Core. Schools are increasingly providing breakfast and after-school programming in an attempt to keep kids captivated and engaged as long as possible. Yet, it’s my belief that those things won’t fix the problem. Essentially, parents are failing in their basic duty to provide for and educate their children.
The more active and involved in a child’s education the parents are, the better the child will perform, learn, and succeed. Teachers push the proverbial rock uphill all day, only to show up in the classroom the next morning and start all over. Students return from summer break and have to relearn things that they had already been taught. Parents aren’t doing enough to reinforce learned principles and encouraging learning outside of school hours.
Parents are the primary educators of their children. As parents, it’s our job to ensure that our kids understand that learning doesn’t just happen in a classroom, that reading isn’t just for homework, and that education isn’t a bell-to-bell endeavor. Teachers and schools are a tool in our toolbox to help educate our kids, but at the end of the day, it’s up to us to reinforce learning and expand it.
This is no easy task. In fact, I sometimes have to remind myself that things I consider small, trivial, or nonevents are completely new and wonderful in the mind of Benedict. Even just the act of a crayon making a mark on paper is enough to elicit a gasp from him. It requires that I think like he does, to steer him in new directions and teach him new things.
I want to challenge the notion of education for my son. I want him to be a vigorous reader, an avid explorer, and perennially curious. I want him to know that education doesn’t just happen in a classroom and that learning never ends. It’s a lofty goal, but I know that as a parent, I have that teacherly passion for him; I want him to go far and I’ll do whatever it takes to help him get there.
The Surprises of Being A Stay-At-Home Parent
Now that I’ve been a full-time caregiver to Benedict (read “stay-at-home parent”) for just over a year, I can admit that it’s nothing like what I thought. Part of this reality is of my own choosing and the other part is unexpected reality. Our house is too small and Benedict’s needs are too limited right now for my duties to expand to take up my entire day. I can clean the house in an hour and Benedict is still napping for 4-6 hours during the day. Were I not working, the rest of my hours awake would just be play time for me. Here’s what I’ve learned.
Being a stay-at-home parent is lonely. I understand now why there are so many mom groups. My only interaction with adults on a regular basis is with Alison in the evening. That means that thoughts, ideas, and inspirations need to stay in my head until at least 6:30pm. Then, if she’s had a bad day, my only interaction with an adult for that day was a negative one. Not good. The temptation is to shift blame onto Alison, but that’s not fair. I use this blog as an outlet for many of my creative inspirations during the day, but I’ve also found that reading books and the newspaper are helpful stimulation for the adult part of my brain.
Being a stay-at-home parent is to embody the corporal works of mercy. On a good day, I’ll hit 4 of the 7, meaning that Benedict isn’t sick, in jail, or deceased. Alison sacrifices by leaving home and supporting our family. I sacrifice by caring for our son and taking on most of the domestic responsibilities. There are days when I’m resentful, but when I turn my thoughts back on the works of mercy and find that my work is holy, I’m able to better cope.
Being a stay-at-home parent is anything but a life of luxury. I’m in control of Benedict and I’s schedule, but by and large, his needs and the needs of the household control my daily direction. Between Benedict, household chores, and the work that I’ve taken on, I have 60-90 minutes a day where I can do something fun for myself. In that way, Alison and I share very similar schedules.
The experience of stay-at-home parents in my generation are going to be very different than stay-at-home parents of previous generations. The Internet has made it possible to literally work from home and bring in a modest income doing so. That means that both working and stay-at-home parents alike will have to juggle work/life balance, all the while not allowing resentment to spoil their marriages.
The life of parents is pure sacrifice and the life of the family is pure beauty.
Enough About Sex Already
I have zero interest in your sexual preferences. Frankly, it’s none of my business. Yet, we’ve become so fixated on everyone’s sexual preferences that it’s spilled beyond relationships into jobs, culture, and every other facet of our shared community life. Sex is an intensely interpersonal act that has two aims: to emotionally bind spouses more closely and to create children. The only time I’m interested in hearing about your sexual preferences is in the context of a baby announcement.
I remember one time I met an accountant who told me, “I’m not an accountant, I account for things. My job does not define me.” He said it in jest, but he made a solid point. We are complex and dynamic beings. I’m a son, brother, husband, father, writer, web designer, business owner, Catholic, American, Virginian, pilot, stamp collector, reader, walker, lover of olives, jazz listener, and so many other things. To define myself by just one of those aspects to the detriment of the rest would not only be unfair to me, it’d define me as something other than who I truly am. I am all of these things together.
How did we let our sexuality become our defining characteristic? Sex has always been a fascination, but when we “liberated” our sexuality in the 1960s and 1970s, is when we really got out of balance. Honestly, do you feel liberated? Contraceptives have been a complete disaster. Women spend half of their reproductive lives using them to avoid pregnancy and the other half trying desperately to reverse the effects in order to achieve pregnancy. Rates of single parenting, the number one indicator of potential poverty are through the roof. Pornography is ridiculously accessible. Doesn’t sound like the fun liberation that was promised.
Our sexuality is important and it’s incredibly personal, but we’ve let ourselves become prisoners of our sexuality. We’ve forced ourselves to act in certain ways because people say that’s how we should act. High school students lose their virginity because they’re told that’s what you’re supposed to do. People with very real and serious emotional problems are counseled by medical and mental health professionals to masturbate instead of seeking avenues that will actually heal and correct the underlying issues.
All of this is absurd. Sex is the vehicle by which the fruits of the married life, namely children, are achieved. It’s the method by which spouses are emotionally and biologically unified. It’s the complete gift of self, of vulnerability, shared in the context of an indissoluble bound, that is meant to be shared by spouses and with no one else.
Sex is for you to share with your spouse, not the world. You’re so much more than a sexual being, you’re an integrated person. It’s only by living an integrated life, with each component of your personhood in proper balance, that you’ll achieve the lasting happiness and deep sense of peace that you desire. Everything else falls to nothing.
Go Read the Documents
If you have a question about what the Church teaches, just go read the documents. Start with the Catechism and then go and read supporting documents. There’s no need to be confused or lost in ambiguity. There’s no need to hem and haw about what She says or teaches. The Church is an open book for anyone, Catholic or otherwise, to understand why She teaches what She does.
Incredible Martyrs
I’m encouraged by the stories of martyrs. Their fortitude in the face of unimaginable pain and sufferings is beyond inspiring. Truly their martyrdoms were events full of grace, and yet, their pain was very real. It’s doubtful that there’s really ever been a time in the Church’s history when Her members weren’t being killed in hatred of the faith somewhere in the World.
While we hear the stories of the end of a martyr’s life, we often don’t know much about the rest of their life. We meet them, so to speak, as they receive the crown of martyrdom, but we don’t see their struggle in their faith life. We see how their story ends, but not how it begins. This is a tragedy because their stories are not unlike our own. We should readily identify with them in their human experience and see that it is possible to achieve a deep and pure faith as they did.
Martyrdom is rarely a “humane” death. Even today, Christians are being crucified. Martyrs often suffer the most barbaric, unconscionable, and markedly demented cruelties. Most are so extreme, it’s unbelievable that the torturers were able to endure the sight, let alone conduct the tortures themselves. Yet, despite the depravity, despite their desire to crush faith and root out the Church, martyrdom does just the opposite.
It’s said that the Church is built on the blood of the martyrs. The martyred are remembered, their attackers are not. Martyrdom feeds the Church’s growth because it’s hard not to be inspired when many are willing to die instead of give up the treasure of their faith.
While you and I may not be called to a physical martyrdom, we are called to give witness to our faith. The consequences may be less severe, but the impact is still the same. When we live the Christian life well and others can see it, they are inspired. Your actions may even inspire some to join the Church.
The martyrs were willing to give their lives for love of Christ and the Church. May we be willing to do the same, in whatever way we’re called to.
Finding Wholesome Programming
Lately I’ve been really into movies, books, and TV shows based on real life Cold War era spies. History fascinates me. Some of the stories are so crazy and unbelievable that they’re more entertaining than any story that a writer could make up. I think that’s why I’m so drawn to spy storylines.
I personally think that sex scenes are lazy writing. It’s easy to get people interested and talking about shows that are rich in salacious content, but it’s really just a cheap ploy. The same can be said about vulgarity comedy. Most mainstream stand-up acts today can’t be enjoyed by families because the content is for adults. Again, lazy writing.
The reason why we’re having trouble finding wholesome programming is because, as consumers, we’ve demanded the other content. We’ve demanded more sex, more skin, more drugs, more fantasy. We’ve demanded that writers, actors, and directors create content that could never happen in the real world. We’ve become an audience of voyeurs, enjoying the destruction of people. We got what we asked for.
I wish that there was more wholesome programming available. I don’t define wholesome as something that you’d only find on PBS or the History Channel. I’d say wholesome programming would be shows and movies that focus on the story and the message. Take HBO, for example. Almost all of their original programming is complete garbage. That’s a real waste considering they’re the same people who put together the amazing Band of Brothers series. They’re capable of doing good, they just make more money on the junk.
What you feed your mind has an impact on your overall health and well being. Don’t fill up on junk content.