Rethinking Together Time
Is residency over yet? With just under 18 months to go, I’m so done with all of this. Alison’s schedule, the shifting sands, and lack of predictability in future planning. It’s a part of the process, but that doesn’t mean that I have to like it. As a part of this whole experience, Alison and I have really had to spend time rethinking what we need when it comes to time together.
When you boil down our daily schedules, we have a paltry 1 to 2 hours together a day where we’re not eating, sleeping, or working. In that time Alison needs to unwind and I still need to read and finish up tasks from the day, meaning we really only have 60 minutes. Ouch. How do we meet our needs for togetherness when we can only find 60 minutes in a day?
Obviously, we had to rethink what we want out of together time. First, we spend more time together on days when she’s off. If she has a day off after a 24 hour shift, I’ll dial back the amount of work I’ll do during the day. As an example, I cancelled my day a few weeks back and we spent the day at IKEA and frustratingly assembling the things that we bought at IKEA. This together time strategy requires flexibility that thankfully we’ve been able to craft through my work.
Next, we keep weekends light and clear. When Alison has a day or two off on the weekends, we spend most of those days together. The time might be spent playing with Benedict or running errands. These are low intensity activities so that we can be together and she can still be resting after a series high intensity shifts. We might have someone over for dinner or take a quick weekend trip, but all of that scheduling is done with a eye on her overall workload.
Finally, we had to take a hard look at the ugly week night and admit that there was little to be done. We can watch something on TV, or she’s free to craft, work on a project, or do whatever. I place no expectation on her and I have plenty of my own non-work activities to work on. That’s taken a lot of stress off of us because she can make decisions based on how her day went.
When time is tight, you have to make tough choices. I’ve written about the complexity of time management many times on this blog. It’s important to remember that time management is dynamic and that when things get really tight, the best thing you can do is adjust expectations.
Diligent Budgeting
Diligent budgeting requires three distinct toolsets: allocating, tracking, and accounting. Although each toolset has its own challenges and difficulties, using all three in unison can prove a very powerful asset as you strive to reach your financial goals. By not employing all three, you’re likely to lose money somewhere in your budget.
Allocating is the proactive step in the budgeting process in which you take your income, and divide it among the categories for spending. Ideally, every dollar that you take in will be allocated somewhere in your budget to be saved or spent. Allocating happens before the month begins so that you’re ready to start spending on the first day of the month.
Tracking is how you measure what you allocated versus what you actually spent. This happens during the month. As you track your budget through the weeks, you may need to make adjustments. Some adjustments are required due to poor planning, and others are due to changing circumstances. Roll with the punches and stop bad purchase habits as soon as they’re detected.
Accounting tells you where your money went. Your accounting system, which may be as simple as a bank statement or a checkbook register, will show you how you spent your money. Accounting is where you balance your checkbook at least monthly to ensure that the numbers that you’re budgeting off of are solid. Although it’s the least glamorous, accounting is necessary because it ensures that your math is based in reality and not guesswork. All of this happens at the end of the month.
Diligent budgeting requires all three; allocating at the beginning of the month, tracking during the month, and then accounting at the end of the month. If you want to be successful at budgeting, first become an expert at allocating, then tracking, and finally accounting. When your budget follows these three methods over the course of the month, you’ll be surprised at how quickly you reach your financial goals.
Priests Are Superheroes
If I were a priest, the standing weekly appointment that I’d most look forward to, and at the same time most dread, is Reconciliation. Confession is a beautiful, necessary, and needed Sacrament. Yet, for the priest, it also means that he must stand in the place of Christ, already a challenging role, and receive the burdens of everyone. I imagine that experiencing the fight for good and evil in such a real way can be an emotional challenge.
Our priests are truly superheroes. Not only do they listen to our darkest secrets, and not only do they keep them in secrecy, but they then are able cut straight to the heart of the matter with words of wisdom, consolation, and peace. They hear our miserable failings and, in the face of hopelessness, shine a bright light on us and give us hope. They challenge us to do better and they grant us absolution.
We frequently get to experience the freedom of walking out of the Confessional with our sins having been forgiven. Let’s not forget the men who sacrifice their lives to make it possible for us to receive the Sacraments that we so desperately need.
Christian Animosity Towards Catholics
During Pope Francis' recent visit to the United States, I was inundated with news articles, Tweets, and Facebook posts about the Church, often from people who aren’t Catholic. Some of the reporting was quite pitiful, and a few of the Tweets and Facebook posts were inane. One of the most shocking Tweets I read was about the Papal Mass at Madison Square Gardens. The twit asked why they made the Mass a ticketed event when it should be open to anyone who wants to go.
The reasons to restrict attendance at that particular Mass, in that particular venue, are beyond obvious, not the least of which being fire codes. What was shocking was just how poignant Christian animosity towards Catholics still remains today. Not only does it go against the tenants of our shared faith, it comes from a place that refuses to recognize the good that we do and our areas of agreement.
The Catholic Church hasn’t had a perfect history, and yet it has still withstood every attack since its founding. While the Church maintains an unbroken line of Apostolic Secession, the Sacraments, the Magisterium, and the fullness of faith, other Christian denominations do share some fullness of the faith. Christians believe in Jesus and agree, in general, on the merits of living based on His teaching.
Both Catholics and Christians are doing good things in the world, and we’re all struggling with sin while we strive to live the life that we aspire to. This reality is something else that we have in common. It’s unnecessary for us to have any degree of animosity towards each other. Those ill feelings only distract us from our true mission, which is to share the Gospel with all nations. Let’s do a better job of presenting a united front to the world and focusing on doing good works, instead of tearing each other down.
Prayer and Flowers
This summer, Alison and I really got into gardening. We had an herb garden on our back porch along with assorted flowers, we had a small garden growing peas, potatoes, garlic, and onions. The biggest challenge we faced was the sun. Our garden had tons of sunlight and, with this summer’s heat, lots of difficulty flourishing. We took a trip for about four days and when we came home, most of our plants were dead.
The whole experience called my attention back to my daily prayer life. Our prayer life is a lot like that garden. We need to be like the good gardener, diligently tending to the garden of our prayer life. Our prayer life needs attention daily, plenty of resources, and most importantly, reserved time. If you set aside time for prayer, it’ll happen.
Like a garden, our prayer life can flourish if we give it the attention that it needs. If we remain disciplined, we’ll grow. Yet, only a small dose of negligence is all that’s required for us to start to lose the vibrancy. It can be regained, just as a recently withering plant can be brought back in a few days with water. Yet, there’s a point where we have to start all over.
Prayer should be the cornerstone of our days, and yet it can be difficult to get started and keep going. Remind yourself of your role as the gardener of your soul, keep your eye on your prayer life, and keep on praying.
Every Election is Important
We’re getting deep into the 2016 election, even though it’s more than a year away. The fields for both political parties are getting plenty of attention for the wild card candidates that have thrown their hats into the ring. There’s a level of excitement about the race, but really for all of the wrong reasons.
When Alexis de Tocqueville wrote his famous Democracy in America, he shared his astonishing findings that students left the 2nd grade completely literate. Even more than that, the rates of involvement in the political process were extraordinarily high. In the early 1800s, he met a generation of Americans who had tyranny fresh on their minds. They saw the importance of active participation in the political process as a way to steer the future of their young nation.
Today, voter turnout rates are dismal, even worse in off-cycle and midterm elections. We’re an electorate that, in general, is disengaged in the process. The interest, this year, is because of the nature of the personal attacks and the personalities of a few of the candidates.
Our election system is important regardless of who the candidates are. We shouldn’t be curious just to see who will attack whom. We should be interested because our future is being debated. Primaries, debates, and campaigns help shape the national conversation. Who do we want to be? What do we want to do next? Where do we want to go? What issues need to be addressed immediately? These are the great questions that elections ultimately answer. The variety of candidates, many of which know they have no hope of winning, share their views and ideas, many of which eventually get put into party platforms or in nominee policy papers.
Apathy towards the system, only participating in the general election, or not participating at all is at the least a shirking of one’s civic duty. At worst, it’s a failure in one’s moral duty. Listen to the conversation, participate in the process, and vote. Thousands of Americans have given up their lives to protect your right to vote.
Things Will Never Make You Happy
When there’s something that I want to buy, I tend to develop a laser-like focus on achieving that goal. I’ll work to find any way I can to be able to get that thing. This most often happens with technology. All of this focus builds suspense and excitement, which quickly dissipates just a few days after I make the purchase. The suspense and excitement are gone, and I just move on.
You’re probably a lot like me. We like stuff and honestly, there’s nothing wrong with that. Stuff is fun, it can allow you to do new things, and mostly, it’s cool. It’s only when we let stuff take up too much space in our lives that we get into trouble.
In the end, stuff is empty. It can’t meet your emotional needs and it won’t bring stability into your life. You need to invest in your wife, in your family, and in your faith. You need to be more focused and excited about your vocation, about spending time with your family, and about doing things together.
The excitement of whatever that thing inevitably comes to an end and then you just have stuff, in a closet somewhere gathering dust because it’s out of date. That’s the beauty of focusing on those whom you love. They’ll never be out of date, boring, or empty. Like a perennial flower, they’ll just keep blooming, year after year.
Never Quit
Quitters quit. In perhaps the most obvious statement ever made on this blog, I’ll state it again. People who are quitters quit things. The strange thing is that many quit just before they hit their inflection point. I’ve been tempted to quit this blog dozens, if not hundreds of times over the past two and a half years. At this point, the momentum is with me, and I just keep rolling. My writing skills have improved and I’ve found my voice.
There are many things in our lives that we’re tempted to quit. Our jobs, hobbies, learning new skills, weight loss plans, and sometimes, even our marriages. The happiest people, the people who achieve the highest levels of success share the same quality: they never quit. They weather the storm, persevere, and reap a bountiful harvest. Like patient farmers, they toil daily towards a goal, often quietly and anonymously. Farmers are never surprised when their crops yield in the Fall, neither are successful people. They’ve done the work and the results flow from it.
Quitting is easy. Quitting is simple. Quitting is quick. The things that are easy, simple, and quick are generally not the best things in life. They don’t bring lasting results. Work for something that has meaning. Work for something that’s worth all of your effort, all of your creativity, and all of your time.
There may be something in your life that right now you’re considering quitting. I’m telling you today, on behalf of your future self, don’t.
Parenting: Exhilarating and Exhausting
Now that more of my friends are getting married and having kids, my Facebook timeline, or whatever we’re calling it now, is filled with pictures of children. Heck, I look at my own Instagram and it’s basically just pictures of Benedict. To some it may be annoying, but I think this all speaks to a deeper truth. Children are the most important thing in their parent’s lives.
The selflessness required of parents is absolute. For the hours when the children are awake, they take the full attention of their parents. Parents eat last, clean constantly, and are the cruise director for their children’s lives. When the children are asleep, the parent is on alert for any cries or sounds of distress, checking constantly to ensure their safety and welfare. It’s altogether awesome and exhausting.
While there are certainly some selfish parents out there, on the whole, I think that parenthood awakens within the average adult a deep desire to serve. It’s basic, it’s noble, it’s human, and it’s something to aspire to.
To the parents reading this blog, I applaud you. To those who wish to be, start preparing now.
A Refuge in the World
I don’t spend nearly enough time in Adoration. When I was in middle school, my mom and I were members of our local Nocturnal Adoration society. During my two years at Franciscan University, there was perpetual Adoration during most of the academic year, but I didn’t often take advantage of it. Before we had Benedict, Alison and I did have a regular adoration shift on Friday nights, but since moving to Virginia, I’ve only been to our Parish’s perpetual Adoration a handful of times. For such an amazing experience, I really ought to go more often.
Think about what Adoration is. One-on-one time with God, the creator of the Universe. He’s physically present. You just can’t spend time in Adoration and not be changed in some way.
Perhaps my favorite part of the whole Adoration experience is the peace and quiet that accompanies it. Nearly every moment of my day is filled with bings, beeps, lights, and distractions. When I’m in Adoration I don’t have to worry. I don’t have to think about my to do list, what I’m having for dinner, when I’m going to go grocery shopping, or how much work I have to do. I’m free to just be there. Present. Still. Calm.
There are many ways to live out our faith and to experience the daily life of the Church, but I’d say that Adoration, outside of the Sacraments themselves, is the most worthwhile. I’ve never had a “bad” experience of Adoration. I’ve only found myself awash in an ocean of calm.
Find an opportunity to go to Adoration near you, speak, listen, and be still. It’ll be worth every second.