Gratitude is at the Heart of the Christian Life
Today, we celebrate the amazing Thanksgiving. Although this humble holiday tends to get trampled on by shopping deals and the upcoming Christmas season, it’s actually one of the most important days of the year. Thanksgiving is all about gratitude, which is a central theme of the Christian life.
We are who we are, where we are, blessed as we are, because of God. Thanksgiving turns our minds back to that reality. Families have so few opportunities each year to all gather together, and Thanksgiving presents that opportunity. Cousins get to play together, aunts and uncles get to play with their nieces and nephews, and all take time to reflect on the many blessings that they’ve received throughout the past year. What a beautiful holiday!
Gratitude is a central theme of the Christian life because it serves as the core of humility. Gratitude recognizes that our good life is a result of the good graces of another. Not only to we acknowledge the providence of God, but also those who make our lives easier, better, and more prosperous. The first Thanksgiving demonstrates this principle as the pilgrims thanked God for safe journey and the Native Americans for helping them through a difficult transition to their new lives.
There’s much anger, hurt, and sadness in the World today, but all of us can find at least one bright spot in our lives and be grateful for the blessings that we’ve been given. Eat well, enjoy the time with your family, and pass the mashed potatoes!
In Heaven Together
One of the best theological explanations of the Mass that I’ve ever heard is that when you’re at Mass, you’re drawn up into Heaven. When you go to Mass as a family, for that hour, your family is together in Heaven. Incredible! That explanation revolutionized my perspective of Mass and even today still blows my mind.
I think this theology is one of the soundest and best arguments for families to go to Mass together, when possible. What better activity can be undertaken by your family than worshiping God together in the presence of Heaven? What activity could be more important in the weekly rhythm of the family life?
This reminds me of my desire for my family to be together in Heaven. Even though I have no concrete idea of what Heaven will be like, I know that I want to be there with them. That’s the nature of the family. We’re drawn together, through the love of mother and father, to promote the common good and to help and encourage one another on our Earthly journey.
If you want your family to get to Heaven, what do you need to do, starting today, to make that happen?
Your Sacred Ring
In the Catholic Church, we have aids that help to remind ourselves of God’s loving presence in our lives. We call these aids sacramentals. They are things that have been blessed and that point us back to God. Without being blessed, they are something ordinary like some beads strung together on a rope or water in a bowl. After having been blessed, they become something holy, something that’s a means to achieve peace and holiness in this life, and joy in the next.
Recently I was considering the role of sacramentals in our daily lives. Embarrassingly, while observing all of the sacramentals around me, I forgot to acknowledge one that is omnipresent in my life: my wedding ring. Blessed during the Mass at which Alison and I conferred the Sacrament of Matrimony upon one another, this ring which I wear continuously is a sacramental. It’s a simple metal ring, but because it has been blessed and because it was gifted to me as a part of the Sacrament of Matrimony, it’s now a holy object that reminds me of the sacred bond that Alison and I now share.
Some people see the ring as just that, a ring. It sits on their finger and that’s about it. Some consider it to be a controlling device while others remove it when they set out to act contrary to their marital promises. For us as Catholics, it’s humility of presence stands as a physical reminder of the supernatural bond that we’ve entered into. Our wedding ring reminds us of the promises of our wedding day and of the Sacramental bond that we share with our spouses. Our wedding ring is the physical sign of the constituted Sacrament.
We attach much emotional value to our wedding ring, and rightly so. It is a reminder of what was hopefully a beautiful and memorable day. At the same time, it is so much more than that. Your wedding ring is a symbol of the Sacrament which you have entered into. When things are difficult and life is challenging, remember that your ring is not just a ring of gold, but a blessed sacramental, pointing you back to greater levels of fidelity, integrity, and holiness.
Starting Fresh
We all love a fresh start. New beginnings are always full of hope, excitement, and promise. We feel refreshed, able to take on the world and whatever challenges life sends our way. Fresh starts can be hard to come by. In relationships, past hurts get in our way. First impressions are lasting impressions and, if you make a mistake, it can be extremely difficult to overcome. What if there was a way to get a true fresh start? What if there was a reset button you could press that would wipe the slate clean and get you back on track?
Our yearning for fresh starts begins with an acknowledgement that we are weak. We make mistakes, dozens of mistakes, every single day. None of us has a great track record. It’s out of this reality that God offers us, through the Church and the Sacrament of Reconciliation, the fresh start that we so desperately need.
Confession is that new beginning. It’s the grace we need to start fresh, to start over, and to get it right this time. We know the path isn’t easy, but we choose to comb the mountain anyway. But Confession is only that, a beginning. When we leave the confessional, it’s immediately up to us to make better choices and temptation is waiting as close as the doors of the Church.
So, how do we keep from messing it up again?
Stop giving yourself passes. There’s a balance to be struck between being overly scrupulous and too lax in our treatment of ourselves. We can be tempted to be too nit-picky, or we can be tempted to chalk all of our sins up to our humanity and move on. It’s time to get tough and find the middle of the road. Yes, we will sin. But those sins can be minor.We have the ability to control ourselves, we need to use it.
Get serious about Heaven and Hell. We don’t know when death is coming, but at some point, it will. We like to think that we’ll live until we’re at least 80, and most of us will. However, no matter what age you are, people older than you have died, and people who are younger than you have died. That means we need to get serious about the reality of Heaven and Hell and we need to buy our ticket, today. We must decide where we want to spend eternity and let our thoughts, actions, and choices flow from that decision.
Turn the focus off you. I love focusing on me, but one of the best way to reduce incidents of sin is to focus on someone else. Most sin is about me and how I want to feel. So if I lose myself in service to others (wife, kids, friends, community), I’ll have less opportunity to commit sin. As much as I love me, I could love me a lot less and be much more happy.
Fresh starts are amazing, but it’s important to not blow it. Next time you’re in line for Confession, make planning a better life for yourself part of your examination of conscience.
Disengage This Holiday Season
I have a challenge for you this Thanksgiving and Christmas: disengage.
I can see it now. You’re sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner, the family is gathered around, the cousins are at the kids table having a great time, and someone is sitting at the table on their phone. Maybe it’s you!
Since I’m freelance, I only get paid for when I’m working. That means when I don’t work, I earn $0/hour. Thanksgiving and Christmas fall on weekdays, which means that I’m going to lose work hours. Yet, despite this “loss,” I need to recognize that there are more important things. Four missed work days in the course of two months isn’t going to kill me.
The holiday season is a chance for families to gather and I’d hate to have you waste it distracted. Give yourself permission to disengage from work. Heck, just disengage. Limit your screen time and enjoy the original face time.
Rest is good for you and the end of the year provides some golden opportunities to take advantage. Don’t blow it.
Never Rush Decisions
It’s only when I rush into something that I get burned. Alison and I have recently been car shopping, which in and of itself is a time-pressured experience. Vehicles go up for sale and are sold, sometimes in a matter of days. Like a whack-a-mole game, opportunities come and go in an instant. Especially when it’s a major, life altering decision, don’t rush.
I’m the kind of guy that likes to check off boxes. When I have a project, I want to get it done and move on to the next thing. That’s great when it comes to work or tasks around the house. It’s the worst possible mentality when it comes to major decisions. It’s not immaturity, it’s simply that I need to have more patience when entering into these types of big decisions. Rushing them leads to poor outcomes and, if they’re financial decisions, bad deals.
If you operate like I do, I have a few thoughts to help you make better decisions. First, set clear parameters. With the car, Alison and I want to pay with cash. That limits the amount we’re willing to spend and, since we’re feeling every dollar that we do spend, we’re better prepared to walk away from a bad deal. Parameters help to quickly filter out bad options. Second, only allow yourself to move forward if it’s a straightforward option. If there’s lots of bending over backwards to make the decision go through, don’t do it. We only get “creative” when we have to make the bad decision work. Like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole, you can make it happen, but you’ll lose something in the process. Finally, only make a decision if you and your wife are in agreement. Alison keeps me balanced and can see my blind spots. If we’re both in agreement, we can be confident that we’re making the right decision. As an added bonus, if something goes wrong, you won’t find yourself blaming one another.
If you’re wired to work with focus and intensity and make decisions quickly, be careful when making big decisions. There’s never a good reason to rush anything major. You can always buy more time. You can’t, however, always reverse the effects of a decision that was poorly made.
Giving Everything for Your Kids
Love is a concept that’s been distorted and misunderstood. We all yearn to hear the words “I love you,” but few of us can comprehend what it truly means until we’re tested. It’s easy to tell someone that you love them when all is going well, but what about when the whole world has been turned upside down? I think the best model of love in our world is that of a parent for their child.
The parent-child relationship is the epitome of love. The child can do nothing for the parent nor can they do anything for themselves. They are wholly reliant on the parent for their welfare and wellbeing. There’s something instinctual as a parent that causes you to want to give your child everything that you have. Even when you’re completely exhausted and they’ve been whiny and destructive all day, you still draw that bath and read them a story before bed.
I think that kids bring out the best in people. It’s like a certain operating program was hidden within us all of these years and when we have a child for the first time, we switch over. We become less self-focused and instead turn our time, action, and attention to our kids.
This transformation was illustrated for me a few weeks ago. Alison was away at a conference and Benedict was with his grandparents, leaving me home alone for three days. I caught myself multiple times each day doing things to ensure Benedict’s comfort and safety, even though he was no where around. I spoke quietly on the phone when in my office (which is next to his room), I moved the blind drawstrings out of reach so he couldn’t hurt himself on them, and I even kept closing the baby gates.
Kids change everything about us and how we operate, but for the better. As I contemplate the amount of love that I have for Benedict and how deeply I sacrifice for him, I better comprehend what love is. Beyond that, I gain a better understanding of God’s love for us.
Children demand everything from us, and we willingly give it. May the dynamics of this relationship encourage us to live holier lives and to be less self-centered.
We’re Not Guaranteed Any Time
In the course of our human existence, we’re faced with tragedies, none more sorrowful than the untimely death of someone in our lives. We have a justified belief that all of us will live into our 70s, 80s, or 90s, but the truth remains that none of us are promised any amount of time. That’s why it’s so important for us to take the time we do have and to make something great out of it.
It’s said that the great lie of the Devil is that there’s time. Time to change, time to reform, time to renew. Live today, go to Confession tomorrow because there’s nothing but time. There’s a reason that is a lie. We don’t know how long our mission will last on Earth, or how many more chances we’ll get to make things right. We just don’t know.
The temptation with this knowledge is to fret and obsess over the question of how long we have left. That is not at all the point. While the Devil directs us towards the negative, God would prefer us to focus on the positive. We’re given today, so enjoy it. We have our family, so love them. We have our health, our spiritual fortitude, the life of the Church, so immerse yourself in them.
Our bonds as people are strong with one another, and so the grief of losing someone that we love can be overwhelming, especially if it is sudden, unexpected, or if they were “too young.” These bonds are beautiful because while they cause us sorrow in death, that means they can be cause for tremendous joy in life. Recognize those bonds today and share their goodness with one another.
We do not have the full picture of our own lives, let alone those of whom we know and love. We can only trust that God, who wishes only the best for us, works in His own mysterious ways, in His own time, in accordance with His wishes for us. It’s up to those of us who remain to advocate diligently for the departed souls that they might gain admission to Eternal Life, and in that way, pray for us.
Change Starts At Home
I want to live in a world that doesn’t have me in the center.
I want to live in a world where men are celebrated.
I want to live in a world where women are cherished.
I want to live in a world that doesn’t use people for the sake of self-gratification.
I want to live in a world that values both the good of the community as well as the good of the individual.
I want to live in a world where people are encouraged to be the best they can, not just enough to make it.
If I want to live in that kind of world, I need to begin in my own home.
Vapid Music
I’m fairly certain in every generation, as art pushes the boundaries of cultural norms and acceptability, there’s always a crowd of people who assert that the new forms of art are unacceptable and in some ways corrupting. In modern society, as the boundaries of music are broken down and it’s availability reaches its apex, so too has the sheer amount of music. New forms of music are emerging, as are new subforms. As we all consume more and more music, the importance of the message and impact becomes paramount.
What you eat, you become. The same is true for music. As music plays in the background of our lives, the message that it’s sending us is important. It seems to me that music has become quite vapid. Lyrics are petty, beats are copied, and there’s nothing that calls us to greater levels of human existence.
I see music as being on par with literature. There is some truly tremendous literature on the shelves of libraries, homes, and offices, but there’s also pandering literature and books that are complete garbage. The same is true for music. All music falls on a spectrum, but more and more lands on the garbage end.
The only harm that this new wave of vapid music is causing is self-inflicted. I choose what I listen to just as I choose what I read. If I read a philosophy book, I walk away a better person. If I read a raunchy romance book, I walk away no better of a person, if not worse.
Music tends to reflect the cultural attitudes of the day, and so I think it’s fair to say that the music of today is accurate and appropriate to where we are at as a society. However, it’s doubtful that in 30 years we’ll be listening to 1Direction on a Classic Pop channel. When you listen to music, be cognizant of how it affects you and your thinking. Are you going to listen to something edifying and uplifting, or shallow and empty?