Lean on God
It’s human nature to want to be independent. We want to be free to make our own decisions and have the dignity of supporting ourselves. Our quest to be beholden to no one begins early in our development, becoming most evident in our teenage years. While we see dependence as a weakness, the question must be asked: is it? No matter how independent we seek to become, is total independence really something to pursue? Certainly there are some worthy forms of independence such as that of financial independence or the independence of living on your own. Yet, as humans, I think it’s necessary for us to be totally dependent in one sense. We must be totally dependent on God.
There is no independence from God. Philosophically and theologically, if we were independent from God, we wouldn’t be here because His thought of us sustains our existence. But I don’t want to make this about an intellectual exercise, rather, I want to explore this as an exercise of love. We should embrace our dependance on God and love Him for it.
Benedict is now 2 years old. Little by little, he gains independence from me. Yet, even though he can do little things, he still needs my help to achieve the essential things. He can eat food on his own, but he needs me to prepare it for him. He can walk around outside, but he needs me to open the door for him. He doesn’t loathe his dependance on me. Rather, he embraces it joyfully. He smiles, laughs, and eagerly runs to me as I do all of these things for him. We should take the same tack in our relationship with God.
All of the blessings in our lives are thanks to the good graces of God. Our family, employment, finances, health, and freedom are all a direct result of God giving us those blessings. As a part of our dependance on God, we should be joyful and eager to ask for more blessings. It’s not selfish, it’s what He’s promised. Time and time again we hear in Scripture about God’s promise to provide for us, both in good times and bad.
We should ask God for the big things and for the little things. We should ask Him for help in small ways and for help in big ways. We should also always remember to give Him the praise and thanks that are due. The best way to do that is to live a life of service as He asked.
Our dependance on God is not a burden to be borne, but rather a gift to be embraced. Like any good parent, He wants to shower us with love, graces, affection, and blessings, if only we ask for them.
Change Requires Pain
There’s something very real and raw about wanting to make changes in our lives. We all want to be better than we are today. We can see our future and (hopefully) we foresee brighter days with better financial security, better jobs, better opportunity, and better quality of life. The challenge is enduring the pains that it takes to get us from where we are to where we want to be.
For the past 4 (almost 5) years, I’ve been working on my physical health. We all innately understand the challenges of weight loss and, once we achieve our goal, the challenge of maintaining it. With all of the delicious foods in the world, consistently saying no to the bad things and yes to the good things is a real challenge. My main tool for getting me to my ideal weight has been walking and tracking my daily steps, but lately I’ve added in more traditional exercises. I’ve chosen to do the 7-minute workout about five times per week. if you’re unfamiliar, you basically do twelve 30-second exercises at an intense pace. I hate every minute of it.
It’s pretty cute when Benedict comes over to hang out with me while I workout and mimics what I’m doing, but overall, it stinks. It’s difficult, it’s oftentimes painful, and it’s always uncomfortable. I know that since I’m just beginning, it’ll get easier, but jumpstarting this routine is all uphill. So why continue? Because I know it’ll get me where I want to be.
Physical health, emotional health, spiritual health, and even relational health all require us to, at times, experience difficulty, pain, and discomfort. Yet, after we push through the challenges, we reach the other side where there is increased quality of life. People never reach their weight goal and say, “That wasn’t worth it.” No one puts down a novel and says, “I wish I had spent that time watching TV.” No one spends an afternoon with their child and says, “I wish I had worked.”
The more resistance you face in making your life, or the life of your family, better, the more assured you should be of your goal. Keep pushing, it’s almost always worth it.
Evil is Real
How many times have we witnessed the great falls of those whom claim to be holy and religious? How many times have we heard of televangelists, missionaries, and people that we once regarded to be of high moral standing exposed as being other than what they claimed? For some fraction of these cases, the individuals themselves were perpetrating a fraud. For the large majority of cases, we should walk away with one lesson: evil is real.
The more good that you do in the world, the more spiritual fruit that you bear, the bigger target that you become. It’s understandable that if you’re doing good things and people are being changed by them, you’ll become a bigger target for the Devil. Taking down one prominent person does more damage with less work than trying to topple followers one at a time.
Truthfully, I don’t think many of us think about the Devil as being at work in our lives. Certainly we see war, terrorism, and other violence and tacitly acknowledge that it’s the work of the Devil, but by and large, we don’t really believe that he’s real. I even feel weird using the word “devil” in this post, as if I’m some crazy religious nut who should be dismissed by my readers as such.
That’s the thing, though. That feeling that I’ll be perceived as crazy is a sign that his work is effective. The more dismissive we are about his existence and the more complacent we grow, the easier it is for him to work. He’s subtle and subversive, working quietly until it’s too late.
He’s at work, always looking for weaknesses and flaws to exploit. He’s “prowling like a roaring lion” in our world. So if you’re out there doing good things, know that he’s looking for ways to undo them. The good that we do and the holiness that we achieve diminishes his work and effectiveness. He’s looking to take you down. Don’t let your denial of his existence give him greater influence over your decisions.
Evil is real, never doubt that. But evil is so much less than Good.
A Family of Saints
During this year’s Synod on the Family, Pope Francis canonized Louis and Marie-Azelie Martin, the parents of St. Therese. What’s particularly interesting about the Martin family is the vocations that came out of it. The Martin’s had 9 children, four of whom died in childhood. Of the five who survived, all girls, each entered the religious life. This true model of holiness in a family has me thinking, what will it take for me to raise a family of saints?
From an American perspective, I think that it’s important to address the sheer number of vocations from this particular family. I have two thoughts. First, it’s clear that the love of Christ was at the center of this family. Their faith so permeated every aspect of the family life that the only spouse any of their daughters would be satisfied with was Christ Himself. Second, I think it’s equally important to note that not every family is called so deeply into the consecrated life. I think this is the message that the Church sends with the Martin family. The religious life can be a path to holiness (and consequently, sainthood), but equally so can the married life be a path to holiness.
As for me, what can I do, working with Alison, to raise a family of saints? I think that I need to first look to myself. I need to move my spiritual life to the next level. I need to work on my prayer life so that it’s not an appointment on my calendar, but instead is precious time in my day. I need to spend more time contemplating holiness and working on my own inner flaws. I then need to share my faith with Benedict. He doesn’t see me pray in the morning because he’s asleep, so I need to find ways to incorporate the rhythm of my prayer life into the day so that we can share it together.
Like any New Years Resolution or fad diet, the allure of a rich spiritual life tempts us to run very hard, very quickly, only leading to burnout. A rich spiritual life can only be attained through perseverance, diligence, and hard work. This is something that will take a lifetime of work, placing the lowest priority on my own needs and the highest priority on the needs of Alison and my family.
It’s easy for us to see a family like the Martin’s and think that that could never be us, but what we really need to see when we look in the mirror is a future saint. No path is straight, no saint is perfect. We all mess up and we all have to decide for ourselves what kind of life we will lead. Will we embrace the difficult things today in exchange for true happiness, or will we waste our days on those that will be fleeting? We can be saints, and we can raise a family of saints, if we align our desires with the desires of God.
Gratitude is at the Heart of the Christian Life
Today, we celebrate the amazing Thanksgiving. Although this humble holiday tends to get trampled on by shopping deals and the upcoming Christmas season, it’s actually one of the most important days of the year. Thanksgiving is all about gratitude, which is a central theme of the Christian life.
We are who we are, where we are, blessed as we are, because of God. Thanksgiving turns our minds back to that reality. Families have so few opportunities each year to all gather together, and Thanksgiving presents that opportunity. Cousins get to play together, aunts and uncles get to play with their nieces and nephews, and all take time to reflect on the many blessings that they’ve received throughout the past year. What a beautiful holiday!
Gratitude is a central theme of the Christian life because it serves as the core of humility. Gratitude recognizes that our good life is a result of the good graces of another. Not only to we acknowledge the providence of God, but also those who make our lives easier, better, and more prosperous. The first Thanksgiving demonstrates this principle as the pilgrims thanked God for safe journey and the Native Americans for helping them through a difficult transition to their new lives.
There’s much anger, hurt, and sadness in the World today, but all of us can find at least one bright spot in our lives and be grateful for the blessings that we’ve been given. Eat well, enjoy the time with your family, and pass the mashed potatoes!
In Heaven Together
One of the best theological explanations of the Mass that I’ve ever heard is that when you’re at Mass, you’re drawn up into Heaven. When you go to Mass as a family, for that hour, your family is together in Heaven. Incredible! That explanation revolutionized my perspective of Mass and even today still blows my mind.
I think this theology is one of the soundest and best arguments for families to go to Mass together, when possible. What better activity can be undertaken by your family than worshiping God together in the presence of Heaven? What activity could be more important in the weekly rhythm of the family life?
This reminds me of my desire for my family to be together in Heaven. Even though I have no concrete idea of what Heaven will be like, I know that I want to be there with them. That’s the nature of the family. We’re drawn together, through the love of mother and father, to promote the common good and to help and encourage one another on our Earthly journey.
If you want your family to get to Heaven, what do you need to do, starting today, to make that happen?
Your Sacred Ring
In the Catholic Church, we have aids that help to remind ourselves of God’s loving presence in our lives. We call these aids sacramentals. They are things that have been blessed and that point us back to God. Without being blessed, they are something ordinary like some beads strung together on a rope or water in a bowl. After having been blessed, they become something holy, something that’s a means to achieve peace and holiness in this life, and joy in the next.
Recently I was considering the role of sacramentals in our daily lives. Embarrassingly, while observing all of the sacramentals around me, I forgot to acknowledge one that is omnipresent in my life: my wedding ring. Blessed during the Mass at which Alison and I conferred the Sacrament of Matrimony upon one another, this ring which I wear continuously is a sacramental. It’s a simple metal ring, but because it has been blessed and because it was gifted to me as a part of the Sacrament of Matrimony, it’s now a holy object that reminds me of the sacred bond that Alison and I now share.
Some people see the ring as just that, a ring. It sits on their finger and that’s about it. Some consider it to be a controlling device while others remove it when they set out to act contrary to their marital promises. For us as Catholics, it’s humility of presence stands as a physical reminder of the supernatural bond that we’ve entered into. Our wedding ring reminds us of the promises of our wedding day and of the Sacramental bond that we share with our spouses. Our wedding ring is the physical sign of the constituted Sacrament.
We attach much emotional value to our wedding ring, and rightly so. It is a reminder of what was hopefully a beautiful and memorable day. At the same time, it is so much more than that. Your wedding ring is a symbol of the Sacrament which you have entered into. When things are difficult and life is challenging, remember that your ring is not just a ring of gold, but a blessed sacramental, pointing you back to greater levels of fidelity, integrity, and holiness.
Starting Fresh
We all love a fresh start. New beginnings are always full of hope, excitement, and promise. We feel refreshed, able to take on the world and whatever challenges life sends our way. Fresh starts can be hard to come by. In relationships, past hurts get in our way. First impressions are lasting impressions and, if you make a mistake, it can be extremely difficult to overcome. What if there was a way to get a true fresh start? What if there was a reset button you could press that would wipe the slate clean and get you back on track?
Our yearning for fresh starts begins with an acknowledgement that we are weak. We make mistakes, dozens of mistakes, every single day. None of us has a great track record. It’s out of this reality that God offers us, through the Church and the Sacrament of Reconciliation, the fresh start that we so desperately need.
Confession is that new beginning. It’s the grace we need to start fresh, to start over, and to get it right this time. We know the path isn’t easy, but we choose to comb the mountain anyway. But Confession is only that, a beginning. When we leave the confessional, it’s immediately up to us to make better choices and temptation is waiting as close as the doors of the Church.
So, how do we keep from messing it up again?
Stop giving yourself passes. There’s a balance to be struck between being overly scrupulous and too lax in our treatment of ourselves. We can be tempted to be too nit-picky, or we can be tempted to chalk all of our sins up to our humanity and move on. It’s time to get tough and find the middle of the road. Yes, we will sin. But those sins can be minor.We have the ability to control ourselves, we need to use it.
Get serious about Heaven and Hell. We don’t know when death is coming, but at some point, it will. We like to think that we’ll live until we’re at least 80, and most of us will. However, no matter what age you are, people older than you have died, and people who are younger than you have died. That means we need to get serious about the reality of Heaven and Hell and we need to buy our ticket, today. We must decide where we want to spend eternity and let our thoughts, actions, and choices flow from that decision.
Turn the focus off you. I love focusing on me, but one of the best way to reduce incidents of sin is to focus on someone else. Most sin is about me and how I want to feel. So if I lose myself in service to others (wife, kids, friends, community), I’ll have less opportunity to commit sin. As much as I love me, I could love me a lot less and be much more happy.
Fresh starts are amazing, but it’s important to not blow it. Next time you’re in line for Confession, make planning a better life for yourself part of your examination of conscience.
Disengage This Holiday Season
I have a challenge for you this Thanksgiving and Christmas: disengage.
I can see it now. You’re sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner, the family is gathered around, the cousins are at the kids table having a great time, and someone is sitting at the table on their phone. Maybe it’s you!
Since I’m freelance, I only get paid for when I’m working. That means when I don’t work, I earn $0/hour. Thanksgiving and Christmas fall on weekdays, which means that I’m going to lose work hours. Yet, despite this “loss,” I need to recognize that there are more important things. Four missed work days in the course of two months isn’t going to kill me.
The holiday season is a chance for families to gather and I’d hate to have you waste it distracted. Give yourself permission to disengage from work. Heck, just disengage. Limit your screen time and enjoy the original face time.
Rest is good for you and the end of the year provides some golden opportunities to take advantage. Don’t blow it.
Never Rush Decisions
It’s only when I rush into something that I get burned. Alison and I have recently been car shopping, which in and of itself is a time-pressured experience. Vehicles go up for sale and are sold, sometimes in a matter of days. Like a whack-a-mole game, opportunities come and go in an instant. Especially when it’s a major, life altering decision, don’t rush.
I’m the kind of guy that likes to check off boxes. When I have a project, I want to get it done and move on to the next thing. That’s great when it comes to work or tasks around the house. It’s the worst possible mentality when it comes to major decisions. It’s not immaturity, it’s simply that I need to have more patience when entering into these types of big decisions. Rushing them leads to poor outcomes and, if they’re financial decisions, bad deals.
If you operate like I do, I have a few thoughts to help you make better decisions. First, set clear parameters. With the car, Alison and I want to pay with cash. That limits the amount we’re willing to spend and, since we’re feeling every dollar that we do spend, we’re better prepared to walk away from a bad deal. Parameters help to quickly filter out bad options. Second, only allow yourself to move forward if it’s a straightforward option. If there’s lots of bending over backwards to make the decision go through, don’t do it. We only get “creative” when we have to make the bad decision work. Like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole, you can make it happen, but you’ll lose something in the process. Finally, only make a decision if you and your wife are in agreement. Alison keeps me balanced and can see my blind spots. If we’re both in agreement, we can be confident that we’re making the right decision. As an added bonus, if something goes wrong, you won’t find yourself blaming one another.
If you’re wired to work with focus and intensity and make decisions quickly, be careful when making big decisions. There’s never a good reason to rush anything major. You can always buy more time. You can’t, however, always reverse the effects of a decision that was poorly made.