Where Emotion and Perception Rule
My degree is in classical philosophy, with a heavy emphasis in Ancient Greek thought. Of all of the courses that I took, none stand out as more impactful than Logic. When use that word, “logic,” a lot without really appreciating just what it is. (I will use an upper-case “L” when referring to Logic in the classical sense.) Logic is a system, very closely related to mathematics, that helps us to process thoughts and positions to ensure integrity and congruence.
Within Logic, there are two general types of formulas: tautologies and fallacies. Tautologies are formulas that are always true, while fallacies are formulas that are essentially flawed and can never deliver a true result. The unique nature about these formulas is that they are expressed with variables, making them completely interchangeable with any subject matter or problem. When you study and understand the underpinnings of these types of formulas, you start to be careful in the way that you construct arguments. This caution is heightened because you wouldn’t want your logical argument to be able to be reconstructed for illicit purposes.
The true benefit that Logic brings to any debate is that it is impartial. It allows for any argument to be processed and evaluated without relying on the innate fickleness of human nature. Emotion can turn on a time, but Logic is immovable.
As we move into a society of screaming and stalking, we are collectively shrugging off an objective referee in favor of emotion and perception. We claim to support science and Truth, and yet we cherry-pick the science that we like and have made truth wholly subjective. This is most clearly illustrated in the idea of someone speaking, “their truth,” as if truth applied unevenly and particularly to each individual person.
Abandoning Logic creates dangers beyond what we imagine in our limited views. Evils like racism or sexism can put on the cloak of moral rectitude because, in a world where there is no Truth, they can easily adapt to pass muster.
We must resist the very easy course of just doing what feels good, and instead engage the full capacity of the human mind. As rational beings, we posses tremendous creative capacities to create. New ideas should be generated, tested, and shared. When we retreat to the recesses of emotion as our sole guide for morality and justice, we are doomed to exist in a world ruled by the irrationality of a pubescent teenager.
Shepherd Your Flock
Parenting takes courage.
I’m the parent of three small children. I stay home with them during the day, and am so grateful to have Alison there with me in the evenings and on weekends. We’re a team, and we’re constantly exhausted. Some days I struggle to get out of bed and make good on the commitments that I’ve made. There’s seldom quiet and no break is ever long enough.
There’s solace in recognizing that all parents of small children feel this same way. I often feel like I’m failing. I feel like I’m failing to set a good example, to be consistent, and to keep the house running while being engaged with my kids. My goal is to have the kitchen cleaned and toys put away before bed, but more often than not, I’m spending the first part of the next day finishing up tasks from the day prior.
As if that weren’t bad enough, I have an entire culture out there trying to lie to my children. They’re trying to sell them loser language, excuses, and laziness. They’re telling my children to rebel against me and enjoy a life of no discipline, and no regrets.
I have many of the scars from believing people other than my parents. I don’t want to pass that legacy on to them.
But I’m not a loser. I’m a victor.
That’s why no matter how hard I get beat down, I always get back up. I’m tired, I’d love a break, and I’d love to just go with the flow, but that’s not good enough for my children. I may not have done today perfectly, but when my children close their eyes at night, they know that they are safe and they are loved.
Thankful
Thanksgiving is a great American holiday. The virtue of gratitude is baked into our national DNA. There’s something really beautiful and attractive about generosity, and the way in which those Native Americans helped the first settlers is a profound statement on the innate goodness of the human person.
While my larger family typically gathers in a sleepy beach town this time of year, we won’t be able to join them this year. Being so far away from family means that this will be the first major Thanksgiving that we celebrate together, our little family unit.
In many ways I am sad to miss the annual gathering, but in the same vein, I’m excited to be starting our own traditions. Alison and I have spent weeks planning our menu and even spending some time in the kitchen doing practice baking runs.
While the Thanksgiving feast is central to the day, what underpins the holiday is an opportunity to reflect. Pausing our lives for just a moment, what are the things, blessings, and people that we ought to truly appreciate for the gifts that they are?
It’s difficult for me as a young father to comprehend that I have a family of my own. Even referring to myself as a father seems strange as I type out that word on my keyboard. I seem too young to be trusted with the responsibility of shepherding not one, but three young lives. My marriage has been a blessing, and those three little ones are a testament to that fact.
I have so much to be grateful for this Thanksgiving. Perhaps I can do a better job in the coming year pausing to appreciate those blessings on a more regular basis.
Media Anxiety
The midterm elections are concluded. With over 700 days before the 2020 presidential election, the news cycle is running wild with speculation as to who will run, who will be nominated, and who will win. A new Congress will sit in January, and in this lame duck period, conjecture flies about what it will (or won’t) do. The 2016 presidential election continues to be litigated, investigated, and bloviated. The Federal government is getting ready to change top-level leadership, and the antagonism between this Administration and the media continues to fill pages of articles and terabytes of video.
And we haven’t even gotten to talking about anything truly sinister, like geopolitical threats, mass violence, or the next epidemic.
While it’s nice to put the news media up on a pedestal, the truth is, that kind of praise is undeserved. They may aspire to be impartial in their journalism, but it’s hard to get humans to separate their personal views from their work. This doesn’t make journalists bad actors, but it does remind us that as consumers of news, it’s up to us to evaluate bias and draw conclusions.
The fact of the matter is that journalism these days is less of a service and more of a business. Sure, it’s always been a business, but in times past, the public was willing to pay for their news. Not so anymore, hence the cascade of ads all over news websites. Those clickbait headlines? Yeah, they just need you to fall for it so they can get paid. Why do they have a comment section? So that you’ll be on the page longer and they can charge advertisers more.
Journalism is in the fight of its life for survival, and competition is anyone with a computer and access to the internet.
Much like political campaigns, media empires understand human behavior more than any of us could ever hope to know. They do detailed research to identify their ideal client and then mercilessly and shamelessly shape their product to target that demographic.
They also know that the best way to keep you engaged and coming back is to mess with your emotions. If they can get you scared, upset, confused, anxious, or enraged, they’ve got you. Recent surveys are demonstrating that major networks are no longer drawing from a diverse audience, but instead, are megaphone extensions of particular tribes. Conservative, you watch Fox. Left-leaning? CNN. Progressive? MSNBC.
I don’t mean to paint with too broad of a brush. Certainly there are news organizations that do a superb job covering the news and keeping the information flowing. Unfortunately, their business model requires expensive paid subscriptions that keep their quality journalism out of reach for many Americans.
So what’s my point? News, politics, elections, economy. It’s easy to get caught up and miss today.
Today is the thing that matters right now. Anxiety over who will win an election in two years does nothing for you. Between now and the next election what could you accomplish if you focused on you and your family? Do yourself a favor and stop falling into their trap.
Guard Your Joy
There are many reasons to be optimistic in life, especially as an American. We live in comfort and peace. I go to bed at night, not fearing roving thugs, errant artillery shells, or that some secret government agency will come and kidnap me.
The turmoil in the Church has caused much consternation, especially when many of us thought we’d left the worst of it behind in the early 2000s. I have seen plenty of ideas for how we can act out, in civil disobedience, to register our displeasure. Among them are to withhold financial support, stop receiving communion, or even join another denomination. I’m not sure why I should let the failures of leadership on the part of others steal the joy of my faith.
The Catholic Church is built upon the relationship between God and His Church. We have the Sacraments, the Magisterium, and Tradition on which to lean on, not a singular bishop or priest. We should root out corruption and abuse with extreme prejudice, but giving up the gift of faith is not a proportional response.
The same can be said for our political leaders. We have been gifted this thoughtful Republic, this unique system of government that has withstood extreme volatility. The correct response to a political leader that we dislike is not to destroy the machinery of government.
There is much to be joyful and optimistic about. There are many pleasures that we get to enjoy every day, such as the change in weather, the vibrancy of leaves, or even just the taste of ice cream. I’m not going to waste my creative powers and imagination on a buffet of negativity.
We are a Nation, and a Church, with problems, but my joy is mine to surrender. I have so many blessings, including the daily doses of cuteness given to me by my three children. You can give up your joy if you like, but I’m going to jealously guard mine.
Jehovah’s Witness
There are many things that I’m getting used to now that I live in a house in a neighborhood. Living in an apartment or in a rural community, there aren’t that many door-to-door solicitors that bother. Nowadays, whenever anyone knocks on my door, they’re either selling a home security system or their religion.
I’m the first to admit that when I’m not expecting anyone, I don’t answer. I’m under no obligation to open my door, unless its the police, and they tend to do a nice job of letting people know who’s at the door.
Last Fall, two Mormon missionaries came by to chat. For whatever reason, a few weeks ago, there was a knock at the door, and I opened it. It was Jehovah’s Witness. I indulged for a few minutes, but made my exit as soon as I could.
I have to say, although there’s no way I’m jumping off of the Catholic ship, I really appreciate the courage of conviction that these missionaries have to knock on doors in hostile territory, not knowing who’s on the other side. I think it shows a depth of faith that not even I have. After all, sometimes I struggle to lead the prayer before meals when we’re out to eat.
There’s nothing to be ashamed of as a Catholic. Perhaps I can follow the example of the missionaries of other denominations and be more courageous in public. I never know on whom that small act of public witness I might make an impression.
The Gluttony of Surfing
I remember a time two decades ago when the Internet was a fun place to be. It was new, exciting, and you could spend hours getting lost in new and interesting content.
The Internet today is mean, ugly, and mostly boring. When I think about the sites that I visit on a regular basis, there are only about three. Three sites in a network of billions. That’s pathetic.
When I do pick up my phone, my time surfing is a wasted. I look for updates and new articles on mainstream news websites or I refresh YouTube for a continuous serving of suggested videos that are of zero interest to me.
I’m starting to see mindlessly surfing the Internet as a form of gluttony. It’s a spiritual sickness that I sink so much time into something that gives me almost no enjoyment. I rarely set down my phone and marvel at the new knowledge that I have gleaned. Instead, like re-watching a TV show for the fifth time, I walk away empty.
Time is a wonderful thing, and how I invest it directly impacts the trajectory of my life. If I can teach myself to stop surfing and to spend that time in other ways, I’ll be much better for it.
Taking Care of Yourself
Over the past nine months or so, I’ve really let my personal care slide. I’m normally really good about my oral hygiene, but there have been days when I didn’t brush at all. There have been many days when I haven’t showered. I haven’t been exercising regularly and I take almost no time to get dressed and ready for the day.
Twelve hours of children is exhausting. I have a false belief that I’m the only one who’s tired, when in reality, all parents of small children are tired. I’m awake for about 16 hours a day, but if 12 of those are dedicated to household tasks and care for the children, that doesn’t leave much time for me.
The funny thing is that I have a mythic status with my children. They don’t perceive me as having hopes, dreams, and needs. Instead, I’m the provider, there to help with every aspect of their lives. It’s a great position to hold, but I need to make sure that I don’t buy in to the myth.
There’s a great boost to self-esteem and energy that comes from self-care. Being well rested, exercised, cleaned, and dressed gives me a power boost throughout the day. I’m in a markedly better mood and I’m more resilient, giving me an edge when the sixth fight of the day breaks out.
When schedules are tight and demands are hight, the easiest thing to cut is the time that I need to take care of myself. Ironically, but cutting out much needed self-care, I undercut my ability to take care of my children. It takes discipline and permission to take time for myself each day, but it’s an investment that always returns dividends.
Zero Screens
I have an ambitious goal. In many ways, it may appear opposed to who I am as a person. I consider myself to be well versed in technology. I stay up to date on the latest news, and many of my RSS subscriptions (see what I mean?) are of tech blogs.
Goal: zero minutes of screen time per week for my kids.
Technology is great, but there are a lot of pitfalls, especially for children. Alison and I have a set of ideals and values that we want for our children to learn. I know that my children have tremendous capacity for creativity, which they demonstrate in small ways each day. The problem is that content creators and app developers are sneaking in the front door, and that gives them the opportunity to tell my kids things that I’d rather they not learn.
I have to admit, the onus for this change is on me. When I have a lot to do and need a burst of time to get things done, turning on the television is easy. Benedict loves calling people on his iPad, and even enjoying using the Bible app that’s installed.
For me, it comes down to opportunity cost. What could he be doing that’s expanding his horizons and broadening his mind instead of being closed off, focused on a screen? How could we deepen our relationship if we spent every minute working and playing, instead of periods of time apart?
It’s a big goal, a huge goal, and one that I think is worth pursuing. I’m going to take it one step at a time, and though it will be a challenge, I know the payoff will be worth the effort.
Economics of Staying Home
There’s nothing wrong about a family in which both parents work outside of the home. Each family’s situation is different, and the choice about whether to have one parent stay at home with the children is a personal, family decision that should be made after considering all factors. While it’s true that a single income family may have lower wages flowing into their joint accounts each month, that doesn’t make them less economically efficient.
A parent who takes full-time responsibility for the care of the children shouldn’t be considered a “non-contributor” simply because there’s no biweekly direct deposit. Indeed, as I will outline below, this parent contributes a vast range of personalized services that few families could ever hope to afford. Trying to equate the contributions of this parent to potential wages misses the point.
Among my many responsibilities, it can be easy to forget that I have one primary role, and that is to take care of the kids. Beyond that, I’m an administrative assistant, personal shopper, private chef, chauffeur, tutor, car detailer, housekeeper, and groundskeeper.
It’s a full plate that keeps me moving from when I wake up until I go to sleep. With few exceptions, my goal is to free up Alison to be focused on work when she’s at work, and focused on the kids while she’s at home.
As with any job, there are very real challenges. There are some days that I don’t want to work, and others when my coworkers (kids) annoy me. The truth of the matter, is I’ve never worked harder in my life, and I doubt that, when this season of life is over, I will ever work this hard again.