A Few Extra Minutes

Taking care of children is no easy task. Apart from the heavy lifting of moral and character education are the daily mundane tasks. These are the repeating things that I do every day without a thought, like getting dressed, taking a shower, or brushing my teeth. When I do them for myself, it requires almost no effort, but doing them for all three of my children is a heavy lift.

I have a bias towards my children. I can get my kids up and dressed every day. I can get their little teeth brushed, and even help them pick up their rooms. The problem comes when it’s my turn. The care of my children is too often to my own detriment. They’re dressed nicely for the day, but I look like a slob. Their teeth are brushed, but mine, well, I’ll get to it later.

Part of the equation is energy and part of it is time. If I’m short on time, it’s easy to skip shaving or picking out an outfit for myself. It gets me on to the next thing that I need to do.

After letting this process play out over several months, I’ve come to a conclusion. Taking care of myself does take a few extra minutes and a little more effort. That investment of time and effort makes a big difference in my day. By slowing down and enjoying those moments getting ready for the day, I subtly acknowledge my own importance. I acknowledge that I deserve to be taken care of, too. Plus, doing the math, skipping these things saves me five or ten minutes, tops.

The way that we treat our bodies plays a big role in the way that we see ourselves. Even in the rush of morning, make sure that you have the time you need to get yourself a nice shower, fresh shave, and a comfortable outfit that makes you feel great. Then you’ll be ready to take on the world (and your kids).

Our Responsibility

Once or twice a month, I’ll take an hour or so on a Saturday afternoon to go to Confession. Occasionally, I’ll throw in an additional errand or two that is better done without the kids. For many of these outings, I’d spend my entire time away from home feeling guilty. I’d feel guilty about leaving my wife, who worked hard all week, alone to watch the kids. I was wrong to feel that way.

Taking care of our children isn’t my responsibility and it’s not Alison’s responsibility. It’s our responsibility. As a stay-at-home dad, I’m on watch while Alison is at work. When I’m away from home, it’s Alison’s watch. I shouldn’t feel guilty about Alison taking on a responsibility that we share together.

I told Alison how I felt, and she rightly noted that it was silly. In fact, she loves spending time with the children. I do too, but by the end of the week, a break is a welcome relief. I should take that hour or 90 minutes on the weekend to feel relaxed and at ease.

Parenting is something that couples do together. It’s not your spouse’s responsibility or your responsibility, it’s our responsibility. Get the job done, together, and don’t begrudge your spouse when they need some time off.

Daily Preventative Medicine

Virtue is the antidote to sin. It’s not enough to avoid sin, whether by white-knuckling it or avoiding triggers. The only way to truly avoid sin is to live a virtuous life. The best way to live a virtuous life is to build prayer into your day.

Prayer functions like a daily preventative medicine. It builds up charity and virtue. It makes it harder for temptation to sway you and it keeps you from ending up in places that lead you to sin.

Teachers and pastors in the Catholic Church spent plenty of time talking about sin. Do we spend enough time talking about virtue? Prayer isn’t just a few minutes here and there of rote recitation. It’s rest. It’s time apart from the cares, concerns and worries of your life. It’s communication. It’s intimate connection between created and Creator. It’s rehabilitation. It’s acceptance and absorption of grace, restoring the soul to a state of grace.

If you want to beat sin, if you want to overcome temptation, focus on prayer. A consistent habit of prayer, of different means and expressions, sprinkled throughout your day is how your gear up for daily battle. Perfection is not possible; virtue is. The path to virtue is through prayer.

Opening the Domestic Church

The center of the daily life of the Church is the Eucharist, but it’s not the whole life. Most of us have been unable to physically access the Mass for the past several months, leading to great sorrow. In the midst of this suffering, we’ve experienced the beauty of opening the domestic church.

The domestic church is an idea codified during the Second Vatican Council. It’s not a physical structure; it’s the place where the family lives and serves one another. It’s the atmosphere in which faith is taught, where we first learn about God, and we each seek to do His will.

Home is our family’s refuge from the world. It’s a place of safety and peace. It’s the place where we work, play, pray, create, learn, and rest. A child’s home is their first school. It’s the place where they learn virtue, morality, and about their faith.

The doors to our parishes may be closed and locked, but a new Church has been opened in every home. Never before has there been such a profound opportunity to live out this idea. Our circumstances encourage us to pursue an active faith life at home. It’s easy for us to lean heavily on our parishes to provide not only the sacraments, but religious instruction, community gatherings, and devotionals. While quarantined at home, we are confronted with the reality that the parish is meant to support the faith life that we cultivate in our home.

Now’s the time to continue your good work. Continue to find new ways to pray together as a family. As your family’s faith life matures, find new devotionals and practices to incorporate into your week. Be confident in your ability to teach your children about God, faith, and morality. Parents are the primary educators of their children. Be bold enough to take personal responsibility for that role!

Now that Churches are re-opening, don’t let your domestic church close!

Beyond Routine

For a few weeks now, I’ve felt like I was adrift. While considering my daily routine and struggling to get back on the horse, I came to a deeper insight. A daily routine without purpose is monotonous. If I’m going through my daily repeating task list with no aim or goal, I should feel bored and lost. If the tasks that I’m accomplishing day in and day out aren’t oriented towards some larger goal, then how can I expect fulfillment?

Using that lens, I took a closer look at my schedule and daily task list. On it, I saw lots of cleaning. Every Monday I do the laundry and clean the entire house. Each day I clean the kitchen and sweep the floors. Cleaning is my responsibility in my family and I relish a clean house. In order to fulfill my responsibility and have a clean house, I have to work at it every day.

I enjoy writing and publishing on this blog. I need to take time each week to plan, write, edit, prepare, and publish.

I want to live a healthy life. I need to maintain a healthy sleep cycle and exercise for an hour each day. I need to avoid sugar and drink water each day.

I want to be a constant learner, so I need to take time each day to read.

I want to be a great father, so I need to take care of my children and play with them.

As I take a look at these goals, I start to see the contours of my day. I want to get an early start, so I need to get to bed on time. Waking up early with nothing to do is annoying. Waking up with purpose, and understanding how that enables me to get all that I want to get done, gives tremendous meaning.

Routine is more than just a cycle. Routine is your goals, broken down into daily steps, and assigned a specific time to work on them. Woven together, these days bring meaningful progress over time.

It’s easy to feel stuck or adrift when everything is routine. When you start to look at the bigger picture, your goals and the direction that your life is going in starts to come into focus.

Safety and Stability

We live comfortably, but that’s rarely the experience of Catholics. Many, if not most Catholics throughout history lived very rough lives. They’ve been outcasts, despised, reviled, jailed, tortured, and killed. In this pandemic, we too share in this experience of discomfort. How will we respond?

In the midst of this chaos, it’s plain to see our misplaced reliance on ourselves. Our failure to place total faith in God is made quite plain. This is an invitation to get back into the sheepfold. It’s an opportunity to let God do as He promised, and to concern ourselves with the spiritual welfare of our families.

We seek safety and stability, two concepts rarely experienced in the Salvation History by God’s people. Be bold enough to live out the faith that you proclaim. Seek God.

First Communion

I made my First Communion more than two decades ago. In that time, I’ve rarely been more than seven days without receiving the Eucharist. As I sit here at my desk in early June, it’s been over 90 days since I’ve been to Mass and celebrated the Sacred Liturgy in person.

This weekend, my family and I will return to Mass. During this time in the desert, I have hungered for the Eucharist. What was before taken for granted is now sorely missed. It wasn’t just the ritual or rhythm that I missed, it was the physical separation from Love itself.

I’ve spent time reflecting on the Eucharist and its importance in my life. One of my biggest takeaways is how difficult it must be to be a non-Catholic Christian. Christianity isn’t an easy way of life, but it’s made easier through the strength and grace that the Eucharist confers. The fact that I’m able to attend Mass almost every day of the year and come into physical contact with the God who knows and loves me is mind bending.

Frequent reception of Communion can have a dulling effect on the senses. That routine can easily bring me to the point where I put more faith in Tylenol than the Eucharist. When I take Tylenol, I expect something to happen. Do I have the same expectation of the Eucharist? How can I physically come into contact with life, love, and goodness Itself and not walk away a changed, transformed person?

I don’t specifically recall my emotions as I prepared to make my First Communion, but I have vividly experienced this time apart. I hope and pray that I will never have to endure such a period again. I also pray that I’ll never again take my Eucharistic Lord for granted.

Contemplating Life

Change is on the horizon for my family. Later this summer, we’ll be welcoming our fourth child home. The Book of Psalms describes children as a “gift from God” and as “a reward.” As I watch these young lives blooming before my eyes in slow motion, I’m seeing the wisdom of the author.

The warped view of human sexuality that has taken root among our friends and families is discouraging. The most intimate expression of human love diluted and redefined into merely a physical, transactional act. The overall effect is a loss of the sense of awe that we possess surrounding marital love. If we dare to pull back the veil, if we seek to explore more fully its meaning, we see our pivotal role in the divine plan.

God chose, in His wisdom, to actively involve spouses in human reproduction. Separate from the animal kingdom, the decision to establish and grow a family is meant to be one deeply rooted within a marriage. It’s a process full of prayer and discernment. It’s a joint conclusion that meets at the mysterious crossroads of martial and divine love. As a result, an entirely new being is brought forth

This new person’s creation, effected by God and the love of spouses, was intended, from the beginning of salvation history, to be brought into the world. Their participation in the divine life and plan is only possible through the mutual love of spouses.

This summer, our family will experience, and make possible, the joyful fulfillment of God’s loving plan. As a result, everyone who comes into contact with our daughter will have the experience of our joy.

I hope that I will not soon forget the gravity, mystery, and majesty of this birth.

Some Gave All

Memorial Day marks the official start of summer. While the holiday weekend is typically filled with travel and cookouts, this year the celebrations are muted. In this time of upheaval, it’s a wonderful chance for us to rediscover the meaning of the holiday.

All across America, there are families whose loved ones have given the ultimate sacrifices. Sons and daughters, husbands and wives, brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, these fallen soldiers gave everything that we might live in freedom.

As trite as it may sound to give everything, nothing could be more true. They gave up their entire lives. They gave up their families, their relationships, and their friendships. They gave up their possessions, homesteads, and livelihoods. They gave up their dreams and their futures. Many gave up the opportunity to form a family and welcome children of their own.

Today, just like every other day, the families that they left behind go about their lives, trying to adapt to their new normal. Nothing can ever replace the loss that they have offered for the safety and security of our Nation. These fallen heroes deserve our admiration, and their families deserve our support.

The Lessons Learned

Back in January, I had high hopes and expectations for 2020. The future was bright as a new decade dawned. Even just saying 2020 felt hopeful. In March, all of those illusions came crashing down. While the global lockdowns are starting to lift, I’m coming to the realization that things aren’t going back to the old way.

The generation of Americans that endured the Great Depression were forever impacted by that experience. Their life choices and habits were dramatically different that even those of just the generation before. They were scarred by that experience, one that they never forgot.

We’ve all endured a dramatic world event. We’ve spent two months seeking shelter in our homes, hiding from a new pathogen that has upended our way of life. We will be forever shaped by this experience.

The Great Depression was difficult to endure, but the lessons learned didn’t end up being all negative. That generation developed an overarching attitude of personal responsibility in their finances. They used the experience of financial collapse to shape their worldview and how they handled themselves in the future. They were frugal so as to never be at the mercy of that kind of threat again.

Hopefully we’ve learned a lesson or two. Hopefully in quarantine you’ve become acutely aware of the importance of the Sacraments. Mass at home may confer the same spiritual benefits through a Spiritual Communion, but it’s hardly a substitute for the communal prayer that is the liturgy. Hopefully this experience will end our taking the Mass for granted.

Hopefully the time with our families has made us appreciate that a general sense of busyness doesn’t result in quality relationships. Hopefully we’ve taken time to slow down and enjoy our children. Hopefully we’ve taken time to play and enjoy. Hopefully we’ve taken stock of the direction of our lives. Hopefully we’ve used that information to reorient ourselves in the direction that we wish to go.

These past two months will forever shape who we are and how we operate. May it be for the better.