A Prepared Heart
Advent is here, that most joyous of seasons. In my neighborhood, everyone put up their Christmas lights on Thanksgiving afternoon, at least those who hadn’t done so by November 1st. There’s plenty to love about December and the festivities that mark the end of our year.
The Church offers us two seasons of preparation each year. While Lent in particular may feel glum, I see the wisdom. Advent and Lent prepare the way for the two biggest celebration of the year. Indeed, they prepare our hearts to celebrate the two seminal events in human history: God made man, and God surrendering Himself for our salvation.
We live in a hurried culture that praises busyness and productivity. December is the month on the calendar that really encourages hyperactivity. In the midst of the parties, end of year sales, and trying to close out big projects at work, the Church invites us to slow down.
Advent, like Lent, is a season of reflection. It’s an earthly purgatory. We wait outside the gates of the Heavenly banquet, purifying and preparing ourselves for the awesome reality that exists on the other side. It’s an opportunity to go deeper into your prayer life, to endeavor again to overcome the biggest sin-habit in your life. It’s a time of preparation for the moment on Christmas morning when you approach the manger to see the Christ-child incarnate.
A prepared heart is attuned to the moment. It listens to the message of the Liturgy of the Word. It follows the breadcrumbs, so carefully laid out, leading it deeper into the joy of Christmas. It takes the time to step back from daily life, to focus on its spiritual health, and to recognize the mystery that we are about to celebrate. Give yourself and Jesus the gift of a prepared heart this Christmas.
Thankful for What
It’s been a year. 2020 ushered in a new decade and along with it so much hope. As we’ve slugged out the past eleven months, it may be hard to find things for which we can be grateful. Our Churches are closed or mostly empty. We’ve been subject to virtual house arrest, fearing a virus and locked down by our governments. In the midst of it all, a national election brought into key positions of power people who have an ideology that’s hostile to our faith.
A grateful heart is a beautiful thing. A grateful heart acknowledges the hardships of our days, but has the vision to see that for which we can give praise. While our parishes may be mostly empty, we have access to the sacraments. We have no fear of being thrown into the lion’s den. Isn’t that great? Our entrepreneurs in the pharmaceutical sector pioneered vaccines for a novel virus with an impressive efficacy. Our time stuck at home has brought families closer together.
Many of us are trying to quickly turn the corner on 2020 and leave it behind. While that’s an understandable sentiment, 2021 may not be much better. Who’s to say whether it will be another year of drudgery or a year more like 2019?
In misery and joy, in dread and happiness, we should always seek to have a grateful heart. No matter how trying this year has been, no matter the sadness we’ve endured, we can be thankful for the many gifts and graces God has given to us.
Praying As A Parent
For nearly three years, I’ve done most of my shopping via pickup. From time to time, though, I need to go into the store to make a return. Doing that with four kids plus the item to be returned is no easy task. One night last week, with the kids in their pajamas and ready for bed, I left the house to run some errands.
I had six stops to make, and within 90 minutes, I was at home on the couch watching television with Alison and Veronica. I moved with precision and efficiency from store to store. Having four kids in the back while we pick up orders from multiple stores is no big deal. When making returns, it’s easier for me to go it alone.
My life is like that for many tasks. I can move quicker without little hands following behind me. I can sort laundry in half the time and only have to fold it once. I can get the dishes put away without a single dropped glass or bumped knee. While it may be easier or faster for me to work alone, I shouldn’t.
It used to be that the kids wouldn’t be ready to come down from their rooms in the morning until 8:00am. These days, they’re ready to go at 6:30am. Those 90 minutes that I used to be spent in prayer or reading the news are now theirs. Why should I give up my prayer time?
My primary prayer is the monthly edition of Maginificat. The work is all planned out for me, all I need to do is find the time to sit down, open the book, and be still. While I love the solitude of morning prayer, praying with children is joyful and satisfying, too.
The wonderful thing about children is that their minds are alert when they’re at play. If they’re moving around, they’re listening and learning. Here’s my new plan: wake up, go for my walk, and get ready for my day. Then, with the littles rolling around on the carpet in the playroom, I’ll brew my coffee, sit down on the couch, and pray out loud. It won’t be as peaceful, but it will be as beautiful.
Parenting, like gardening, isn’t about efficiency. It’s about patience. The daily work of pruning ensures that my little saplings have all the nurturing and attention that they need. Nothing nurtures a child’s heart like being taught how to pray.
What Did We Learn?
America’s political class went into Election Day with a very specific idea of how things were going to go. As the returns came in that evening, a clear picture emerged. Americans are much more moderate and level-headed than our social media feeds and the legacy media would have us believe.
America is a vibrant, moderate nation. Democracy is constantly challenged; it’s the nature of the process. New ideas emerge, and those ideas must compete for support. An unexpected result isn’t the sign of a broken system, but a reminder that the system works. We chose divided government, a government that will necessarily filter out the extremes.
It’s sad to see how much a national election cycle weighs on many Americans. The government wields significant power, but that power is frequently checked. A single candidate can’t fix your life or ruin it. The biggest personal impact you have on our nation is the way that you live your life and raise your children.
Cynical as it is, the legacy media and technology companies need your attention and your money to maintain their position of power and influence. If you don’t watch their programs, click their articles, or follow their feeds, advertisers won’t pay them to keep doing their work. They are masters at manipulating human emotion, especially fear, to keep you turned in to their specific message. Their masks are off. The media are not impartial arbiters of truth; they’re very well funded political operatives.
I’m sure you’ve heard all of this before, probably even recently. It’s not a conspiracy theory, it’s a felicitous reminder. Don’t place your hope in the next political movement or media figure. Place your hope in the God who can and will save you, who will fix your life, who will pull you out of the doldrums and who will give your life purpose.
Live Today
Jesus told us to not worry about tomorrow, that it would take care of itself. I wrote a few weeks ago about how it’s time for us to move past the paralysis of COVID. The trap of living in the past or future is that it steals our today.
There’s nothing wrong about recalling the past to learn its lessons or relish its memories. Planning for the future is a wise thing to do. If you don’t know where you’re going, how can you adjust your trajectory? The problem is when you obsess over either.
Each day is a gift, one of only a few thousand that we will get to experience. If I waste today, it’s easier to waste tomorrow. If I don’t stop to enjoy the beauty and graces around me, I waste the energy that God put into creating them. My children are only young for so long. I have such a small window to enjoy their sweetness.
Yesterday is gone and tomorrow will be here in its time. How will I choose to accept the gift that is today?
Off the Reservation
This blog has defended Pope Francis. He told us to go out into the Church and the world to make a mess. His pontificate has certainly achieved that objective. The Vatican’s moral abdication on China is disconcerting. Over a million ethic Uyghurs arbitrarily detained in concentration camps, and the Vatican said nothing. The Chinese Communist Party’s insistence on Sinicization of religion and even the accord allowing the CCP to co-appoint bishops adds to the concern. In addition to issues on the world stage, Pope Francis has regularly minimized the primary troubles of our day to include marriage, family life, and abortion.
To be fair, Pope Pius XII was publicly silent during the atrocities of World War II while privately coordinating resistance to the regime. It is at least possible that Francis has chosen to follow in this mold.
Pope Francis is right to highlight other issues of our faith, such as the plight of migrants. His emphasis on the theological virtue of charity is evident and a timely reminder.
The problem with highlighting these new areas is that they are of lesser moral weight than the core teachings of the Church. Further, his confusing and nuanced statements sow confusion, even among the well catechized faithful. How do we reconcile the Catholic intellectual tradition with off the cuff remarks that so clearly contradict 2,000 years of established teaching from the most brilliant minds in the Church?
It’s clear that these aren’t little slips of the tongue, loose words, or errors. When Pope Francis speaks, he knows what he’s doing, and he’s doing it on purpose. Unfortunately, it’s the definition of scandal: speaking to cause confusions. How are we to respond?
We must start with humility. While he does not offer these remarks under the principle of Papal Infallibility, Francis was elected pontiff for a reason. It may not be clear to us now, but there is some message that the Holy Spirit is trying to send to us. Perhaps the message is that we should not be so narrowly focused in our own spiritual lives, but to embrace the wholeness of loving each other. Perhaps we’ve become too comfortable and spiritually selfish, caring more about our salvation than the salvation of others.
Next, we must resist the urge to cancel Pope Francis. I don’t subscribe to a cancel culture. I understand people to be complex, so I take their good and set aside their bad. He is still the supreme pontiff, entrusted with the care of the Church.
In our lives, we must stand up for truth. The most damaging part of all of this scandal is that it’s a weak attempt to sugar coat the truth. Truth is always hard to hear, but it’s the most loving word to share. The family is vital to the survival of society and humanity writ large. To recast the family is to weaken and denigrate it. Our world widely accepts immorality in the vain attempt to make everyone feel good about themselves. Only this acceptance comes with reducing the dignity of the very people it aims to support. Our world needs to continue to hear with absolute clarity the saving message of the Church and an unequivocal advocacy for the absolute dignity of the human person.
Finally, don’t give up. Not even the gates of Hell will prevail against the Church, so we shouldn’t fret about a few poor comments to the media. The wedge of schism drives people away from grace, and that’s why it is so effective. If a media quote is enough to get a person or a family to leave their faith behind forever, that’s a victory for darkness.
Be patient, be humble, and stand in truth.
Election Eve
Election day is finally here. What a cycle it’s been! In many respects, this election cycle has been just as dramatic as any other. It’s the biggest, most contentious, most important election of your life! We’re either going to have a country or a civil war starting on Wednesday morning. At least that’s what we’re told. The truth is, people have predicted the downfall of America since its beginning. Yet, here we are.
It’s easy to give into the stress and fear. There’s a real chance that we won’t have a result tomorrow night, a replay of the 2000 election. It’s even easier to let our stress get out of control amid our lockdown.
This entire cycle of manufactured drama and crisis is a perfect reminder for us. The media and politicians need our eyes, need our clicks, and need us to be terrified. They need to shut down our rational minds and tap into the fight or flight emotions to achieve their commercial and political objectives. If you step back from the hype and look at the record of the candidates, you’ll have a much more boring electoral decision-making experience.
What’s the reminder? The reminder is two-fold. First, we already have a Savior. Regardless of which party holds power come January, Christ still reigns. History also tells us that in four years, the opposite party is likely to be in power. So getting worked up in the emotions is an exercise in futility.
Second, the Church has been persecuted since its founding. Our faith runs counter to the culture, and this Pax Christianity that we’ve enjoyed over the past couple of decades stands opposed to the history of the Church. I like being comfortable as much as the next guy, but our faith speaks out against the cruel injustices of the World. Should we be persecuted, we can at least know that we’re in good company.
We are a people of hope. We are called to live in this World, to speak Truth, and to love our neighbor. Be an active, faithful participant in civic life, but don’t place your hope in a transient political movement. Place your hope in the God who has always loved you, and who has never fallen short of His word.
Time to Go
Life in March was paralyzing. The incessant flow of negative news stories crashed over us like a tsunami. Our society endured the first global health threat of our lifetimes, and we did not adapt well.
Even now, months on, we hold our hope for a vaccine to return things to the way that they used to be. We pine for the ability to walk into a store without a mask, to go and see a movie with our friends, or even to sit in a crowded restaurant to enjoy a good meal. Sadly, the robust economy of January and February is on hiatus, and we’re back in the 2009-2011 world of an economy only starting to heal from a recession.
It’s easy to still be paralyzed. I’m guilty of this. Before, once or twice a week we were about town on some adventure. The easy days of picnic lunches at Mom’s office, or even just surprising her with a coffee run, are gone, for now. Now I rarely leave the house with my kids.
The situation is worsened by all of our new free time. The election cycle seems particularly brutal this time around, but that’s only because we have less to distract us. We’re living emptier lives, allowing the darkness on the internet and in the news to fill that gap with abjectly negative emotions. We let our anxiety dictate our lives and spend that extra time judging others.
We’re living a new normal, and it’s time for us to act like it. We can’t move about as freely as we could before, but we can still get out. Parks, hiking trails, even some of our favorite amusements are available, albeit under new restrictions. What about our backyards or the buckets of toys that we have to play with in our garages?
The Sunday obligation to attend Mass is suspended, and a weekday liturgy is even more of a stretch, but why not try? Don’t let your Sunday slip into just another Saturday.
What about those great ideas that we never had time for before all of this? Starting a reading aloud habit, scheduling one-on-one time with your kids, establishing a solid morning and evening routine, or regular family prayer? Now is the time! Now is the _opportunity_.
A vaccine will help us get over this hump, but global events like these tend to form new behaviors and routines. We may not be able to go back to the old ways, but we still have the gift of today. How are you going to spend it?
Life with Four
I bring a lot of structure and process to my life. During the day, when I’m alone with my children, I need that support. I need to have decisions pre-made for me so that when it’s time to go, I only have to execute. Sometimes I use these ready-made solutions for safety, like the order in which we get into and out of the van (everyone uses a single, passenger side door). At other times, it’s just for simplicity (I always arrange my children’s plates on the counter in the same order).
The nice thing about parenting is that it’s something that you grow into. You start with an immobile baby, who over several months starts to wiggle, crawl, and then walk. You don’t have to know everything on day one, you only have to be ready to adjust incrementally each day.
Earlier this year, when I had three independent children to take care of, managing our daily activities and movements was no big deal. I evolved into that role, and we were a finely tuned machine. Of course, that changed, as of today, with Veronica here and Alison back at work.
I’m not sure there’s an “easy” number of children; I think that caring for any number of children is always hard. I know how to care for an infant, a toddler, and big kid. Now I just need to pull those pieces together to get acclimated to my new normal.
My life is very full, even when we mostly spend our days at home. Juggling different feeding schedules, balancing everyone’s needs, and taking care of me is my current struggle. For me to operate at a high level, I need to not take the easy route of neglecting myself. I’m not going to be a good dad or a good teacher or a good playmate if I don’t get to my morning coffee at a reasonable hour. The same is true if I skip meals. A balance must be struck, and it’s one that I need to find. Taking caring of me is the best way that I can prepare for taking care of my kids.
People have told me over the years that the hardest number of children to have is three and any more than that is easy. Yeah, that’s not true.
Pandemic Confession
I’ve made no secret that I’m a frequent recipient of the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Once or twice a month, I leave my house on a Saturday afternoon to renew myself. Despite years of this spiritual practice, I still find myself in need of a regular spiritual tune-up. I’m grateful to have a confessor locally who is both patient and gentle with me. This year, as with everything, things have been different.
In the first few months of the shutdowns, I wasn’t able to receive the Sacrament at all. The Church doors were locked and all scheduled Sacraments canceled. I’m sure that I could’ve scheduled an appointment, but the grace of anonymity is among the greatest that the Sacrament bestows, aside from forgiveness, of course. In those early weeks, I was very disciplined spiritually. I was locked in and focused. My need for Reconciliation was less intense. Knowing that the Sacrament wasn’t so easily attained, I found it easier to do the right thing.
When the Churches first reopened, I went to Confession outside. The priest and I sat outside in the Church courtyard. We sat at opposite ends of a folding table and a line of people stood nearby. I’d be okay never having that experience again.
As the reality of how delicate life truly is set in, I’ve spent a lot of time pondering how well I’m living the life that I profess. I’ve considered my track record within my vocation and as a father. Without the Sacrament of Reconciliation, I could never rise to this high calling. My shortcomings would prevent me from living as the person, husband, and father that God has called me to be.
There are many lessons that we will each take from 2020 and this experience. I hope that one of those life changes that I walk away with is a greater sense of humility. Without God, without His Church, and without the Sacraments, I am nothing.