The Emperor Has No Clothes
Hypocrisy is part of what it means to be human. We’re deeply flawed. To have the expectation that we can live our lives with the rock solid integrity of Atticus Finch is unreasonable. The real problem is not when we find that we have erred, but when we refuse to admit the reality. No where does this play out more clearly, or more publicly, than in the political world.
Politicians sell narratives as a part of their bid to keep their jobs and maintain power. On both sides of the aisle, we see people making fools of themselves because they refuse to admit reality and course correct.
Denying reality only delays remedies. The longer we refuse to acknowledge the difficulty, the harder it is to fix. We enjoy the worlds of whimsy that we create because they fit our narrative and keep us warm at night. The real trouble comes when the wisps of fog dissipate and all that’s left is the cold, hard truth. The sooner we accept our growing waistline is becoming problematic, the sooner we can hit the gym and get back in shape.
The truth is, people respect those who admit their faults and make corrections. Silently, we all wish that we had the courage to do the same. Events can transpire outside our control, but if we refuse to pick up the mantle and get to work resolving our issues, they’ll only become bigger.
In the political world, and in our lives, we need to shine a bright light on our faults and take the steps that are necessary to live better, more authentic lives. Pretending to have clothes serves no purpose, especially when someone has the courage to point it out the fallacy.
Share Your Best Work
Sharing your work is a frightening thought. As I write many of these posts, thoughts creep up in my mind about how they will be received. Is this the best thing that I’ve ever written, or the worst? Will that post cause controversy? This is the essential dilemma that we face every day: can I be who I truly am, and will I be accepted for it?
Many of us will choose to do work outside the normal course of our career. It may be a total departure from the person who people perceive you to be. I found myself in that very position when I started writing. I spent my days working for a non-profit, and my early mornings writing at my desk. When I finished my first book, I was rather sheepish about it. I still am. Those same fears that I face when I sit down at my desk with my keyboard have been with me every time I’ve written something new over the past ten years.
Many years ago, I read the book “Show Your Work” by Auston Kleon. In it, I found a tremendous amount of inspiration and courage. I had the courage to write what I really wanted to write about and to be more transparent about my life. I summoned the courage to write on a broader scope of topics and to wade into issues of controversy. Not only that, but I had that experience because it’s whom I wanted to really be as a writer all along, but I didn’t believe in myself.
The truth of the matter is that you are your worst critic; it’s a double-edged sword. On the one hand, your critiques push you to work when you feel uninspired, and to chisel down your ideas, leaving only your very best. On the other, it can paralyze you. Fear can quickly overtake even the strongest in moments of weakness, leaving your work and your art all alone, with no one to enjoy it.
I’ve found that the best way to share my work is to create a lot of it, and then carefully pick out on the best. My mind is constantly in motion throughout the day as ideas come and go, but only the best stick, and only the best end up published. Each time I upload a new post, I feel a small sense of accomplishment; more art and beauty enters the world.
The internet is a wonderful thing, bringing down barriers to the marketplace. You have a talent, skill, or art that you need to share. Have the courage to show it to the world.
The Sexualization of Everything
I have to imagine that there was a time in human history when every human relationship wasn’t sexualized. No doubt, we’ve always had a certain fascination with sex, but not to the point where it must apply to everything. We’ve forgotten that love emits of degrees; rediscovering that simple truth could significantly improve all relationships.
We’ve so intertwined sex and love that the two are inseparable. There’s a basic flaw in that idea. Sex is absolute: it is, necessarily, a complete and total gift of self. It can be abused, perverted, or misused, but it’s integral in and of itself. Love, on the other hand, emits of various degrees. There’s the love of a parent, of a sibling, of a friend, of a neighbor, of a love interest, and of a spouse. Those different degrees have different features, privileges, and benefits. They’re love, but they’re all a different kind of love. The Greeks understood this concept and reflected it in their language. Sadly, the English language never carried it over.
When we consider both sex and love to be absolute, and the two are completely intertwined, we maim those human relationships that are not between spouses. Two friends of the same gender cannot be affectionate or express their love for each other because our societal conception states that relationship must also be sexual. As a result, there may not be a clarity or strength of bond between those friends for fear of being misconstrued.
The confusion doesn’t stop among friends. Uncommitted relationships suffer because there’s the expectation that the relationship must become sexual. Even if neither member of the relationship desires nor intends that end while in an uncommitted state, external influences will begin to inquire, assume, or pressure.
True human connection is authentic, emotional, and comes out of a deep desire for community. Our sexuality is an integral part of who we are, but it’s not a prerequisite for having a meaningful human relationship. Human sexuality is most properly suited for the married state. If we unwind the notion of sex and love being mutually exclusive, and if we recognize that love emits of degrees while sex does not, we can enjoy a new era of human relationships. Unbound by this foolish notion, people can be free to love each other appropriately, to express appropriate compassion and empathy, and ensure that all know that they are loved.
Sex is always love, but love is not always sex. This essential truth must be acknowledged if we wish to forge the depth of relationship that our ancestors once enjoyed.
Balance
I left the workforce in the fall of 2014 to stay home and take care of Benedict. Alison was just beginning her residency, and her monthly schedule change was not conducive to parenting and both parents working. Fast-forward eight years, I’m still an at-home dad, but now with four children and homeschooling two of them. I’m running my own business and busier than ever. Things are nearing a breaking point.
A strange thing happened last fall. My buddy called and asked if I’d be willing to help him professionally. I’ve spent my work time over the past several years writing and publishing, with the occasional web design client. I liked the idea of doing more administrative/operations activities, and thought it would be a good fit. A few months later, a friend from Church called me out of the blue and asked me to come in and start helping him. Shortly after that, another friend asked me to help with their publishing needs.
I love working, and running my own business. My days are stuffed with tasks, to-dos, school, and work, but I’m also feeling incredibly fulfilled. I see progress in my professional life and progress in my children, but as a result, my health has fallen by the wayside.
Balance is something that we all seek, but it’s as elusive as ever in our always-on world. Identify those must do things that leave you feeling complete at the end of the day, and make sure they get done every day. Then, fill in the spaces with your other responsibilities.
Plese Destroy
I took my son to Confession this weekend. He’s still pretty new to the Sacrament, so each time he goes, I print an Examination of Conscience for him to pray through.
He happily received the Sacrament, came back to our pew, and did his penance. I asked him if he was ready to go, but he replied that he needed a pen. I pulled one out of my pocket, handed it to him, and watched as he wrote on the outside of his carefully folded paper, “Plese Destroy.”
I assured him that we could shred it when we got home, but he insisted on first tearing it into pieces, right there in the pew, before we could leave. It was the perfect teachable moment. We talked about how what he was doing, destroying the paper that had his sins written on it, is precisely what just happened to him in Reconciliation. God tore up his sins, never to remember them.
Catholicism is deep, wide, and very complex. I love exploring theological ideas and theories, but often it’s the simplest things that connect us most closely to God’s heart.
A Single Spark
There’s a funny thing about inertia. It stands in our way and holds us back until the moment that it doesn’t. It’s all or nothing; it’s a concrete jersey barrier or completely nonexistent. A single spark in our life is all that it takes to vanish.
Back-to-school time is thought by some to be a second new year. We begin a new grade level, new family activities, and new routines as more children become active in different ways. It’s one of the many fresh starts on our calendars, a chance for us to try something new.
Many of us want to live better, more active lives. We would like to be engaged in our parishes, physically healthy, and growing intellectually, but inertia holds us back. It tells us that our plans are so big, it’s unknowable where we should start.
That’s the funny thing about inertia; it’s so hard to overcome, but is completely broken by a singular step. Once you’re on the other side, momentum builds, and you start to wonder why it was ever able to hold you back.
You just have to be brave enough to create that single spark to launch you into the next phase of your life.
Freedom Squandered
No other nation, in the history of civilization, has endured so long without the benefit of kings or authoritarians. The United States has achieved a long-running democracy, in which the principles of liberty and civic responsibility drive us to our collective forward progress as a nation. What are we doing with this freedom?
To be frank, we’re blowing it. Our forefathers did the hard work cobbling together a nation of immigrants, standing up to the British Empire, resolving a civil war, winning two global wars, and setting a course to prosperity. For Americans alive today, we’ve received the gift of a stable, peaceful democracy without having to fight for it.
This is a grave danger, and it has all the hallmarks of historical collapses of civilizations. We become complacent and more concerned about perfection than about preserving domestic tranquility. We club our political and intellectual opponents, assuming the worst in each other and ignoring facts.
It’s a matter of physics that an object at rest tends to stay at rest. We are tending towards that sense of self-satisfaction that will be our undoing. It’s like we read in the Gospel, how the man rids himself of a demon, but doesn’t fill that space with anything good or new. So, when the demon comes back with his friends, he finds a space to inhabit.
Freedom is not free, and even now, there are Americans standing guard around the world, separated from their friends and family, maintaining our peace and security. This is a flawed, but great nation, an experiment worth defending. A house divided against itself cannot stand. Let’s stop using our freedom to attack each other, and instead use it to build a better nation.
Homeschooling
Last Monday, just after breakfast this morning, my children gathered in our schoolroom at the sound of the bell. We stood together for morning prayer, and then my students took their seats at their desks to begin a new school year.
This is our third year of homeschooling. I now have three students and a tag-a-long little sister. This will undoubtedly be my most challenging year; it’ll be the first year that I’ll need to balance teaching and work.
Alison and I talked about homeschooling going back to the very beginning of our relationship. We weren’t committed, but it was an idea. In fact, we almost put Benedict into school his kindergarten year, only to pull him out just before the school year started. It would come to be our best parental decision to date, as a few months later, the pandemic shut everything down. I’m grateful that my children didn’t suffer any learning loss.
There are struggles in teaching, especially in subjects where I’m weakest, like math. We supplement with video instruction, but it’s still hard to teach a child something that I struggle with. There are moments of great edification, when my children know stories from the Bible better than I do!
Alison designed our curriculum, pulling together subjects from the vendors we determined to be the best. Benedict is starting Latin this year, and continuing to learn how to play piano. As we go through the weeks, I see the progress that they make. Felicity and Lucy are turning into strong readers.
There are many things to be said about homeschooling, but I think the simplest takeaway that I have is this. I like that my children are receiving a liberal arts education, starting from Day One of Kindergarten.
Behold, Your Mother
Catholics catch a lot of shade from other Christians over the idea that we don’t live the Bible. A closer look under the hood would revel just how intertwined Scripture and Catholicism truly are, and not just because we gave the world the Bible. From the way we decorate the sanctuary, to the priest’s vestments, to the words we pray, the daily life of the Church is deeply linked to the Old and New Testaments.
One of the biggest stumbling blocks for Christians is the way that the Catholic Church reveres Mary. That’s an odd thing to object to, when Mary’s place in Salvation History links the Old Covenant to the New.
The Fourth Commandment is to honor thy father and thy mother. Seems strange to ignore the mother of Jesus?
In the ancient kingdom of Israel, the queen is not the wife of the king, but the king’s mother. Jesus took His rightful place on the throne of David, making Mary his queen.
On the Cross, Mary stood at the feet of Jesus, along with John, the apostle that He loved. He said to Mary, referring to John, “Behold, your son.” To John, “Behold, your mother.” There’s a cultural context here. In ancient times, a woman was dependent first on her husband for social and economic support. We know that Joseph, her spouse, died before Jesus even began His public ministry. Jesus would’ve taken on that role of protector. Now, at the cross, she loses her only child, a son. She was at grave risk of becoming destitute, until Christ entrusted her to John. John, an apostle, was one of the first bishops of the Church. So to entrust Mary to John was to ask him to care for her materially, but also to make her mother of the Church. This is reinforced when Christ calls John her son.
We do not worship Mary, or ask her intercession superstitiously. Rather, we respect the place of honor that Christ Himself gave to her: the queen Mother of the Church. Holding Mary in this place of honor is not an invention of the Church or a theological musing, but Catholics taking seriously the truths entrusted to us in Scripture. Mary is our mother, and we treat her with the love and respect that she deserves.
Come Let Us Adore
Although I’m a cradle Catholic, I’ve never really read the entire Bible. I learned about parts of it in school, and of course have heard it during Mass, but until this year, I’ve never sat down to study the Bible in a narrative form.
Looking at the Bible, the Old Testament is far longer than the New Testament. It’s the story of the people of Israel, and although I’m not Jewish, it becomes clear how their story is my story. The mistakes that they made in relationship with God are the same ones that I make today. The daily life of the Church is entirely biblical: from the way we decorate our Churches to the prayers we pray.
In the history of Israel, the Ark of the Covenant plays a central role. God dictated exactly how the Ark should be built, decorated, and even carried. Initially, the Israelites were faithful to God’s instructions. But, given time, complacency set in. In the book of 2nd Samuel, the great King David was working on returning the Ark to its rightful place in Jerusalem. We read, though, that the Ark was not being carried by the priests as God asked, but on an oxen-pulled cart.
On the journey, it looked like the cart was going to tip over, and an Israelite man reached out to steady the Ark; God struck him dead. This shocked David to his core, and he became angry with God. Sound familiar? This Israelite appeared to be trying to do something good, keep the Ark from tipping over, and yet God responded harshly. David was so upset and frightened, that he stopped the journey. He left the Ark in the house of Obed-edom, a Philistine.
2 Samuel tells us that the Ark was physically present in Obed-edom’s house for three months, “and the Lord blessed Obed-edom and all his household.” This was not a household of the chosen people, but that of an occasional enemy. Yet, in God’s presence, they couldn’t help but be blessed.
In every Catholic Church, all throughout the world, is a tabernacle, an Ark of the New Covenant, God physically present in our midst. He sits there in repose, longing to spend time with us, longing for relationship with us, longing to ease the burdens of our lives with the grace He has prepared for us.
Adoration is an opportunity to enter into God’s rest. It’s a chance to give ourselves permission to not worry, to not fret, to not be concerned with the stresses of our daily lives, but to pause and encounter the eucharistic Christ. Like Obed-edom, when we spend time in God’s presence, we can’t help but be blessed.