The Secret to Getting Up After You Fall
We all have a very deadly disease. It is a disease whose effects are felt throughout society. The symptoms are everywhere. We are infected with deadly pride.
Pride causes our marital fights to drag on for days, or even weeks. Pride hurts those whom we love most. Pride even hurts ourselves. We make prideful decisions and then have to reap the consequences.
As Catholics, we have been given a great gift by the Church to be cured. It is called Confession. The Sacrament of Reconciliation is perhaps the most underutilized Sacrament in the Church. Catholics just don’t take advantage.
Maybe it is because we are afraid that the Priest will know who we are. Maybe we are ashamed to say out loud what we have done. Maybe we haven’t been in so long, we wouldn’t know what to say. Maybe we don’t think we can be forgiven. PRIDE!
Confession is such a powerful tool because it cares for us spiritually and psychologically. We are able to take off the burden of our mistakes. We are able to confront our failings out loud. Sometimes even just calling our sins by name is enough to get us to change.
Maybe we just need to change our paradigm. Perhaps if we changed the name from “Confession” to “Free Counseling,” more Catholics would engage the Sacrament. That is, of course, a ridiculous proposition, but it is true. There is an added benefit to calling your sins what they are in the Sacrament. You then get advice directly from Christ, through the person of the Priest. Free counseling.
To further sweeten the deal, the Priest can never tell anyone what you said. Ever. Even still, it is unlikely that they would even remember what you said. Have you seen how much priests do these days? I’m sorry to hurt your pride, but your sins probably weren’t even that interesting. They’ve heard it all before.
I bring up this subject of Confession because I believe that it is vital to your marriage. When you are open to the Sacrament, when you engage fully, you can de-stress. You can stop bringing the stresses of your failings into your marriage. The Sacrament can even help you stop sinning within your marital relationship.
How often should you go to Confession? The Church has two rules. You must go at least once a year during Lent. You must also go after committing a mortal sin before receiving Communion. That is the minimum. Those two rules will help you to be average.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be average. I didn’t get married to have an average marriage. I don’t enter into any relationship hoping that it will be average. I want to be awesome. I want to have an awesome marriage. I want to have awesome relationships. If you want to be awesome, once a month will do it. Going for baller status? Weekly.
Confession is vital to your success in marriage. Through the process, you begin to renew yourself. You begin to grow closer to God and, through that closeness, you become a better husband. Grab your bulletin and head to Confession this week!
Two Areas of Your Life You Cannot Afford to Neglect
Time is our most precious commodity. For so many things in life, we can change the circumstances and regain what we have lost. Yet, with time, once it is spent, it is gone forever. When transitioning into the married life, you will now have new unique demands on your time.
When I was dating my wife and we were living several hundred miles away. We would have time each evening, about an hour, set aside to talk on the phone. It would typically happen during my evening commute, so there wasn’t really any time “lost.” When we got married, I realized that I would need to carve about that same amount of time daily, if not more, to spend physically together.
As men, we have many demands on our time. Our relationships, our families, and our work. We oftentimes are forced to make a decision about what activities get cut and which stay in. Of course, we could always change the rules by going to bed later or waking up earlier. Yet, it seems that the first two activities to get cut are prayer and exercise.
For many of us, myself included, we view both prayer and exercise as “luxury” time items. In other words, we do them when we have extra time. We could not be more mistaken. Prayer and exercise are not luxury items, they are essential to manhood today.
As married men, we are the head of our “Domestic Church.” It is our primary responsibility to care for those entrusted to us. It is a job too big for us to carry by ourselves. We are foolish if we do not keep the lines of communication wide open with our Creator. An investment of time into prayer can pay off dividends. We turn away from ourselves and our own needs and are more in tune with the Divine.
It takes a lot of energy to do all of the things that we have to do today. We need to leverage our bodies to be excellent partners in our great mission. If your body is tired, then you won’t have the strength to carry on, even if your mind is strong. Exercise can tap into that pool of energy that lurks right below the surface. Ask anyone who lived a sedentary life and then began an exercise program.
We recognize that we need to get back in the game and factor these two important activities back into our lives. How do we do that? Before we begin, this is going to take discipline. Use this quote from the Bible to help you stay motivated, “At the time, all discipline seems a cause not for joy but for pain, yet later it brings the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who are trained by it.” (Heb 12:11)
First, determine what your prayer regimen will be. Will you pray a structured prayer like the Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office)? You could pray the full Office (5 times daily) or just a few, such as Morning and Evening Prayer. Will your prayer just be time set aside for a variety of prayer? No matter what you decide, make a decision and stick to it. Second, determine what exercise you will engage in. You don’t have to go out and buy a gym membership, but make sure there is a mix of activity so that you don’t get bored. Boredom in either of these activities will be the main threat you have to deal with, after laziness.
It is time for us to be men again. It is time for us to give ourselves the tools and advantages that we need in order to live as Catholic Men should.
Welcome to the Beginning
Welcome, friend!
Well, there I am on my wedding day. A spry young man. As a friend would say, “Just a pup.” Ready to set off on the journey of a lifetime.
Just like that fine young couple in the picture, we are about to embark on a journey. Together, we are going to go on a great quest. We are going to seek out what it means to live an authentically Catholic marriage.
My name is Chet. It’s a pleasure to have you!
I’ve been married for just over six months now. It is has been unlike anything that I could have ever expected. The truth is, before I got married, I didn’t know much about what it means to be married. In fact, I still don’t.
The problem is, there isn’t a good source of information out there. There isn’t a good place to go and gain insight into a vocation to the married life. I’m hoping to change that here.
You see, if you ask married people what being married is like, you don’t get a complete answer. How could any one person sum up the Sacrament? How could any one person use language to help you emotionally and intellectually grasp what is means to be married? Yet, it is vitally important that you understand it.
We have a distressing lack of solid Catholic marriages, rooted in faith and love. There are many good marriages, in fact, I bet you can name quite a few right now. Sadly, for every good marriage that you think of, there is probably another that is not experiencing a fruitful time right now. I believe that knowledge can change that.
We need to reshape the narrative on Marriage. Marriage isn’t a chore, isn’t a prison, and it isn’t a job. We need to regain the realization that marriage is a blessing and a gift, and for many of us, the vocation to which we were uniquely created.
From the beginning of time, I was created with my gifts, talents, abilities, and experiences to live in covenant and community with my wife and together to know, love, and serve God.
So begins this journey; this journey of writing. This journey of sharing a story, the story of a Catholic Husband; exploring, learning and failing forward.
Through this blog, I seek to gain a deeper knowledge of what it means to live an authentically Catholic Marriage. I seek to challenge you to reflect more deeply on who you are as a person and on your faith. I seek to to encourage both the married and the single to look more deeply at what Marriage is and means.
This is going to be a conversation. I don’t know a lot about marriage. I’m looking forward to learning and growing with you. I’m glad that you’re here.