Philosophy
Seeking Simplicity
Life has a way of coming full circle. Just five years ago, when I was young, free, and single, I was obsessed with technology. My phone had over 100 apps in the early days of the App Store and I was constantly looking for life hacks. I had this impetus to be more productive by using only the best tools. Like my conversion to Jazz (and now Classical) music, I blew up over the weekend and deleted almost every app from my phone. Why did I feel this need to be free? It all started with a song.
I’ve been a solid Relient K fan since 2007. I love their tongue-in-cheek lyrics and the great messages that they convey through their lyrics. In fact, I always buy the CD whenever they release a new album. After subscribing to Apple Music a few months back, I went through and added their entire catalogue to my library. They released an EP earlier this year called “Look On Up.” The song is about how we live our lives through pictures and filters when we should really just be experiencing our lives. It’s a profound piece of art.
My life has been crazy these past three months as I’ve adjusted to caring for a toddler and an infant. Just Friday I sent an email to my subscribers about how overwhelmed I felt and how I was giving myself the grace to take a day and get everything reset. (I did, by the way, and it was amazing!) As a part of that reset, I took a look at my commitments and my technology, and I started quitting.
I have a number of websites that I maintain that I’m no longer going to work on. I also sat down with my devices and deleted nearly all of my apps. My passion for the latest and greatest app has subsided to being content with many of the Apple stock apps. My phone no longer has Twitter or Instagram, so there’s no longer an impulsion to graze. Instead, I’m going to be in the moment with my family.
I made one other change. I wake up at 5:30am to help better manage my migraines. It’s quiet and still that early in the morning and I relish those precious minutes. When I start my day with prayer, everything just goes better. I cut more work time and gave myself that first hour of the day, a tithe if you will, to be free to pray. I put on a soundscape (I’ve been using the Calm app), pull out my latest edition of the Magnificat and just enjoy the peace and coffee.
Our brains were not designed to be always on and our lives are meant to be lived, not archived. Clear out the clutter, focus on today, and live a day that’s worth remembering.
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?” (Matthew 6:25)
Pam, Porn, & Paul
There’s no renewal without conversion. There’s no mercy without justice. There’s no resurrection without the Cross. These axioms define what it means to be a Christian. Our lives must be in a constant state of renewal as we conform ourselves to Christ.
Pamela Anderson is widely regarded as one of the great sex symbols of the 1990s. This dehumanizing title, though intended to be a compliment, is repugnant. Labelling Pam as a sex symbol supplants the mystique of her femininity with something other than, less than. She’s back in the news after penning an op-ed piece about the dangers of pornography. The Internet reacted predictably and unkindly.
One pornographer even responded by asserting, “I believe that my movies, that couples have watched, have saved more marriages than all the marriage counselors combined.”
Most of the comments were inane, but the running theme was hypocrisy. Why should the public trust a woman who was a staple in Playboy magazine?
Porn is the new cigarette. Like cigarettes, I think we’re getting ready to collectively realize just how harmful it really is. The anonymity of Internet pornography targets a group of the population that would never be caught dead in a porn shop or the “adult” section of the bookstore. It’s a temptation that ordinary people wouldn’t struggle with were it not for the easy access. The Internet has opened up porn to a whole new market segment and it’s ripping our homes apart.
While the impact of porn is heartbreaking, it’s also brought into focus a beautiful side of humanity. Websites like Fight the New Drug seek to counter the porn propaganda and educate young people about the sickening realities of porn. Anti-porn apologists like the great Matt Fraddnow drop wisdom on the Internet. One of his recent tweets was especially impactful: “Love says, “this is my body given up for you.” Porn says, “this is your body taken by me.” Reject fake.” TIME magazine ran a cover story on the dangers of porn and the government of Utah declared porn a public health crisis.
Many chose to condemn Pam, but in her witness, I see a very familiar character. Before Saul was Paul, he was a devastatingly effective enforcer. Saul was so unwavering in his persecutions, that Acts 8:3 tells us that he “was trying to destroy the church.” Along the road to Damascus, Saul had his great conversion, became Paul, and began to follow the Way.
Understandably, the Christians were dubious. But Paul began to publicly preach about Jesus in the synagogues in Damascus. This led the Jews to ask themselves, “Is not this the man who in Jerusalem ravaged those who call upon this name, and came here expressly to take them back in chains to the chief priests?” (Acts 9:21). The Jews were so upset at Paul’s conversion that they plotted to kill him (Acts 9:23).
We know that Paul’s conversion was sincere, and the significance of his story lends credibility to his witness. Here’s a man who hated the church, converted, and is now the most prolific writer of his era. Paul’s letters fill the New Testament with rich theology and practical wisdom. He paid a great price for his conversion, executed as a martyr in Rome.
The fact that Pamela Anderson is willing to publicly denounce the culture that made her famous, I think, lends credibility to her testimony. Many doubt her authenticity, but I’m reminded of the truths that I’ve come to know about the Christian life. There’s no renewal without conversion, no mercy without justice, and no resurrection without the Cross. Porn is destroying our families, and if one more voice crying out in the wilderness is what it takes to end this scourge, I’m all ears.
The Duplicity of Moral Superiority
There’s a tendency in human thought to desire superiority over others. We must show those we resent that we’ve made something of our lives and that it’s more than they’ve done. Thus, we are better than they are. This tendency is destructive and it diverts precious resources away from bettering ourselves.
Moral superiority is a major component of this superiority complex. On a variety of issues, we hold impassioned beliefs that we think are correct. After all, it would be silly for you to hold a strong belief that you thought was wrong. In our arguments, we put our emotions in control and stop seeing our opponents as people. Useful dialogue disintegrates into a fight for moral superiority.
Moral superiority is duplicitous because morality doesn’t seek to subjugate or demean. Rather, morality seeks to guarantee the common good for all people. Moral superiority damages our credibility and limits success. Proving that we are right requires that we must destroy another person.
There are moral issues that are more important than others. To be sure, the value of the human person outweighs the morality of stealing for a good cause. It’s possible to make an argument for the importance of a moral issue without demeaning. In fact, a good moral argument results in both parties leaving edified.
The quest for superiority is hubris, and it only gets in the way of a valid intellectual exploration. When advocating for an idea, ignore moral superiority and focus on the question. Your discussion will bear more fruit and you’ll both leave with more respect.
The Fatal Flaw of Feminism
Americans have a great tradition of rugged individualism. We have a heritage of self-reliance typified by the settlers on the Oregon Trail, or the grit of the Greatest Generation. Self-reliance and self-motivation are two great qualities to have, but it seems that we’re becoming more and more insular. Instead of relying on a strong community, we count only on ourselves. This move has lead to peculiar movements and ideologies, especially modern feminism. The thing about authentic femininity is that it requires no words. They don’t need to tear anything down in order to validate themselves. They’re powerful and sublime in and of themselves.
The notion of women’s rights is a good one. Women should have the same opportunities as men. This is basic, and something that we can gain consensus on. The place where feminism goes wrong is when it asserts that women should be men, that gender is irrelevant.
Authentic femininity celebrates her diversity that she brings in thought, action, and biology. The nourishing instincts of a mother a comforting to her children and her husband. Her particular viewpoint is valuable because it allows all parties to see issues and questions in a new light.
Modern feminism requires malignancy. Men must now be beaten into submission, sex must be used as a weapon to achieve an end, and the only way to garner attention is through shock and awe. The problem with this approach goes back to the lesson that we all learned in kindergarten: you attract more bees with honey than with vinegar.
Femininity, in its truest state, quietly demands respect. By embracing modesty and channeling those thoughts, feelings, and emotions that are instinctual, she can act with poise and dignity. Like a masterful work of art, it draws in the attention of the crowds and commands attention.
Women deserve respect, honor, and love, not only because they are the seat of life, but because of who they are. Authentic femininity is not a weakness, but rather is true strength.
Keeping Things Civil
Every four years, we have a tremendous, Constitutionally guaranteed, opportunity to remind ourselves just how much we hate our neighbor. Twelve to sixteen months of personal attacks and a relentless avalanche of political marketing that has become our presidential election cycle. Instead of being a moment for us to collectively pause, evaluate our progress, and choose a vision for our future, it’s a free-for-all.
The same is true for us this year. We’re passing the twelve month mark in this election cycle and it seems that this is an appropriate moment to remind ourselves of something truly elementary: we’re all people.
Our thoughts and opinions are largely based on our upbringing, environment, and life experiences. A nation of 300+ million people cannot possibly hope to agree on everything, but we should be able to come together, through the appropriate channels, to express viewpoints and agree on a course of action. This ideal, of course, has not really been seen concretely since September 11, 2001.
The beautiful by-product of that deplorable attack was how it united us as a nation. We set aside our political prejudices and focused instead on what brings us together. We collectively make our nation what it is, and all have a stake in making it the best society possible.
We shouldn’t need a massive attack in order to remind us that our political opponents are people who care just as much about the future of our nation as we do. This fall, and indeed beyond November 8th, I challenge you to do the bravest thing any citizen can do in the public life: remain civil.
Respect People
The Catholic Church’s position on life is unimpeachable. Every human person has inherent dignity and the right to live from the moment of conception to their natural death. Arguably, the Catholic Church is the biggest champion of human rights and dignity in our world today. There are no exceptions and the Church speaks out against violations of the dignity of the human person in all quarters. Whether it be immigration, human trafficking, forced sterilizations, abortion, pornography, IVF, or the poor, the Church fights valiantly on the international, national, regional, and local levels to correct injustices.
Many of us call ourselves pro-life and espouse the virtue of respecting all human life. Undoubtedly, many of us fail to fully live this mission for one simple reason: the sheer magnitude of the disrespect for human life in our culture is impossible to grasp. Respecting life is about more than children and the elderly, it’s about having empathy and compassion for people in all situations. It’s realizing in moments of discomfort or strife that the person opposing you is a person just as you are, and worthy of respect, dignity, and love.
Consider this story, one that I’m sure you can relate to.
Driving conditions in Virginia can be, well, complex. Recently I was traveling home on a major interstate after going to Confession. Elated, and in a state of grace, I had a tremendous sense of peace and calm. It’s that feeling that we all know, the realization that we just received a chance to start all over again. I drive 5 or 6 over the speed limit, and in this case, was traveling on a major trucking route with only two lanes in either direction. With my cruise control set, I moved into the left lane in order to pass two tractor-trailers. We were in a safety zone, an area of interstate that, because of the nature of the road construction, requires a reduced speed. Still, I was traveling at my 6 miles over the limit pace. Admittedly, my pass rate on the trucks wasn’t great, but I was still moving.
Behind me, with all the speed, energy, and inertia of the proverbial bat out of hell came a silver SUV. They flashed their lights, honked, and followed me at an unsafe distance. With no opportunity to pass me on the right due to the trucks, it was the perfect situation for some road rage. Since I’m not an employee of the Virginia Department of Transportation, a delegate in the Virginia Assembly, or even a traffic engineer, I did not have the power to change the speed limit. The limit was determined, by law, to be the safest speed allowable for that stretch of road. Yet, the driver behind me insisted on making it known that they believed my speed was inappropriate and wished that I would simply move out of their way.
Road rage is often cyclical. One person initiates, the other responds, and the cycle continues. I passed the trucks about three minutes after this person came behind me, and they raced on. I had several possible responses. Noticing their license plate, I could’ve said disparaging things about the State of New York and the people from there, I could’ve prolonged their delay by not fully passing the truck. I even could’ve stared at them and gestured appropriately. Instead, I offered a simple prayer for them.
In that moment, I realized just how systemic our respect for life must be. I don’t know what was causing that person’s concern or need to drive so dangerously, but they may have had a legitimate reason. They may be a veteran with PTSD, completely unaware of how their actions are being perceived, or even just someone who’s having a bad day. They may have just been a jerk, I’ll never know. The point is that instead of matching rage for rage, I consciously decided to return compassion and empathy in the event that they truly needed it in that moment.
In order to truly respect life, we must act without exception. All of our actions either respect life or degrade it. So the next time that you’re tempted to join in on office gossip, purposely exclude someone, or even withhold empathy from a person on the street, remember how valiantly the Church fights for the dignity of the human person, and afford that same courtesy to those around you.
I hate Facebook. So I did something about it.
I recently received an email from Facebook congratulating me on my 10 year anniversary on the network. While I’m sure they had a heavily researched intention behind the email, I found it to be both striking and frightening. In the first place, I found it striking how in such a fickle market, they’ve endured for so long. While others have come and gone, Facebook remains. I found it frightening when I considered just how much of my life I’ve lost through Facebook.
There are two ways of looking at social networks. The first way is that they’re a geographically agnostic way of connecting people. The opposing view is that social media is destroying human communication and relationships. I do acknowledge the great good that social networking has done. As a military child growing up in the time before the internet was so mainstream, I lost many friendships with each move. Although it did not necessarily adversely affect me, it would’ve been nice to carry on at least a few of those friendships. At the same time, I’ve found social media has trended from authentic connection to sheer vanity.
So I deactivated my Facebook account. Here’s why.
Certainly there have been a number of evolutions and iterations in how Facebook handles its timeline feature. So much of the news that was appearing was wholly uninteresting, a plethora of articles, images, and status updates liked by people in my network that had no relevancy to my own life. That was annoying, but not my impetus for leaving. Instead, I evaluated how I was using the network and hated what I found.
I was being vain. I was pushing out updates that were only self-serving. I was sharing a heavily curated set of stories, updates, and photos, meant to impress. Like someone preparing for their high school reunion, I was editing my story in order to cater to the expectations of others. The further I fell into this trap, the less that I shared. Instead of sharing an unfiltered view into my life to my connections, I was only sharing that which I believed made me more likable.
Then there was the “default.” Any time I had a lull in my day, I would default to checking social media. So many precious minutes lost that could have been writing, designing, reading, or learning, were sent out into the nothingness of social media updates. Instead of defaulting to something worthwhile that I could walk away from feeling satisfied, I defaulted to reading the same updates that I’d already seen.
Facebook was designed to meet that human desire to connect, but all that it has ended up doing is creating the most tentative of connections. We get into fights instead of getting into conversations. We troll instead of building up. In my estimation, it was no longer worth my time.
I’ve left my Facebook page up so that I can continue to share my work, but I no longer use Facebook for personal reasons. I’ve pared back the number of people that I follow on Twitter and I’m still unsure what I’m going to do about Instagram.
Social networks have largely failed to achieve their stated purpose because they are, in the end, a business. We are the product, sold to marketers, leaving this attempt at human connection hijacked by advertisements. Communication is one area in our lives that we could all work to improve. I’ve taken the first step by ceasing to give time and energy to outlets that fail to make me a better person. What’s your first step?
Sick of Reality TV
Television programming has the unique ability to bring people together. Pursuing Twitter after an episode of “The Bachelor” or checking out the blogs after an explosive episode gives one the sense of just how transcendent it can be. One of the more popular genres of television programming in the past decade has been the rise of so-called “Reality TV.” The thing is, none of it is real, and I’m sick of it.
Entertainment is meant to be a form of escapism, removing us from the cares and concerns of our current state in life and, for a time, immerse us in someone else’s story. The best storytellers are those who are authentic, relatable, and believable, traits that are conspicuously missing from Reality TV. As humans, we crave connection and authenticity, so being manipulated by a set of writers or editors is a truly revolting thought.
The problem with Reality TV is that the scripting is so invasive that it prevents anything real from happening. Characters, whom we’re supposed to believe are opening their lives up to us, are instead just character actors. They play a part and not necessarily the person that they truly are. This is antithetical to the premise of the programming. Even if characters are given leeway to be themselves, in post-production, the editors and producers cherry pick clips in order to fit their narrative. What results is a story so divorced from reality that it bears no merits.
This is a problem in almost all programming today. Competition shows, lifestyle shows, and even entrepreneurial shows have fallen victim to this plague. What’s left is what’s sure to be known as the “Missing Years,” a period of time in which there was no substantive contribution to the art of entertainment. TV Land in 20 years will still be showing “The Andy Griffith Show” and “I Love Lucy,” because they were what they represented themselves to be: fiction. Instead, what we have today is heavily scripted programming masquerading as reality.
The solution is to change our demands in programming, but it must be acknowledged that this is a large ship to turn. We collectively get what we crave, which is why family programming has been squeezed out by racy, borderline pornographic storylines. As with anything else, effecting this change will take us individually refusing to tune in or click on those shows which are devoid of any value: entertainment or otherwise.
Vote Your Conscience
When Virginia held its primary election on Super Tuesday this year, I found myself in a position that I had never been in before as a voter. Having missed only one voting day since I assumed my civic duty, I am typically well-read on the candidates and am prepared weeks in advance to cast my ballot. This year though, things were different.
There is a uniqueness in presidential election primaries in that we have many choices to make among a field of candidates. In fact, there are likely many candidates on the ballot that you agree with and your final choice comes down to whom you like the most. Yet, we’re also dragged into the nasty underbelly of politics.
Elections should be about choosing the most competent person to lead, not voting against a particular candidate. As the pundits and news reports detail delegate math along the way, we’re tempted to vote for whom we think will win as opposed to who is actually right to lead at this point in our nation’s history. This action debased the democratic process and undercuts its noble objectives.
Delegate math is what leads us to vote for the career politician or the biggest bully instead of the unassuming governor or well credentialed intellect. All things being equal, we would vote for those whom it said have little chance of winning not because our vote will make them win, but because we want to vote for the person whom we think is right.
We collectively pay the price for this game in the general election when we’re forced to vote for the lesser of two evils. We have to choose between two nuclear weapons, selected by their respective parties not based on their merits but because they’re believed to obliterate their opponent in the electoral college.
All of this can be traced back to voters not voting their conscience in the primaries. This is the conclusion that I reached before I stepped into the voting booth on Super Tuesday. I needed to not worry about how the remaining primaries were going to go, not about who had the best chance of beating the other party, but only about who was best to lead America right now. I did, and I slept peacefully.
Painful Reminders
We’re all a bit detached from reality. We see ourselves in a certain light that tends to be a bit brighter than it actually is. At the very least, we have an ideal that we’re trying to reach. Daily we’re confronted with reality when we consider our mistakes, failings, and past errors that painfully remind us just how far we have to go.
To err is human, but so is to dwell. We like wallowing in self-pity and will indulge ourselves any chance that we get. We tell ourselves that we are the way we are because of circumstances beyond our control conspiring against us. The truth is that the only thing holding you back from being a better you is, well, you.
I like to be comfortable and so I’ll instinctively pivot away from pain at any chance that I get. This is a natural occurrence, but one that we should really focus on overcoming. Comfortable is safe, and safe is dangerous. Like the frog swimming happily in the warming waters, we can be unaware that comfort is slowly killing us.
Instead of internalizing these painful reminders, what if we laid them down and used them as stepping stones. A broken road that ultimately reaches our destination is just as useful in the final analysis as a perfect road that takes us to the same place. We carry too many burdens that rob us of the joys that we could be experiencing today and our family of the man that they deserve.
Pain is our body’s alarm system attempting to modify our actions. When you encounter painful reminders of a dark past, learn the lesson, lay it down, and walk on. In this way you’ll live a happier today and not have to go through the same challenges tomorrow.