Philosophy
Planning Margin Time
Think of the most successful people that you know. Consider what they do, their characteristics and all of the many obligations that they have. They’re pretty busy, aren’t they? The most successful people in life have a lot on their plate and they still get it all done. How do they do it? Disciplined time management.
I love to experiment with time management techniques. I usually have several different projects that I’m working on simultaneously. It’s difficult to manage, but I learned a difficult lesson early on. I learned that if I don’t plan margin time, I can never stay on track. All of the apps and day planners in the world can’t save me if I don’t give myself some margin.
Tasks that get scheduled get done. By using detailed planning, you can budget your time and get more things accomplished. The problem is that you can take planning too far. If you plan every minute without any breathing room, you’ll fail. There needs to be some time in between tasks that lets you handle those things that pop up.
Margin time gives you the flexibility that you need to adapt, while still allowing you to finish your goals. It gives you permission to relax a little bit and do other things. You could use your margin time with your wife, your kids, or even a hobby. For me, I give myself several hours of margin time on the weekends, while my weekdays are much tighter. In my evening routine, I’ve budgeted 15-20 minutes of margin time to spend on whatever Alison needs me to do.
The reason that using margin time is so effective is because it admits reality. I can’t go from working on my computer one minute to driving to my next destination a minute later. It takes time to move between tasks.
Margin time gives us the space we need in our day to do other things that we love. It allows us to be successful because it admits that not every moment can be planned.
Reclaiming Wasted Time
Time is our most precious commodity. Like our health, once it’s gone, it’s not coming back. Yet, with so many minutes at our command, it can be dangerously easy to let seconds slip to minutes, slip to hours, slip to days without taking advantage of them.
Before Benedict was born, I had nothing but time on my hands. Alison and I would spend some time together each evening, but other than that, I was mostly free to idly let the evening hours pass me by. Then I started Catholic Husband and I had a nice activity to invest my time into. Fast forward a few months and I was writing a book. My idle hours dwindled, and I was quite happy. Today, I have a full plate of creative projects and Benedict to help care for. My wasted time has greatly diminished, but I can still waste some time if I don’t “feel” like writing or if I think I can push it off until tomorrow.
I bet we have a few wasted time activities in common. Spending hours watching TV is a waste of time. Not only are there precious few shows that are worth our time, most leave us feeling empty. We all have our guilty pleasures which, in moderation, are fine. But sitting and watching reality TV for 3 hours a day is a complete waste of time. Overusing our computers is also a waste of time. An easy way to find out if you should stop using your computer is if you find yourself staring at the screen asking yourself, “What next?” The computer is a fabulous tool and a fabulous time suck. Use it for the former. Perhaps video games are your outlet for wasted time. All of these things are fine in moderation, but are useless if used excessively.
How do we reclaim that wasted time?
• Cut your time in half. If you find that you don’t have enough time to take care of household tasks or pursue your dream, cut your wasted time activities in half. So if you spend 20 hours a week (a little more than 2 hours a day) watching TV, then see what you can do with 10 hours a week. You’ll be amazed at how much time you have to accomplish things.
• Make a list of alternative activities. If you don’t have a ready list of things to do in your newly reclaimed free time, you’ll just slide into a different time waster. Come up with some neat projects or off the wall ideas and then, when you find yourself in this newly reclaimed time, pick the thing that looks the most interesting. Your alternative activities could be reading, going for a walk, rearranging your bedroom, or even learning a new skill.
• Find your motivation. We never do anything because someone else tells us to. It may start the thought process, but we can’t follow through with any degree of success if we are doing it for someone else’s reasons. If you want to make a change, you need to admit that something is broken. Once you have your motivation, you’ll have the antidote to your urges to not change.
Time is too precious to let slip by. Make a choice today to not let your life pass by, filled only with re-runs.
Men vs. Bros
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. We live in a world full of boys. Actually, let me rephrase; we live in a world full of bros. We are men surrounded by an ocean of bros.
What’s the difference between a Man and a Bro?
• A Man puts his family before himself. Bros are all about looking out for #1. A bro doesn’t have the emotional maturity to recognize that there are people depending on him and he needs to tend to them before taking care of his own needs.
• A Man puts his wife before his friends. Bros are never home. They’re out with the boys getting wild. They stay out all night and sleep in late. When a bro’s wife asks him for some time together he accuses her of cramping his style.
• A Man puts God first. Bros vaguely remember God from 3rd grade Sunday School. There’s no room in their life for Him because they’re too busy. Plus, Mass is for losers.
• A Man puts his work after his family. Bros are workaholics. They will work 80 or 90 hour workweeks when they could really get it done in 60. No one asked them to work that much, they would just rather be at work than be at home. Plus, work is more fun.
• A Man finds time to do his tasks without sacrificing family time. Bros try to complete tasks on their special projects during their family’s waking hours. Then, when his wife or kids ask for some time, he refuses because he’s got to get this stuff done. Men plan their time so they can enjoy life with their family, while still completing their special projects. Sometimes, it’s not possible, so men wake up an hour early and get it done.
• A Man does the right thing, not the thing that benefits him. Bros are always trying to get the upper hand. They’re looking for ways to get what they want as soon as possible, even if it means cheating their wife or kids out of something. A bro goes into debt to get that flat screen TV or the car that he really can’t afford without considering his family first because he really wants it.
• A Man makes a mistake once and learns from it. Bros aren’t into self-reflection. They run into walls all the time and don’t care enough to figure out that if they use the door they can get through the wall.
So what are you? A Man or a Bro?
Keeping Yourself in Balance
Each stage of our lives has unique benefits. The single life brings freedom, but a lack of companionship. The married life brings companionship, but the inability to run from trouble. The life of a parent brings joy in new live, but difficulty in maintaining your own schedule.
It isn’t that one phase is better than the other, they each clearly have their advantages. It is the struggles that we have to get through.
I could have never imagined how much my son would impact my schedule. When you have a newborn who loves to be held, it can be quite hard to get anything done! He wants to be held, but the laundry needs to be done and the kitchen cleaned. There is a balance that must be struck, otherwise we’re sunk
The need to balance is universal experience of men. When you are single, you seek to balance time alone with time with friends. As a married man, you balance work and family life. As a parent, you balance playtime and the needs of the family.
While we know we need balance, we have no hope of achieving it if we don’t take care of the things that we need to do in order to know we are successful. For example, you might determine a day to be successful if you were able to pray and exercise. We all need to have daily goals to keep up on track, but with limited time, how can we accomplish this balance?
The answer is that you have to make time. You need to determine the absolute essentials and pursue them relentlessly daily. Maybe this means getting up an hour earlier or staying up an hour later. Maybe your lunch hour gets extended and you knock out some objectives.
You and your wife are a team. Motivate each other and cover for each other. If she needs a bath at the end of the day, then cover her duties while she takes that time. If you need to work out in the morning, maybe she starts getting the kids ready.
If you are taking care of yourself and she is taking care of herself, you’ll both be better off. So do what you need to do to make sure you’re both checking off your to-do lists!
Carry On
There’s only one thing you can do when you fail: carry on.
There are going to be tough days.
There are going to be times when you’re upset.
You won’t be in top condition, and you’ll be short. You’ll snip. You’ll snipe.
Your wife will be the unwitting target.
It isn’t her fault, she just got caught in the crossfire.
All you need to do is give yourself permission to have a do-over.
Apologize to her, shake off what is bothering you.
Carry on.
You’re Not A Punk
You’re not a punk.
Believe me, we’ve both met a lot of punks out there.
A punk is a guy who cares more about himself than his wife. He’s the one women are always complaining about.
A punk doesn’t get it that there’s something great about being a man.
There is great pride in being a man.
We engage in our family life, we’re proactive about doing acts of service. We (almost) always put our wives first.
We’re men. We cook, we clean, we take care of the kids, we watch movies that our wife wants to watch.
We have a special calling, one that highlights our inherent strengths. We are called to lead, protect, and provide for our families. Whoa.
We aren’t called to bear children, and so we are not able to experience the advantages or struggles of that calling.
But we weren’t made for that.
Punks are naturally dumb or disengaged. They allow themselves to become that way.
We’re smart, we’re noble. We continue to pray, learn, grow, and play with our families.
How critical is your role as a man? The statistics on the outcomes of fatherless homes are amazing. With no father, the children suffer greatly.
So let’s step up to the plate and carry out the task we were called to. Let’s lead with greater passion, protect with greater intensity and provide the finest fruits for our families. It’s what we were made to do.
Forget the punks.
You’re Not that Important
I don’t really mean that. You’re important to someone. Hopefully a lot of someones. You’re just not that important to your company.
We build ourselves up when it comes to our jobs. We rely too heavily on them for our identity. In fact, we sometimes let our jobs define who we are as human persons and our standing in society.
There’s a problem there. The problem is an epidemic in America. We have raised a generation of workaholics.
The fact is, there will always be more work. You are not the only part of the machine that makes the whole thing tick. So, when you’ve put in an honest day’s work, go home.
Enjoy some exercise. Spend quality time with your wife. Make memories with your children.
I promise you this. When you go back to work tomorrow morning, everything will be there waiting for you.
You will never complete all of your work. Your to-do list will never be empty. Be okay with that reality.
No success at work is worth failure at home.
In 40 years, you’ll retire from your job. You’ll then have 10, 20, or 30 years left to live in retirement. Do you know who will be there? Your family. Do you know who won’t? Your company.
Keep things in perspective. Do good work, do GREAT work! But remember that your job isn’t everything. Your family is.
The Club
We emerged from the Christmas Season a few months ago. This Christmas was my wife and I’s first Christmas together. However, now that I am married, it was different in another way. I learned that the Christmas Season is also engagement season.
Should this come as a surprise to me? Perhaps not. After all, I did propose to my wife in the Christmas Season, though it was not planned around that particular season. I simply couldn’t wait any longer.
Guys, if you’re engaged, then you know what I am going to talk about. If you aren’t, you will. For the ladies who aren’t following, there is a club into which all men are inducted. They are inducted the second you say “Yes.”
When you are a guy who is newly engaged, any woman that you tell is instantly excited for you and giggly. Whenever you tell a married man, they usually give you the Club response, “Don’t do it.” Many men told me that, including two different UPS drivers. One of my bosses one evening instructed my team and I, “Don’t get married and have kids.” He was joking; mostly. This Club is a universal. It turned out to actually be a great experience to hear that sage wisdom. In fact, it helped inspire me to start this blog.
What it did was actually to prepare me for marriage. It helped me to understand that my marriage would come under attack from two foes: foreign and domestic. Your marriage will come under attack from within it and from outside of it. The outside attacks will be sometimes easy to notice and sometimes, quite difficult. The domestic threats will come from decisions that you make.
The point is, being in The Club isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Club members often give you lousy advice and usually they don’t even know you or your beloved that well. Stick with what you know, trust, and pray and you’ll be just fine.