Philosophy
Keeping Yourself in Balance
Each stage of our lives has unique benefits. The single life brings freedom, but a lack of companionship. The married life brings companionship, but the inability to run from trouble. The life of a parent brings joy in new live, but difficulty in maintaining your own schedule.
It isn’t that one phase is better than the other, they each clearly have their advantages. It is the struggles that we have to get through.
I could have never imagined how much my son would impact my schedule. When you have a newborn who loves to be held, it can be quite hard to get anything done! He wants to be held, but the laundry needs to be done and the kitchen cleaned. There is a balance that must be struck, otherwise we’re sunk
The need to balance is universal experience of men. When you are single, you seek to balance time alone with time with friends. As a married man, you balance work and family life. As a parent, you balance playtime and the needs of the family.
While we know we need balance, we have no hope of achieving it if we don’t take care of the things that we need to do in order to know we are successful. For example, you might determine a day to be successful if you were able to pray and exercise. We all need to have daily goals to keep up on track, but with limited time, how can we accomplish this balance?
The answer is that you have to make time. You need to determine the absolute essentials and pursue them relentlessly daily. Maybe this means getting up an hour earlier or staying up an hour later. Maybe your lunch hour gets extended and you knock out some objectives.
You and your wife are a team. Motivate each other and cover for each other. If she needs a bath at the end of the day, then cover her duties while she takes that time. If you need to work out in the morning, maybe she starts getting the kids ready.
If you are taking care of yourself and she is taking care of herself, you’ll both be better off. So do what you need to do to make sure you’re both checking off your to-do lists!
Carry On
There’s only one thing you can do when you fail: carry on.
There are going to be tough days.
There are going to be times when you’re upset.
You won’t be in top condition, and you’ll be short. You’ll snip. You’ll snipe.
Your wife will be the unwitting target.
It isn’t her fault, she just got caught in the crossfire.
All you need to do is give yourself permission to have a do-over.
Apologize to her, shake off what is bothering you.
Carry on.
You’re Not A Punk
You’re not a punk.
Believe me, we’ve both met a lot of punks out there.
A punk is a guy who cares more about himself than his wife. He’s the one women are always complaining about.
A punk doesn’t get it that there’s something great about being a man.
There is great pride in being a man.
We engage in our family life, we’re proactive about doing acts of service. We (almost) always put our wives first.
We’re men. We cook, we clean, we take care of the kids, we watch movies that our wife wants to watch.
We have a special calling, one that highlights our inherent strengths. We are called to lead, protect, and provide for our families. Whoa.
We aren’t called to bear children, and so we are not able to experience the advantages or struggles of that calling.
But we weren’t made for that.
Punks are naturally dumb or disengaged. They allow themselves to become that way.
We’re smart, we’re noble. We continue to pray, learn, grow, and play with our families.
How critical is your role as a man? The statistics on the outcomes of fatherless homes are amazing. With no father, the children suffer greatly.
So let’s step up to the plate and carry out the task we were called to. Let’s lead with greater passion, protect with greater intensity and provide the finest fruits for our families. It’s what we were made to do.
Forget the punks.
You’re Not that Important
I don’t really mean that. You’re important to someone. Hopefully a lot of someones. You’re just not that important to your company.
We build ourselves up when it comes to our jobs. We rely too heavily on them for our identity. In fact, we sometimes let our jobs define who we are as human persons and our standing in society.
There’s a problem there. The problem is an epidemic in America. We have raised a generation of workaholics.
The fact is, there will always be more work. You are not the only part of the machine that makes the whole thing tick. So, when you’ve put in an honest day’s work, go home.
Enjoy some exercise. Spend quality time with your wife. Make memories with your children.
I promise you this. When you go back to work tomorrow morning, everything will be there waiting for you.
You will never complete all of your work. Your to-do list will never be empty. Be okay with that reality.
No success at work is worth failure at home.
In 40 years, you’ll retire from your job. You’ll then have 10, 20, or 30 years left to live in retirement. Do you know who will be there? Your family. Do you know who won’t? Your company.
Keep things in perspective. Do good work, do GREAT work! But remember that your job isn’t everything. Your family is.
The Club
We emerged from the Christmas Season a few months ago. This Christmas was my wife and I’s first Christmas together. However, now that I am married, it was different in another way. I learned that the Christmas Season is also engagement season.
Should this come as a surprise to me? Perhaps not. After all, I did propose to my wife in the Christmas Season, though it was not planned around that particular season. I simply couldn’t wait any longer.
Guys, if you’re engaged, then you know what I am going to talk about. If you aren’t, you will. For the ladies who aren’t following, there is a club into which all men are inducted. They are inducted the second you say “Yes.”
When you are a guy who is newly engaged, any woman that you tell is instantly excited for you and giggly. Whenever you tell a married man, they usually give you the Club response, “Don’t do it.” Many men told me that, including two different UPS drivers. One of my bosses one evening instructed my team and I, “Don’t get married and have kids.” He was joking; mostly. This Club is a universal. It turned out to actually be a great experience to hear that sage wisdom. In fact, it helped inspire me to start this blog.
What it did was actually to prepare me for marriage. It helped me to understand that my marriage would come under attack from two foes: foreign and domestic. Your marriage will come under attack from within it and from outside of it. The outside attacks will be sometimes easy to notice and sometimes, quite difficult. The domestic threats will come from decisions that you make.
The point is, being in The Club isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Club members often give you lousy advice and usually they don’t even know you or your beloved that well. Stick with what you know, trust, and pray and you’ll be just fine.