Family Life
It’s Not Just About You Anymore
A few months before I got married, I joined a gym. Everyone asked the question, “Are you trying to look good in your wedding pictures?” It is a scene from any number of romantic comedies. Guy gets engaged and suddenly hits the gym. Are we really that shallow?
I don’t think we are. I think that, for guys, it is about something much deeper. I think it comes with the realization that people depend on us now, and we need to be prepared for the long haul. We’ve got this one body, and this one chance to maintain the Temple of our Bodies. If we don’t eat right and exercise, it costs our family money. In the long run, maybe even years of life.
All men have three basic desires: to have a job, to have a family, and to have a home. Those desires are almost universal. They are also not easy. Once you have a job, you have to keep it. Once you have a family, you have to tend the relationships. Once you have a home, you have to maintain it. If those were the only three jobs we had as Catholic husbands, that would be plenty to keep us busy.
While accomplishing those three tasks, (which are not easy, by the way) we then must defend our family from external threats. We must protect our wives from those lesser people who would prey on them. We must defend our children from predators and from those in our society who would not teach them truth. In order to do this, we have to give ourselves the best possible shape. We must be in the best possible shape.
Getting in shape doesn’t mean being ripped like Mr. Universe. In fact, even 180 minutes of exercise (30 minutes a day, six days a week) can cause your energy levels to spike to levels you thought previously impossible. When I started exercising, I was able to accomplish tasks I never thought I’d ever be able to do. Your body rewards you for treating it well.
When it comes to exercise, and prayer for that matter, both require discipline. Taking that first step can be the most challenging. Come back tomorrow when I explain that these two activities are not luxuries, they’re essential!
To close with the wit and humor of Pope John XXIII, “They say that the body is a temple. Mine is a Major Basilica!”
I Owe it to Myself
We cut ourselves a lot of slack. Many times, too much. We work hard and then use that as an excuse to be lazy. We come home, and expect our spouse to do all of the household chores. “I owe it to myself to take it easy tonight.”
There is a critical problem with this mentality. Your spouse probably worked just as hard. Maybe they have a job. Maybe their job is to maintain the household. Just because you drove to work doesn’t mean that your work was more important.
There is a second fatal flaw. When you got married, you gave up “I.” Not in a bad way. You adopted a new identity in the Sacrament. “Therefore, what God has joined together, no human being must separate.” (Mat 19:6) You both have responsibility for the maintenance of the household.
This mentality becomes even more dangerous when it finds its way into your financial life. You can literally ruin your financial future by following this mantra. “I work hard, so I deserve a nice car.” “I did really well this year, so I owe it to myself to get this 60” TV.” The problems go deeper when you leave your spouse out of the decision process.
You do work hard. You do provide for your family. You have every right to thank God for honest work and a just wage. We just need to rediscover the principle of contentment.
What we don’t realize is that when we get home from work, we are presented with numerous opportunities to love our wives. We can get changed and help with dinner. We can finish dinner and do the dishes. We can finish dinner and then help with laundry or cleaning. Each impasse presents us two choices. We can serve ourselves or we can serve our wife.
It is difficult in the moment to see the opportunities to love. They’re hard to see because they look like work. It is better to prepare yourself. Before walking up to the door, envision the opportunities that are about to present themselves. Then, when you go inside, you will see requests for what they are: opportunities to love.
It will take some time. It won’t be easy. You will be tired or mad. Remember, when you get home, leave work at work. You have precious few hours to spend with your spouse during the week. Dedicate those hours to her and let nothing steal your attention. Love her well.