Faith
Blessings at Mass
Sunday Mass is a beautiful thing. It neatly wraps up one week and begins the next, all in one giant prayer. It’s a time for us to be safe, away from the world, refocusing our life on the One who loves us most.
I always thought that having a child would end my ability to pay attention at Mass. You look around at the other families and the kids are so adorable that you can’t take your eyes off of them, or they’re little pistols moving constantly. Right now Benedict is the former. What I didn’t realize is how your children actually enhance your Mass experience.
Mass is not about what you “get out of it.” If the choir is bad, or the homily is lame, it doesn’t matter. Mass isn’t about the parts, it’s about the sum. It’s about celebrating the life that we have, the opportunity to live in Heaven, and to bring our needs and thanks to God’s altar. In our ultra busy world, it’s a chance for us to slow down and rest. It’s the right time to pause and acknowledge our faults and failings, and resolve to rise and sin no more.
Mass is also a great time to reflect on our blessings. Benedict is just plain cute right now. Alison and I have a rotating schedule to determine who gets to hold him each week during mass. It’s something we both look forward to! Of course, if I’m not holding him, I still get to look at him, so it’s really a win-win. Back to the point, Benedict is a blessing to both Alison and I. In the spiritual life, there are many abstracts. It’s nice to have a concrete blessing to look at. Other blessings could include a prayer answered, some good news at work, or even resolving a conflict in your life or marriage.
Many Catholics think that Mass is boring or unnecessary. That would make them wrong. What’s so sad about this opinion is that it causes people to miss the weekly (or daily!) joyful celebration of our life as God’s chosen people.
Next time you’re at Mass, contemplate the many blessings in your life and give thanks for them!
Finding Contentment
Contentment. It’s a rare beast in our world. Contentment represents something that we all want, but look for in the wrong places. We think if we could only get that promotion, buy that piece of technology, or have one thing change in our marriage, everything will be perfect. Then we reach that step, and it’s not what we thought. So we set our sights higher and keep pushing. We don’t take the time to realize that things don’t fulfill us.
I struggle with contentment. I wrote about this back in September, but it seems like I haven’t made much progress. Yes, I do look for fulfillment in the wrong places. But I’ve also found that my lack of contentment is grounded in chasing the wrong goals.
Alison and I’s #1 goal is to pay off our student loans. Things are going to get moving seriously in that direction come this summer. So when I buy something that I think I want, I know it takes away from the goal of being debt-free. Then I feel uneasy about that purchase. When I decide to put money aside for debt reduction, I never get buyers remorse. I’m content because I know I’m doing something that I really, truly want.
How can we get past our own selfish desires and recognize that the things that we have right now are enough? It’s a tough struggle and I’m not sure I have anything more to add to the struggle. I think it comes down to who you are as a person, where you’re trying to go, and what it’ll take to get you there.
We all have to answer for ourselves when it comes to contentment. What is causing it, what can we do to address that void, and how do we change ourselves to be more generous, loving people?
Keeping God’s Hands Full
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Our personal relationship with God can be difficult to manage. While God is always present, it can be easy for us to fall into “out of sight, out of mind” syndrome. Things almost get to be like a long distance relationship. You are full of love and fervor when you’re together (i.e. in the Sacraments), but when you’re “apart” (daily life) it can be hard to keep your tank on full.
Benedict has been teaching me a lot about my relationship with God. That’s because Benedict is quite needy. At two months, he needs either Alison or I to do everything for him. When he doesn’t get what he wants, he cries until he does. When he’s got what he wants, he mostly ignores me. That sounds a lot like what we do to God.
Our faith walk is a relationship. It’s a real relationship that we must constantly nurture and dedicate ourselves to. But how do we avoid becoming like a newborn child when it comes to how we treat God?
• Call home often. When I spent my first week away from home at camp, I called home often. Several times a day often. From a pay phone. I missed my family. I wanted to talk to them and share with them what’s going on. We need to be the same way with God. Yes, He knows everything already, but that doesn’t mean that He doesn’t want to hear about it from us. We can call home often by praying daily.
• Stop by for dinner. Leaving home is a big step in a man’s life. Being independent brings great pride and dignity. But that doesn’t mean that we don’t love a home cooked meal. Stopping by weekly, or even more frequently, to the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass can help us catch up on what’s going on. There are lessons to be learned and graces to be gained. Nothing is better than that!
• Live sacrificially. Contentment is our goal. Consumption is the world’s. One of my biggest struggles is losing my focus. Instead of being thankful for what I have, I focus only on what I want. A great way for me to keep myself in check is to say no to myself. When I go without, my senses are heightened. I’m more grounded. By giving up a good thing for a short time for the purpose of growing closer to God, we can really make solid progress in moving towards living a content life.
Babies are allowed to cry and they’re allowed to demand attention. They aren’t mature and they don’t know any better. We’re men. So let’s get it together.
Why Hotels are Temples of Temptation
Hotels. As a kid, you were probably excited to stay in them. A new place to sleep, an adventure! As an adult, they can be incredibly oppressive. Perhaps the hotel means you’re on the road working, away from your wife and family. For some reason, hotels seem to be temples of temptation.
I’ve spent a small amount of time traveling for work. Sometimes I’d be with colleagues, other times I’d be one my own. Hotels are just a place for you to sleep. For too many people, however, they’re full of temptations to live a different life.
While hotels were intended to give travelers a safe place to stay the night, they’ve taken on a new twisted dimension. The first channels on the TV are the adult entertainment channels. They are often the locations for affairs or prostitution. Why? It’s just a room for sleeping in.
The reason is privacy. You don’t really have privacy at home. Sure, you can do what you need to do, but there is always going to be someone else around, eventually. Your wife may be at work, but she’ll be home eventually. Your kids are in school, but school gets out at 3pm. It’s not that your privacy is violated, it’s that your lack of privacy provides an environment that gives built-in accountability.
In a hotel, you’re anonymous. No one else is coming. If you’re on travel, there is a 0% chance of your wife walking in the door.
There’s the danger.
In the darkness of privacy, temptation gains a lot of strength. It’s the monster in the closet that you imagine is huge, but can’t tell because you’re afraid to open the door.
You also have an access issue. On your home TV, you probably don’t have adult entertainment channels. Your internet (hopefully) has a filter. In a hotel, those natural barriers are gone. You can really get a sense of what kind of man you are.
Am I saying that you shouldn’t stay in hotels? Of course not. But you wouldn’t run a marathon without training.
We have to be vigilant of our surroundings. We need to be self-aware of our own limits and weaknesses. The decisions you make today while you’re safe at home will build your decisions that you make when you’re on your own out there.
Be smart.
Dealing with Different Spiritualities
Being Catholic is spicy. It’s spicy because there isn’t only one way to be Catholic. In fact, there are countless ways to express and live your faith! We all have our own traditions and favorite methods of prayer. When you get married, you might find that your variety of Catholicism is different from your wife’s.
I consider myself a moderate Catholic. I’m serious about my faith, but I’m not super pro-Vatican II. I’m also not very charismatic. That puts me, as I see it, right in the middle of the road. My first experience with the charismatic movement was when I set foot on the campus of Franciscan University. It was a big shock, to say the least. To this day, I still have some difficulty understanding some parts of the movement. What I did come to figure out, in a practical way, was how each expression and devotion in our faith adds to the overall flavor of the Church.
I’m not sure where you’d put yourself, or where your wife may be. But I am sure that there is a chance that your wife will have been raised differently from you. I’ve figured out a thing or two about how to deal with differences in spiritualities.
• Realize that there is no “right way.” As long as an expression of faith is in union with the Magisterium, it’s usually good to go. The Church herself recognizes that the depth of faith is unimaginable. That’s part of the reason why She is so lenient on private revelation.
• Recognize that spirituality is a component of her. I’m a pretty regimented guy, so I like for prayer to be structured, at certain points during the day. Alison is a bit more free-spirited. It’s unfair of me to expect her to change who she is to fit into a certain prayer regimen. If she is more free-flowing in her daily life, I should’t expect her to be highly structured in her prayer life.
• Be open to new experiences. Faith, like relationships, go through seasons. There will be great springtimes when you have an almost retreat-like high. There will be dark and cold winters when you wonder what you’re doing. Finding a fresh new avenue can bring the spark back into your relationship with God.
We have a lot to learn from each other, and the Spirit moves people in different ways. You never know, you might just like moving in a new direction!
The Holy Family Reflection
Merry Christmas!
As we celebrate and reflect on the birth of our Lord, I had a unique thought. I’d like to share it with you on this great feast!
Jesus was born into a family. Mary and Joseph, living in the marriage covenant, provided the stability He needed as He grew, developed, and learned. Jesus was like us in all things except sin. As I hold my own son, that thought blows my mind.
There was a time when baby Jesus couldn’t hold up His neck. Then came the day that He started smiling and cooing. It is extraordinary that He was just like my son is today.
In that way, I’m living the experience of St. Joseph. A new dad, experiencing the miracle of life. A new dad, shepherding a child’s heart.
The beautiful truth that comes out of this is that we, as married men, reflect the Holy Family. We go through the same difficulties, challenges, and struggles. We, like Mary and Joseph, have access to the same graces to help us live out our vocation.
So as you celebrate this Christmas with your family, remember, your family is a reflection of the Holy Family. Bound in love, united in truth, and together for the greater glory of God!
From myself, Alison and our son Benedict, Merry Christmas!
Family Prayer Time
Prayer is the bond that keeps the family together.
If you think about some of the strongest families you know, there is at least one common characteristic that they all share in common. They are a family that makes time to pray together.
Prayer in community dates back to the earliest days of the Church. The faithful would gather in each other’s homes and pray. It is a ritual that is both spiritually rejuvenating and essential in the Christian life.
Yet, we struggle to find the time. Part of the reason for me was that I was nervous about praying out loud. When I pray privately, in my head, the words flow so smoothly. It’s a different story when I pray out loud.
At the same time, Alison and I recognize how important this practice is. A family gathering together to offer prayers of adoration, petition, penance and thanksgiving is a powerful event. The gathering of the domestic Church to recenter itself in God is essential to the health and growth of the family.
As Benedict was going through the Sacrament of Baptism, Alison and I promised to raise him in the faith. We promised to make it our “constant care to bring him up in the practice of the faith.” At the conclusion of the Rite, the Priest prayed over his ears and mouth saying, “The Lord Jesus made the deaf to hear and the dumb to speak. May He soon touch your ears to receive His word, and your mouth to proclaim His faith, to the praise and glory of God the Father.”
While listening to those words, it became clear in my mind again how important weekly, if not daily, family prayer time is.
When setting up a prayer routine, it’s important to frequently change the type of prayer that you engage in. For example, you may pray the rosary together, the Liturgy of the Hours, or maybe even have a Scriptural Reflection. Prayer is a conversation, so make it lively!
I hope that you’ll consider incorporating family prayer time into your family life. In the words of Archbishop Fulton Sheen, “The family that prays together, stays together."
Understanding Christ’s Wounds
Living in Western Society today, we can easily have a sterilized view of Christ suffering and dying for our sins. For the most part, our experience with the death penalty is very clean. To the best of the ability of modern science, those who are condemned suffer very little, and do it mostly in private.
This was not the death that Jesus suffered.
Based on the advice I was given before getting married, I make regular use of the Sacrament of Reconciliation. As a part of the Sacramental process, I started reflecting more deeply on how my actions today are the direct cause of the brutal torture that Christ suffered. It was an incredible moment of clarity for me.
Our sins today are what caused the necessity of Christ’s suffering. Since God is outside of time, He only needed to redeem us once, and could do so at any point in the spectrum of time in which we exist.
One of the reasons why sin can be so easy is because we often can’t immediately see the damage they inflict. Sin is usually private and personal, and so it feels distant. By reflecting on the wounds of Christ, we can take that power away from sin. We can make it stand in the light and show us its true self.
Sin wounds the Body of Christ. Sin wounded the corporal body of Christ, but also His body in the Church. When one member suffers, we all suffer. Yet, at the same time, when one finds strength and forgiveness in the Sacrament of Reconciliation, we all rejoice.
Contemplating Christ’s suffering as a direct result of our actions can help us to make better choices. By understanding that my sin affects me, my wife, my family, my community and Christ Himself, I can gain perspective to help me in moments of temptation. I can use this tool to do good and to avoid evil.
Sin likes to lurk in the shadows. Sin likes to shame you into more sin. Don’t give it the chance. Bring it to the light in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.
Faith is A Gift
The term “Cradle Catholic” is a phrase that is tossed around quite a bit. It refers to those Catholics who were given the Faith at their birth. This is, of course, as opposed to “Converts,” or people who converted.
I would fall into the Cradle Catholic category. I’ve never really been fond of the term, though. Sure, most of the Converts that I know are amazing Catholics who have great fervor for their faith. But that fervor shouldn’t take away from my own. As you probably know, your faith life is a marathon, not a sprint. It isn’t always perfect, and there are some seriously dark times in everyone’s faith walk. At the end of the day, we share the same faith, no matter who gave it to us or when we accepted it.
We have a tendency to want to control things. If we can’t control something, or we can’t fully understand it, we can easily write it off. Yet, the mystery of the faith was a genius design. As humans, we get bored, fast. As soon as we figure out the mystery, we move on. That’s why movies are (almost) never as good the second or third time around. It is the mystery of something that keeps us interested and engaged.
With our faith, we don’t have to have all of the answers. In fact, that’s part of what faith is. Believing without seeing.
The other day in Mass, the thought crossed my mind. How will I explain who God is to my son? Children, as you may know, can only truly comprehend what they have seen. My 7 year-old brother-in-law didn’t believe that I had a brother until we showed him pictures. So, how will I tell my son about God, a being who’s Resurrected body he won’t see until death?
Despite being a mystery, faith is truly a gift. It’s a gift that we must cherish, because it’s the gift that will carry us through any situation. It won’t always be glamours, it won’t always be fun, but it will be steadfast.
Heroic Virtue
Sainthood is our goal. But, sometimes we start to believe it is impossible. In those times, we fall into sin.
My recent experience of the birth of my son was unlike anything I could have ever imagined. My wife was admitted into the hospital for three days and I was her primary caregiver. Having had some experience with life as an inpatient, I knew that it was my role to manage her care, advocate for her, and make sure that we both had thorough understanding of her treatment.
As I reached the third day of very little sleep and several bumps in the road, I noticed that over the previous three days, I had completely abandoned my own needs. She and my child’s needs were always first. Nothing grossed me out, nothing got me upset, nothing bothered me. Whatever needed to be done, I did.
As I reflected, I found how I had felt those “honeymoon” feelings again, that springtime of love. The act of caring, the non-stop acts of love provided a boost not only to her, but to me.
I felt as if I had begun to understand what the term “heroic virtue” means.
On the road to canonization, the first step is for the Pope to recognize an individual’s heroic virtue. A recognition that their life truly exemplified the life that we are called to as members of the Body of Christ. It is easy to think that heroic virtue is reserved to only a few, but we are rapidly loosing that excuse.
We are riding on a wave of canonizations of people that we have lived with and met. Perhaps most notable is Pope John Paul II. During his decades long reign, we learned from him and watched his every move. We watched him bring down Communism, kiss lepers, and bravely persevere through a debilitating illness.
We learned about the dignity of the human person and the proper place of our human sexuality. He is someone that we could easily see as a person living the Christian Life well. He lived this life not because it was easy, not because he was the Pope, but because it was who he truly was as a human person.
Attaining sainthood is our goal. We aren’t going to make it if life is about us and our needs. We are provided countless opportunities every day to chose to live with heroic virtue. I, too often, chose the opposite because it’s more comfortable. But we aren’t supposed to be comfortable. Selflessness will help us reach our goal.
Marriage is a great incubator of Saints. We both know that being a husband is not easy. It comes with great satisfaction and fulfillment, but we are challenged daily. The best way for us to make that next step, that orientation towards the path of sanctity is to actively and daily chose to love and serve our wives before ourselves. By placing her needs before our own, we reduce our selfishness and make more room for love.
As I transition back home, I’m going to make a solid effort to maintain the level of love and concern I had for my wife in the hospital. I hope you’ll join me… just with your own wife.