Faith
Examine Your Conscience Nightly
The other weekend at Mass, the priest gave a fabulous homily. It was one of those homilies that you want to stand up and applaud. It was one of those homilies that really calls people out. It took a spiritual theory and brought it into our lives.
The Gospel was of the parable of the sower of seeds. Some seeds fell on rocky soil, some fell on good soil… you know the story. The priest talked about our souls as being gardens and the Christian life was us constantly gardening. First we removed the boulders (mortal sins), then we removed the rocks (venial sins), then finally we can start to plant the flowers (good works). Throughout this time, we pull weeds (faults). He talked about the seriousness of sins of omission and failing to do good works, but before we can be in a position to do good works, we have to get rid of the venial and mortal sins in our own lives.
It was incredible to hear. It felt like he was speaking just the right words for everyone at Mass.
The main takeaway from Father’s homily was that we must be constant gardeners. We’re meant to deny ourselves and yield to the Will of God in this life so that we can be happy forever with Him in the next. In order to be a constant gardener, in order to constantly improve, we have to be self-aware. We have to understand where we’re messing up.
The key tool in this sin barometer is to examine your conscience daily.
We do a really thorough examination before receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation, but a daily one might be able to help us find ourselves in need of the Sacrament less and less. Your daily examination can be really simple, and I’ll bet that certain things during the day will naturally rise to the top. Your rightly-formed conscience can help you with this examination.
In the evening, before bed, examine your conscience using this simple framework:
• How did I sin against God?
• How did I sin against my wife?
• How did I sin against others?
All of our sins, as married men, will fall into one of those three categories. I list sins against my wife as second because that is our most important human relationship. It’s more important than your relationship with your parents, friends, and even your children. If you and your wife’s relationship is healthy and thriving, all of your other relationships will see growth.
This simple examination only takes a few minutes, but it can make a world of difference in the choices you make tomorrow.
We make mistakes. The truly successful Christian recognizes those mistakes, plans to avoid them in the future, and grows deeper in humility daily.
Building Our Own Prisons
Temptation is difficult to endure. You’re actually not doing anything wrong by being tempted. It’s only when you indulge that you get into trouble. The real problem comes when you start actively seeking temptation.
During this month, I spend upwards of 13 hours each day alone at home while Alison is at work. 13 hours is a lot of time for me to get into trouble. They say that idle hands are the Devil’s tools, so I pack my schedule in tight. Between cleaning, cooking, baking, chasing Benedict, and running a business, I limit the amount of idle time that I have. This is critical in my proactive plan to avoid temptation.
Sin traps us. When we choose to sin, we create our own prison. Just like people who fall victim to substance abuse, we get caught in a cycle that can be hard to break. Sin is oppressive and binding. It can take away our hope and lead to despair.
So when temptation comes along and we flirt with it, we start building our prison until we’re finally trapped in a sin that we don’t want to be committing. The only way out is through the Sacrament of Reconciliation. It’s our get out of jail card, though it’s far from free. Some has already paid the price for our freedom.
Stop building your own prison!
Change One Fault Per Month
Two weeks ago, I wrote about conversion in our lives. In the post, I talked about how conversion doesn’t happen overnight, but through thousands of small decisions.
If you’re like me, you have faults that you wish you didn’t have. Changing those faults can be difficult. You may have tried in the past, but failed. We can all be more successful with focus.
Through the simple action of committing to focusing on changing one fault per month, in a year you can be a whole new man!
Make a list of things about you that you consider to be faults. Be open and be honest with yourself. Pick one and attack it with vengeance.
Don’t do this alone… seek your wife’s help. I bet she’ll want to help you in this process.
Throughout the process, you’ll fail. You’ll be working on one habit for three weeks and on day 23, you’ll fall back into your old ways. The key to success is your ability to shake it off, get back up, and move past your failures. We all fail, but only the strong persevere.
The time for change isn’t tomorrow, it’s right now.
Holy Baby Steps
When we’re ready to change our lives, we want it to happen fast. We want to lose the weight, today. We want an answer to our dispute, now. We want to be the best father to our children, instantly. The problem with the demand for the instant is that it doesn’t last.
By now you know that I’m a productivity nut. I love to schedule my day out, I love to find more efficient ways of doing things, and I love finding and implementing new tools.
It used to be that I would find a new strategy, implement it the next day, and a week or so later, I’d be back in my old ways. I would like the feeling of trying something new and getting a productivity bump, but I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t sustain it.
The problem was my perspective. I was expecting to solve a long-term problem in the short-term. Addicts don’t transform their lives in one instant after years of addiction. We shouldn’t expect any better results.
The person you are today, for better or for worse, is the culmination of years of decisions. If you’re living life right, that didn’t happen because you made one right choice. You made a series of smaller decisions and used discipline over time.
In the spiritual life, the same axiom is true. Conversion doesn’t happen over night, it happens over time.
Conversion doesn’t happen in one major decision, it happens in dozens of smaller, seemingly insignificant, daily choices. The trick is to take advantage of these daily opportunities. Hundreds of small steps equals one giant leap.
The most important trick to taking holy baby steps is to avoid getting discouraged. Discouragement means having a lack of hope, and hope is trust placed in God’s promise of salvation. So when we get discouraged, we doubt God’s Word. Ouch. You’ll make great strides forward and you’ll have magnificent failures. The trick is to immediately push forward.
So, if you want to pray daily, start small. If you want to cut out one of the deadly sins in your life, start attacking the roots.
By staying dedicated and intentional, you can accomplish any goal you set out to achieve in the spiritual life.
Stop Treating Mass like A Drive-Thru
Our lives are busy. We have work, family obligations, and personal goals that we’re trying to balance. With this time overload, we look for ways to be more efficient and corners to cut. Unfortunately, sometimes during this schedule review, we try to find ways to cut our time at Mass short.
As Alison and I were moving last month, we ended up visiting a parish in Pittsburgh for Mass. Benedict was getting pretty fussy, so I took him into the back of the Church. As we stood back there, I watched a steady stream of people go up for Communion, and then walk right out the door.
Mass isn’t a drive-thru.
In a way, some Catholics treat Mass like McDonald’s. They show up at their leisure, get what they came for (Communion), and then leave immediately. The problem with this approach is that it cheats you of the fullness of the Mass. When you leave Mass early, you’re making four big mistakes.
• You miss the chance to spend quiet time with Jesus physically in you. The Eucharist is unlike anything we experience in our daily lives. It’s literally a miracle each time the bread and wine are transubstantiated. So when you “Grab and Go” with Jesus, you ignore the reality of what you are taking part in.
• All parts of the Mass are important. You’ve got to hand it to the Bishops… they crafted a liturgy that feeds you physically, emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually AND made it all happen in 60 minutes or less. That’s a lot to do in one golden hour. It kind of makes you think that there were a lot of things they cut from the liturgy. So if we’re able to do all of those things in the time it takes to develop photos, that must mean that they only kept the things that were absolutely critical.
• You have a Mass “hanging chad.” How many conversations have you walked away from in the middle of? How many awesome dreams have you had where you wake up just at things were getting good? When you leave Mass early, you miss the closing prayer and song. When you leave immediately after Communion, you basically were having a conversation with someone and then abruptly walked away.
• It’s disrespectful. The priest stands in the place of Christ. Leaving before him is akin to leaving a wedding before the bride and groom do. Give me a break.
The most ridiculous thing about this whole discussion is we’re talking about 10 extra minutes, at most. Traffic really isn’t that bad, and when you’ve been somewhere for 50 minutes, 10 more isn’t a big deal.
Don’t be a punk. Stay at Mass until the very end and enjoy the fullness that it has to offer.
Where Are You Going?
We weren’t made for life on Earth. We were made to know, love, and serve God in this life and be with Him forever in the next (Baltimore Catechism).
Yet, it can be easy to forget where we’re going.
I’ve had quite a few stressors in my life lately. The transition out of the workforce, the move to Virginia, and several other issues related to these major changes have been hard on me. I’m pretty impatient when it comes to getting issues resolved. So when there’s a problem, I want it fixed, today. Unfortunately, most problems aren’t fixed so easily. As a result of this added stress, I found myself becoming less loving towards Alison and not as helpful around the house.
I’d prefer sitting on the couch to unpacking. I’d let her get up with Benedict in the morning. I wouldn’t volunteer to help feed him.
No good.
As a part of a regular self-examination, I saw the pattern. I knew something needed to change. I wasn’t being the husband I wanted to be. I wasn’t being the father I wanted to be.
Our spiritual walk is much like what I experienced. Things come up, so we let our prayer life slide. Sinning looks much more fun than being holy. So we sin. We miss Mass one Sunday because we’re sick, and the next weekend, we seriously consider skipping just because.
Our actions speak louder than words. While we’re meant to enjoy Eternal Life with our Father, our choices will dictate if that happens or not. Our choices affect our salvation in a very real way.
It can be so easy for us, in the monotony of our daily lives to lose sight of the eternal. It’s easy to become complacent. But complacency kills.
Am I loving?
Am I forgiving?
Do I really want to go to Heaven?
Do my actions reflect this desire?
Fight complacency. Live for the Eternal!
Doing the Right Thing
It’s never too late to do the right thing.
When I started working on Catholic Husband early last year, things were going well in my spiritual life. I had a solid daily prayer routine, I was making good choices in my relationships with others, and everything seemed to be going quite well. Then, things changed. It wasn’t as easy to do the right things. I got lazy on my prayer routine.
I can remember exactly when things became much more difficult. It was during Lent, right after the Sunday where we heard about Jesus’ temptation in the desert. After some time, I made the connection. It was only when I was actively working on Catholic Husband that the temptation was intense. I knew that if I was being singled out for particular temptation, I was on the right track.
Starting to do the right thing is a great feeling. You’ve turned over a new leaf, you’re making solid forward progress, perhaps for the first time in a long time. Early on though, you’ll be tested.
This happens every New Year. People make resolutions, it goes well for a week or two, and then they trail off. Doing the right thing is never easy.
You might have experienced this when starting a prayer routine. You had a plan and then things just came out of nowhere.
What are we do to?
• Be realistic. The Devil doesn’t like when we make good choices. He doesn’t like when we do things that bring us closer to God. So if you’re particularly committed, buckle up. Things are going to get rough. Prepare yourself for a new level of temptation and attempted derailment.
• Know where the traps are. God wants us to strive for perfection, but He never faults us for falling short. My goal is to write two posts each day. There are some days I write none. On the days when I don’t write, it can be easy to become discouraged. So I resolve to do better the next day. The same is true for your prayer life. If you miss a day, or even a week, simply pick it back up and keep walking! Despair is never from God.
• Stick to the plan. When we develop plans, we assume that we can do no wrong. It’s idealistic, sure, but it helps us to stretch. We ignore everything that could get in our way. We’re invincible! So set your plan, and stick to it as closely as you can.
Above all, know your why. If you know why you’re doing what you’re doing, in times when you’re challenged, it can be easier to overcome. Deeply held convictions for doing something can be extremely helpful in times of adversity. For example, the why of Catholic Husband is for me to share the good news of the married life. So when I’m tempted to walk away or skip writing for a few days, I remind myself that this message needs to be shared.
It’s always a challenge to do the right thing, which makes doing it all the more satisfying.
Trust the Lord
Life is definitely not always easy. In the human experience we each have times of extreme joy and of extreme sadness. How we deal with the problems in our lives says a lot about who we are as people. One of the people that we often don’t seek out for assistance is God.
This year has been all about change. As my time at work winds down and Alison gets closer to graduation, we’re preparing to move our family and start really a whole new life. We’ve been sick, there’s been stress, and lots of curve balls. As I’ve gone through these challenges, I’ve been considering what it really means to trust in God. In all of the difficulties, I found myself not taking the issues up in prayer. It was quite foolish of me.
There’s a balance that we must find in our spiritual walk. On the one hand, we’re supposed to trust that God will provide for all that we need. He will and He does. On the other hand, we’re not supposed to sit around and wait for God to fix our lives. We are God’s hands and feet in this world. The things we do can cause Him to be felt in our own lives and in the lives of others.
Trust is just a hard concept all around. We want to maintain as much control as we can over the things in our lives, but it’s also healthy to accept that we can’t control everything. Carrying around the stresses and burdens of our lives solely by ourselves is not only bad for us, it’s not the way it’s supposed to be. As children, our parents carried the load for us frequently. We should rely on God the same way.
Each day, in good times and in bad, we should be constantly repeating the phrase “Jesus, I trust in you.” We should say it with conviction and with belief. Because while we are players in God’s plan, we’re not the designer of the universe. We should pray that we are the instruments that God needs us to be today.
God is bigger than your illness. God is bigger than your problems at work. God is bigger than your marital struggle. He has conquered it all. So turn to Him in humility and in trust and let His Will, not yours be done.
Last Words
Yesterday we talked about giving each day to God at the moment you wake up. But what about at the end of the day?
When it comes to my powers of estimation, I’m usually fairly good at recognizing the early warning signs of temptation and sin. During the day, I can be vigilant. At night, while asleep, it can be hard to ward off temptation, even in my dreams. Our dreams, much like the media we watch, can shape our attitudes and decision making. So if in my dreams I’m really mean to someone, when I encounter them during the waking hours, I can be predisposed to really unloading on them. Prayers before bed can be helping in defeating this nocturnal temptation.
The whole idea of prayers sporadically throughout the day and creating a rhythm of prayer in your life is to help you live a balanced life. We need to be regularly praying throughout the day and communicating with a God who loves us, who created us. By having this rhythm of prayer, you can really start to experience a balanced life that will bring you greater peace, satisfaction, and a greater degree of charity.
Praying right before you fall asleep, offering your last words of the day to God, can be the perfect way to both close out your day and protect your mind from dreams that will lead you into temptation. On top of which, I’ve found it can be a great way to ease into sleep!
Your last words close out your day and can help you to reflect on your actions. The goal is to love and serve God better tomorrow than you did today. Through reflection and prayer, you can hope to achieve that goal.
Deciding on your last words can be reflective of your spirituality. I have a devotion to the Divine Mercy, so I pray a few prayers from the Divine Mercy chaplet. I also freestyle a little bit and am usually very close to sleep at the end of the day.
Giving God your last words of the day is a great spiritual exercise. Not only does it perfectly end your day, it reorients your mind towards God.
First Words
There’s a curious phenomena in driving that involves your eyes. When you look in a direction other than straight ahead, you will start to drift in that direction. So, if you look for too long at the side of the road, you’ll soon find yourself there. This occurrence is intriguing because the same thing happens with your thoughts. If you think about things that are good, just, holy, and worthy, you’ll find that your days seem to go a little bit better. If you think about things that are near occasions of sin, you’ll find it’s really quite easy to fall into that sin.
Office morale is a major driving force in job satisfaction. Like all workers, I’ve found myself in environments when morale was high and I’ve also experienced the desolation of a low office morale. In the cases when morale was low, I redoubled my efforts to stay positive on the things I could control. What I found is that I was still able to be successful in spite of the negativity around me. During the times that I participated in the low morale, I too slipped into the darkness.
The first moments of the day can really shape the outcome of the next 12 to 16 hours. So if your alarm goes off and you experience nothing but dread, you’re not setting yourself up for success today. Attitude is everything and if you loathe your alarm clock and waking up, your day is really off to a bad start, too.
One of the spiritual habits that I’m hoping to adopt in the next few weeks is giving my first words to God. In those minutes after turning off my alarm clock and slowly waking up, I want to turn that into a prayer. I’m not very good at starting my day immediately with prayer, but I’d like to get better.
The reason that I want to adopt this practice is two-fold. First, each day is a gift and I’m terrible about taking that for granted. Second, I want to start the day by denying my pride. I only exist because God has chosen to hold me in being. I need as much of His help as I can get!
I plan to start with a simple greeting and then perhaps pray a Morning Offering. Of course, I’ll need to memorize the words first, but I’ve always liked how beautiful the words of the prayer are.
Starting our day by giving it first to God is a brilliant idea.