Faith
Reclaiming Peace
Our lives are filled with boundless triumphs and difficult trials. If you look back at the past 10, 15, or even 20 years of your life, there were extended periods of time when you flourished and had a deep sense of peace. You’ll also see periods of extended difficulties, perhaps compounded by multiple negative life events. This is the rhythm of life, and no matter which season you’re experiencing today, it doesn’t change the one immovable truth: you were meant to live with a peace that surpasses understanding.
It’s definitely more difficult to recognize, or even achieve this deep sense of peace, when you are in the midst of negative life events. Let’s face it, we’re more heavily influenced by negative life events than we are by positive life events. Death, serious illness, troubles at work, and even relational problems easily overtake our minds. We succumb to extended periods of negative thoughts and that negativity affects our whole worldview. It becomes the lens through which we see the world, at least for a time.
Life is temporary, and one day, all of this will be over. So when we’re in a downturn, how do we maintain perspective? How do we cope with extremely negative events, especially those outside of our control, or those that we won’t have resolution to for months?
It’s important to start with the realization that negativity is a huge wall to climb. Death in the family is not easily overcome. Strained relationships with your spouse or with your children won’t heal overnight. We can’t simply will change and then immediately see the effect. That shouldn’t stop us, however, from making immediate positive changes to help reshape our environment.
The best way to take on negativity is to attack it head-on. We’ve got to take away some of the power it has, and that power is coming mainly from the lies that we let it tell us. Negativity will try to tell us that you’ll never get over a loss, that your relationship won’t heal, and that your work problems will end up with you unemployed.
The truth is, relationships have cycles. There are good times, there are bad times. So if you’re in a downturn, with a little work, you’ll turn the corner on this thing. Your spiritual life will have ruts. There are times when you feel really close in your relationship with God and there are times when you feel distant and alone. Whatever negativity you face, one day, it will break. You’ll have resolution and a spring will bloom in your life. All will be well.
When you face negativity, you can never surrender. Surrender will leave you stuck in perpetual negativity. Perpetual negativity robs you of the peace that you deserve, the peace that Jesus’ passion and death bought for you.
Never give up. Never surrender. This, too, shall pass.
Christmas Reflection
Merry Christmas!
The days of preparation of Advent are over and we’re now finally celebrating the birth of Christ. I had a particularly fulfilling Advent this year and I hope that your preparations helped you reach today with a greater sense of peace and joy.
It’s becoming a tradition that I post some form of reflection on the Holy Family on Christmas Day, and I’d like to continue that today. This is, of course, my 2nd Christmas with Benedict and the reality of being a young father has helped me to see the events of Christmas in a new light.
I particularly want to focus on St. Joseph. I continue to be impressed with his strength of character and commitment to mission. While we focus mainly on Mary’s “yes,” it can be easy to overlook St. Joseph’s constancy and protection.
The Holy Family’s journey to Bethlehem, and then on to Egypt, was treacherous. They were fleeing from a hostile and powerful government, they navigated difficult terrain, and they avoided all sorts of thieves on their route. On top of all of this, they cared for a newborn baby. What a trip that must have been!
Joseph was truly a holy man, he’d have to be to accept his mission. Not only was he to take Mary as his wife despite a pregnancy that he may not have fully comprehended, he was then asked to take his family into Egypt and support them there. Being that open to accepting the Will of God required an immense depth of Spirit, and it’s something that we should all strive for.
I’m most impressed with Joseph’s courage. He was courageous in accepting Jesus as his adopted son, he was courageous in standing up to the societal pressures to divorce and perhaps even to publicly shame Mary, he was courageous in undertaking the journey to Bethlehem with his pregnant wife, and he was courageous in taking his family to Egypt and finding work to support them there.
What does all of this tell us? How can we apply the example of Joseph in our own lives?
First, we should make ourselves open to grace. Joseph was given a tremendous amount of grace to carry out his mission, but he was only ready to accept it because he was disposed to it. A solid relationship with God is foundational in grace on this scale, and yet, many of us are called to similar missions. We’re guardians and protectors of our family, and, if we do it well, we can easily become a target of the Devil. So it’s good and necessary that we allow ourselves to be as open to God as we can be.
Second, we should place our will second to God’s. This is a true challenge. Joseph’s life plan probably didn’t involve being foster father of the Savior of the World. It was probably more along the lines of running his own carpentry shop. Yet, had Joseph sought to only live out his life plan, no one would know him and God would have had to find someone else to shepherd the young Jesus.
Last, we should do everything in the service of our family. It’s clear that Joseph was a devoted family man who was intimately involved in the life of the family until his death. He wasn’t satisfied with simply providing for the material needs of his family. He was only concerned with their happiness and fulfillment.
St. Joseph is a powerful and silent role model for us as men. May we do a better job filling his shoes in 2015 than we did in 2014.
Thank you so much for being a part of this Catholic Husband community! I wish you and your family a happy, blessed, and fulfilling Christmas and I look forward to continuing to serve you in the future!
Merry Christmas!
Live A Saintly Life
When it comes to fitness, it’s easy to tell when you’re out of bounds. That fateful day when you hop up on the scale and the number shocks you is the clear sign that you need to make a change. You get on the internet and find outstanding resources and training plans. You get on the App Store and download fitness apps and trackers to help you stay on target. You make a clear decision and then execute. Why don’t we treat our spiritual life the same way?
Sainthood is an open membership club. Anyone can be a saint, no matter their state and position in life. Membership is gained through a conscious decision to accept grace and to live in humble obedience to God’s Will and Law.
Truthfully, we all know that the only way to true happiness is holiness. While some other pleasures give us temporary comfort, nothing will leave us as fully happy and satisfied as living a holy life. We know that sin leaves us empty. We know that being impatient with our wives leaves us feeling uneasy later. We know that gossip only leads to guilt. In fact, with gossip, the feeling of guilt overcomes us almost immediately.
So if we want to be truly happy, if we want to live truly free, if we want to know what life’s like living rightly, why don’t we attack the goal with the same tenacity that we attack our fitness goals? Why don’t we cut out hours of TV a day (sin), hit the gym every day (prayer), and start making better decisions about what we eat (control over thoughts)?
The fact is, we can. It won’t be 100% perfect, but it is possible. We know that temptation will come. We know that temptation will be tough. We’ve all been tempted back to laziness when on a health kick. We’ve all had to face cold weather or a rainy day and had to decide if we were going to get out there and get it done or sit the day out. The same is true with the spiritual battle. Temptation is tough, but it can be overcome. Each time you beat temptation, you get that much stronger.
Is today the day that you decide to focus on becoming a saint with intentionality and dedication? Is today the day you start backing up that goal with prayer and action?
If it is, I applaud you. Just remember, you’ve opened yourself up in the past to certain sin, and those temptations will be the hardest to overcome. Be alert, be vigilant, and be ready to beat it down.
Choosing to become a saint is an act of the Will. Decide to be a saint today, and manage that decision each day until you hit your goal.
Outsmart Temptation
Temptation is a fork in the road. We either freely choose to avoid sin, or we freely choose to commit sin.
Temptation in and of itself isn’t sinful. It’s not a sin to be tempted by something. It’s a sin to act on that temptation.
The problem is, temptation is very influential. It plays to our weaknesses and in that way, it gains a tremendous amount of power over us. That also means that we can, over time, give less and less influence to it.
You know your weaknesses, you know which sin is alluring to you. You also know what it’s like to commit those sins and their effects. You know the shame and guilt that come with it. You know the dirtiness, sadness, and emptiness that it leaves behind. You know the feeling of knots in your stomach waiting in line for Confession.
If you’re ready to beat back temptation, if you’re ready to have the upper hand in this struggle, you can choose to fight starting today. You can no longer be reactive, you must be proactive.
Temptation takes advantage of the moment. Your body’s natural responses to sin amplify the temptation and cloud your judgement. For example, if your budget is tight and you had an opportunity to steal money from the cash register at work, the thought of committing that act would get your adrenaline pumping. That physiological response would prevent you from objectively viewing the situation and removing yourself from it. In a similar way, a high school couple whose canoodling is reaching the point of serious sexual sin is impeded from resisting the temptation to engage in sex. In both cases, very real physiological responses impair judgement.
But it’s not your body’s fault that you commit sin. It’s not your life situation’s fault. It’s your fault. It’s your fault because you let temptation get too strong.
If we want to be successful at defeating temptation, even ones where we’re most weak, we have to go on the offensive. We have to outsmart it.
We both have multi-year track records of sinning and, by this point, we both know what our triggers are. We both know what things always lead us to committing sin. If we want to be temptation and sin, we need to take on those things.
The people you hang out with, what you do with your idle time, the websites that you surf, the TV shows that you watch, the movies that you go see, the music that you listen to, the magazines that you subscribe to, the books that you read… all of these things are potential triggers. None are intrinsically bad as a category, but each have elements that are intrinsically evil. The internet is not a bad thing, but it has bad sites. Television isn’t bad, but it has bad shows. Music isn’t bad, but there is bad music.
You have the power to overcome temptation, even where you’re the weakest. The only question is, will you get rid of the things in your life that lead you to sin or are you too attached to them to walk away?
Out of Sight Should Be Kept Out of Mind
A few weeks ago, Alison, Benedict and I attended my sister’s wedding in Pittsburgh. Maree’s wedding was particularly special because of its location. She was married in the historic St. Anthony’s Chapel. St. Anthony’s has the largest collection of relics outside of the Vatican. There are over 6,000 individual relics of saints housed in ornate reliquaries and stored in glass cases surrounding the altar. As I was at the Wedding Mass, it hit me. This is the reality of the Mass!
We are extremely limited by our human sight. Our limitations prevent us from ordinarily seeing Angels, Saints, and even the glory of God. With the exception of mystics and some private revelation, we’re not able to see citizens of Heaven in this life. At the Mass, no matter where it’s celebrated, the whole of the Saints and Angels gather around the Altar to celebrate the Wedding Feast of the Lamb.
What I really loved about the St. Anthony Chapel was that, as Mass was being celebrated, I was surrounded by the beauty and overwhelming number of relics. Surrounded by the Saints and in that way I was reminded of this unseen reality of the Mass. It made physical what I cannot ordinarily see. It reminded me that Mass is not only something special and miraculous, but that it is a celebration that transcends time, space, and worlds.
It’s truly sad that we’ve lost so many Catholics from our fold. The New Evangelization is all about us inviting them to come back to the Church. If only they could experience Mass at the St. Anthony’s Chapel and understand the depth, beauty, and mystery of the Church, they might be inspired to come home.
Former Catholics might never visit the St. Anthony Chapel, but they will encounter you. How will your actions show them the joy of being Catholic and living a faith-filled life? You might be the only Gospel that they ever read.
The Divine Office: What is it?
The Divine Office is the universal prayer of the Church. It’s also know as the Liturgy of the Hours or the Breviary. Ordained priests, deacons, and religious are required, to varying extents, to pray the Divine Office every day. There are five different times of prayers, also known as “Hours” during the day. Given the worldwide usage and differing timezones, the Liturgy of the Hours is literally being prayed at every moment of the day.
The Liturgy for the Hours is broken up into five different “Hours.” Ordained priests and religious pray all five hours, while permanent deacons are obligated to pray two of the hours each day. The hours are broken down into these parts: Office of Readings, Morning Prayer, Daytime Prayer, Evening Prayer, and Night Prayer. The time it takes to pray each “hour” is between 15-30 minutes, with the exception of Night Prayer which can take 10 minutes.
Each Hour is composed, generally speaking, of 3 psalms, a short reading, and a few other prayers. It’s a highly structured liturgical form of prayer which ensures that everyone praying the Divine Office is praying the exact same thing. In that way, the Liturgy of the Hours has the same beauty as the Mass in it’s universality.
The Liturgy of the Hours isn’t just for the clergy. It’s for all people of prayer. The awesome part about being so structured is that it provides a ready-made plan for daily prayer. It’s intense and requires commitment, but it’s utterly beautiful. The way in which the Hours are broken out enables us to be regularly and consistently praying throughout our day.
There are many ways to get started with the Liturgy of the Hours. I’d suggest that you start with just one “Hour” a day, and then grow from there. The full volume is 4 books, and it can cost up to $120. I’d recommend starting with the iBreviary app, which is free. If you’d like a slightly different version than the 4 volume set, “Christian Prayer” or “Shorter Christian Prayer” are good places to start. They’re the Liturgy of the Hours designed for the laity.
There’s a beauty in the structure of prayer. There’s a deeper sense of awe when considering the millions of other Catholics around the world who are praying with you each time you enter into this prayer.
Grow in Patience
Patience is a virtue that I’m not very good at.
Patience is a great virtue to have. It allows you to be kind to a customer service representative when you’re furious at a company. It can significantly reduce the number of fights with your wife. It can improve harmony in your relationships at work.
Unfortunately, the only way to really grow in patience is for it to be challenged. That means that you’ll have to undergo trial by fire.
You might also find that when you resolve to grow in patience that it will be especially tried. It will happen more often and with more intensity. That’s a difficult experience to undergo, even when you’re not trying to build your patience muscles.
It can be easier to endure when you know what will be waiting for you on the other side. Patience can make a huge difference in your relationships. When you are in a stressful time or difficult situation with someone and you’re able to exhibit patience, both of you will have a better outcome. Your patience will bring a calming presence to the situation and will ultimately be reciprocated by the other person.
Fights are caused by escalations. Patience is a de-escalator. It is incredibly difficult for someone to get increasingly angry with you when you’re remaining at a peaceful and calm level.
Growing in patience is really difficult. But the fruit that it produces is so sweet.
Primary Devotion
The Church is a wide and open road. While there are essential components of the spiritual life, such as the Sacraments, the Church provides limitless expressions of faith. One type of prayer is devotions.
A devotion is a type of prayer to a particular saint. It’s an ongoing form of prayer. Devotion isn’t worship, it’s another name for relationship. As you pray to a particular saint for intercession, you come to know them and their story. As a result, you both grow in friendship.
It can be tremendously helpful to have a primary devotion in your life. It’s all too easy to take on too many devotions. By having a primary devotion, you create a home base. When you get off track or wander off the path, you always know where to go to get started again.
Since you know where to start when you’re ready to start praying again, you’ll be comforted by the familiarity of the devotion.
Your primary devotion should be one that you love. It may be one that was important to your family or one that held significance at some point during your life.
There’s a principle in business that holds that companies should focus on doing one thing perfectly before adding additional services. For example, a car wash company should perfect their skills at car washing before adding detailing services. By honing your prayer skills in one particular way, you can perfect your prayer before exploring a different avenue of Catholicism.
A primary devotion can be just the tool you need to get back on the horse when you’ve fallen off.
Disbelief with Faith
As a part of the Catholic Church, we are members of an extraordinary community. We routinely have miracles happen within our group. We have relics that not only share our story, but also facilitate God’s grace. Sometimes, it’s almost too incredible for our minds to comprehend.
This blog, for me, is an exercise in both contemplation and humility. Part of the way that I process concepts is through writing. On many of the topics I write, I’m a novice. I write about the ideal, but am usually only experimenting at the beginners level. I’m sad to say that my initial reaction to hearing an incredible (and I daresay miraculous) story is disbelief. I’m a regular Doubting Thomas.
I have the most difficulty with events that relate to history. For example, in Italy is the childhood home of Mary. It was brought there in the fourth century. It’s hard for me to understand how it would at all be possible for anyone to have found such a home and then, above all else, transported it to Italy. Her house was nondescript, like any other in her town. How could they have possibly found the one?
A few weeks ago, on the Feast of the Exultation of the Cross, our pastor addressed my doubts in his homily. He had in his possession a relic of the True Cross. He rhetorically asked how it was possible that, after 300 years, St. Helen could have possibly found THE Cross. He then said something that was a game changer for me. “I have a harder time believing that God would have left the True Cross to be lost to history."
When I meet a miraculous story with disbelief, that is partly good sense. However, when I meet a miraculous story that has been duly verified by the Church, I’m suffering from a lack of faith. Why couldn’t God do those things? Why wouldn’t something amazing happen to the physical relics of men and women whom the Church has declared to be in Heaven?
When you start to take that stance on miracles, when you understand the strenuous vetting that the Church puts any miracle through, it starts to really sink in. This is an amazing faith. This is an amazing Church. How can you not feel a great zeal and love knowing that you’re part of a living body that has these experiences on a regular basis?
It’s human to meet extraordinary events and stories with doubt. Be sure enough in your faith to consider the fact that such stories might actually be true.
Why Do You Go to Mass?
Why do you go to Mass? In our lives, the intent behind an action is sometimes more important than the action itself. What are your motivations?
Intentions matter, a lot. You can do something very good with bad intentions. For example, you could help resettle a refugee family so that others will think highly of you. Bad intent can ruin any good that might come from an action.
Going to Mass on Sunday is a requirement of Catholics. The Church has this requirement because She knows that we need to be together as a community, and we, as individuals, need strength to make it through the week.
Do we go out of a sense of duty? Do we go out of a sense of obligation? Or do we go out of a sense of love?
If you find yourself going out of a sense of duty or obligation, it’s time to reevaluate your intent.
Your faith should be a love affair. Nothing in your relationship with God should feel like an obligation. Instead, you lovingly let go of your own desires and accept that of God.