Faith
Know Your Mother
I find it easier to understand God’s surpassing mercy now that I am a parent. The love that I feel for Benedict, and my deep seated desire to do all that I can to make him comfortable, causes me to do things that are borderline irrational. Although he’s not at an age where he appreciates treats, when he’s sick I want to go to the store and buy things to bring him comfort. When I get frustrated with his occasional bad behavior, I get over it pretty quickly. All things in my mind are directed toward his care and well-being. This irrational parental love is something that God has for us. Understanding how I can overlook any of Benedict’s flaws gives me a small insight into God’s ability to forgive our transgressions. He simply has a parent’s love.
Moving deeper into that thought, I’m reminded of the maternal compassion that Mary has for us. Though I’m not a mother and will never fully comprehend the deep connection that a mother shares with her child, I do at least understand that it’s far stronger than the connection that I feel with Benedict. A mother grows and nurtures new life within her during pregnancy and then sustains that life for the first several months after birth. I think many would agree that a mother yearns with her whole being for the welfare of her children. Just as your mother yearns for your wellbeing, and your wife yearns for your children’s wellbeing, so too does Mary yearn for us to be in Heaven with her Son.
Understanding who Mary is as our mother and how she so deeply wishes to be in our lives can lead us to a stronger spiritual life. Consider the events surrounding the numerous verified Marian apparitions throughout the World. Mary appears to the lowliest of people in our society. The Mother of God, the woman we consider to be Queen of Heaven and Earth appears from time to time to the poorest and those held in the least regard. I think this clearly demonstrates her desire to be connected with us and to help us on what she knows to be a difficult Earthly journey.
Having a relationship with Mary is as easy as picking up a phone, but some structure will be helpful. When you’re ready to cultivate a meaningful relationship with her, I’d recommend that you pick up some guides or books that focus on the theology and person of Mary. The Rosary would be the most obvious starting point, but at the same time, not all prayers work for all people. You could take up the practice of praying the Angelus, starting your day with the Memorare, or consider doing the Marian Consecration. The Consecration is a relatively popular devotion put together by St. Louis de Montfort. The Consecration consists of 33 days of advanced prayer and preparation culminating in a pledge of love and fidelity to Mary on a Marian feast day. No matter what structure you put in place, building out this relationship will take time, but it will also bring great rewards. This isn’t us forming a utilitarian relationship. This is about us getting to know our Mother, our Mother who loves us and has promised graces and aid to all who ask.
There’s no doubt that we have a difficult life here on Earth. Our senses are strong and temptation is everywhere. In this climate, Mary extends her hand to us. Through the process of building a relationship and getting to know Mary better, we can become better Catholics and gain a deeper understanding of the person of Christ.
Spiritual Springs
Growing up, my grandparents’ house was our vacation destination of choice. My Dad was often stationed on the East Coast, so the trip to south Georgia wasn’t a big deal. I can remember one Easter trip in particular. On Easter Sunday, we went to the sunrise Mass held outdoors in a field. The grass was wet with dew, the sun was just barely peaking over the horizon, and there was something incredibly refreshing about the entire experience. Although I was just a little boy, there was something profound and lasting about uniting the celebration of Easter Mass outside with a quintessential Spring morning.
The reality of sin in our lives and the power that we give it from time to time can be depressing. In fact, the simple reality that the odds of us failing again, even after resolving to amend our lives, can be quite sad. Yet, even when faced with the giant obstacle of overcoming sin, we still remain optimistic. In fact, at times we may even be called idealistic. We have such a bright outlook because our faith is like that Easter Sunday spring morning in south Georgia. Our faith is full of hope, promise, and renewal.
While spring time is a fairly predictable occurrence in our calendar year, spiritual springs in our faith life aren’t. The events of our days, weeks, months, and years often have a profound impact on how we feel our relationship with God is going. These events either push us closer to God or cause us to feel that God is further away. Though incredibly difficult in practice, modeling our faith after that of the perennially faithful Biblical Job can be helpful. He endured so many trials, tribulations, and loss, yet he always praised and thanked God. In fact, all of the great characters of the Bible, the mystics and doctors of the Church had something in common: they were so attuned to God that they were able to accept and accomplish great missions. They labored endlessly and with singleness of purpose to improve their relationship with God. Then, when God came and asked great things of them, they were ready. The times that make us feel incredibly far from God are the times that we need to cultivate our spirit. In the times when things are going really well and we feel incredibly close to God, we need to fortify ourselves against temptation that seeks to steal that peace away from us.
Spiritual springs can be an amazing time for personal and spiritual growth. Like the hope and newness of spring, we’re intoxicated with the spiritual things in our life. This intoxication is good, like an infatuated teenager all of our thoughts and actions are directed at pleasing God and growing in greater favor. This isn’t naive, this is the way things ought to be! When you’re in a spiritual spring, be an excellent observer of your own life. Notice how possible it is to have a great prayer life, how to direct your thoughts to being better attuned to God, and how you’re able to resist temptations that would’ve tripped you up before. Then, take that personal growth and apply it to other parts of your life.
It’s important that we not forget that all of these things should be taken in moderation. Attempting to do too much all at once will lead to fatigue and end your spring prematurely. Focus on doing one thing, following Christ, and let everything else fall into place behind that objective. Spring is a wonderful time and spiritual springs can be incredibly refreshing, especially after prolonged periods of darkness. When you find yourself in a spring, fortify yourself for winter and love God and His people endlessly.
Sin Isn’t A Foregone Conclusion
There are many myths surrounding sin. These myths are lies that we’ve either told ourselves or have entered into our mind in some other way, perhaps by way of a book we read or something we were told. I’ve believed, for too long, that sin will happen as a foregone conclusion. I’m human, I’m flawed, therefore despite my best efforts, I’ll sin. Yet, that isn’t entirely true. In fact, the belief that habitual sin is a foregone conclusion is false. One has only to look to the saints to recognize that reality. It isn’t an easy place to get to, but it has been proven possible.
Confession frees us from the burden of sin and also from some of the inclination. When you leave the Sacrament, having been absolved, your defenses are completely intact. You’re back up to full health and ready to take on the world. It’s when you let that first sin occur that your defenses begin to weaken. As sin compounds on itself, your defenses are depleted until you make it back to Confession. It’s our choice to sin, whether we like to admit it or not. Therefore, if we can choose to sin, so can we choose not to sin.
Along with Confession we have the Eucharist. If Confession frees us, the Eucharist perfects us. We take into ourselves the fullness of God and become living tabernacles. All of this is hard to see and recognize because there’s no outward change, but inside, the game is completely different. The God who created everything in six days, who sustains life, is dwelling physically within us. Change is definite, if we accept it. I once heard a priest make a very startling, but telling analogy between the Eucharist and Tylenol. He said that we put more faith in Tylenol than we do in the Eucharist. When you take Tylenol, you expect something to happen. So when you receive the Eucharist, why wouldn’t you expect even greater things to happen? Perhaps our lives and the choices that we make are the barrier to God doing tremendous things through us.
At the end of the day, it all comes back to trusting in God over trusting in ourselves. Jesus' message of mercy has been repeated throughout the centuries, and will again come into focus during the upcoming Jubilee year. We have the message of Divine Mercy and we have the powerful words of absolution in Confession. God is here, and He has come to lift us up from the base life that our bodies want us to live so that we can live in a state of true happiness. Again, we may be the only thing stopping ourselves from reaching that state of holiness today.
When we look at the lives of the saints, we tend to focus on where they ended, in Heaven. We overlook their struggles with rage, anger, gluttony, lust, pride, and many of the other sinful inclinations that we ourselves battle every day. Sainthood isn’t an instant perfection. Rather, it’s a life’s work of tending the garden of your soul and painstakingly weeding out our sinful inclinations.
When you leave Confession believing that sin is inevitable, or when you choose to commit sin based on the belief that you’re going to sin anyway, you undercut God’s words and His promise. The graces are there, we just have to have the courage to change.
With Your Help
I’m not God. I didn’t rise from the dead of my own volition. I didn’t save countless souls from Hell, open the gates of Heaven, or defeat sin and death. If I’m not God, and if my track record confirms that reality, why would I ever have an expectation that I’d be able to defeat sin and amend my life of my own accord?
It’s no secret that I’m a frequent penitent. I recognize quite painfully how far away I am from being the gold standard of husband that I want to be to Alison. Recently I was in Confession at a parish that I don’t normally go to when I had a bit of a revelation. God never had an expectation that we’d overcome sin on our own. In fact, the Act of Contrition that many Catholics use expresses this point beautifully, “I firmly intend, with Your Help.”
It’s true that we have a part to play, but our role is in the avoiding of temptation. God respects our free will, so if we choose to sin, then that’s a done deal. However, when we choose to resist and reject sin, that’s when things get interesting. When we reject sin, we get the ball rolling and then God takes the ball over the goal line. It’s a true team effort. Our role often is more in the prevention than the fight. We are to avoid things that lead us to sin (our triggers) and have a firm resolution of amending and reforming our lives. Then, if we get into trouble by making a mistake, or if temptation comes out of left field, we just resist and let God take care of the rest.
Like me, you might be thinking that all of that is a nice theory, but have found that it doesn’t play out in the real world quite like that. Temptation comes, we resist, only to be overcome shortly thereafter. The problem wasn’t with God’s response. It’s like Jesus walking on water and calling Peter to Him. Peter did walk on the water, but when he took his eyes off Jesus, he began to sink. If you take a hard look back when you make a mistake, you’ll see the parallel. You’ll see right were you took your eyes off God and the game was lost.
Thinking that we can defeat sin on our own is pride. We’re wholly dependent on God, and that isn’t a bad thing. We need Him. Beyond just being reality, it should actually give us some hope and encouragement. I’m quite content to not be asked to take the blame and suffering for all sin committed throughout all of human history. In fact, I’m glad that grace and mercy play a central role in the Catholic faith. Even if I had only to stand in judgement for all the sins that I’ve committed I’d be in a world of hurt. Instead of being a vengeful or spiteful God, He’s laid out for us remedies. He’s given us paths back to virtue and back to grace. I don’t need to think that I’m going to defeat Satan once and for all, that’s already taken care of. All I have to do is manage my own affairs.
At the end of the day, defeating temptation and successfully amending our lives comes down to trust. If we trust in God and in the help that He promised us, then we should expect it. It may not come in the form that we expect, but it will and it does come. We will walk on the water. The storm will not overtake us. We won’t be tested beyond our abilities. Resist temptation and let God be God.
Finding Time to Pray
My daily prayer time is often a moving target. Depending on what the day has in store for me, I could find myself praying at any number of junctures during the day. My goal is to spend about half an hour when I first wake up, 15 minutes or so praying the Rosary with Benedict during our morning play time, meditation for a few minutes at noon, the Divine Mercy Chaplet during the 3 o’clock hour, and finally prayers with my family before bed. It’s a pretty rigorous plan, that’s for sure, and one that’s proven elusive. Yet, when I add the time up, it ends up being about an hour during the day, during which I’ll have 14 waking hours. Considering how much time is wasted throughout the day, it’s a very reasonable plan. Yet, even with the best laid plan, it’s still a daily challenge to actually do it.
I think that the best approach to prayer, and making sure that you have a robust and fulfilling prayer life, is to use creative scheduling. For whatever reason, we’ve adopted a mindset that prayer must look, sound, and feel a particular way in the same way that Catholic Radio hosts all sound the same on air. Prayer is personal, it’s intimate, and it’s a relationship. Not all relationships are the same, so why should your prayer life be? Certainly the Church offers a wide range of support for how to pray, but those should be considered primers to get the conversation going. Along with the beautiful prayers that have been shared with us as aids to our relationship, there should also be a measure of frank conversation with God.
Creative scheduling is the term that I use for making ordinary things holy. It’s a total rethinking of what prayer looks like and when it can happen. Creative scheduling has me praying while doing very ordinary things during the day, such as driving, mowing the lawn, exercising, or even making the bed. Like St. Therese’s “Little Way,” creative scheduling has me pray while doing ordinary or simple tasks and, in that way, makes them holy. I still struggle with focus, but my full attention is not a prerequisite for good prayer, only my good efforts.
Another strategy is to merge current time blocks in your day. If you plan to pray in the morning and in the evening, accomplishing neither, consolidate those two times into one. Get really good at praying once during the day and then eventually split them back up. If you have time during the day that’s scheduled as free play with your kids, add some prayer to that time. When you’re about to fall asleep, use some of your pillow talk time with your wife for prayer. This is about optimizing your schedule and finding new, different, and creative ways, places, and times for prayer.
Prayer is talking to a friend. Don’t overthink prayer time. Strike up a conversation and just say what’s on your mind and in your heart. I’ll admit, when I started conversational prayer, I did it privately because it was awkward. My prayer was full of weak English and awkward phrases. It was all new and that was ok. After some time, and practice, I grew comfortable enough to pray conversationally out loud with Alison. Give this form of prayer a try, and give yourself some grace when you do it.
The time of understanding prayer as having only one dynamic is over. Prayer is multifaceted, it’s diverse, and like the gifts of the Holy Spirit, it comes in many forms. Take this Easter season to continue the good work you began in Lent and grow in your relationship with God through regular prayer.
Look to St. Joseph
One of the traditions in my line of Collins men is that each of us share the same middle name, Joseph. It’s a tradition that started at least six generations ago, although I’m sure that the further I dig, the more Josephs I’ll find. I’m not sure of the particular reasons as to why it was started, but I’m confident it was meant as a prayer for the intercession of St. Joseph. Joseph is a strong and silent character in the Bible, and the more we know about life in Nazareth in his day, the more we grow to respect him.
While Joseph has no recorded words in the Bible, his actions speak to us quite loudly. We know that he was an honorable man, being described in Matthew as a “just” man, a description ascribed only to the greatest figures in Scripture. We also know that, when he discovered that Mary was pregnant, he was, “unwilling to expose her to shame,” despite the fact that the law allowed him to take some serious courses of action. We know that, being chosen to be the foster father of Jesus, he must have been a very holy person, deemed worthy of marrying the perfect creature, Mary. We can know with certitude the depth of his faith because he was attuned enough to God to receive not one, but two messages from angels and respond to them in obedience without question. His response was commensurate with Mary’s, and unlike the doubt expressed by Zachariah.
Joseph was a great husband. He traveled hundreds of miles with his very pregnant wife to Bethlehem in order to comply with the census. Any man who’s even gone for short walks with a pregnant wife can easily imagine what a trying journey that must have been. Further, after experiencing the miracle of the birth of Jesus, and the mysterious events surrounding it, Joseph took his family to safety in Egypt. It wasn’t just the journey that was difficult, but also living as an alien in a foreign land, having to set up a home, gain employment, and continue to provide for his growing family. Scripture is vague about many of the pragmatic realities surrounding the life of Joseph, but context clues and historical knowledge point to a very difficult life in Egypt, away from friends, family, and a land that he knew.
Finally, we know that Joseph was a great father. He taught Jesus his skill. He raised Jesus as his own. He tenderly and lovingly cared for his family. He treated Jesus as his own child, instilling in Him the customs and traditions of Judaism.
Not a single word spoken, and yet we can know all of these things about the great St. Joseph. The Church holds Joseph up as a model of virtue, holiness, purity, and as the type of husband and father all men should strive to be. Through his intercession, may we be St. Joseph to our own wife and family.
One Step Closer to Holiness
The battle for self-control is one that’s waged daily. We’re constantly being pulled in two directions. On the one hand, we want to do what’s right and on the other, we want to do whatever will selfishly benefit us. At times, good is winning and at other times, evil is winning. This is our daily experience. Yet, it’s possible, with time and discipline, to do more good than evil. Beating temptation today makes you stronger tomorrow.
The struggle is real and so is the temptation. Our weaknesses are exploited and our humanity seeks to overpower our will. Our faith and our vocation to the married life both ask that we reject our humanity and instead choose the higher good, but that’s no easy standard to reach. In fact, after a moment of personal reform, temptation can become even more intense.
Consciously choosing to reject evil and choose the good is the right choice and, ultimately, will make us happier. We all objectively know this to be true and have some amount of experience to tell us that it is. By choosing to do good over evil, we get a little stronger and evil gets a little weaker. We deprive evil of the thing that it desperately needs to survive, our consent. Yet, despite this objective knowledge, in the moment, it seems all too easy for us to be over powered.
The best way to deal with these realities is to take the long view. You might lose the battle today, but Ultimately you’ll win the war. By imagining how committing this particular sin will affect you tomorrow, a week from now, and a year from now, you gain critical perspective to help you make the right choice today. So while a temptation appears to be fun or exciting today, you can see the negative effects that it’ll have over the long term, and be better equipped to reject it.
There’s no quick fix to overcoming human weakness. We’re all flawed, each of us in a particular way that will be constantly exploited. Yet, if we take one small step towards holiness today, and another tomorrow, and one more the day after that, soon we’ll find ourselves in the place we want to be.
At Home in Church
I try to make it to Confession at least once a month and typically end up making it about twice per month. With the long lines at my parish, I have lots of time to think and meditate while I wait for my turn to receive absolution and a fresh start. I usually go on Saturday mornings when Confessions are heard right after the morning Mass. While in line, I’m able to observe fellow parishioners and their families soak up the replenishment that God’s house offers. I feel a real sense of peace waiting in that line, one that reminds me that God’s house is my home.
Our parishes are a safe refuge in the turmoil of the world. In the summer’s oppressive heat, they’re always delightfully cool. In the winter’s bitter cold, they radiate warmth. In the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, with all of the pressures and responsibilities that go with it, the Church is still, calm, and peacefully quiet. I hope that when you’re at Mass, you’re able to experience this peace without the demands of your life disrupting your meditation and pulling you back into the stresses of your life.
Have you ever been in your parish when there wasn’t anything going on? A random drop in on a Tuesday afternoon or at another time when you just stopped by to take a break and say hello to Jesus? There’s something truly magical about these times in a Church. While Alison’s family was in town, we visited the Basilica of the Immaculate Conception in Washington, DC. We were there on a Tuesday afternoon and the massive church was filled with only a few pilgrims. The sun’s rays poured in through the windows and the entire marble Cathedral was still. The beautiful mosaics glimmered as light bounced around and the whole atmosphere was one of rest. There was no noise, except for Benedict’s babbling, and there was no distraction. It was a place of peace, a place of prayer… it was home.
Churches are designed to connect us to our Creator. Their structural design and their interior design are all guided towards this end. Your Church may be physically laid out like a cross and adorned with stained glass windows depicting lives of the saints. Your Church may be physically laid out like a simple rectangle, but the interior design subtly draws you from the back of the church towards the altar. In the tabernacle God dwells among us, always waiting and ever present. At any time you can walk in, sit down, and pray in front of God Himself. What a wonderful thing!
We’re blessed to have a safe haven in our parishes. Many countries around the world do not share this same status. We can go to Mass and not worry about armed gunmen coming to abduct us, or an errant round of artillery falling on the roof. We experience an open and welcoming place, even if not from our fellow parishioners, from God Himself, welcoming us into His home. Truly, our parishes are like a home in every way, except that sleep is generally frowned upon.
We have so many stresses and pressures assailing us from the moment we get out of bed until we close our eyes at night. Let’s resolve to make better use of our parishes as places of peace and prayer. Let’s spend more than an hour a week in these wonderful places that are more that just buildings, and instead are places of rest in a desert of struggle.
The Burden of Freedom
Freedom is a wonderful thing. Since you’re reading this, you’re one of the lucky ones who has the freedom to use the Internet. You have the freedom to read uncensored content. You have the freedom to determine the course of your life. As Catholics, we also have freedom. We can choose the right or the wrong. We can do good or we can do evil. Freedom, in all of its glory, is morally neutral. In fact, freedom is a curse if you can’t control yourself.
Freedom is nothing without personal responsibility. We all have the opportunity to break laws and commit felonies, but personal responsibility demands that we conform our actions to just laws. We all have the opportunity to commit grave sin, but personal responsibility demands that we conform our actions to the direction of our rightly formed conscience. Addictions take away our freedom and make us subject to base desires. This lack of control becomes a curse as all of our actions and choices are determined by that which holds greatest sway over us.
Interestingly, unbridled freedom leads to a deep sense of unhappiness. Unbridled freedom allows us to hurt people and to act contrary to our own well being. We become consumed with self-centeredness, greed, and envy. We make choices that work against us. In some sense, while we don’t have unbridled freedom in society, we do have it in our morality. We’re given aids and controls through our faith, but it’s up to us to employ them. Our morality is given to us unbridled and it’s up to us to restrain it appropriately. God wants what’s best for you, and the boundaries that He suggests will do just that. It’s when we go outside of those boundaries that we become unhappy.
When it comes to happiness, good begets good. Like a good day that just keeps getting better, happiness tends to snowball. When it gets big enough, even the bad things that happen are minimized. Choosing the good and having control over oneself results in continuously happier outcomes. When we choose to reject unbridled freedom and instead insert personal responsibility into our morality and decision making, we experience the natural lift of good actions and choices stacked on top of each other.
Freedom is a burden for those who can’t control it. By adopting positive boundaries and embracing personal responsibility, we can maintain control over our lives and grow in peace, happiness, and joy.
Even Jesus was Tempted
I hate temptation. It’s always so exciting and alluring, especially if I give it any attention at all. All temptation needs is a moment of consideration and, like a fish going after the bait, it’s got me hooked. Not every fish ends up in the boat, however. We have innumerable chances to fight back and break the line before it’s too late. In those times, it can be helpful to remind ourselves that even Jesus was tempted.
No, not even the Son of God, who took on our humanity while retaining His divinity, was immune to temptation. In the desert He went toe-to-toe with Satan and yet, He resisted. In active ministry, He was tempted by the demons He encountered, and even was tempted to walk away from the horrific passion that He was about to endure. I think that there are three great truths contained in the story of Jesus’ temptation in the desert.
First, temptation will come. If it came to the Son of God, you can be certain that it will come to you. It will also be personalized, tailored just for you. Jesus was hungry in the desert, so He was offered food. Jesus was infinitely powerful, so He was offered an opportunity to prove it. Jesus knew He was going to suffer and die, so He was offered an opportunity to worship a new god. We all have weak links. Expect these weaknesses to be exploited and never give an inch.
Second, like Jesus, you can beat temptation. Jesus didn’t hem and haw, He responded decisively. He didn’t consider how good the bread would taste, how vindicated He’d be when the angels caught Him or how nice it would be to not be tortured and crucified. Instead, He rejected the temptations outright. We should do the same.
Finally, just as empty as the temptations were for Him, they are for you. We all can recall a time that we were tempted to do something wrong and were filled with excitement. Then, when we committed the sin and got on the other side, there was only sadness. If you’re like me and have had this experience more than once, you know it’ll always be like this. Like the mean words you always wanted to use to tell off your boss, coworker, or classmate, you always end up feeling guilty. Temptation is the illusion of something great wrapped around something lame. You know it’s going to be lame, so don’t bother with it. Plus, the time you spent distracted by sin is time that you can’t use to do something amazing with your life.
When faced with temptation, especially temptation around the weakest parts of your humanity, take courage. If Jesus was tempted, then you are in good company. Stay in that good company by resisting and overcoming.