Faith
Endure Misery
Life is full of a range of emotions. There are days when we’re over the moon and others when we’re down in the dumps. There are events that lift our spirits and others that drag us to dark places. While we’re sure to have periods of great joy and fulfillment, we’ll also have prolonged periods of deep misery. We seem to easily acknowledge that our good feelings are temporary, yet we fail to do the same to bad feelings. Misery is temporary.
When you’re experiencing a period of misery, find a way out of it. What’s the root problem and what can you do it resolve it? How can you minimize the impact that misery is having on your life? It’s true that some factors are outside of our control, but others are very much within our grasp. If your job is causing you to be miserable, maybe you could look for a better one. If your life choices are leading to misery, perhaps you seek help. If your family situation is causing misery, it may be wise to finally resolve those longstanding issues.
We tend to only seek out God when times are tough. When all is well, our mind tells us that we don’t need God. In difficult times or in challenging times, we seek out God asking for aid. When you’re in a period of misery, lean into your prayer life. Seek out help from Mary, your patron saint, and anyone else you can think of! Acknowledge God’s great power and love and understand that prayer really works!
Misery will happen and when it does, try to work through the core issues and be sure to turn to God in prayer and ask for assistance.
Embrace Confession
In what I suspect is a universal experience among Catholics, I always get nervous in the Confession line. Despite my years of frequenting the Sacrament, there’s always a bit of a pit in my stomach that eases the moment that Confession is over. While this pre-Sacrament anxiety is a momentary discomfort, I’d hate to think that it alone is keeping people away from the grace of Confession. When you consider the power of the Sacrament, what’s the worst that could happen?
We all have anxiety and bear the invisible burden of guilt because our sins. These things won’t simply go away on their own. No matter how big or small our sins are, there seems to be a weight that we carry around, only realizing its presence as we leave the confessional. For whatever reason, I always feel lighter as I walk away and complete my penance. I feel like a new person because I no longer have to carry around the burden of my sins. The anxiety that I feel right before Confession is more like a gentle reminder as to why this Sacrament is so important than it is a punishment for my indiscretions. It’s a tool to harness and use to make better decisions in the future and the anxiety always breaks when I’ve received absolution.
Naming your sins is extremely painful. Despite the absolute seal of privacy that the Sacrament affords us, we can find ourselves quibbling or struggling to find the words to name what we’ve done. The indictment against us is clear as day in our minds, but we struggle to verbalize it. That’s because it’s difficult for us to face our true selves in the Sacrament. It’s hard to realize just how far we’ve fallen and how foolish our sins have been. Sin didn’t live up to the promises that it made, and we feel dumb for falling into its trap. Use the discomfort of naming your failings as a motivation to not commit those sins again. Make it the last time that you ever have to confess that particular sin.
We let fear creep up in our mind. We fear someone outside of the confessional hearing us, the priest recognizing our voice, or even being yelled at. Yet, those fears are baseless. I’ve been going to Confession for almost 20 years, all across the country and around the world, and I’ve never been yelled at once. There were challenging Confessions, and there were uncomfortable ones, that’s for sure, but I’ve never been scolded. When I do have a difficult Confession, I’ve come to regard it as it truly is, God challenging me to step up my game. While Confession is meant to be an ocean of mercy and a bath of grace, it’s not meant to be an enabler. If Confession was an easy out, there’d be nothing stopping you from going out, committing the same sin again, and then coming back. It should challenge you to be a better person, and it should remind you of the vast depths of God’s love. There’s nothing to fear in the Sacrament.
Three minutes of discomfort in the Sacrament is a small price to pay for a do over. Better than carrying around guilt and better than falling deeper into the snare of sin, Reconciliation stands at the edge of the World, catching souls before they fall off into the abyss. Although you may never get over pre-sacramental anxiety, it is but a small reminder of the life that you’re giving up in exchange for all of the love and promises of a God who loves you.
Nocturnal Adoration
When I was in Middle School, my Mom and I signed up for the local chapter of the Nocturnal Adoration Society. Once a month, we’d get up and go to a Holy Hour in the early morning hours, I believe it was around 2am. Since then, I’ve been a member of multiple parishes where 24-hour adoration was offered. There’s something really special and still about scheduled Adoration at night.
When you get up and go to Adoration while the rest of the world sleeps, you’re able to achieve a deeper level of prayer and quiet. There’s nothing to distract you at 2am, other than a nagging desire to sleep. Everything is quiet, still, and silent. You’re able to direct all of your attention and focus on just prayer. It’s a state that’s difficult to achieve during the day when your phone may be buzzing, the UPS man comes to your door, or any number of other distractions creep up.
Nocturnal Adoration isn’t easy, that’s for sure. If you have kids, there’s an ever-changing work schedule, or even if you have a medical condition that’s agitated with interruptions to your sleep schedule. If you face any of these challenges, I have no good answer for you. Yet, I’d encourage you, if you ever have the opportunity, even just once, to go and pray in Adoration for an hour early in the morning, take it. Everyone deserves to know the peace that the morning stillness can bring to a restless heart.
Give to the Beggar
Earlier this summer, Alison’s family was in town and we made the trek into DC. While there, I was particularly struck with the number of beggars on the street. Certainly there were more on the street than in previous trips due in part to the nicer weather. Yet, for whatever reason, I was particularly struck with compassion. At one point, I saw a man literally eating trash off of the street, right here, in our Nation’s capital. I think that many of us refrain from giving beggars money for a number of reasons, but lately my thinking has been evolving.
In the old model, when I would see beggars, I may have questioned their validity. Certainly you’ve seen investigative journalists do stories on your local news revealing so-called beggars on street corners who walk away and get into nice cars. We’ve also questioned how a beggar may spend any money that we give them. Will they buy cigarettes, alcohol, or drugs? In those cases, wouldn’t our “gift” contribute to their continued problems? We’ve also convinced ourselves that there are government programs to help these people, and while there certainly are such programs, they can be hard to access.
Although this old way does have some merit, I’ve started to move towards a new way of thinking. I think that if I give money to someone who asks, the sin is not mine if they use it to buy drugs. Instead, the greater sin would be to refuse to help if I had the means to help. I’ve begun to carry around small amounts of cash in my wallet. My system is simple; if I see a beggar and feel moved by compassion in my gut, then I’ll pull out my wallet and help. We need to get back to a point where we see all people as humans, looking on all people with compassion. We know what helpless and hopeless looks like, and in those cases, we can help with a clean conscience. I’m proposing that we take each situation on a case-by-case basis and that we trust our own intuition.
I don’t think there’s a wrong approach. If you decide to not give directly to beggars, but instead to charities that reach out and help them, that’s a good thing. If you give small amounts of cash or restaurant gift cards to beggars on the street, that’s a good thing. The important thing in this whole discussion is that you help, either by doing it yourself or by empowering an organization to do so. Let’s never forget about these poor souls who need our help.
Refuse to Fall
There comes a point in our lives when we have to stand up to sin. Sin, both great and small, has the ability to divert us away from the path that we wish to follow. We’re only overcome by sin when we consent to it, and so we must summon the courage to say no more.
Use the Sacraments of Reconciliation and the Eucharist to gain the graces you need for battle. Fortify yourself through prayer and good works daily. Suit up and fight when temptation confronts you. Avoid directly causing temptation and track your victories.
Sin depends on your complicity. Don’t give it the time of day.
Know Your Mother
I find it easier to understand God’s surpassing mercy now that I am a parent. The love that I feel for Benedict, and my deep seated desire to do all that I can to make him comfortable, causes me to do things that are borderline irrational. Although he’s not at an age where he appreciates treats, when he’s sick I want to go to the store and buy things to bring him comfort. When I get frustrated with his occasional bad behavior, I get over it pretty quickly. All things in my mind are directed toward his care and well-being. This irrational parental love is something that God has for us. Understanding how I can overlook any of Benedict’s flaws gives me a small insight into God’s ability to forgive our transgressions. He simply has a parent’s love.
Moving deeper into that thought, I’m reminded of the maternal compassion that Mary has for us. Though I’m not a mother and will never fully comprehend the deep connection that a mother shares with her child, I do at least understand that it’s far stronger than the connection that I feel with Benedict. A mother grows and nurtures new life within her during pregnancy and then sustains that life for the first several months after birth. I think many would agree that a mother yearns with her whole being for the welfare of her children. Just as your mother yearns for your wellbeing, and your wife yearns for your children’s wellbeing, so too does Mary yearn for us to be in Heaven with her Son.
Understanding who Mary is as our mother and how she so deeply wishes to be in our lives can lead us to a stronger spiritual life. Consider the events surrounding the numerous verified Marian apparitions throughout the World. Mary appears to the lowliest of people in our society. The Mother of God, the woman we consider to be Queen of Heaven and Earth appears from time to time to the poorest and those held in the least regard. I think this clearly demonstrates her desire to be connected with us and to help us on what she knows to be a difficult Earthly journey.
Having a relationship with Mary is as easy as picking up a phone, but some structure will be helpful. When you’re ready to cultivate a meaningful relationship with her, I’d recommend that you pick up some guides or books that focus on the theology and person of Mary. The Rosary would be the most obvious starting point, but at the same time, not all prayers work for all people. You could take up the practice of praying the Angelus, starting your day with the Memorare, or consider doing the Marian Consecration. The Consecration is a relatively popular devotion put together by St. Louis de Montfort. The Consecration consists of 33 days of advanced prayer and preparation culminating in a pledge of love and fidelity to Mary on a Marian feast day. No matter what structure you put in place, building out this relationship will take time, but it will also bring great rewards. This isn’t us forming a utilitarian relationship. This is about us getting to know our Mother, our Mother who loves us and has promised graces and aid to all who ask.
There’s no doubt that we have a difficult life here on Earth. Our senses are strong and temptation is everywhere. In this climate, Mary extends her hand to us. Through the process of building a relationship and getting to know Mary better, we can become better Catholics and gain a deeper understanding of the person of Christ.
Spiritual Springs
Growing up, my grandparents’ house was our vacation destination of choice. My Dad was often stationed on the East Coast, so the trip to south Georgia wasn’t a big deal. I can remember one Easter trip in particular. On Easter Sunday, we went to the sunrise Mass held outdoors in a field. The grass was wet with dew, the sun was just barely peaking over the horizon, and there was something incredibly refreshing about the entire experience. Although I was just a little boy, there was something profound and lasting about uniting the celebration of Easter Mass outside with a quintessential Spring morning.
The reality of sin in our lives and the power that we give it from time to time can be depressing. In fact, the simple reality that the odds of us failing again, even after resolving to amend our lives, can be quite sad. Yet, even when faced with the giant obstacle of overcoming sin, we still remain optimistic. In fact, at times we may even be called idealistic. We have such a bright outlook because our faith is like that Easter Sunday spring morning in south Georgia. Our faith is full of hope, promise, and renewal.
While spring time is a fairly predictable occurrence in our calendar year, spiritual springs in our faith life aren’t. The events of our days, weeks, months, and years often have a profound impact on how we feel our relationship with God is going. These events either push us closer to God or cause us to feel that God is further away. Though incredibly difficult in practice, modeling our faith after that of the perennially faithful Biblical Job can be helpful. He endured so many trials, tribulations, and loss, yet he always praised and thanked God. In fact, all of the great characters of the Bible, the mystics and doctors of the Church had something in common: they were so attuned to God that they were able to accept and accomplish great missions. They labored endlessly and with singleness of purpose to improve their relationship with God. Then, when God came and asked great things of them, they were ready. The times that make us feel incredibly far from God are the times that we need to cultivate our spirit. In the times when things are going really well and we feel incredibly close to God, we need to fortify ourselves against temptation that seeks to steal that peace away from us.
Spiritual springs can be an amazing time for personal and spiritual growth. Like the hope and newness of spring, we’re intoxicated with the spiritual things in our life. This intoxication is good, like an infatuated teenager all of our thoughts and actions are directed at pleasing God and growing in greater favor. This isn’t naive, this is the way things ought to be! When you’re in a spiritual spring, be an excellent observer of your own life. Notice how possible it is to have a great prayer life, how to direct your thoughts to being better attuned to God, and how you’re able to resist temptations that would’ve tripped you up before. Then, take that personal growth and apply it to other parts of your life.
It’s important that we not forget that all of these things should be taken in moderation. Attempting to do too much all at once will lead to fatigue and end your spring prematurely. Focus on doing one thing, following Christ, and let everything else fall into place behind that objective. Spring is a wonderful time and spiritual springs can be incredibly refreshing, especially after prolonged periods of darkness. When you find yourself in a spring, fortify yourself for winter and love God and His people endlessly.
Sin Isn’t A Foregone Conclusion
There are many myths surrounding sin. These myths are lies that we’ve either told ourselves or have entered into our mind in some other way, perhaps by way of a book we read or something we were told. I’ve believed, for too long, that sin will happen as a foregone conclusion. I’m human, I’m flawed, therefore despite my best efforts, I’ll sin. Yet, that isn’t entirely true. In fact, the belief that habitual sin is a foregone conclusion is false. One has only to look to the saints to recognize that reality. It isn’t an easy place to get to, but it has been proven possible.
Confession frees us from the burden of sin and also from some of the inclination. When you leave the Sacrament, having been absolved, your defenses are completely intact. You’re back up to full health and ready to take on the world. It’s when you let that first sin occur that your defenses begin to weaken. As sin compounds on itself, your defenses are depleted until you make it back to Confession. It’s our choice to sin, whether we like to admit it or not. Therefore, if we can choose to sin, so can we choose not to sin.
Along with Confession we have the Eucharist. If Confession frees us, the Eucharist perfects us. We take into ourselves the fullness of God and become living tabernacles. All of this is hard to see and recognize because there’s no outward change, but inside, the game is completely different. The God who created everything in six days, who sustains life, is dwelling physically within us. Change is definite, if we accept it. I once heard a priest make a very startling, but telling analogy between the Eucharist and Tylenol. He said that we put more faith in Tylenol than we do in the Eucharist. When you take Tylenol, you expect something to happen. So when you receive the Eucharist, why wouldn’t you expect even greater things to happen? Perhaps our lives and the choices that we make are the barrier to God doing tremendous things through us.
At the end of the day, it all comes back to trusting in God over trusting in ourselves. Jesus' message of mercy has been repeated throughout the centuries, and will again come into focus during the upcoming Jubilee year. We have the message of Divine Mercy and we have the powerful words of absolution in Confession. God is here, and He has come to lift us up from the base life that our bodies want us to live so that we can live in a state of true happiness. Again, we may be the only thing stopping ourselves from reaching that state of holiness today.
When we look at the lives of the saints, we tend to focus on where they ended, in Heaven. We overlook their struggles with rage, anger, gluttony, lust, pride, and many of the other sinful inclinations that we ourselves battle every day. Sainthood isn’t an instant perfection. Rather, it’s a life’s work of tending the garden of your soul and painstakingly weeding out our sinful inclinations.
When you leave Confession believing that sin is inevitable, or when you choose to commit sin based on the belief that you’re going to sin anyway, you undercut God’s words and His promise. The graces are there, we just have to have the courage to change.
With Your Help
I’m not God. I didn’t rise from the dead of my own volition. I didn’t save countless souls from Hell, open the gates of Heaven, or defeat sin and death. If I’m not God, and if my track record confirms that reality, why would I ever have an expectation that I’d be able to defeat sin and amend my life of my own accord?
It’s no secret that I’m a frequent penitent. I recognize quite painfully how far away I am from being the gold standard of husband that I want to be to Alison. Recently I was in Confession at a parish that I don’t normally go to when I had a bit of a revelation. God never had an expectation that we’d overcome sin on our own. In fact, the Act of Contrition that many Catholics use expresses this point beautifully, “I firmly intend, with Your Help.”
It’s true that we have a part to play, but our role is in the avoiding of temptation. God respects our free will, so if we choose to sin, then that’s a done deal. However, when we choose to resist and reject sin, that’s when things get interesting. When we reject sin, we get the ball rolling and then God takes the ball over the goal line. It’s a true team effort. Our role often is more in the prevention than the fight. We are to avoid things that lead us to sin (our triggers) and have a firm resolution of amending and reforming our lives. Then, if we get into trouble by making a mistake, or if temptation comes out of left field, we just resist and let God take care of the rest.
Like me, you might be thinking that all of that is a nice theory, but have found that it doesn’t play out in the real world quite like that. Temptation comes, we resist, only to be overcome shortly thereafter. The problem wasn’t with God’s response. It’s like Jesus walking on water and calling Peter to Him. Peter did walk on the water, but when he took his eyes off Jesus, he began to sink. If you take a hard look back when you make a mistake, you’ll see the parallel. You’ll see right were you took your eyes off God and the game was lost.
Thinking that we can defeat sin on our own is pride. We’re wholly dependent on God, and that isn’t a bad thing. We need Him. Beyond just being reality, it should actually give us some hope and encouragement. I’m quite content to not be asked to take the blame and suffering for all sin committed throughout all of human history. In fact, I’m glad that grace and mercy play a central role in the Catholic faith. Even if I had only to stand in judgement for all the sins that I’ve committed I’d be in a world of hurt. Instead of being a vengeful or spiteful God, He’s laid out for us remedies. He’s given us paths back to virtue and back to grace. I don’t need to think that I’m going to defeat Satan once and for all, that’s already taken care of. All I have to do is manage my own affairs.
At the end of the day, defeating temptation and successfully amending our lives comes down to trust. If we trust in God and in the help that He promised us, then we should expect it. It may not come in the form that we expect, but it will and it does come. We will walk on the water. The storm will not overtake us. We won’t be tested beyond our abilities. Resist temptation and let God be God.
Finding Time to Pray
My daily prayer time is often a moving target. Depending on what the day has in store for me, I could find myself praying at any number of junctures during the day. My goal is to spend about half an hour when I first wake up, 15 minutes or so praying the Rosary with Benedict during our morning play time, meditation for a few minutes at noon, the Divine Mercy Chaplet during the 3 o’clock hour, and finally prayers with my family before bed. It’s a pretty rigorous plan, that’s for sure, and one that’s proven elusive. Yet, when I add the time up, it ends up being about an hour during the day, during which I’ll have 14 waking hours. Considering how much time is wasted throughout the day, it’s a very reasonable plan. Yet, even with the best laid plan, it’s still a daily challenge to actually do it.
I think that the best approach to prayer, and making sure that you have a robust and fulfilling prayer life, is to use creative scheduling. For whatever reason, we’ve adopted a mindset that prayer must look, sound, and feel a particular way in the same way that Catholic Radio hosts all sound the same on air. Prayer is personal, it’s intimate, and it’s a relationship. Not all relationships are the same, so why should your prayer life be? Certainly the Church offers a wide range of support for how to pray, but those should be considered primers to get the conversation going. Along with the beautiful prayers that have been shared with us as aids to our relationship, there should also be a measure of frank conversation with God.
Creative scheduling is the term that I use for making ordinary things holy. It’s a total rethinking of what prayer looks like and when it can happen. Creative scheduling has me praying while doing very ordinary things during the day, such as driving, mowing the lawn, exercising, or even making the bed. Like St. Therese’s “Little Way,” creative scheduling has me pray while doing ordinary or simple tasks and, in that way, makes them holy. I still struggle with focus, but my full attention is not a prerequisite for good prayer, only my good efforts.
Another strategy is to merge current time blocks in your day. If you plan to pray in the morning and in the evening, accomplishing neither, consolidate those two times into one. Get really good at praying once during the day and then eventually split them back up. If you have time during the day that’s scheduled as free play with your kids, add some prayer to that time. When you’re about to fall asleep, use some of your pillow talk time with your wife for prayer. This is about optimizing your schedule and finding new, different, and creative ways, places, and times for prayer.
Prayer is talking to a friend. Don’t overthink prayer time. Strike up a conversation and just say what’s on your mind and in your heart. I’ll admit, when I started conversational prayer, I did it privately because it was awkward. My prayer was full of weak English and awkward phrases. It was all new and that was ok. After some time, and practice, I grew comfortable enough to pray conversationally out loud with Alison. Give this form of prayer a try, and give yourself some grace when you do it.
The time of understanding prayer as having only one dynamic is over. Prayer is multifaceted, it’s diverse, and like the gifts of the Holy Spirit, it comes in many forms. Take this Easter season to continue the good work you began in Lent and grow in your relationship with God through regular prayer.