Faith
Keep the Fires Burning
As Catholics, there are many things that we too easily take for granted. Our regular encounters with the Risen Christ begin to wash over us as something totally commonplace. Sunday Mass, the cornerstone of our week, is just another appointment on our calendar. Many of us struggle to keep the flame of faith alive.
I think this very real part of our human nature applies to almost every other aspect of our lives. We have an attention span that ebbs and flows. We long for Christmas morning to open our presents and to give gifts to our loved ones, but by Christmas afternoon, the excitement has faded. By March, it can be hard to remember what gifts we received. The further we get from Lent, Easter, or even our last Confession, the easier it is to commit sin. We stop thinking about the very real harm sin does to us and, more egregiously, the suffering it inflicts on our innocent and loving God. Married couples struggle with keeping the flame of their love alive. As the married life moves from the joy, pomp, and circumstance of their wedding day, life becomes quite ordinary. How do marriages endure the common and live a life wholly uncommon?
Two things must happen in order for us to fully embrace the life that we were made to live. First, we have to remove ourselves from the economy of emotion. Emotions are a double edged sword. They protect us, and at the same time, they’re complete tyrants. If we base our feelings of self-worth on the shifting sands of emotions, we’ll end up lost. The gauge of your faith life, your marital love, your friendships, or your dignity as a person cannot be built upon how you “feel” on a particular day. Instead, we must focus on growing in humility. It’s only in serving that we’re most alive. By focusing on others instead of ourselves, we can know that we’re living a full life.
Second, we must give much more than we get. This is, in essence, the basis of marriage. You give 100% for your wife, and her needs are met. She gives 100% for you and your needs are met. This goes way beyond mutual back-scratching. This is an intense and enduring desire to be fully in the service of your wife, carrying her burdens on your shoulders and easing her pain. This is the love of Christ, who gave everything He had: His name, His reputation, His home, and His life so that we might live.
As we turn outward and live lives of stewardship and service, we’ll become better people, our family will grow stronger, and our interactions with Christ in the Mass, Sacraments, Church, and the people that we meet will no longer be commonplace. Instead, they’ll be rejuvenating encounters that will encourage us to seek constant renewal.
Coping with Loss
It’s said that we tend to experience God in times of tribulation more than in our daily life. People who have no trials, sorrows, or sufferings struggle to know God because human instinct says that there’s no need of God when all is well. The mark of a saint is one who relies on God in all seasons of life, both good and bad. At one time or another, we’ll all experience loss and in those times, we should both pray and celebrate life.
The loss of anyone in our life is always sad. Absence is difficult to comprehend and oftentimes doesn’t seem real. Even the loss of someone that we were only casually acquainted with can be a reminder of our own mortality. We’re a connected people and when one of those connections is broken due to death, it affects those of us who are left behind. While it’s natural to focus on the absence, we should also focus on the fullness of life that was lived. We should celebrate the impact that our loved one had on the community, the great things they were able to experience, and the cherished memories that we all hold.
Prayer is also a natural response to death. Our prayer can be much richer when we move past the initial waves of shock and grief. We can, and should, take on the role of intercessor for our loved one, offering up corporal and spiritual works of mercy on their behalf. Through the Communion of Saints, we’re able to gain graces that they might need if they’re undergoing purification in Purgatory. At the same time, they’re able to intercede for us as we continue our Earthly journey. Though we’re certainly physically separated by death, we’re still connected through our spiritual lives.
The celebration of one’s life is an important part of the grieving process. Sharing stories and writing some down is a way to preserve both the memory and legacy of our loved ones. These memories will be how future generations come to know their ancestors and their family history. Be grateful, too, for the opportunity to be brought together with extended family. Although the circumstances are not ideal, the funeral is still an opportunity for you to see and be with family members whom you may have not seen for some time.
Coping with loss is never easy. If we ensure that our grieving includes prayer and celebration of life, then we’ll cherish the memory of our loved one’s life and ensure that our bonds are not broken as we continue to journey together through life.
Stop Sin in its Tracks
In aviation, all mishaps, crashes, and fatalities are the result of a chain reaction of decisions. Each link in the chain contributes to the overall accident, and yet, breaking a single link is all that would have been required to avert disaster. The same is true in our spiritual lives. Sin doesn’t just happen. Rather, it’s the culmination of bad decision making and missed opportunities to choose a different outcome.
While sin is usually preceded by many decisions, it’s increasingly important that we not submit in defeat. Sin can be beat, it can be stopped, and we can sum up the courage to choose a better life for ourselves.
Our conscience is a very powerful tool in our daily decision making. Although over time it can be perverted, it nevertheless keeps fighting, albeit in a more muted manner. In action, our conscience throws up multiple flags, warning us of impending danger. Each flag, each nag, each feeling of unease, is an opportunity for us to choose something different. Sin is always appealing until you act on it. Once on the other side, it has no further reason to masquerade as something fun or exciting. Instead, it’s laid bare (pun intended) and we see the destruction, unhappiness, and pain that it brings.
In the fight, temptation and sin remain appealing. That reason alone should be all the motivation that we need in order to keep us in control. You control you. By ceding that control to anyone, or anything else, you give up the greatest bargaining chip that you have. When you’re in control of your thoughts, desires, and actions, you’re fortified against the empty attacks of temptation. When you cede control of your thoughts or your actions, or your emotions, you become increasingly susceptible to sin.
We all face varying degrees of temptation, and sometimes we’re stronger than at other times. Fix problems as they come. You’ll always have a principal sin, that big sin that you struggle with. Yet, over time, as you root out one principal sin, it’s replaced by a weaker, less destructive one. You work to minimize both the strength and danger of your principal sin.
Despair is a tool of the Devil, and it’s used to get us to give in where we otherwise may not. The fight is difficult, and the struggle is real, but each one of us has within ourselves the capacity and ability to stop sin in its tracks. Choose something different. Choose something better. Choose freedom.
Don’t Let Vice Kill You
You’re likely a pretty good person. You go about your life doing the right thing every day. You have responsibilities to your wife and your family, and you do them admirably. You’re an above average husband and a dedicated father. This is the image the that World sees, and it’s the one that you hope you’re presenting. Your interior life, your spiritual life, is probably somewhere around average, though it does have one thing weighing it down. It’s a common struggle that we all share. We have a vice, a singular sin is holding us back, but we can’t seem to shake it. I call it our “principal sin.”
We’ve grown pretty comfortable with sin. It’s almost as if we have a certain level of tolerance for it and as long as we’re within that tolerance, we let things slide. We accept a certain level of uncharity, a certain level of laziness in our prayer life, and a certain level of whatever else our particular character deems ok. We’re comfortable, and it’s incredibly dangerous. Sin presents a real and present danger in your life. Small sin takes root, grabs hold of you, and branches out. Realistically, we will all have some sin in our lives as perfection isn’t possible in this life. Yet, our goal needs to be getting our sin portfolio, if you will, to contain only the smallest and innocuous sins imaginable. Don’t let sin ruin you.
This path to perfection, wherein we remove serious sins from our portfolio, is a lifelong journey. We’re talking about changing thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors that we may have had for decades. The time required is intensive because it requires our sole focus. You simply can’t take on all of your sin at the same time. Instead, you have to focus on one at a time, a process that may take months. Yet, it’s focus that’ll win this battle. It’s focus and attention that will get you to a place that you didn’t think was possible.
There’s something incredibly freeing about living the life that you’ve always wanted. A life free of the burden of temptation towards your principal sin. Surely, as you work through this process, the name of your principal sin will change, but the importance of rooting it out of your life is unchanging. Your life is significantly impacted by your current principal sin in ways that you can’t recognize, because you’ve been stuck for so long. It takes courage to challenge something you may now consider to be unbeatable. It takes tremendous courage if you’ve been entrenched for years.
We all loathe the habitual nature of our principal sin. In the back of our minds in the Confession line, the thought creeps up that we can’t beat it. We’re frustrated that we’re back in this line, for the same reason. It makes us feel weak. It makes us feel powerless. Yet, when we start beating back our principal sin, we get a glimpse into the true power of God. When we cooperate with His power, doing something that’s His Will, things happen.
The truth is, we aren’t fond of our principal sin, but there is something alluring about it still. While we’re trapped, we also acknowledge that it isn’t worth it. Why run the slightest risk of losing what you’ve got? Why run the slightest risk of missing out on a life of happiness?
The question becomes, where do I start? In the vast array of our spiritual life, how do we know where to start chipping away? Identify the habitual sins that you commit, and from that list, identify the most serious. Serious is a relative term, because you could be trapped in sin that right now is incredibly destructive, or you could be trapped in a gateway sin that, based on your personality or history, is a fast track to destructive sin. Once you’ve identified the most serious, you’ve found your principal sin. Understand everything about that sin. Why do you do it? What are your triggers? How did it start? Why does it continue? Do other people face it? How have they been successful? Ask these questions and more. Then, devise a plan, build in accountability, and focus. Track the number of days that you’ve been able to beat it. Pray constantly and specifically. Go to Daily Mass or stop by Adoration. Go crazy attacking, beating it down, and cooperating with God’s power.
After some wins and losses, some victories and setbacks, with enough grit and determination, you’ll beat your principal sin. You’ll finally know freedom and have the strength of character, self control, and depth of interior life to keep it subdued. Then, it’s time to identify your new principal sin.
Beating sin in your life is a lifelong process, one filled with difficulty, joy, sadness, and awe at God’s willingness to be so active in your life. And yet, it’s the lifelong process of a saint.
Try A Different Mass
We all have personal preferences. Our personality usually shows forth when we choose to act on those preferences. For example, when it comes to loading the dishwasher, I have a very specific way that I like to have things organized. It’s partly because I like order and partly because I’m incredibly inefficient when I don’t load as I normally do. Our personal preferences even show forth at Mass. Each Mass has its own culture, so if you don’t like the atmosphere at your Mass, try a different one.
Some Masses are more orderly, some are more relaxed, and others are more contemplative. When you struggle with a Mass culture or the general atmosphere, it doesn’t mean you need to change Parishes, maybe you just need to change Mass times.
For whatever reason, the time of Mass brings a different crowd of people. This is never more clear than at the earliest Mass on Sunday morning. You’re more likely to see men in suits and it’ll probably be among the more quiet of Mass experiences that you’ve had. A noon-time Mass will be flooded with families and there tends to be a lot of socializing. If you’ve done all that you’re willing to do in terms of changing your regular Mass time, you can certainly try a different parish. Communities and community standards vary, and so you might find what you’re looking for the next town over.
Mass, and your parish community, should feel like home. There’s likely a Mass that fits your experience and personal preferences for culture and dress code. Find that Mass and remove these distractions so you can focus on why you’re really there.
Small Blessings Lead You
God’s plan for your life is multidimensional. Thousands of small events, shifts, and changes of plans lead you to the exact right spot, at the exact right moment for you to do what you were made to do. I grew up all around the world, and it took some pretty big roadblocks to divert me to Franciscan University where I met Alison. The rest is history. Had Benedict not come along two years ago, I’d probably still be at the non-profit, working a job that I didn’t absolutely love, and held back from realizing my true potential. Yet, all of these small blessings, though some were challenging to accept at the time, have brought me here, where I belong.
Although it’s usually unclear at the time, blessings are always nudging you in the right direction. They may cause our life to be uncomfortable for a time, but only because the place where we were was holding us back in some way. The truth is, most days, we don’t know where we’re going. I don’t know where I’ll be in 10 years, but I have an idea. So, I make my best guess, while at the same time, realizing that a greater plan is at play. I’ve always found it to be true that my best guess is enough to get things moving, and God will make corrections as necessary.
There are endless roads, options, and opportunities in our free society. That adds an element of difficulty, though a most welcome one, to our life’s journey. It underscores the importance of continuing to pray for grace and guidance, as well as the role that openness plays in this journey. The more we’re open to God at work in our life, the more amazing our life will be.
It’s fun to look back from time to time to see how various events have brought you to the place where you are today. Everything makes sense in hindsight when you have the benefit of clarity. It’s an important moment to acknowledge God’s power and grand design, and to recommit yourself to cooperating in the plan.
Small blessings guide us to grand destinations. Through prayer, diligence, and fidelity to God’s will, we, too, can be like Abraham and enjoy the fruits of serving God well.
Do the Right Thing
I once had a boss who told me that it’s never too late to do the right thing. Oftentimes when we realized that we’ve made a mistake, our first reaction is to attempt to shift the blame or cover it up. We’re usually not that successful and a small mistake grows into a big problem. Our anxiety levels rise and things spiral out of control. Instead of procrastinating, when you realize that you’ve made a mistake, just fix it.
Putting off doing the right thing for tomorrow is always appealing. Tomorrow, in almost every circumstance, seems better than today. If we’re waiting, then we don’t have to take action today, or tell anyone about our mistake. Usually, however, change never comes. Tomorrow shows up, and we defer for another day, compounding the problem. Why not now? Why don’t you start to immediately correct the error? After all, you’re already thinking about it. You get to choose the start line.
We’re all human. Whether you’ve made a mistake at work, with your kids, or with your wife, the best course of action is immediate correction. In fact, admitting when you’ve made a mistake might win you the admiration of those around you. These days, no one wants to be accountable and everyone is peacocking. This isn’t helping anyone. The fact is, no one regrets doing the right thing. No one regrets the relief that comes with admitting your mistake and moving on. Today is the perfect day to make a change.
Mistakes happen, both big and small. Don’t let a mistake dominate your life. Admit your fault, take corrective action, and move on.
Dress Up for Mass
Growing up, my family always dressed up for Mass. Though I recognize how expensive it must’ve been for my parents to dress three growing kids in nice clothes for Church, my brother and I always had on slacks and occasionally a blazer while my sister wore nice dresses. These days, Sunday is just about the only day during the week when I dress up. As my small business has me mostly doing web design for clients during the week, I’m typically wearing a graphic t-shirt and some plaid shorts. There’s something really nice about Sunday morning putting on a suit, tie, and some nice shoes.
There’s always been talk about the appropriateness of attire at Mass. Standards vary in all regions of the country and everyone certainly has an opinion. While I don’t necessarily think that a suit is a must, I do think that at the very least a button down shirt and slacks are required. If you’d dress up for a date, to go to court, to attend a funeral, to go to a nice dinner, or to meet the President, you should dress up for Mass.
Mass is a challenging thing for a human to experience and process. The supernatural experiences aren’t generally perceived by the eye, so to most of us, Mass looks like a guy we know up front delivering a speech and sharing a very meager snack. If we could see the reality of what actually happens, we’d change a lot of our attitudes. We’d watch measly bread turn into human tissue, body and soul of our Savior, we’d watch an entire complement of saints and angels surrounding the altar, adoring. If we could actually see, we’d watch people light up as they received Communion, we’d watch venial sins be forgiven, we’d see Jesus Himself giving the homily. If we were able to see all that, every week, we’d sell everything that we had to afford a nice suit.
Going to Mass is going to someone’s house. We’ve been invited to share and eat together. So when we dress up for Mass, we not only show respect to the host, no pun intended, but we show respect to God’s house. What we wear communicates our attitude, which is why we don’t chew gum, bring McDonald’s, text our friends, or sip our morning coffee during the liturgy. We dress up because we want to be respectful. On a more basic level, our clothes get us in the right mindset. School uniforms prepare students for learning. Gym clothes get us ready to workout. Pajamas help us prepare for bed while comfy sweatpants help us unwind at the end of the day. In the same way, our Sunday best get us ready to worship and praise the Creator of the universe. Clothes direct our thoughts and actions and so we should dress in a manner that befits Mass.
Wear nice clothes to Mass and make sure your kids do, too.
Endure Misery
Life is full of a range of emotions. There are days when we’re over the moon and others when we’re down in the dumps. There are events that lift our spirits and others that drag us to dark places. While we’re sure to have periods of great joy and fulfillment, we’ll also have prolonged periods of deep misery. We seem to easily acknowledge that our good feelings are temporary, yet we fail to do the same to bad feelings. Misery is temporary.
When you’re experiencing a period of misery, find a way out of it. What’s the root problem and what can you do it resolve it? How can you minimize the impact that misery is having on your life? It’s true that some factors are outside of our control, but others are very much within our grasp. If your job is causing you to be miserable, maybe you could look for a better one. If your life choices are leading to misery, perhaps you seek help. If your family situation is causing misery, it may be wise to finally resolve those longstanding issues.
We tend to only seek out God when times are tough. When all is well, our mind tells us that we don’t need God. In difficult times or in challenging times, we seek out God asking for aid. When you’re in a period of misery, lean into your prayer life. Seek out help from Mary, your patron saint, and anyone else you can think of! Acknowledge God’s great power and love and understand that prayer really works!
Misery will happen and when it does, try to work through the core issues and be sure to turn to God in prayer and ask for assistance.
Embrace Confession
In what I suspect is a universal experience among Catholics, I always get nervous in the Confession line. Despite my years of frequenting the Sacrament, there’s always a bit of a pit in my stomach that eases the moment that Confession is over. While this pre-Sacrament anxiety is a momentary discomfort, I’d hate to think that it alone is keeping people away from the grace of Confession. When you consider the power of the Sacrament, what’s the worst that could happen?
We all have anxiety and bear the invisible burden of guilt because our sins. These things won’t simply go away on their own. No matter how big or small our sins are, there seems to be a weight that we carry around, only realizing its presence as we leave the confessional. For whatever reason, I always feel lighter as I walk away and complete my penance. I feel like a new person because I no longer have to carry around the burden of my sins. The anxiety that I feel right before Confession is more like a gentle reminder as to why this Sacrament is so important than it is a punishment for my indiscretions. It’s a tool to harness and use to make better decisions in the future and the anxiety always breaks when I’ve received absolution.
Naming your sins is extremely painful. Despite the absolute seal of privacy that the Sacrament affords us, we can find ourselves quibbling or struggling to find the words to name what we’ve done. The indictment against us is clear as day in our minds, but we struggle to verbalize it. That’s because it’s difficult for us to face our true selves in the Sacrament. It’s hard to realize just how far we’ve fallen and how foolish our sins have been. Sin didn’t live up to the promises that it made, and we feel dumb for falling into its trap. Use the discomfort of naming your failings as a motivation to not commit those sins again. Make it the last time that you ever have to confess that particular sin.
We let fear creep up in our mind. We fear someone outside of the confessional hearing us, the priest recognizing our voice, or even being yelled at. Yet, those fears are baseless. I’ve been going to Confession for almost 20 years, all across the country and around the world, and I’ve never been yelled at once. There were challenging Confessions, and there were uncomfortable ones, that’s for sure, but I’ve never been scolded. When I do have a difficult Confession, I’ve come to regard it as it truly is, God challenging me to step up my game. While Confession is meant to be an ocean of mercy and a bath of grace, it’s not meant to be an enabler. If Confession was an easy out, there’d be nothing stopping you from going out, committing the same sin again, and then coming back. It should challenge you to be a better person, and it should remind you of the vast depths of God’s love. There’s nothing to fear in the Sacrament.
Three minutes of discomfort in the Sacrament is a small price to pay for a do over. Better than carrying around guilt and better than falling deeper into the snare of sin, Reconciliation stands at the edge of the World, catching souls before they fall off into the abyss. Although you may never get over pre-sacramental anxiety, it is but a small reminder of the life that you’re giving up in exchange for all of the love and promises of a God who loves you.