Faith
Confession-phobia
The fear of Confession is deadly. It’s healthy to have some amount of fear of the Sacrament. That fear means we know that we’ve seriously hurt God and we need to make amends. However allowing your Confession-phobia to keep you from the Sacrament will leave your relationship in shambles and will prevent you from living the life that God wants you to live.
A few years ago, while driving for work, I was listening to Mark Hart on the radio. He said something so radical that it changed my perception of the Sacrament forever. Mark said that he didn’t start being a good husband until he started regularly going to Confession.
Wait, what?
We’re only required to go once per year. Yet, here’s Mark saying that his breakthrough moment, his turning point, was to start to receive the Sacrament regularly. It was an incredibly profound moment for me.
Sin has power over us when we let it. Sin gets its power primarily thorough secrecy. We are obsessed with other people’s perceptions of us and so we have to keep our misdeeds buried deep.
Carrying around the knowledge that you’re living this fragmented life is a real burden. It eats at you. You give into sin more often because, hey, you’re already in it. We don’t like to admit that we’re wrong and really, that’s what Confession essentially is.
If you’re anything like me, you get that feeling of dread when you’re in line. I feel physically sick. I usually also seriously consider getting out of line and coming back another day. But I stay. Because living with guilt is no way to live.
The Sacrament of Reconciliation is the only way forward. It’s the only way out of sin. It’s the only way to holiness. It’s the only way to love more. Plus, you feel really, really good when you come out.
You deserve a chance to start fresh. Pull out the bulletin, find out when the Sacrament is offered, and go.
Prayer and Flowers
This summer, Alison and I really got into gardening. We had an herb garden on our back porch along with assorted flowers, we had a small garden growing peas, potatoes, garlic, and onions. The biggest challenge we faced was the sun. Our garden had tons of sunlight and, with this summer’s heat, lots of difficulty flourishing. We took a trip for about four days and when we came home, most of our plants were dead.
The whole experience called my attention back to my daily prayer life. Our prayer life is a lot like that garden. We need to be like the good gardener, diligently tending to the garden of our prayer life. Our prayer life needs attention daily, plenty of resources, and most importantly, reserved time. If you set aside time for prayer, it’ll happen.
Like a garden, our prayer life can flourish if we give it the attention that it needs. If we remain disciplined, we’ll grow. Yet, only a small dose of negligence is all that’s required for us to start to lose the vibrancy. It can be regained, just as a recently withering plant can be brought back in a few days with water. Yet, there’s a point where we have to start all over.
Prayer should be the cornerstone of our days, and yet it can be difficult to get started and keep going. Remind yourself of your role as the gardener of your soul, keep your eye on your prayer life, and keep on praying.
A Refuge in the World
I don’t spend nearly enough time in Adoration. When I was in middle school, my mom and I were members of our local Nocturnal Adoration society. During my two years at Franciscan University, there was perpetual Adoration during most of the academic year, but I didn’t often take advantage of it. Before we had Benedict, Alison and I did have a regular adoration shift on Friday nights, but since moving to Virginia, I’ve only been to our Parish’s perpetual Adoration a handful of times. For such an amazing experience, I really ought to go more often.
Think about what Adoration is. One-on-one time with God, the creator of the Universe. He’s physically present. You just can’t spend time in Adoration and not be changed in some way.
Perhaps my favorite part of the whole Adoration experience is the peace and quiet that accompanies it. Nearly every moment of my day is filled with bings, beeps, lights, and distractions. When I’m in Adoration I don’t have to worry. I don’t have to think about my to do list, what I’m having for dinner, when I’m going to go grocery shopping, or how much work I have to do. I’m free to just be there. Present. Still. Calm.
There are many ways to live out our faith and to experience the daily life of the Church, but I’d say that Adoration, outside of the Sacraments themselves, is the most worthwhile. I’ve never had a “bad” experience of Adoration. I’ve only found myself awash in an ocean of calm.
Find an opportunity to go to Adoration near you, speak, listen, and be still. It’ll be worth every second.
The Worst Time to Discern
The absolute worst time to make a discernment is when you’re mired in sin. Yet, we do it all the time. Discernment isn’t just about the meta-question of what you’re called to do with your life. It’s about prayerfully listening to what God is trying to tell you in the decisions of your life. Nothing could be more disruptive in the discernment process than habitual sin.
We were made to live a wonderful life, wrapped in grace, and free from the limitations of sin. Sadly, it’s not the reality that most of us choose. In shortsightedness, immaturity, and for a variety of other reasons, we keep choosing sin over the freedom of God’s law. When we continue to choose sin over what God offers, our decision making process becomes clouded. Like a room of smoke and mirrors, we think we see things that aren’t really there. We convince ourselves of something other than reality and eventually reach a decision that we then claim is moral.
Although politicians are not alone in falling into the trap, certainly we all do, they present a clear illustration of this point. In the United States Congress, 31% of Members are Catholic. There are many Catholics in Congress who vote, speak, and advocate for issues that are in direct opposition to the positions of the Church, particularly on life issues. Some of those Catholics attend Mass regularly, and have reconciled their position in their minds. Through an obstructive reasoning process, they’ve come to conclude that they are still “good Catholics” even though they directly and publicly advocate against the Church, whose position is unambiguous. That’s a discernment process that’s been confused by sin.
Again, we all fall into this situation at one time or another, politicians are an easy target because their lives are so public. How do we get back to a healthy discernment process?
First, recognize that you may not like what you hear. You may discern that God is asking you to do something that is opposed to your current way of thinking. God has a way of doing that. While reading Matthew Kelly’s new book Rediscover Jesus, I discerned that God was asking me to do more for the Christians in crisis in the Middle East. I was focused on other things, but He turned me back to an understanding that advocating for life is as much of being Catholic as advocating for and supporting the poor and the migrant. This message tracks with the message that Pope Francis has been bringing to us.
Next, you’ve got to get rid of that sin that’s holding you back. It takes courage to do the things that it takes to beat sin. It takes courage to say that you’ve been wrong for too long and need to make things right. The freedom and clarity of mind and heart that wait for you on the other side are totally worth it. So do it.
Finally, you need to pray regularly. Start and end your day with prayer. Recognize grace in your life, be grateful throughout the day for blessings, and continue to turn your mind back to God. This is a struggle because travel, illness, or a major disruption in your schedule can knock you off of your game. Keep at it.
Discernment is the process by which we understand what God needs us to do for Him. We can only discern properly when we have a clean mind, a clear heart, and ears to listen. Be prepared to be challenged, be prepared to give your heart back to Him, and be prepared to experience life as it was meant to be lived.
3 Reasons to Pray the Rosary Daily
The Rosary is an amazing prayer. While it may be easy to discount it as rote, there’s a real beauty in the repetition. There are compelling reasons for us to pray it more often.
One of the biggest challenges in daily prayer are perceptions. I tend to perceive prayers, like the Rosary, as something that takes too much time. I’ve found, through experience, that it really doesn’t. A small pocket of time somewhere in the day is all that I really need to make it happen.
There are three reasons that you should seriously consider adding a Rosary or two somewhere in your week.
• It’s powerful. The Rosary is a powerful intercessory tool. There are countless numbers of miracles gained, battles won, and hearts changed. The Rosary was given to us as this tool for our benefit. The Rosary carries serious weight with our Lady and Her love for it results in many answered prayers.
• It’s therapeutic. We carry many stresses and burdens in our lives. The beautiful repetition and simplicity of the prayer can bring great calm and peace into our lives. Whether you’re in a fight with someone close to you, in the throes of temptation, or even just having a bad day, the therapy of the Rosary can be healing.
• It only takes 15 minutes. As if the previous two reasons weren’t enough, praying the Rosary really does take only 15 minutes. That’s less than an episode of The Office or your favorite TV show. Think of how much better spent those 15 minutes are!
The Rosary is a buried treasure right in front of you. Pull out your shovel, get to work, and start praying!
Incredible Martyrs
I’m encouraged by the stories of martyrs. Their fortitude in the face of unimaginable pain and sufferings is beyond inspiring. Truly their martyrdoms were events full of grace, and yet, their pain was very real. It’s doubtful that there’s really ever been a time in the Church’s history when Her members weren’t being killed in hatred of the faith somewhere in the World.
While we hear the stories of the end of a martyr’s life, we often don’t know much about the rest of their life. We meet them, so to speak, as they receive the crown of martyrdom, but we don’t see their struggle in their faith life. We see how their story ends, but not how it begins. This is a tragedy because their stories are not unlike our own. We should readily identify with them in their human experience and see that it is possible to achieve a deep and pure faith as they did.
Martyrdom is rarely a “humane” death. Even today, Christians are being crucified. Martyrs often suffer the most barbaric, unconscionable, and markedly demented cruelties. Most are so extreme, it’s unbelievable that the torturers were able to endure the sight, let alone conduct the tortures themselves. Yet, despite the depravity, despite their desire to crush faith and root out the Church, martyrdom does just the opposite.
It’s said that the Church is built on the blood of the martyrs. The martyred are remembered, their attackers are not. Martyrdom feeds the Church’s growth because it’s hard not to be inspired when many are willing to die instead of give up the treasure of their faith.
While you and I may not be called to a physical martyrdom, we are called to give witness to our faith. The consequences may be less severe, but the impact is still the same. When we live the Christian life well and others can see it, they are inspired. Your actions may even inspire some to join the Church.
The martyrs were willing to give their lives for love of Christ and the Church. May we be willing to do the same, in whatever way we’re called to.
Fear of Prison
I wasn’t planning on revealing my biggest fear in life before an international radio audience, but I did. Earlier this summer, I was part of an in-studio audience on SiriusXM’s The Catholic Guy Show with Lino Rulli and was invited up to the microphone. One thing led to another, and I confessed my fear of going to prison.
I’m becoming more acutely aware of God’s work in my life. Part of this has come from a habit of daily prayer and the other has come from the types of books that I’ve been reading. In the past, I’ve been reluctant to acknowledge God’s intimate work in my life, but it’s difficult to deny. This summer alone I’ve experienced great victories against all odds that can only be credited to His being at work in my life.
God does have a plan for each of us. He needs us to be doing something specific in our lives to better the lives of others. Like the “butterfly effect,” my mission affects the mission and lives of others. Though we cannot see it now, when we hopefully one day get to see all of the pieces of the puzzle fit together, it will all make sense. For me, right now, I believe a big part of my mission is to share and grow Catholic Husband.
My fear of going to prison is an irrational fear, that’s for sure. I have no criminal intent nor do I wish to commit the types of crimes that land people in prison. I don’t wish to bring hurt and destruction to other people’s lives and my personality is wholly incompatible with prison. Yet, for years I’ve been terrified of going to jail. Two weeks ago, I had an epiphany. I’m terrified of what prison means: separation from family, marginalization, and a lack of freedom.
My fear of prison wasn’t meant to be about prison in the physical sense, but in the spiritual sense. Sin is a prison. It separates me from the love of my family, it marginalizes the person that I’ve called to be, and it deprives me of my freedom. When I choose sin over the love of God, I deprive my family of the gift of my whole self. It prevents me from being truly free, from being truly joyful, and from accepting reality.
Now I know what I need to do. Focus more on God’s ways than my own and refuse to be a slave to sin.
The Sign of the Cross
“In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.” Several times a day, we open and close our prayers with the Sign of the Cross. As one of the shortest and most frequently prayed prayers in Christendom, this humble prayer gets little attention. Yet, few combinations of words can pack such a powerful kick in such a small package.
We read in the Bible about how people used to so revere God’s name so much so that they would not dare to speak it. Instead, they used titles or abbreviation. Remember, it was in using God’s name that the first Christians were enabled to heal and cast out demons. Today the Church cares for our spiritual needs by using God’s name to forgive sins and transform bread and wine into the Body and Blood of Christ. There’s power in the Name.
So when we sit down to pray, whether it be before a meal, a test, a job interview, or at any other time when we pray, don’t hurry through the sign of the Cross. It’s in His name that we pray that, through His good graces, we might have all that we need.
The Forgiving and Perfecting Eucharist
It’s easy to fatigue on Catholic cliches. We use them ad nauseam until something beautiful and profound becomes trite. The thing is, while I’m tired of them, I recognize that we need these platitudes. Our faith has truths that surpass our understanding and these turns of phrase bring the mysteries of our faith within our grasp. Although they may be common to us now, they carry within them the beauty of our Catholic faith.
Perhaps no aspect of our faith is more surrounded by maxims than the Eucharist. It’s the “source and summit” of our faith and certainly the most challenging for us. Yet, if we believe that the Bible is true, and we listen to the words of Jesus, we can have justified true belief that the Eucharist is truly Him: body, blood, soul, and divinity. The Eucharist is something else in our lives that has become dangerously too common.
We go to Mass on Sunday and a few other Holy Days of Obligation throughout the year, but we let the richness of the sacrifice brush right over us. We tune out, read the bulletin, or think about a million other things that are going on in our lives. When the time comes to receive Communion, we get in line, walk up, and then go back to our pews. The truth is, it’s impossible to have a physical interaction with a living God and not be transformed and perfected.
While we may regard Mass as an obligation and nothing more, we need to recognize and understand the raw power that the Eucharist innately contains. If the woman with a hemorrhage was healed simply by touching a small piece of Jesus' cloak, how much more transformed will we be when we receive Jesus' true and full presence within us?
There are two categories of sin: mortal and venial. Mortal sins remove us from the community of the Church, requiring that we gain readmission through a penitent heart and the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Hopefully we rarely find ourselves in mortal sin. Venial sins are all of those lesser sins that we commit throughout the day. Like tiny stab wounds, they hurt us, but they won’t kill us. The Church teaches that while Reconciliation forgives all sin, the Eucharist forgives venial sins. That’s right, the sheer power of physically having the presence of God within you is enough to heal the wounds caused by venial sin. I like to think of it as Jesus in the temple driving out the moneychangers. He enters into us and drives evil out because evil cannot cohabitate with His physical presence. We truly become living tabernacles, God dwelling within the temple of our bodies. Perfection envelopes imperfection. Broken is made whole. We’re given a fresh start literally every time we go to Mass and receive the Eucharist.
Beyond just what we receive from the Eucharist, it’s also a true union. No one would dispute that in our relationship with God, we’re often the beneficiary. We can be, at times, Jesus' hands, feet, and voice to those around us. When we receive the Eucharist, Jesus enters into us, giving us the grace to go out and help those in our world. Truly when we do anything for the “least of these,” we do it for Him. We unite bodily with Christ in the Eucharist and, in that way, we also unite our minds and hearts. If we’re disposed to it, we can gain a glimpse into His mind and act charitably.
The Eucharist is life changing. We simply cannot walk away unchanged. The degree of the transformation rests solely on our shoulders. If we’re open to change, then He will take that opportunity and grace will take root. If we’re not, we may not even notice the change because it will be so small. I invite you to think deeper on this reality and to regain your love of the Mass and especially the meaning of the Eucharist. When we’re attuned to God’s love and plan of salvation through the Church, we’ll better understand the paramount importance of the Eucharist. Mass will not be an obligation on a Sunday morning, rather, you just might find yourself getting excited as you get dressed. No one walks away unchanged after receiving the Eucharist. The only question is, how much will you let it change you?
The Gift of Private Confession
I’m thankful for private confession. If I had to confess my sins publicly, in front of my own community, I probably wouldn’t seek out God’s mercy. Instead, the Sacrament draws me in. I can go to God directly, ask for His forgiveness, and gain the graces to do better. It respects my dignity and allows me to work through my weaknesses without bearing a heavy burden of public shame. We’re lucky to have private confession!
Private confession fosters openness. When you enter into the Sacrament, you don’t have to hold anything back. The priest isn’t judging you as he stands in the Person of Christ. The Seal of the Sacrament is permanent and binding, meaning no one will ever know what you disclose. It’s perhaps one of the last places on Earth where you can bear your soul and not worry about reading about it later on the Internet. That’s the genius of the Sacrament in the digital age; when you’re in the confessional, you’re off the grid. What’s said there literally stays there.
It’s precisely because of private confession that we’re able to make a full disclosure of our faults and failings. We can name any sin that we’ve committed and truly be able to hold a mirror up to ourselves. You may share some of your faults and failings with your wife, and others she just knows. Yet, when we confess our weaknesses to others, we tend to hedge our bets. We leave something out that we think will be perceived as too evil. In confession, there’s no need to hold back. It’s in the Sacrament that we see ourselves for who we really are, where we stand in relationship to God, and how we are truly, wholly, dependent on His grace and mercy.
Finally, there’s no fear in the Sacrament. I think we give our priests a little too much credit. I seriously doubt that they’re as gifted in voice identification as we’d like to think, especially when you’re simply one penitent in a line. We think that they hold all of our secrets and carry around that valuable information, but really, they’ve got other things going on in their lives. They hear hundreds (if not thousands) of confessions every month and I’d bet that most of them sound the same. Plus, what kind of life would it be if you were oppressed with the burden of the evil everyone else has done? There’s something miraculous about the priest in the Sacrament. He’s present, but he’s not really present. He speaks, but he doesn’t really speak. Instead, standing in the place of Christ, he’s almost like a telephone, passing messages, yet retaining none. We have the option of going to confession behind the screen, meaning we can have complete anonymity and secrecy if we desire. There’s nothing to fear.
When you think about it, we have an awesome gift in the Sacrament of Reconciliation because we’re able to receive it privately. It’s a gift we should use more often.