Faith
Kids and Lent
I’m always caught off guard by my kids gaining new abilities. They rarely tell me that they’re ready to take on new challenges. Then one day, O ask them to do a job, and they just go off and do it. Teaching them about our faith happens in the same way.
Kids experience tremendous growth from year to year. So as we start Lent and the springtime of the Church, your kids and mine are probably ready for deeper spiritual experiences than they were last year. It also means that we are in the perfect position to teach them the truth about Lent.
Lent is a penitential season, but it’s also one of preparation for the greatest joy of the year. Think of it like spring cleaning your yard. After the harshness of winter, weeds crop up, sticks that feel lay in the yard, and the flowerbeds are a mess. We spend time, working hard, to bring our yard back up to standards. We do this so that we can see the flowers and fruits blossom and grow as a result of our work.
Lent is spring cleaning of our souls. It’s an annual reminder that we need to drop what must be dropped and eliminate what must be eliminated. We don’t do it for sadistic purposes, but as a part of our process of constant renewal. We shouldn’t present Lent to our children as a season of sacrifice, but rather as a season of preparation. Sacrifice is a part of that preparation and they help us to refine ourselves, even if it means giving up temporarily something that God has given to us.
Catholicism and theological principles are never easy to break down for children, but our kids are incredibly receptive listeners. Thankfully, at the center of the teachings of the Church are simple truths. We are fallen creatures, and Lent is an annual opportunity to get rid of the clutter in our spiritual lives.
Let Us Go to God’s House
I spent a few hours on Saturday morning at a men’s retreat. The theme of this year’s retreat was “faith alive.” As a part of Morning Prayer, we prayed Psalm 122. In that Psalm, the people are rejoicing because they are going to God’s house.
Every week, thousands of Chinese citizens flout their authoritarian government to attend underground Catholic Churches. They risk arbitrary arrest and detention because they are aflame with the Spirit and they are totally committed to life as a Catholic Christian.
Yet in the West, where the practice of our faith involves little risk, people are streaming out of the Church. We’ve fallen into the trap of complacency. Most Catholics in America don’t even bother to make it to Mass every week, or even every month. We squander the riches of our faith that so many have fought and died to live out to the fullest.
The Psalmist describes people who are overcome with joy at the mere suggestion that they got to the temple. It’s time for us to wake up from our deep slumber and let that joy fill our hearts on Sunday mornings once again. Lent is a great time to spark that fire.
Preparing for Lent
Ash Wednesday is a little more than two weeks away. The joy of the Christmas season is fading as we prepare for forty days of fasting and penance. Not quite as exciting. The truth is, Lent isn’t gloomy at all. It’s like the Catholic New Year, an opportunity not to flippantly give up something, but rather to become better people.
St. Francis of Assisi was not the hippy that we make him out to be. He took an intentional, hard core approach to refining himself in the image and likeness of God. He did nothing half-way, and in fact, desired to endure humiliation and mortification than any of us would be willing to undergo. At the center of his belief, of his lifelong pursuit, was a spirit of constant renewal. He wanted to take each day and do the things necessary to make him a better follower of Christ than he was the day before.
We have to stumbling blocks in Lent. The first is perfectionism. Like at the new year, we set out a rigid schedule to radically reshape our spirituality and daily life. We plan out what we’ll give up and what we’ll add, only to fall apart by the first Friday. Then, having failed, we give up and let the opportunity of Lent pass us by.
Maybe we need a jolt, maybe we need to fix a spiritual sickness that we’ve ignored for too long. Far better to be focused and make progress than to overturn the cart under the weight of expectation.
The second stumbling block is the tyranny of the daily. Every Lenten observance should be practiced regularly, but not necessarily daily. If you never pray the Rosary now, setting a goal of praying it every day is going to be a real stretch. Making it a part of your regular habit of meditation or praying the Rosary with your family once a week might be a better fit.
The spirit of Lent is not the 40 day timetable with breaks on Sunday. The spirit of Lent is the same one shared by St. Francis, constant renewal. What is the one area of your spiritual life that needs a boost? Plan your Lent around that, and when Easter comes, keep renewing.
Twenty Twenty Focus
The constant rushing of life can feel crushing. Like the overwhelming power of a waterfall, events and information come at me in a daily deluge. There’s so much to do, a set amount of time, and my energy levels are not always aligned to my workload. Last year, I began paying closer attention to the things to which I was giving my attention.
In the process of developing my sense of self-awareness, I recognized the peace that comes with meditation and prayer. Sitting still for even just 10 minutes at a time is a strange feeling. It’s an activity in which there’s nothing to do and no new information being presented to my brain. Distractions and thoughts percolate, but when I’m meditating, I have permission to not act.
Choosing to not act is a difficult one, especially when an idea presents itself. I’ll be meditating and wonder what the weather will be like tomorrow or I’ll remember some task left undone. Instinctively, I reach for my phone to check the weather or record the task. Through a decade of smartphone use, I’ve destabilized myself to the point where even in these brief periods of time that I’ve set aside for no distraction, I feel pulled to action.
When I have a migraine, the best thing that I can do for myself is to make a delicious meal. But when I have a migraine, the last thing that I want to do is spend the time and energy to prepare a delicious meal. The same is true for taking time for meditation. The days when I need it the most are the days that I feel the greatest resistance.
Meditation is popular right now, but meditation isn’t a life hack. Its purpose is connection, not creation. It’s communication, not consumption. Meditation is time set apart for personal, intimate conversation with God. Meditation is me taking God up on his multiple promises to give me rest.
My focus for 2020 is perfecting my fundamentals. Instead of focusing on achieving something new, I’m going to work on consistently doing those daily activities that cause me to live a more fulfilling life. Daily meditation is as fundamental as it gets.
The Joy of the Season
In the blink of an eye, the end of 2019 is just over a week away and we’re at the threshold of the Christmas season. What better way to crown the year than with the joy of Christmas. The joy is so complete that a single 24-hour time period cannot contain it. We’ve spent four weeks in hopeful anticipation and will celebrate the feast for nineteen days.
I hope that your Christmas season is filled with joy, and that Christ will be welcomed into your heart and home. Merry Christmas!
Poverty
I had a dream a few months ago that my family and I were refugees. My dream was vivid. We arrived in a camp with only the clothes on our backs. We were lodged in a plywood dorm, sparsely decorated, and filled with rough characters. Wildfires burned in the vicinity, adding peril to our already difficult journey. We’ve become desensitized over the past decade to the plight of migrants.
What really struck me in that dream was the desperation of our situation. We went from a safe, stable, predictable life to one in which I couldn’t even guarantee the safety of my family. We had literally nothing.
The mass migration from Africa and the Middle East continues. Central Americans continue to journey north in search of peace and security. To many of us, the issue is academic; it’s a question of policy. To these people, the journey is fraught with danger.
As we approach Advent and Christmas, my thoughts have turned to the Holy Family. They were Jewish refugees, fleeing from violence and danger at home, to live abroad in Egypt. Their journey was like that of the modern migrant.
I take the comforts of my life for granted. When we need food or supplies, I simply go to Walmart and get what we need. The shelves are full of items, and our pantry never runs empty. My children don’t wonder when their next meal will be served. There are far too many people, even in developed countries, who don’t share in that comfort.
Advent, like Lent, is a season of penance and almsgiving. Donating to a food pantry, or making a financial contribution to a charity working with migrants and the displaced, makes a difference. We have the power to ease the suffering of our neighbors.
On Retreat
I made my first private retreat in twelve years last weekend. I left all of my electronics at home, and after dinner on Friday night, drove off into the darkness to the retreat center. I had no responsibilities, no commitments on my time, and for the most part, no clock. Even better, I was the only person on retreat on the grounds for the weekend. The peace and rejuvenation that solitude brought me is exactly what I needed.
I, like you, spend most of my days plugged in. I have dozens of commitments to attend to, responsibilities to fulfill, and appointments on my calendar. Even the demands of maintaining basic order in my household take a lot out of me. Taking time to focus on myself, and building up my interior life, is essential to my wellbeing. It’s also a recipe for a more successful fatherhood.
There were several times over the weekend when I felt an impulse to reach for my devices. Feeling that physical reaction, I came to better understand my relationship with them. It gave me the opportunity to pause and understand why I was feeling that way. The freedom to be alone with my thoughts was the best part of my weekend.
It was a wonderful weekend, and I got out of it exactly what I had hoped. I feel rested, relaxed, and ready to take on the daily challenges I have as a stay-at-home dad. I’ll just be sure to not wait another twelve years before making my next retreat.
Spiritual Health
Spirituality is an integral part of what it means to be a human person. Ignore your physical health, and your emotional wellbeing suffers. Ignore your intellectual health, and your relationships will suffer. Your spirituality is no different. Each component of your personhood needs individualized attention. They all work in concert with one another to form the human person.
It should be emphasized that faith is indeed a gift. Our human hearts, like a radio receiver, are attuned to the voice of God in our lives. Our hearts yearn to follow the law that He inscribed on them. At the same time, our hearts can be turned off, or turned to a different station. Understanding and accepting faith is a challenge for each one of us. It’s a lifetime struggle with seasons of abundance and desolation. It’s a gift worth giving, and one that must be willingly accepted.
The first order of business in your personal faith journey is an evaluation of your interior life. The prolific author Matthew Kelly writes that where your mind goes, your actions will follow. Digital devices drown out our personal thoughts. We reach for them to fill every down moment of the day. Tremendous virtue, growth, and self-reflection can come from limiting their presence in your life.
When you have time for your mind to work and think, it’s best to let it roam where it wishes. This stream of consciousness will inevitably lead you to ponder life’s big questions. The true nature and concerns of your heart will bubble to the surface. These insights will inform your prayer life.
Prayer is another area where I would encourage you to discount any preconceived notions. In my own experience, a solid and reliable prayer life requires variety. If you were to set out to exercise every day, but only allowed yourself to run on a treadmill for an hour with no media, how long would it take before you quit? If you were given a diet that had you eating the same breakfast, lunch, and dinner everyday, how long would you last? If you were assigned a particular devotional as your primary form of prayer, how long would it be before you gave up your faith altogether?
Variety is the spice of life, and so it should be with your spiritual life. Experiment by going to different parishes and Masses, try new devotionals, join a Bible study, or do your own with the Catholic Study Bible. Take an hour to go to Eucharistic Adoration or pray the Rosary while you go for a walk in your neighborhood. By changing your prayer routine often, you’ll experience the breadth of the Church and the serenity that a close relationship with God brings.
Little Kids Praying
Praying with little kids is often a difficult experience. While I try to set a good example, my kids often fiddle, wander, or play. As it turns out, they’re not being disrespectful. When little kids fiddle, they’re really engaged in the activity. It’s how they listen, process, and understand things. They may not say the words, but they hear and know them. It can be frustrating when they refuse to pray, but giving them their space has its benefits. One day, the switch will flip, and it’s a beautiful thing.
That’s exactly what happened to us. My son is in kindergarten and should be learning his basic prayers. He’s heard them hundreds of times and I was more than ready for him to be a leader for his sisters. I took him aside one evening and told him that I now had the expectation that he prays aloud with us. He took our talk to heart. The next day, I could hear him quite clearly. His little sister soon joined in.
There’s something wonderful about the sound of a child praying. Their voice is so sweet to adult ears. Their intentions and prayers are so innocent and pure. When I hear my children praying, I understand clearly why God treasures these little ones so much.
It’s been several months now, and both of my “big kids” pray out loud at meals, at bedtime, and on occasion, at Mass. Benedict will even take the lead at mealtime, which is a treat. What’s really struck me, though, is how many of the more complex prayers they know. We’ll be at Mass or praying Night Prayer, and they’ll both join in without skipping a beat. Like a choir singing in harmony, we pray together as a family. It’s a delightful experience.
I don’t know what my children’s faith life will be like when they enter adulthood. What I do know is that I’m going to expose them to as much of our faith as possible. I hope that one day they have the experience of having their own children join them in prayer. It’s an experience that I’ll treasure forever.
Lent Lost
We’ve moved beyond the season of Lent and into the joy of Easter. About this time each year, I reflect on how successful Lent was, comparing my plans on Ash Wednesday to how I crossed the finish line on Holy Thursday. I realize now that this exercise is pointless.
Like the change oil light on my dashboard, Lent is an annual reminder for me to reflect on how well I’m living my life versus the life that I want to live. I find it incredibly easy to lay out the perfect plan for my life and the goals that I want to achieve, but if I don’t get out of bed when my alarm goes off, I’m never going to achieve that vision.
I used to think of Lent as my one chance a year to make those changes, but just like New Years, that’s a false assumption. The Christian life is supposed to be one of constant renewal, daily challenging ourselves to do better and be better.
I pretty much missed the boat on Lent this year. Between kids, new schedules, and travel, I can’t tell what I accomplished, or even attempted, during Lent. But the opportunity to start fresh is open to me even today. Through the Sacrament of Reconciliation, through the multitude of devotionals for daily prayer, or even by starting to see the service of raising my children and maintaining our household as a distinctly holy and noble task.
Goal setting is tough, and discouragement is a lot easier to find than encouragement. So if you have that feeling that Lent wasn’t all that impactful, perhaps you can turn that around by starting today on improving your life. Lent was just the reminder light coming on your dashboard.