Church & Culture
- Pets don’t have souls. They don’t have power over their instincts. Their life does not transcend their physical bodies.
- They aren’t made in the Image and Likeness of God. God became Man. God did not become Puppy. Checkmate.
- They don’t share in God’s co-creating power. While animals can reproduce, they are only able to experience the physical act. They do not procreate with intentionality or with concern for the other, as only two married human persons can.
- They aren’t the fruit of your marriage. You and your spouse did not create them.
Faith of the Martyrs
I have a difficult time imagining a physical persecution of happening in the United States. I have difficulty imagining how far we’d have to fall to get to a point where the citizenry accepted mass executions of people based on their faith alone.
Yet, today, in Iraq and Syria, Catholics and Christians are literally being crucified in hatred of the faith. I believe that before my life comes to an end, I’ll attend a Mass on the feast day of the Iraqi Martyrs.
My main difficulty in envisioning an America that accepts crucifixion is that I believe that the people charged with enforcing our laws are good and decent people. I have a hard time seeing members of our Armed Forces and Law Enforcement following orders to crucify people for their faith. This is perhaps the greatest asset of the United States, that those charged with our protection are our neighbors who just want to make our communities better.
While the thought of modern day crucifixion is horrifying, at the same time, I find it deeply inspirational. The Church is grown through the blood of the martyrs. The persecutions of the early Christians served only to grow the Church into what we have today. The persecutions of Catholics in England only served to reinforce the local Church.
Reading through the stories of martyrs like Sts. John Fischer and Thomas More and the countless other British martyrs of their era are incredible. Many English martyrs were drawn, hung and quartered. While the title of the execution is pretty benign, if you actually study what it all entailed, it’s shocking that anyone would be able to remain true to their convictions when facing that torture. It was literally the worst possible torture and death that the legal system could imagine. It was long, it was involved, and it was excruciating.
Yet, that’s exactly the point. These martyrs had tremendous faith. They had the fortitude to stay true to who they were as Catholics. Their example and inspiration continues to this day, hundreds of years later, to inspire the Church.
Two-thirds of American Catholics don’t go to Mass on Sundays. Our lukewarm faith has lost touch with the brilliant inspiration and witness of the martyrs, even those who this very day will be killed in hatred of the faith.
Lord, give me the faith of the martyrs.
Be Transparently Catholic
In the 8th grade, I read the great American Classic, To Kill A Mockingbird. One of the scenes in the book that has stuck with me all of these years is Atticus Finch explaining to his daughter Scout that he can’t be one person in public and another person at home. That integrity of character is something we should all be striving for.
I’ve found in my own life that I tend to shy away from praying in public. We recently went on a work retreat with Alison’s practice. The dining was family-style and we were sitting with a pretty big group of people. I prayed the blessing privately, but was disappointed in myself for skipping the sign of the cross. It’s not that I was embarrassed, it’s that I didn’t want to make other people uncomfortable. I fell short of the integrity of character that I claim to want to have.
Do you have someone in your family or your friends group that’s Catholic, but you frequently find yourself wondering if they’re practicing? Maybe it only comes up when you go and visit them during holidays. Will they have an Advent wreath? Can I talk about what I gave up for Lent?
One of my hopes for my family is that we’re so transparently Catholic that there’s never a question. It’s not my goal that we’re in everyone’s face about it. I want us to practice our faith in public just as we do at home. So when we’re eating out, we pray just as if we were around our own dinner table. When we’re driving somewhere with people and an emergency vehicle passes by, we say a prayer out loud just as we do in our own cars. When we’re out exercising, if we choose to make that a prayerful time, we pray out loud. When we’re traveling or on vacation, we maintain our prayer routine. There’s no vacation from God!
The fact is, we’re pretty bold about being Catholic in our own homes. We’re pretty bold about being Catholic at our parish. But what about in all aspects of our lives? We’re ambassadors of the Church. We’re always teaching our children. So if they see this split personality, we run the risk of them adopting the same practice in their own lives.
There’s nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of. Be transparently Catholic. Be who you are.
My First Eucharistic Procession
Sharing our faith boldly with those around us can be challenging. You can’t just be chillin by the coffee pot on Monday morning and lead with, “Hey, how was your weekend? I encountered the Risen Christ through the Holy Sacrament of the Altar and now I’m a living tabernacle."
Last Sunday, we celebrated the Feast of the Body and Blood of Christ, more commonly known as Corpus Christi Sunday. An ancient tradition that is starting to find resurgence in the United States is that of having a public Eucharistic procession.
Alison and I have found ourselves in an amazing and vibrant Parish community. Our parish had a procession on Sunday evening. It was magnificent. I’d say there were about 500 people there, walking through the streets, following the Blessed Sacrament. Along with the parishioners, there were about 10 priests. We processed from the Parish three blocks to the town square, had a brief exposition, and then processed back.
We live in a country that allows us to make such public displays of our faith. Yet, we still tend to shy away from opportunities to share our faith with people. We have a perception that people won’t want to hear about it, that they’ll be turned off, or will make unfair conclusions about us.
The silly thing is that we rely on our friends for recommendations all the time. When you go to a great restaurant, you tell people. When a movie stinks, you spread the word. When you read a good book, you let your friends know. Evangelization is just that. We’ve had an experience that has transformed our lives for the better, and we want other people to experience the profound joy that we’ve found.
There were many people who were probably confused by our Procession. There were probably some who thought we were nuts. How people react or receive our message is not what’s important. What is important is that they have the right to share in the joy of the Sacramental life, and we have the duty to share it with them.
You don’t have to know everything about our Faith to share it with others. You don’t have to be able to answer all of their questions. All you have to do is share how the life of the Church has made your life that much better.
Better Than A Purity Ring
Some people believe that in Christian Marriage chastity is no longer a struggle. False.
I’ve really enjoyed the past four years since graduating from Franciscan University. Many of my friends have gotten married and have begun to grow their families. This has been a huge benefit to me personally because I’ve been able to learn a lot about marriage. It’s helped me better understand marriage and avoid making more than a few mistakes.
One of my good friends Rob shared this gem about chastity with me a few months before my wedding. It was really good advice and a simple line that’s stuck with me.
Human sexuality is an extremely powerful part of our nature. It can be used for extreme good, binding spouses together and creating new life. It can also be used for extreme evil, leading to the eventual loss of sanctifying grace. It’s up to us to control it and use it for good.
The reason that sexual temptation is so strong is because regardless of how morally licit or illicit what we’re doing is, it still feels physically good. So many things around us make it seem even more normal. In fact, in some instances, people in positions of authority may encourage us to commit morally illicit sexual acts.
We struggle to see people as people because they aren’t often portrayed that way. In TV shows, movies, plays and art, people are depicted as objects. Even on our own streets, we see people dressing in ways that do not celebrate their dignity or sexuality.
So how do we maintain our purity and chastity in this climate? Some use a purity ring as a reminder that they’ve made a commitment to themselves. But is it enough?
No. The reminder aspect is fabulous, but we need something more. We need action. We need constant prayer and attention.
You can’t achieve holiness without achieving self-mastery. Be vigilant, be alert, and grow daily in purity.
Why People Delay Marriage
The average age of newlyweds is climbing in the United States. More and more young couples are delaying marriage for a significant period of time. It’s a troubling trend, but why are young people actively avoiding tying the knot?
Alison and I met our last semester of college. We got married a little over two years later. After taking the time to get to know each other, we didn’t have any real reason to delay getting married. We were ready to share our lives with each other and experience the joys (and benefits) of marriage.
So what’s causing young people to get married later in life?
• They have other priorities. Most people have a bucket list of some type. Some young people have the perception that when they get married, they won’t be able to do the things that they love. So they intentionally put off serious relationships and marriage until they complete their list. Lame.
• They’re cohabiting. Cohabitation is an epidemic among young adults today. If you’re living together and having sex on a regular basis, it can be difficult to differentiate between what you’re doing and what marriage is. Cohabitation is wrecking both marriage rates and driving up divorce rates.
• They don’t see the point. If an individual isn’t open to life or is still too immature to be concerned about the needs of someone else, it can be hard for them to see any “good” reason to get married.
• They perceive marriage for “older people.” As more and more couples delay getting married, they send a message to younger people that you wait to get married. It becomes cyclical.
• They’re unclear about their ideal spouse. This is actually a valid reason to delay marriage. Marriage is forever, so you need to be sure you choose well. It’s important to have a clear concept of the type of person you want to marry.
It’s sad when people actively avoid getting married. At the same time, I have no objection to an individual intentionally delaying getting married to ensure that both they and their significant other are a good match and are emotionally prepared. Marriage should be embraced, not avoided.
Why I Don’t Buy Generic Oreos
You can often tell how good something is simple by considering whether or not you would buy a cheaper generic version. Grocery stores all across the nation have entire product lines of generic products. You can buy generic Coke (why bother?), generic dish soap, generic trash bags, and yes, even generic Oreos.
I don’t ever buy generic Oreos.
The problem isn’t the price, it’s the quality. The generic “oreo" could never possibly compare to the taste of the original chocolate cookie and how could they possibly ever hope to match the creamy goodness of that frosting center? Oh, they try, but there’s no way to cheaply replicate the essence of what Oreos are.
The gift of our human sexuality is the exact same way.
I chose to preserve the gift of my human sexuality for my wife, who turned out to be Alison. Making the choice once is the easy part, it’s the daily management of the decision that can present the problem. I dated a few people before meeting Alison, so I was able to experience a spectrum of relationships.
During my high school days and my first year of college I watched (not literally) peers and classmates experiment sexually. It would vary from a one time occurrence to a regular activity. I noticed time and again that they were never satisfied. Something seemed to be missing. Not to mention the complete devastation when their partner moved on.
You just can’t be an observer today, though. My most vivid illustration of this reality happened during my senior year of high school. I was walking down the hall between classes and a classmate, whom I had never spoken a word to in my life, asked about my relationship. After gauging how the relationship was going, he asked quite plainly, “So are you banging her?” Classy.
So what’s the big deal with pre-marital and extramarital sexual encounters? Our culture seems to think it’s fine. People seem to enjoy these temporary relationships. A recent episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine had the charming line “The best way to forget your ex is meaningless sex.”
Here’s the big deal. Sexual encounters outside of the marital bond are the generic Oreos. They’re cheap. They’re fake. They’re made with inferior ingredients. Sure, they have the outward appearance of Oreos. But they’re pretending to be something that they’re not. They’re rooted in imitation.
Our human sexuality is a very powerful and very personal gift. It’s integrated into our whole persons, especially into our psychology. The essence of our sexuality is bonding. Through total sacrifice and gift of self, sex is designed to permanently bind two people together in life giving love. So when we color outside the lines and share this deeply personal gift, we break off a piece of ourselves that we can’t get back.
Every time someone has sex outside of marriage, they give something away. When they finally do settle down with their spouse, they’re not whole. They’re broken and there’s no way to permanently fix it. We can heal and we can be forgiven, but the scar tissue remains. The past cannot be erased.
There are smaller ways that we give away our love to people who are not our spouse that doesn’t have to rise to the level of sexual relations outside of marriage Lustful thoughts, flirtatious relationships, all of these “innocent” acts damage our marital bonds. Thankfully we have the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Through the Sacrament, our sins our forgiven, we’re strengthened to do better, and our marital relationship is healed.
Many people today believe that the Church’s teachings on human sexuality are dated. Since the sexual revolution, we have experienced a radical change in societal sexual norms. There has always been pornography, pre-marital sex, extramarital affairs and sex-trafficking, but not nearly to the level of pervasiveness that we’re experiencing today. Anyone with access to the internet is .0004 seconds away from 1.6M+ Google results for pornography. The war on human traffickers is fought daily, but is lost because we still supply a demand. Birth rates outside of marriage are astronomically high. Marriage rates are dismal and divorce rates, ouch.
The results are in. The Church was right. The use of sexuality outside of marriage is an epic fail.
Pre-marital and extramarital sex are cheap imitations that can never hope to compare with the mind-blowing, Christ-reflecting, life-giving, complete surrender of marital sex. It’s only within the context of marriage that our sexuality can truly be freed to be all that it was created to be. Set yourself aside for the best. Don’t buy generic Oreos.
Witnessing for Marriage
Every day, everywhere that we go, we have the opportunity to show those around us what it means to be married. By our words and our deeds we implicitly share our experience of marriage with the world. What that means is that we have the opportunity to show how wonderful it is, or to witness poorly to it.
I consider myself to be an extremely professional worker. I stay well within the traditional rules of decorum in the office and in business transactions. I have a great deal of professional pride in how I conduct my business.
A few days before Lent, there was some discussion amongst three self-identified “non-Church going” Catholics. They talked about how hard it is to be Catholic and why they stopped, “Going to Church and listening to the Pope.” As someone who clearly is very serious about my faith life, I was extremely frustrated by the scandal that these individuals were giving to the non-Catholics in our office. Not to mention my personal belief that you’re either Catholic and living in the community, or you’re not and you should stop self-identifying as Catholic.
In the moment, I knew there was no way I was going to be able to be pastoral. I knew that even if I did speak up, I would have no chance of changing anyone’s perceptions. I said nothing. I failed.
Upon reflection, I see real parallels between that scandalous discussion about being Catholic and the regular scandalous discussion about being married.
It’s true that marriage rates are declining and that there seems to be fewer high-quality marriages in our society. But that perception may not be true at all. We might not have fewer high-quality marriages, just fewer people willing to openly witness to the beauty of the married life.
How can we help to make sure that we aren’t giving scandal to the vocation of marriage?
• If our marriage reflects Christ’s love for the Church, be a good mirror. The mystique of marriage is disguised in the ordinary. Though our days are full of seemingly mundane domestic tasks, the undercurrents of love and self-sacrifice perfectly mirror the intense and deep love Christ has for the Church. A simple daily reminder to ourselves of our high station and duty can help us make the attitude alignment we need.
• Fight the battles where we find them. Thankfully, we’re not called to take on every threat to marriage at all times. That would be tiring! In fact, there’s little need to seek out challenges to the married life. If we commit to fighting them when they come to us, we can make a huge difference. So when that conversation comes up at a barbecue this summer, or around the lunch room that reflects a poor understanding of marriage, speak up. There’s no need to be hostile or correct other people. Share your experience of the majestic.
• We can change the culture. If you’ve ever worked at a big company with a big culture problem, you know how hard it is to get everyone to shift to a new way of thinking and acting. A better approach is to start with you. Find the things that you would like to see changed, and make the changes in your own life. Then, watch them filter to those around you and beyond. We can do the same thing with marriage. By living the marriage we want to have, we can slowly (but surely!) get society back to its roots
Change is a tall order. The status quo just really isn’t for us. Fight the battles were you find them, love your wife well, and show the world the depth of Christ’s love.
Why Culture Isn’t Prepared for Us
Culture only wants boys.
Culture tears down men.
Culture celebrates immaturity and selfishness.
Culture celebrates boys who neglect their family for their own wants and desires.
Culture is weak.
Culture is wrong.
Culture isn’t prepared for us.
We are strong.
We are steadfast.
We stand up for our beliefs.
We fiercely protect our family.
We put others before ourselves.
We enter into decisions thoughtfully.
We accept the consequences of our actions.
We live in the light.
We are men.
4 Reasons Your Pet is Not A Kid
If you follow me on Instagram, you know that I have a cat.
I adopted her three years ago and they have been an adventure!
Bringing her home was a lot of fun, and it was a new experience for me.
Growing up in the military, my parents didn’t think pets were a good idea. Since we lived on Base, they’d always tell us that military wouldn’t allow us (which wasn’t exactly true).
Over the years, I’ve become attached to Sophia. She likes to cuddle and has a wonderful temperament.
If you have a pet or two, I’m sure you like to share photos and stories as much as I do.
What I can’t stand is when people tell me how they don’t have kids because, “My pets are my kids.”
They’re wrong for 4 reasons.
A child, as a human person, holds a higher station and dignity than a pet. Please treat them accordingly.
Reflecting Christ’s Love to the World
When you get married, you take on two responsibilities. First, you take responsibility for the care of your wife and any children you may be given. Second, you take on the responsibility for reflecting Christ’s love for the Church.
The first one is challenging enough, but the second? Whoa, that’s a task! After all, Christ laid down His life for the Church.
As husbands, we are called to lay down our lives for our wives, but that doesn’t necessarily mean physical death. We must daily live a death to self.
What is more important is how we model marital love to those around us.
We should first be concerned with how we model to our family.
The odds are high that there are a few broken marriages in your family. We aren’t called to be critical of another, but we do know that if children do not have a good example of marriage, they may end up divorced later in life as well. We must take great care to reflect our inner affinity for our spouses externally in appropriate ways.
Next, we must model marital love to those we are friends with.
You probably have a broad cross-section of friends in terms of state of life. You have some single friends, some married friends, some friends with children, etc. Again, it is your responsibility to show them the Divine Plan through your own healthy and stable marriage.
Lastly, we must model marital love to the world.
We interact with a huge number of individuals on a daily basis that we have no relationship with. To these people, we must show the true love we have for our wives.
This is a giant task, but it is an essential one. We are called to influence the culture. The more positive examples of marriage that a person has, the more credibility it is lent. When enough people hold marriage in the right esteem, the culture is changed.
Now, it’s time to get to work.