Church & Culture
The Art of Compromise
We live in a large society, and so the idea that we can have things exactly the way we want them is unrealistic. Even in our own marriages and families, when there are two decision makers, neither spouse can have complete control over how the household is run. We need to become experts in compromise, an all but lost art in a society that loves drama and rewards polarization. We achieve more by working together than by remaining intransigent.
Consider our Congress. For years it seems that little of significance has been accomplished. Each political party has so many golden calves that no real issues can be resolved. Neither side is willing to give an inch, on any subject. Neither is willing to admit that they may be wrong, or to make a good faith effort to achieve some greater good. The fact remains that each political group is working to achieve their vision for America, a vision that they believe is what’s best for all of us.
The sadness of the situation is that people start too look foolish for sticking to their ideology. In order to maintain their previously stated position, they have to make other statements that are inane. Some call for “reasonable limits” on gun ownership and then completely reject the notion of “reasonable limits” on abortion. So it goes for every issue, with every party, every day. We hold elections, the same people are sent back to Washington, and the cycle repeats.
A good compromise is when two sides give up something that they value in exchange for something that they value even more. I’m ok with adding additional waiting time to legally purchase a gun if in exchange we agree to a 20-week abortion ban. I’m ok with increasing funding for healthcare if in exchange we stop funding organizations that are repeatedly accused of impropriety or engage in ethically questionable practices. I’m ok with raising taxes to pay down the debt to $0 if we put in place measures to prevent us from getting in the hole again.
The true enemy of compromise are those who benefit from dysfunction. If I were a congressman, any one of those stances would bring down the wrath of powerful special interest groups. This is the problem. Our elected officials are more concerned about keeping their jobs than doing them. The blame can’t be put all on elected officials. Shame on us, the voters, for allowing special interest groups to bully us into voting compromisers out of office.
We live in a pluralistic society with many complex issues. If we’re going to solve them, we need to rediscover the art of compromise, elect people of integrity, and stop allowing third parties from influencing our elections. Let’s find common ground, each give up something that we want, and move our Nation forward.
The Church Isn’t A Democracy
The reporting and commenting on the Church these days is insufferable. I skip over most articles, including those in the Wall Street Journal because they completely miss the mark. Even worse, although some articles contain bits of good information, reading them as if I wasn’t Catholic, I can see how ambiguity of phrasing could give the complete wrong impression of the Church.
In our nation, we have a penchant for forcing every issue, subject, and topic into our understanding of a political system. Every single issue is either left or right, and it must be on the extreme ends with no hope of compromise. The same is done with the Church.
There are articles that suggest that Pope Francis might change Church teaching. There are articles that suggest that “conservative” Catholics are hoping that he doesn’t and “liberal” Catholics will return to the Church en masse if he does. All of this bloviating, of course, is a waste of column inches. Pope Francis isn’t going to change Church teaching, he’s not Jesus.
Pope Francis was chosen by the Holy Spirit, through the College of Cardinals, to be our Pope for a very particular reason. I think the fruits of his election are already apparent. He is breathing fresh air into the Church, he is building bridges, and he’s turning our attention to different aspects of what it means to be Catholic. There was a beautiful meme that floated around during the first year of his pontificate that had images of St. John Paul II, Pope Benedict XVI, and Pope Francis. Under John Paul, the word “hope,” under Benedict, the word “faith,” and under Francis, “love.” The three theological virtues, each exemplified by the papacy of these popes.
St. John Paul reminded us to hope in the promises of mercy and salvation that God has made to us, Pope Benedict gave us voluminous scholarly works that distilled complex theological subjects into clear teachings, and now Pope Francis is reminding us that we are the hands and feet of Christ. Just as you cannot take one theological virtue and ignore the rest, so too with the messages of these popes. We can’t only focus on our own salvation, we can’t ignore the theological tenants of Catholicism or the Church’s teachings, and we can’t ignore our call to be radical in advocating for social justice.
The Church isn’t a democracy as some churches are. We don’t vote on what we believe, we don’t vote on what the Church teaches, and we don’t make up the theology as we go. Therein lies the beauty of Catholicism. We’re rooted in truth, we focus on living our faith and not figuring out what it is.
The Church isn’t a political system. There is no conservative or liberal, there’s only people trying to do their best, while personally struggling to love God more than self and sin, to pick up our cross and follow Jesus. That is how the Church has endured thousands of years of persecutions, withstood innumerable attacks, and all the while sustained the faithful.
Go Read the Documents
If you have a question about what the Church teaches, just go read the documents. Start with the Catechism and then go and read supporting documents. There’s no need to be confused or lost in ambiguity. There’s no need to hem and haw about what She says or teaches. The Church is an open book for anyone, Catholic or otherwise, to understand why She teaches what She does.
A Culture that Respects Life
We find ourselves, yet again, as Americans doing some serious soul-searching after last week’s incident of gun violence. Two young journalists gunned down on live TV in a chilling video clip that’s been seen by millions the world over. The assailant, hours later, taking his own life.
Several times a year, individuals commit callous acts of violence and catapult the issue of gun violence back to center stage. Within hours of the attack, Twitter was alive with people calling for more gun control, including many from the international community. Political leaders, too, entered into the fray. I hate the specter of gun violence and the devastation that it causes in mere seconds. I don’t want any person or family to suffer at the hands of a criminal armed with a gun. So how do we stop this?
I invite us to take this opportunity to stop talking about gun control as a political issue. We’ve seen in shooting after shooting that it’s all talk, and no action. In essence, I don’t believe that guns are the problem, just as cars aren’t the problem in DUI deaths. People using these tools irresponsibly are the problem. We hear about mass shootings, but we don’t hear about the millions of Americans who own guns legally and responsibly. In many cases, as in this most recent one, the firearms were purchased legally. Logic tells me that gun control isn’t the problem.
Gun violence is symptomatic of a larger societal problem. We’ve devolved into a society that has started deciding which life has value and which life doesn’t. We pick who deserves to be protected and cherished, and who doesn’t.
We’re a society that doesn’t value the lives of the young or the old. Babies are subject to abortion at the sole “choice" of the mother, and the old are increasingly given legal options to prematurely end their lives. That kind of power exerts tremendous pressure on those involved. Scared mothers are pressured by lowlife boyfriends, the elderly feel pressure, intended or otherwise, to not be a “burden.”
We’re a society that doesn’t honor women. We don’t respect them and the station that they hold as protectors and bearers of life. Contraception and abortion were meant to be the great liberators of women, and instead it has completely subjugated them. Women are now sexual objects whose sole purpose is to satisfy the desires of men, without the man having to worry about creating a child or the responsibility of raising that child. In turn, this has led to the plague-like spread of online pornography accessible in an instant, by anyone, anonymously.
We’re a society that uses the legality of the death penalty far too loosely. We have the ability to safely protect society from those who commit violent crime, yet, we still routinely execute inmates. These executions are based on past behavior, often decades in the past, and not out of a necessity to defend ourselves. If an inmate continued to pursue escape attempts or habitually committed violent acts against fellow inmates or guards while incarcerated, there could be a logical argument for using the death penalty for self-defense purposes. Yet, it isn’t just those on Death Row who are marginalized. Criminals, once having paid their debt to society, find it nearly impossible to turn their lives around on the outside and find themselves incarcerated again.
These things are all tied together. Children aren’t precious, the elderly aren’t precious, women aren’t precious, actors in pornography aren’t precious, convicted inmates aren’t precious. Life is not precious.
This isn’t the Gospel that we claim to believe. This isn’t the people we imagine ourselves to be. This isn’t a just society. One cannot condemn gun violence and then demand unrestricted access to abortion. The logic isn’t sound.
Change in society takes time, and it takes a massive group of people making a concerted effort to raise the consciousness of society to effect real change. Instead of condemning the devaluing of some human life, let’s start celebrating all human life. Let’s be kind to our neighbors, be merciful in our speech and teach our children the value of loving others and building them up as opposed to tearing them down.
Let’s live the life that Christ called us to live. Only then can we truly be free.**
Celebrate Life
One of the great tragedies of our modern era is our misunderstanding of the value of children. For a wide range of reasons, people tend to hold a very pessimistic and self-centered view on children. This contraceptive mindset has brought us to a very sad place where people miss out on the absolute joys of raising children.
Kids really are amazing. A new life, that knows nothing, moves at a rapid clip to smile, roll over, verbalize, crawl, stand up, walk, feed itself, and so much more. Time moves incredibly fast and the joys happen daily. While there are bad days, grumpy days, and annoying days, those events and those days melt away with one cute smile, laugh, or hug. Little kids really are the best.
The thing that we’re missing by avoiding having children is that parenthood is both exhausting and fulfilling. While I love Benedict, I really love those two hours before bed when he’s asleep and I’m off the clock. I tend to find myself in that time both enjoying the rest and at the same time waiting with eager anticipation to get him up in the morning and play with him. While parenting depletes your energy levels, it builds you up as a person in a lasting way. This child depends on you for everything, and you provide. There’s no better feeling.
The Bible tells us that children are a gift from God, and truly they are. Above anything or anyone else, your child wants you. A child will grow and help to support your household and complete many of the daily chores that need to be done. Yet, their purpose is more than just utilitarian. Children are a blessing by their presence. Their presence and their personhood is a gift that you get to unwrap daily.
A contraceptive mindset has blinded us to the reality of children. They’re not a burden to be avoided, rather they’re a blessing to be embraced. Accept them as gifts and give them all of your love.
The Rise of Divorce
I’ve recently started working on a family genealogy project. In the past, I hadn’t much cared about my family’s history beyond my grandparents, but lately I’ve become fascinated with our family’s story. I’m basing all of my research around Benedict as the starting person and I’m excited about the journey that this is taking me on. While many of the discoveries have been very exciting, I’ve noticed something else that’s rather tragic. In keeping with what I suspect is par for the course today, in the last 115 years, it’s nearly impossible to find any branch of my family within two generations that hasn’t been touched by divorce.
It’s obvious that divorce today is far more prevalent than it has been at any another time in history. As we struggle to understand or even remember why we have marriage as a societal institution in the first place, it has become more and more socially acceptable for couples to end their marriage for even seemingly petty reasons. This rise points to the need for more education before engaged couples tie the knot.
In the United States, no-fault divorce laws are a complete train wreck. From the very beginning of this legal concept, we’ve progressively eroded away societal pressure for couples to stay together, even when things are difficult. In most cases, fights and disagreements can be worked through, although it may require outside professional assistance and a substantial amount of time. No-fault divorce laws create in our minds the notion that when things are difficult, it’ll be easy to just quit. This notion reflects an innate immaturity that’s wholly incompatible with the reality of marriage. There are valid reasons to divorce a spouse when the Sacrament of Matrimony was invalid in the first place, such as spousal abuse, addiction, or other impediment. However, no one will argue that all divorces in this country are based on these serious situations.
If we want to have a healthy marriage culture, and in turn a healthy family culture, we need to get back to basics. We need to learn how to communicate again. I have no objection to the innumerable ways we can communicate today and I use many of them to interact with Alison every day. However, when you’re in a fight, you need to use words and not a text. Spouses have to speak to one another. We’ve forgotten how to use our words properly and constructively. We need to learn the art of communication and use it to prevent fights from starting in the first place.
We also need to educate young people. While we need to talk to our kids about possible vocations to the priestly and religious life, we also need to recognize that the vast majority of our kids are called to the married life. Marriage is a vocation that’s just as important, just as holy, and just as much a calling from God as a vocation to the religious and priestly life. We have to talk to our kids about the beauty of marriage, the struggles of marriage, and the importance of marriage.
The prevalence of divorce only gives rise to more divorce. By understanding what marriage is, by getting back to basics, and by forming in the minds of young people the correct vision of marriage, we can reduce the divorce rate and enjoy the societal benefits of strong families.
Our Political Role
Today we observe President’s Day and I think it’s an excellent time for us to consider our political role.
There’s been a large shift over the past 50 years in terms of the average American’s involvement in politics. A trend has developed in which each generation finds itself losing more and more faith in their government as a result of repeated scandals and increasingly frightening surveillance programs. What’s so easily forgotten is that employees of the government are, by and large, ordinary Americans just like us.
Astoundingly, instead of actively using the mechanisms in place to remedy errors, namely voting in elections and voicing opinions to elected officials, participation in politics has dwindled among the general population. By far the biggest opportunity to enact change are our regularly held elections, and yet, on Election Day, most Americans stay home. Even worse, an elected position has become a career for many in our society. The longer a person serves in government, the more susceptible they become to undue influence by special interests, tempted to corruption, and drunk on power. Instead of fresh ideas and new faces to solve our most complex societal problems, we keep sending the same people back year after year, and in many cases, decade after decade. Gone, too, are the days when Americans would regularly write or call their representatives and share views on bills and issues being debated in Congress. We’ve fallen victim to thinking that our voice really doesn’t matter, that one vote can’t make a difference, and so we back out of politics completely, except for some shouting matches online and at Thanksgiving.
Politics, the business of promoting the common good, has removed reason from every discussion and replaced it with ideology. In this scenario, we all lose. The poor are given hand outs instead of hand ups. The successful are objectively robbed as the price for doing well. The middle class become political pawns, used by everyone in bids to increase power, influence, and size. Bills become so laden with pork that it’s hard to determine what the original intent was. Instead of using our time to fix broken systems, update laws as science and technology advance, and promote strong, stable families, we spend all of our time scheming, yelling, and accusing each other of ridiculous things.
You know all this to be true and so do I. How do we, as Catholic husbands, address it? As with all great change, it starts at home. We should take an active political role ourselves, we must teach our children about the duties we have as citizens of a democracy, and we should take it upon ourselves to fix problems locally.
We must advocate for what we believe in. We each have a few issues that are close to our hearts that we feel compelled to support. Some may be life issues, others tax issues, and social justice issues might even be in the mix. Keep track of when your issues are being discussed and pick up the phone, mail a letter, or send an email to your elected officials. Despite what you may think, representatives do take into account the opinions of their constituents. They can’t read your mind. Share your opinions!
Next, we must show our kids that living in this great country means that we have responsibilities to fulfill. Don’t duck out on jury duty. Vote in every election. Elections happen almost every year in your community and range from local, state, and federal elections. You can easily find out when elections are being held and where they are, participate! Members of the armed services literally gave up their lives so that you can vote, so do it!
We also can’t be led to retreat every time our ideas lose. When we leave the discussion, we only give louder voice to the opinions that we disagree with
Lastly, solve problems locally. We can’t fix homelessness across the country, but we might be able to get together with a few neighbors and fix the problem in our town. We can’t solve the scourge of absentee fathers in another city, but we could start a regular inter-faith seminar for young men that teaches and informs about the duties, benefits, and joys of responsible parenting. We can’t get adequate healthcare for people in another state, but we can fund a free clinic in our community. We don’t have to wait for the government to fix a problem, we can do it ourselves!
This is our nation and our home. It’s up to us to use the structures in place to make it a just society that serves all with dignity and fairness.
The Benefit of Catholic Schools
Last week, we celebrated Catholic Schools Week. While this post would’ve been much more appropriate had I posted it then, the editorial calendar simply wouldn’t permit it. I would still like to share some thoughts about Catholic Schools in America and the role that they had in forming me.
With the exception of when I was in 4th and 5th grade, when there were no Catholic schools around us, I attended Catholic schools from Kindergarten through College. I believe, in total, I attended 9 different Catholic schools which is an unusually broad educational experience for a student. Each school had its strengths and weaknesses, but they all worked in a common direction.
Catholic schools are not immune to the social ills and societal forces that impact students in charter or public schools. Many parents mistakenly believe that if they send their children to Catholic schools, they’ll be sheltered from drugs, sex, and violence. Sadly, these societal issues are prevalent even among the Catholic school population. Some parents also believe that sending their child to Catholic schools will result in instant sainthood. Any experience of a Catholic school Mass will quickly dismiss that belief. So what makes Catholic schools so special and what makes them unique?
Like the Church, Catholic schools exist in the world. It’s impossible to shelter children from everything that is wrong or contrary to truth. A better approach is to share opposing viewpoints with students and, through discourse and academic study, help them to understand why a certain truth is able to be known. This is where Catholic school shine.
A strong Catholic identity helps schools to form young minds. Catholic schools partner with parents, who are the primary educators of children, to advance a student’s intellectual formation in the pursuit of reason. With a basis of logic, students are able to better identify truth and reject falsehood. Further, through a full integration with the Church’s saving mission, students are exposed to different aspects of the life of the Church. They experience Mass on a regular basis, perhaps even adoration. Mandatory service hours and retreats help them to better understand social justice and take time to work on their relationship with God. This Catholic identity, if it permeates everything a school does, provides a distinct advantage over public education.
Sadly, not all Catholic schools have this strong identity. When schools fall short in sharing the faith, providing opposing viewpoints, and helping to form young people within the context of truth and reason, they not only do a disservice to students, but they are effectively stealing from their constituencies and giving scandal to the Church.
My parents didn’t send me to Catholic school to be away from the world. They sent me to grow as a person. In that regard, they found success.
Why We March
Today marks both a sobering anniversary and a special anniversary. Today is the anniversary of the landmark Roe v. Wade Supreme Court decision that ushered in a new era of misnomers in healthcare and encouraged a culture that viewed children as the ultimate burden, as opposed to the ultimate blessing.
Today’s anniversary is also quite special. Every year, since 1973, Americans from all faiths, socio-economic backgrounds, educational backgrounds, and political beliefs, have descended upon our Nation’s Capital. Joining arms, carrying banners, and walking past the chambers of government, Americans have voiced both their support for the rights of Americans in the womb and raised awareness about the devastation that abortion brings to the life of the mother, father, and child.
The March for Life isn’t about shaming people who’ve had abortions or advocating for a radical religious agenda. The March for Life is a beautiful, peaceful expression of the belief held by so many in our country that not only is every life precious, but that the so-called right to have an abortion is no right at all.
Each year, we’re reminded of the grizzly underworld of abortion as clinics and providers across the country undergo shocking and sickening inspections, investigations and legal proceedings. Abortion clinics are being closed in every state because, although they perform outpatient ambulatory surgery, they fail to meet even the basic requirements of health regulations pertaining to facilities that perform the types of procedures that they do. Equipment is not sterile, doors are not wide enough for gurneys in the event that an emergency transfer to a hospital is required, and patients are not given informed consent. Even worse, the physicians performing the abortions lack basic hospital admitting privileges to care for patients in the event that the procedure goes wrong.
Today, Alison, Benedict, and I will be traveling to Washington DC to join students, clergy, medical professionals, elected officials, and families to call for an end to this insanity. Millions of Americans have been aborted since 1973, with a disproportionately high number in impoverished and minority communities. No doubt we have suffered as humanity at the loss of what would have been some of the most brilliant minds of our time.
Even more foundational than this pragmatic approach to opposition to abortion is something so simple, yet often completely overlooked. Men and women deserve to know the joy it is to be a parent. They deserve to sit in the labor and delivery recovery room and hold a new life, just minutes after birth. They deserve the right to take adorable infant pictures and brag about them on Facebook. They deserve to have endless Pinterest boards planning out birthday parties, daytime activities, and weddings. Parents deserve to hear their child reach for them and speak those sweet words, “Ma ma,” “Da da.” And every child deserves the chance to speak them.
It’s an unbearable tragedy that $300 is all it takes in America to end one life and change two more forever.
That’s why we march.
Why Big Tech is Wrong
I saw an article a few weeks ago that both Apple and Facebook were expanding their employee benefits programs to include the freezing of women’s eggs so that the employees can focus on their careers.
What?
I love Apple, but they really, REALLY got this one wrong. As a company, they’re perpetuating the fundamentally flawed logic that children are an obstacle to life and that fertility is a disease. Not only is this the completely wrong view of the human person, it prevents people from knowing the deep joy of parenthood.
While it may seem like Facebook, Apple, and other companies are trying to “help” their employees the fact is that the only party truly benefiting in this deal is the employer. The employer essentially gains a higher rate of productivity from the employee because they won’t be out on maternity leave.
This is about the company, not the person.
Children are not an obstacle to life. They’re a paradox. The more you give, the more you get back. The more you lose yourself in love and service, the happier you are. Viewing children as an obstacle to one’s life and career is an extreme view of careerism and it’s dangerously unhealthy. Ambition in life is a good thing, but ambition to the point where one would undertake illicit means of contraception is beyond immoral: it’s wrong in every possible world.
No success at work is worth failure at home.
The decision to have children should be responsibly weighed. The providential view of pregnancy, “we’ll have as many kids as God gives us and then He’ll provide for us,” is as wrong as a contraceptive mindset in that both shirk the responsibility that the married couple possesses. While couples need to always be open to life, the decision to attempt to achieve pregnancy should be a well-formed decision. In times when there is valid moral reason to avoid pregnancy, such as being unable to materially provide for the child without being a burden to society, life-affirming natural family planning methods should be employed.
Being a working parent is hard, but it’s possible. Contraceptives, or a contraceptive mindset, is never the right answer.