Career
Take Vacation
I want to begin this post by noting that I’m on vacation all this week. There will, of course, be new posts and some social media updates, but I won’t be writing and I won’t be actively working on any projects. It’s been a busy, and very successful 2014 thanks to both you and Alison. We’ve made huge progress on the Catholic Husband blog, published two books, and launched a podcast.
I’m taking this vacation for one simple reason: we need rest.
I’ve always been confused by people who don’t take all of their paid vacation. In fact, I’ve had people brag to me about how they haven’t taken vacations in extended periods of time. That’s not only very sad, it’s extremely unhealthy. Not only do you need rest, your family needs rest!
Paid vacation is a part of your compensation package at work, meaning that instead of paying you more to do your job, they’re giving you the chance to not work for a few days a year and still get paid as if you had. Your company needs you to use those days because you’ll be a better employee. Burnout and loss of productivity are extremely expensive to companies and you’re far too valuable to not be able to give your full effort.
Heck, even God took a vacation from creating the universe.
Vacation, even a vacation at home, is freeing and fun. You can do whatever you want, you can spend time with your family, you can even take a day trip. This space gives your mind time to relax and recharge. Vacation days help to restore your creative energies. Use your vacation to try something new or to work on a hobby.
I haven’t intentionally taken a week off since this summer, and I was only off then because of the move. I need to be more intentional about taking vacations, even if that just means that instead of writing while Benedict is napping, I might nap myself, read, or play a game.
When I planned out my 2015 calendar, I gave myself 3 weeks off. Yet, even though I won’t do any work during those 21 days, I know that I’ll deliver better content, products, and ideas on days when I am working because I gave my mind time to recharge.
I Feel Like A Bum
“I felt like a bum.” Alison spoke those words to me two weeks ago. She was describing a team building activity that she participated in with her new coworkers. She felt like a bum because she was floating down a river on an inner tube while I was home taking care of Benedict. The funny thing is, I felt like a bum, too.
I have three main responsibilities during the day. First, I’m in charge of making sure Benedict is safe, happy, and full. Second, I work on Catholic Husband and the iOS app that I’m developing. Third, I’m charged with maintaining the household. I’ve known for a while that I would eventually be in this role, so I’ve been preparing. The fact is, I feel like a bum because I love what I’m doing. It doesn’t feel like work or a burden. It feels like exactly what I want to be doing.
That was the truly funny thing about both Alison and I admitting that we felt like bums. We both realized we were doing what we truly wanted to be doing.
This is the magic of doing what you want. Work isn’t designed to be oppressive. It’s liberating! It’s a prayer! You can see movement as a result of your labors. You can feel the impact that you’re having in the world. It’s a truly beautiful thing. Of course, doing work that you love might not happen overnight. You might have to come up with a plan to move into a job that you truly love.
The key to loving your work is to work in your gifts. We each have things that we’re naturally good at or that we get a great deal of satisfaction from. When you’re doing work that helps other people, where you feel really fulfilled, you’re most likely using at least one of your gifts.
Our gifts were meant to be shared. So if you’re in a place where you’re not working in your gifts, you might need to make a change. Find ways to start small. Find a volunteer opportunity to help with and pitch in! Find a different way to go about your career or a new angle and work it.
Our gifts were meant to be shared. When you finally get to a point where you’re doing work that you love, using the gifts you’ve been given, you, too, can feel like a bum.
The Key to No-Work Sundays
Sunday is supposed to be a day of rest in our lives. I’ve written recently about my Lenten journey this year to not work on Sundays. If you want to move towards not working on Sunday, what is the key?
Turning Sunday from “just another day” to a day of rest is more of a process than a decision. In order to not have to work on Sunday, you have to get everything else done in the other six days of the week. It will take planning and it will take discipline. All you really have to do is make these three changes:
• Friday is no longer the finish line. Right now, you probably consider Friday to be the “end of the week.” It means you don’t have to show up to work for two days, so that means that your break has begun. While it’s true that your “work” break starts on Friday at 5pm, you still have a list of things at home that need your attention.
• Work hard Saturday… get up early. Saturday has just taken on a whole new meaning. This is your day for errands, yard work, car cleaning, and home cleaning that didn’t happen the rest of the week. Get up early and run your errands as soon as the stores open. This will help you to avoid losing time waiting in line or in traffic. Don’t stop working until you’ve finished your chores, errands, and any preparation that you need to get done.
• Enjoy the fruits on Sunday. Everything is taken care of, give yourself permission to relax. Don’t be anxious about work on Monday, don’t worry about the day slipping away from you. If you want to nap, take a nap. If you want to go on a day trip, pack up the car! You literally have nothing else that you need to be doing (except going to Mass!).
When you’re finally able to make the switch to a no-work Sunday, your whole world will change. Make the effort, follow the steps, and enjoy the change.
Work is Holy
“I work so that I can live.”
That is the mantra for my generation.
We’ve moved to a point where we loathe work. It drains eight precious hours of our day and we can’t wait until the freedom of the weekend!
We’ve forgotten how holy our work is.
You may not be in your dream job, but maybe your current job is getting you where you want to go. You may be in your dream job, but jaded by all of the negative aspects of it.
No matter where you are in your career, you’ve got to remember that what you are doing is a holy act.
By working, you are gaining fruit to support yourself, your family, and the poor around you. Think about it, work is the vehicle to turn your efforts into money, which you can then use to help others. How is that not holy?
But we’ve lost that idea. We don’t cloak our work in prayer, praying for the success of our labors. We don’t pour our heart and passion into it.
Your job is not what defines you, your career is not who you are as a person, but it is a major component. Just like your intellect, your spirituality, your sexuality and your physical being, your work is a component of who you are. All of these aspects come together to shape who you are.
That’s not a bad thing. It is a healthy balance.
Consider today how your work is holy, how what you are doing is blessing those around you. Your job, no matter what it is, is serving someone else. The things you do bring value to people’s lives. If you are a road construction worker, you make roads that are safe for families to drive on. If you are a builder, the buildings you create give shelter. If you are a an accountant, you provide confidence to investors and stakeholders, if you are a salesman, you give new items or programs to people to improve their lives.
Are you seeing now how work is holy? Pray for its success, and labor for the glory of God.
Participating in Each Other’s Work
Work is a key piece of our lives. Through work we do two things: we provide for our family and we use our God given talents to glorify Him and bring value to the life of others.
We are incredibly social beings. One of the great struggles of both married persons and single persons is the struggle with loneliness. We long to be a part of community.
I am thankful to have a job that cares about my well being as a person, as well as about the work I do for them, or my productivity. They were caring enough to pay for my move when they transferred me to Michigan so that I could marry my wife.
One of the differences I’ve experienced is that my current office has much more of a family atmosphere. Many of the employees have grown up together and known each other for well over 15 years.
That level of bond has formed the atmosphere of a family in the office. Each employee is keenly interested in the lives of the others. They are each other’s best friend, Godparents to each other’s children, and best friends. They invite active participation from spouses as well.
The advantage to this is two-fold. First, my wife is able to feel as if she is participating in my work. She is able to swing by the office, or come to a team cookout. When I share a story, she knows the players and understands the context. Second, it reinforces that my wife is an important part of who I am as an employee.
My wife, being in medical school, does not have that same opportunity to share her work with me. Certainly there are stories, but I don’t know the players. I’m unfamiliar with their faces and personalities. I don’t know what her world “looks like.” There are no med school get-togethers or after-hours mixers.
Context is so important in communication. What’s important is that you are both able to share your experiences at work. We need our spouses to be sounding boards. It is gossip if you complain to another employee about a problem. It’s a part of your mental processing of an event or situation if you share that same complaint with your spouse.
Whether you are the bread winner, you both work, or you stay home and tend to the family, your spouse’s success is totally reliant upon your support. With your wife on your side, there is nothing you can’t do!
Be an active participant in your wife’s work. Listen to her feelings and the events of her day. Show empathy and offer support and suggestions. Above all, make sure that the advice you give is sound, so that she might benefit from your wise counsel.
Working Professionals
One of the major challenges for any newly married couple is how to balance two very full schedules.
When you first are married, you will probably start at $0. Both of you are most likely working very hard to put your new life together.
If you are married at a younger age, both spouses are probably working hard on their careers.
There is a temptation to be a workaholic, or to focus on careerism. You want to perform well at work so that you can increase your family’s income. That is noble, but not when it comes at the cost of your marriage.
Clear and open communication is the key to solving this problem. You both need to understand each other’s point of view and plans for the future.
Will one of you stay home and raise the children? Who has the greatest capacity for supporting the family? If one of you gets a promotion that hinges on your family moving, what criteria will you use to determine if that is the right move for your family?
The whole issue comes down to whose career is the priority? It is very likely, if not inevitable, that there will come a point where you both will have to make a hard decision. A choice to advance one career may inherently negatively affect the other. It is not a bad thing, but a reality when both spouses are working.
There is nothing wrong with work. However, if you want to avoid fights in your young marriage, take time to discuss this delicate issue in your pre-marriage counseling. Work out a rough sketch of where you think you’re both headed.
Make as much of the decision ahead of time so that you already have a plan of action in place.
Remember, above all, that work is a holy endeavor.
Coming Home
Coming home can be the best part of your day!
Your work is over, and you get to now focus on the things you want to focus on: your wife and your family.
No matter who gets home first, you should always prepare for the arrival of your spouse.
When you come in the door, drop your stuff and acknowledge your wife. Don’t go into the office and put your things down and start your routine.
Acknowledge her important place in your life!
I am very guilty of trying to put my things down first, and I don’t always do a great job of saying hello and having some “us” time. That is a mistake on my part… this is important!
You both labor throughout the day separate from each other. Now you are able to finally be with the one you love!
If you are the first one home, when your wife comes in, stop what you’re doing. Go to the door and greet her.
This communicates your love for her. If you have kids, it is also a great example for them!
You are about to start an evening together. Make that first moment a capstone of your days.
You Define Your Success
Success is the currency that we all chase. No matter what we do, we seek success.
The tricky thing with success is that there isn’t a clear definition. There is no universal definition of success. We know it when we see it, but we can’t fully articulate it.
When I started writing, I spent a considerable amount of time trying to define what success in my writing looked like. After studying and pondering this question, I came to the following conclusion. It is wise to define success based on variables that you can control.
When we define ourselves as successful measuring with or using variables that we cannot completely control, we deny ourselves the right to be happy. We are happy when we have reached a level of success.
If I told myself that I’ll be a success when I play in my first Major League Baseball game, I may never make my mark. I could help 10,000 people, revolutionize myself, be the best husband, but still consider myself a failure. I can’t control the variable of being called up to the Big Leagues.
However, if I define myself as successful when my family’s needs are taken care of, my wife is my number one priority, and I always apply myself fully to whatever I’m doing, then success is attainable.
That is not to say that you should make it easy. You can’t lie to yourself. You can’t completely fool yourself. Make it challenging, make it a behavior that must be done consistently over time. But make it attainable.
Stop using other people’s definition of success. Set goals, make them reachable, and pursue them relentlessly.
Use Your Work to Evangelize
The other day I was in a one-on-one meeting with a local business owner. I met him through my wife. We had a great meeting, one of the most diverse of my career.
He did not grow up Catholic, and at one point, he considered being a missionary or pastor. He later decided to instead go into business. He named his company a markedly Catholic name.
I asked him a simple question that led to a profound revelation: Do you use the name of your company as a starting point for evangelization?
Today, many do not consider their work holy. We think that the only holy jobs are those in direct parish ministry. But we are all called to evangelize the world! The laity, working in concert with those in the clerical life, can reach the greatest number of people.
Your work is meant to be an opportunity to evangelize. I don’t mean that you should be quoting the Bible in every meeting or on Monday morning tell everyone that your weekend was “Eucharistic.” In fact, I don’t think you even need to initiate the conversation.
Your opportunities to evangelize often come to you. Other people will initiate the conversation. How many times have people complained to you about the Church, or asked you about the new Pope? How many times have you heard someone misquoting Church teaching or wonder aloud about a particular tradition? These are the moments for us to shine.
What do we do instead? We shy away. We change the subject. Wrong.
The great thing about these instances is that the ice has been broken. You don’t have to figure out a clever segue into the subject. They’ve teed up the ball and you just have to take a shot.
The next time you’re at work and your Catholic faith comes up, use it as an opportunity to inform or defend. You’ll be glad you did.